P.S, I Love You Part 33

"That's great news, Holly."

"No it's not, I can't write," she panicked.

"Oh really? That was one of the main subjects in my school."

"Oh Daniel, please be serious for a minute..."

"OK, what do you want me to do?"

"I need you to tell me absolutely everything you know about this drink and the launch so I can start writing it now and have a few days to work on it."

"Yes, just one minute, sir," he yelled away from the phone. "Look Holly, I really have to get back to work now."

"Please," she whimpered.

"OK listen, what time do you finish work?"

"Six." She crossed her fingers and prayed for him to help her.

"OK, why don't you come around here at six, and I'll take you somewhere to have a bite?"

"Oh, thank you so much, Daniel." She jumped around her office with relief. "You're a star!"

She hung up the phone happily and breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe there was a chance she could get the article done after all and still manage to keep her job. Then she froze as she went back over the conversation in her head.

Had she just agreed to go on a date with Daniel?

THIRTY-NINE.

HOLLY COULDN'T CONCENTRATE DURING THE last hour of work; she kept on watching the clock, willing the time to go more slowly. For once it was the exact opposite. Why didn't it go this fast when she was waiting to open her messages from Gerry? She opened her bag for the millionth time that day to double-check that Gerry's eighth message was still tucked safely in the inside pocket. As it was the last day of the month she had decided to bring the October envelope with her to work. She wasn't sure why, because she knew she had no intentions of working till midnight, she could easily wait until she got home to open it. But her excitement was just so strong that she couldn't face leaving it sitting on the kitchen table as she headed out to work. She was even more intrigued by this one, as the envelope was slightly larger than the others. Plus, she felt Gerry was closer to her this way. His words were in her handbag and that was the closest she would get to him. She was only hours away from being that much closer to him again, and while she willed the clock to move faster so she could read it, she was also dreading her dinner with Daniel.

At six o'clock on the b.u.t.ton she heard Alice switch off her computer and clatter down the wooden stairs to freedom. Holly smiled, remembering that was exactly how she had once felt. But then again, everything was different when you had a beautiful husband to go home to. If she still had Gerry with her she would be racing Alice out the door.

She listened as a few of the others packed up their things and she prayed Chris would dump another load on her desk just so she would have to stay late and cancel dinner with Daniel. She and Daniel had been out together millions of times, so why was she worrying now? But something was niggling her at the back of her mind. There was something in his voice that worried her, and there was something that happened to her stomach when his voice came on the phone that made her feel uneasy about meeting up with him. She felt so guilty and ashamed for going out with him, and she tried to convince herself it was just a business dinner. In fact, the more she thought about it the more she realized that that was exactly what it was. She thought about how she had become one of those people who discussed business over dinner. Usually the only business she discussed over dinner was men and life in general with Sharon and Denise, which was girls' business.

She slowly shut down her computer and packed her briefcase with meticulous care. Everything she did was in slow motion, as though that would prevent her from having to have dinner with Daniel. She hit herself over the head...it was a business dinner.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it." Alice leaned in through Holly's door.

Holly jumped with fright. "Jesus, Alice, I didn't see you there."

"Everything OK?"

"Yeah," she said unconvincingly. "I just have to do something that I really don't want to do. But I kind of want to do it, which makes me not want to do it even more because it seems so wrong even though it's right. You know?" She looked at Alice, who was staring at her with wide eyes.

"I thought I overa.n.a.lyzed things."

"Oh, don't mind me." Holly perked up, "I'm just going nuts."

"It happens to the best of us," Alice smiled.

"What are you doing back here?" Holly said suddenly, realizing she had heard her legging it out the door earlier. "Does freedom not beckon you?"

"I know," Alice rolled her eyes, "but I forgot we had a meeting at six."

"Oh," Holly was disappointed. n.o.body had told her about any meeting today, which wasn't unusual because she wasn't required to be at all of them. But it was unusual for Alice to attend one without Holly being asked.

"Is it about anything interesting?" Holly poked around for information, trying to make herself sound uninterested while she busied herself at her desk.

"It's the astrology meeting."

"Astrology meeting?"

"Yeah, we have it monthly."

