Private Lives Part 52

'What are you going to do?'

'It's more what I was hoping you could do for me.'

Matt felt himself move into professional mode.

'Of course, Dad, anything. Obviously I couldn't actually represent you, but ...'

Larry put his hand on top of his son's. It looked smaller, weaker than Matt remembered.

'You misunderstand,' he said. 'I was rather hoping you would check on the cats next Friday. Feed them. Loralee insists they have Jersey milk, you see. I'd get the housekeeper to do it, but she's going back to Poland on Friday.'

'The cats?' frowned Matt. 'What about Loralee?'

'I'm taking her away for the week. Somewhere fancy.'

'When you know she's having an affair?' said Matt incredulously.

Larry gave him a sad smile.

'I'm not stupid,' he said quietly. 'Would Loralee be with me if I was thirty and poor?' He shook his head. 'I think we both know the answer to that one. And I know it looks pathetic, a man my age with a woman like her. People see us together, they think she's only after me for my money. Well maybe that's so, but the truth is ...' Larry's voice caught in his throat. 'The truth is, Matty, I love her. I open my eyes in the morning and I look at her lying next to me, and I think how lucky I am to be with her. I know you think everyone thinks she's just a gold-digger, but she's been good to me. Through the illness, I don't suppose it's been easy for her.'

'But you can't just pretend she's not having an affair.'

Larry waved his hand dismissively. 'I tell myself it's just s.e.x. Since the heart attack, I've not exactly been active in that department.'

'Dad ...' began Matthew, but Larry squeezed his hand.

'It's what I tell myself,' he repeated, and Matthew knew that this particular conversation was finished. They sat in silence as darkness fell outside, sipping their wine, the rich smell of the meal filling the kitchen.

'So how about you?' said Larry finally. 'Seen any more of Carla since her separation?'

Matt rubbed his chin.

'I slept with her,' he said in the spirit of shared secrets.

He felt a wave of relief that he had finally told someone. Granted, it was embarra.s.sing discussing such things with your father, but Larry had more experience with difficult women than any man he knew.

'My, my. It has been all go in the bedroom department.'

Part of Matthew wanted to bury the thought of what had happened between himself and Carla and put it down to the raised emotions of the situation, but he knew he had to talk about it, to try and make sense of what he wanted to happen next, because he was struggling to do it on his own.

'Does she want to get back together with you?' asked Larry.

'I don't know. She's in Ibiza. We're meeting for dinner when she gets back.'

'And how do you you feel about getting back together?' feel about getting back together?'

This was the difficult part. If you'd asked him two, three years ago whether he wanted to get back with the beautiful ex-wife whom he had loved and who had hurt him so much, the answer, despite himself, would have been an unequivocal yes. But everything felt much more complicated now. For the first time in a long time he felt happy, secure, confident in his own skin and the life he had built for himself. He had got used to being alone, and in many ways, he enjoyed it.

'She's a beautiful woman.' He meant the s.e.x, of course, but he didn't want to elaborate any further; Larry was still his dad, after all.

'Do you love her, or are you just lonely?' asked Larry.

How were you supposed to tell the difference after so long? thought Matt, opening his mouth to speak.

'The day at the New Forest, Jonas was so happy ...'

'I didn't ask how Jonas felt about it,' replied Larry.

Matt shifted in his chair. 'But this is everything to do with Jonas. I'm his dad. We're a family. If that's not a b.l.o.o.d.y good reason to get back together again, I don't know what is.'

'So you think you should get back with Carla because of what Jonas feels?'

Matt sank into a silence, defeated by the question. He dealt with this every single day of his life. He saw first hand why people stayed in relationships and why others left. Whenever clients asked him for advice 'What do I do now?' he always gave them the same answer: there was no right thing to do when your relationship faltered. The only thing to do was what felt right to you.

Larry put his empty gla.s.s on the table.

