Professor Huskins Part 25

"Clarissa--Clarissa!--You will not--"

"Have I not asked you to leave me and my baby alone? If you come one step nearer--"

"But, Clarissa, you are making yourself ill. I cannot leave you in this way."

"I cannot breathe the same air with you. My children appear serpents to me! You are the serpent. If you do not leave this room at once, my child and I will."

"Calm yourself."

"Not while you are here. I have all the strength of a lioness battling for her young. Openly or secretly, you can never control or mesmerize a child of mine. Try it, if you think you are stronger than I. You have taunted me with negativeness. Words are easily spoken. I ask you to substantiate that claim. Negatives, as I understand it, cannot look a hypnotist in the eye without quailing. We will see who has the stronger power, you or I. I am looking at you fixedly. Why do you not influence me? You who are so proud of your power, ought not to falter when only confronted by a sick woman."

"Clarissa, you will really make yourself ill. I did--"

"Do not talk to me.--Your presence is unbearable. Go by yourself; put your mind upon me and my darlings, but never thrust--"

"I will not listen. You will not banish me again?"

"So long as Eternity lasts, may I never--"

"You shall not say those words."

"I will--"

"I say you shall not."

"See your face--"

"Clarissa, you are not yourself. I will go. Calm yourself."

"May this be the last time my eyes rest upon your form."

"My G.o.d! You do not mean that--"

"I mean every word--"

"You will not leave me again?"

"Not one step nearer. Do not dare try to touch me nor one of my children. With all your boasted power, you will have no difficulty making me do what you want me to. Just now, while you are getting there, I prefer your room to your company; if you persist in remaining, I shall leave."

"I cannot go without--"

"Your excuses are unnecessary.--Go.--After you reach your apartments put your whole power of science upon me and my children; you will not affect one of us three."

"Clarissa! I wanted to help Augustus--"

"Leave here now, or I will."

"Do not try to rise, dear--"

"Then leave me; and so long as life lasts, never enter my presence again, unless you have me under such perfect mesmeric influence, I am as you have said, 'Afraid of my own children.' Will you go or shall I?"

"Do not rise. You are not able."

"Then leave me."

"Not this way.--You misunderstood me--"

"You are mistaken. I understood you perfectly."

"Clarissa, do not banish me."

"Coward! I thought you were going to do all manner of things with me.--Go;--either you or I leave here. I cannot endure your presence. I cannot--"

"I cannot live without you again--"

"Where is the power of which you have boasted so much? I thought you said you could mesmerize me any time you chose. This pleading does not balance well with your large a.s.sertions; I must have some proof of them.

I throw you a challenge. We will see who has the stronger power; I say I shall leave you and your home just as soon as I am able to do so. If you are as strong as you pretend, capable of controlling me at any time, you need not worry. If you want me to stay, all you have to do is to will me to, making me dislike my children.--Go.--Your presence is like a pestilence to me. I do not want my babe to breathe it.--Go--"

"I cannot--"

"Then I have more power than you."

Before William could divine her purpose, she had risen from the bed, and, with the babe in her arms, she left the room. He started after her, alarmed at the results that might follow; but he met Dinah, who resisted him, by saying:

"Mistress Clarissa is anxious to stay in Augustus' room, and does not want to see anyone."

To the servant, this seemed to be only one of the vagaries of the sick woman. She had heard it said: "A very sick person turns against the one he loves best." So when her mistress said that only Augustus was to be admitted to see her, she felt her master's banishment was only one of the symptoms of her sickness. She was loyal to both, but Clarissa's sickness naturally appealed to her more than William's opinions and prejudices.

How precious this sympathy was just at this time, n.o.body knew but Clarissa herself. Clarissa naturally felt that she was the sole protector and guardian of her children, whom she loved better than herself. She had no reason to doubt William's affection for his family.

Her present att.i.tude toward him was the result of her fear of mesmeric influence, not her husband himself. He, being the strongest exponent of the science of whom she knew, and telling her of his intention to mesmerize Augustus had caused her (fearing that he would do so) to picture in William, all the possible evil to be wrought by such a power, exercised by an unscrupulous man.

Fear was the artist and conjurer that distorted to her eyes even William's visage, as well as his intentions. Without her being conscious of the fact, her fears had produced a state of self-psychology, consequently, she could not see clearly nor truly, but beheld only those points in William of which she was afraid.

A little knowledge of anything is often productive of harm. Clarissa had but a limited knowledge of her husband's power, thus gave him credit for possessing more than he really had. While defying him, she exaggerated his possible power, but was sincere in her a.s.sertions she would protect herself and her children. She was not afraid of him; it was her children she worried about. Unconsciously, William had been responsible for this condition. When he said he could make her shrink from her children's embraces as though they were serpents, he gave her such a shock of horror, to think there was any power that could so change the channel of natural affection, she went directly to the opposite extreme, and saw William as the serpent because he had suggested the possibility of so horrible a thing.

It is impossible to talk and reason with a psychologized person when they have an opposite opinion in mind, and Clarissa, being self-psychologized, by fear, was no more amenable to reason than if she had been put into the condition by another person.

She loved William, but in this highly wrought nervous state, she could not see her kind and loving husband, who was an indulgent and thoughtful father. She could not believe he was actuated by a worthy motive when he spoke of mesmerizing Augustus. She pictured him selfish, commanding and cruel, and no amount of reasoning could change her.

If the children were not with her all the time, she felt he had taken them away to punish her. Keeping Augustus confined so much made him restless and nervous when the baby was sleeping. He was contented enough while he could hold her. When he began to manifest unrest, Clarissa imagined his father's mind was upon him, trying to draw him away from her, and she struggled with all the might of her soul to amuse and please him.

To Augustus, his father was a wonderful man. He loved to talk of him and what persons said of him. He often said "Let us call father." He did not understand his father's banishment from his mother's room, for he had been almost a constant presence there. Every time he mentioned his father, Clarissa thought "that is William's mind affecting him."

Finally, she would not permit the boy to leave the room, telling him that, being sick, she enjoyed having him always with her. This pleased him, so he would draw while the baby slept, or Dinah and his mother would tell him stories of their past life.

The sound of William's step or voice affected Clarissa's nerves so visibly as to be plainly observable to anyone. Sometimes she saw him right before her, then she would draw the baby close, set her teeth firmly together, looking at the image defiantly until it would disappear, when she would sink back, weak and despondent. Life was a perpetual nightmare and horror to her, and she often thought "How long can I live this way?" Then "I must gain strength for the children's sake. We will go away soon now."

She wondered if her voice had been affected by the birth of her babe.