"Oh, am I supposed to be there or am I not invited to it?" She tried not to sound bitter but failed miserably, much to her embarra.s.sment.

Alice laughed. "Of course you're welcome to come, Holly, I was just about to ask you, which is why I'm standing outside your office."

Holly put her briefcase down feeling stupid and followed Alice into the boardroom, where everybody was sitting down and waiting.

"Everyone, this is Holly's first astrology meeting, so let's make her feel welcome," Alice announced.

Holly took her seat while they all jokingly applauded their new member at the table. Chris spoke to Holly: "Holly, I just want you to know that I have absolutely nothing to do with this nonsense and I want to apologize in advance for you being dragged into it."

"Oh shut up, Chris." Tracey waved a hand at her boss as she took her seat at the head of the table with a notepad and pen in her hand.

"OK, who wants to go first this month?"

"Let Holly go first," Alice said generously.

Holly looked around completely baffled. "But Holly doesn't have a clue what's going on."

"Well, what star sign are you?" Tracey asked.

"Taurus."

Everyone oohed and aahed, and Chris held his head in his hands and tried to look like he wasn't enjoying himself.

"Ooh great," Tracey said happily. "We've never had a Taurus before. OK, so are you married or seeing anyone or single or anything?"

Holly blushed as Brian winked over at her and Chris smiled at her encouragingly; he was the only one at the table who knew about Gerry. Holly realized this was the first time she had had to answer this question since Gerry had died, and she was confused as to how to answer. "Em...no, I'm not really seeing anyone but..."

"OK then," Tracey said, starting to write, "this month Taurus shall look out for someone tall, dark and handsome and..." She shrugged and looked up, "Anybody?"

"Because he will have a big impact on her future," Alice helped out.

Brian winked over at her again, obviously finding it very amusing that he was also tall and dark, and obviously blind if he thought he was handsome. Holly visibly shuddered and he looked away.

"OK, the career stuff is easy," Tracey continued. "Taurus will be occupied and satisfied by a new workload that comes their way. Lucky day will be a..." she thought for a while, "Tuesday, and lucky color is...blue," she decided, looking at the color of Holly's top. "Right, who's next?"

"Hold on a minute," Holly interrupted. "Is this my horoscope for next month?" she asked, shocked.

Everyone around the table laughed. "Have we shattered your dreams?" Gordon teased.

"Completely," she said, sounding crushed. "I love reading my horoscopes. Please tell me this isn't what all magazines do?" she pleaded.

Chris shook his head, "No, not all magazines do it like this, Holly, some of them just hire people who have the talent to make it up themselves without involving the rest of the office." He glared at Tracey.

"Ha-ha, Chris," Tracey said dryly.

"So Tracey, you're not psychic?" Holly asked sadly.

Tracey shook her head, "No, not psychic, but I'm good as an agony aunt and at making up crossword puzzles, thank you very much." She glared at Chris and he mouthed the word 'wow' at her.

"Ah, you've all ruined it for me now," Holly laughed, and sat back in her chair feeling deflated.

"OK Chris, you're next. This month Gemini will overwork themselves, never leave their office and eat junk food all the time. They need to find some sort of balance in their lives."

Chris rolled his eyes. "You write that every month, Tracey."

"Well, until you change your lifestyle I can't change what Gemini will do, can I? Besides, I haven't had any complaints so far."

"But I'm complaining!" Chris laughed.

"But you don't count because you don't believe in star signs."

"And I wonder why," he laughed.

They went through everyone's star sign and Tracey finally gave in to Brian's demands that Leo be desired by the opposite s.e.x all month and win the lottery. Hmm...wonder what star sign Brian was. Holly looked at her watch and realized she was late for her business meeting with Daniel.

"Oh, sorry everybody, I have to rush off," she said, excusing herself from the table.

"Your tall, dark and handsome man awaits you," Alice giggled. "Send him on to me if you don't want him."

Holly headed outside and her heart beat wildly as she spotted Daniel walking down the road to meet her. The cool autumn months had arrived, so Daniel was back wearing his black leather jacket again, teamed with blue jeans. His black hair was messy and stubble lined his chin. He had that just-out-of-bed look. Holly's stomach lurched again and she looked away.