'Let me ask you another question. Would you have wanted your mother to stay with me, even if neither of us was happy?'

'But Mum was was happy. And then you had an affair and left us. Why did you do that? Were you really that unhappy, or was it just a case of the gra.s.s is greener?' happy. And then you had an affair and left us. Why did you do that? Were you really that unhappy, or was it just a case of the gra.s.s is greener?'

Larry stood up.

'Stay there,' he said, and walked out of the kitchen. Matt could hear his slow footsteps going upstairs. He was away for a few minutes, and when he returned, he was holding a small envelope.

'What's that?'

'A letter to me. From your mother,' said Larry, handing it to Matthew.

'Should I read it now?'

'I think so.'

Matt pulled out the single sheet of ageing cream vellum, instantly recognising the small, precise writing of his mother. He began to read.

Dear Larry,How do you say goodbye to your husband and the father of your son? By letter, I think. I'm not sure I can say the things I want to say without turning back, retreating into a situation that's wrong for both of us. Your affair with that woman was a betrayal, you don't need me to tell you that, but I was surprised you came back. I was even more surprised I took you back. But I did it for our son. I did it to be a family again. So why does that decision now feel wrong? Because a family is more than three people living in a house together. Because when you come home every day, I know that you would rather be somewhere else, with someone else. Because one day Matthew will be old enough to ask why his parents don't sleep in the same bedroom, and I don't want to tell him that it's because I can't bear to touch you. Not after your affair. But mostly because we both love our son and we always want what's best for him. I want Matthew to be brought up around love, not around two people who have nothing to say to each other any more, who have broken whatever they once had. We don't want him to grow up feeling guilty that he was the only glue binding two unhappy, resentful people together. So why does that decision now feel wrong? Because a family is more than three people living in a house together. Because when you come home every day, I know that you would rather be somewhere else, with someone else. Because one day Matthew will be old enough to ask why his parents don't sleep in the same bedroom, and I don't want to tell him that it's because I can't bear to touch you. Not after your affair. But mostly because we both love our son and we always want what's best for him. I want Matthew to be brought up around love, not around two people who have nothing to say to each other any more, who have broken whatever they once had. We don't want him to grow up feeling guilty that he was the only glue binding two unhappy, resentful people together. Love dies if you don't water it I think you said that to me once and that's what happened between you and me, Larry. Love isn't an obligation. It's a life force, a gift of nature; love is about finding that one person who makes you feel so happy your heart could sing. We had it for a while, but it's gone; we both have to face the truth of that. Perhaps we can find it again, somewhere else. I hope so. Love dies if you don't water it I think you said that to me once and that's what happened between you and me, Larry. Love isn't an obligation. It's a life force, a gift of nature; love is about finding that one person who makes you feel so happy your heart could sing. We had it for a while, but it's gone; we both have to face the truth of that. Perhaps we can find it again, somewhere else. I hope so. Yours truly, Katherine Yours truly, Katherine

Matthew folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope.

'Mum left you you?' he said. 'You left us. She told me that.'

Larry fetched the decanter and filled Matthew's gla.s.s, putting it down again without filling his own.

'For five amazing years we were so happy, me and your mother,' he said. 'I doubt anyone anywhere was ever as in love as we were at the start. But after she'd had you and thrown herself back into her career? Well, things changed. She had papers published, she was being asked to lecture abroad, there were whispers of a professorship one day.' He shrugged. 'I was busy too, of course, and I'd come home from work long after you'd gone to bed. Kathy would be in the study, working. She made time for you and her job, but there was not enough time for me. I'm not making excuses, just trying to give you some context.'

He held up his hands.

'So I had an affair. My first one. They become quite addictive once you cross the line of morality, but that's another story. This first one, her name was Jan, a client's secretary. Twenty-one, pretty, plus she thought I was fabulous and I drank every drop of flattery as if it was good port. I honestly thought I was in love with her. Looking back, I was just in love with how she made me feel.'