"Ooh, I told you!" Tracey said excitedly as she walked out the door behind Holly and hurried off down the road happily.

"I'm so sorry, Daniel," she apologized. "I got tied up in a meeting and I couldn't call," she lied.

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure it was important." He smiled at her and she instantly felt guilty. This was Daniel, her friend, not someone she should be avoiding. What on earth was wrong with her?

"So where would you like to go?" he asked.

"How about in there?" Holly said, looking at the small cafe on the ground floor of her office building. She wanted to go to the least intimate and most casual place possible.

Daniel scrunched up his nose. "I'm a bit hungrier than that if you don't mind. I haven't eaten all day."

They walked along together and Holly pointed out every single cafe along the way, and Daniel shook his head at each one. Eventually he settled on an Italian restaurant that Holly couldn't say no to. Not because she wanted to go in but because there was nowhere else left to go after she had said no to every other dark, romantic restaurant and Daniel had refused to eat in any of the casual, brightly lit cafes.

Inside it was quiet, with just a few tables occupied by couples staring lovingly into each other's eyes over a candlelit dinner. When Daniel stood up to take his jacket off Holly quickly blew out the candle on their table when he wasn't looking. He was dressed in a deep blue shirt that caused his eyes to seem luminous in the dim restaurant.

"They make you sick, don't they?" Daniel laughed, following Holly's gaze to a couple on the far side of the room who were kissing across the table.

"Actually no," Holly thought aloud. "They make me sad."

Daniel hadn't heard her, as he was busy reading through the menu. "What are you having?"

"I'm going to have a Caesar salad."

"You women and your Caesar salads," Daniel teased. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Not really." She shook her head and blushed as her stomach grumbled loudly.

"I think somebody disagrees with you down there," he laughed. "I don't think you ever eat, Holly Kennedy."

Just not when I'm with you, she thought. "I just don't have a very big appet.i.te, that's all."

"Yeah, well, I've seen rabbits eat more than you do," he laughed.

Holly tried to control the conversation, steering it into safe territory, and they spent the evening talking about the launch party. She wasn't in the mood for discussing their private feelings and thoughts tonight; she wasn't even quite sure what exactly they were right then. Daniel had kindly brought a copy of the press release so that Holly could look through it in advance and get to work on it as soon as possible. He also gave her a list of phone numbers for the people working on Blue Rock so that Holly could get a few quotes. He was extremely helpful, giving her tips on what angle to take and who to talk to for more information. She left the restaurant feeling a lot less panicked about having to write the article; however, she felt a little more panicked about why she had been so uncomfortable with a man that she was certain only wanted to be her friend. She was also still starving after eating only a few lettuce leaves.

She stepped outside of the restaurant for a breath of fresh air while Daniel kindly paid the bill. He was an extremely generous man, there was no denying that, and she was glad of his friendship. It just didn't feel quite right for her to be eating in a small intimate restaurant with anyone other than Gerry. She felt all wrong. She should be at home right now sitting at her kitchen table waiting until twelve o'clock so that she could open her October letter from Gerry.

She froze and tried to hide her face as she spotted a couple walking toward her that she really did not wish to see. She bent over to pretend to tie her shoelace until she realized she had worn her zip-up boots that day and ended up embarra.s.singly fumbling with the ends of her trousers.

"Holly, is that you?" she heard the familiar voice. She stared at the two pairs of shoes standing in front of her and slowly looked up to meet their eyes.

"h.e.l.lo there!" She tried to sound surprised while nervously steadying herself to her feet.

"How are you?" the woman asked, giving her a feeble hug. "What are you doing standing out here in the cold?"

Holly prayed that Daniel stayed inside for another while longer. "Oh, you know...I was just having a bite to eat," she smiled shakily, pointing at the restaurant.

"Oh, we're just about to go in there," the man said, smiling. "It's a shame we just missed you, we could have eaten together."

"Yes, yes it's a shame..."

"Well, good for you anyway," the woman said, patting her on the back. "It's good to get out and do things on your own."

"Well, actually..." She glanced at the door again, praying that it wouldn't open. "Yes, it's nice to do that..." She trailed off.