He paused, as if he was reluctant to go on. 'Your mother found out deep down I think I wanted her to and kicked me out. But a month later I came back. For you,' he said earnestly.

'But if you came back for me, why didn't you stay?'

Larry tapped the letter in front of Matt.

'I think she says it best in there. Love isn't an obligation; you can't love someone out of duty. We'd changed as people, but we hadn't changed together. She resented me, my long hours, my affair, and I suppose she'd replaced me with a new pa.s.sion: her own work. And you, of course. On my part, perhaps I couldn't cope with a strong, strident woman like Katherine. It was the seventies, remember. Everyone still expected husbands and wives to fall into their prescribed roles.'

'So why did she keep us apart?'

Larry sighed.

'In part I suppose she was angry, resentful, and wanted to prove that you two could get along just fine without me. But I didn't fight for you. I let my pride get the better of me and I walked away. I walked away from you, and for that, I'll forever be sorry.'

Matthew could see tears glossing over the whites of his father's eyes.

'I know you're a better father than me, Matt. I know it's not ideal living apart from Jonas, but you've shown that you don't need to live with him to be a brilliant dad. Get back with Carla because you love her, because she makes your heart beat faster,' he pleaded. 'Not out of duty. We both love Jonas too much to want him to be brought up in an unhappy household.'

Matthew gave a small smile.

'You make it all sound so simple.'

'I've had a lot of experience of getting it wrong.'

They both laughed together.

'Oh, and can you do one more thing for me?' said Larry, getting up.

'Sure, what is it?'

Larry yanked open the oven, sending a cloud of thick grey smoke rolling up towards the ceiling.

'Can you call the pizza place?' he coughed. 'I think dinner's off.'

55

For a Friday afternoon in late summer, the Limelight Productions lot in Burbank was heaving. This time of year, most media executives were on vacation, but there was a hive of activity around the warehouse-like sound stages as Jessica swung her Aston Martin on to the lot. People always a.s.sumed Hollywood was Glamour City, but the fans would have been disappointed to visit a working studio. It was like a rather drab industrial estate, with each of the anonymous warehouse buildings housing a set. Inside, you might find a suburban living room, familiar as the setting for a sitcom perhaps, or maybe a realistic operating theatre from one of the many medical dramas Limelight seemed to pump out season after season. But from the outside, that magic factory could just as easily be a storage facility or an auto shop.

Jessica pulled into her named parking s.p.a.ce right by the doors of the All Woman All Woman production offices. The show was due to start filming three weeks ahead of a mid-October premiere, and John Hartnett, the executive producer, had called the senior team in to run through the storylines for the new season. Jessica had already had Harry Monk, her agent, pre-check it all of course; she had her sights set on cracking the movies, but for now, production offices. The show was due to start filming three weeks ahead of a mid-October premiere, and John Hartnett, the executive producer, had called the senior team in to run through the storylines for the new season. Jessica had already had Harry Monk, her agent, pre-check it all of course; she had her sights set on cracking the movies, but for now, All Woman All Woman was her meal ticket and there was no way she was going to leave Sally, her character, in the hands of some overexcited junior writer. Two seasons ago, she had been so unhappy with one episode she had jumped on the first plane to Palm Springs and refused to shoot a frame until they axed the storyline. was her meal ticket and there was no way she was going to leave Sally, her character, in the hands of some overexcited junior writer. Two seasons ago, she had been so unhappy with one episode she had jumped on the first plane to Palm Springs and refused to shoot a frame until they axed the storyline.

'Jessie, you're looking so gorgeous!' exclaimed John Hartnett, kissing her on both cheeks. 'Have you been away? You look a million bucks.'

Jessica waved the compliment aside impatiently.

'Where is everyone?' she said. She could see the boardroom through the gla.s.s panels of John's office; it should have been full of writers, producers and actors.

'They're on their way. I pushed it back by thirty minutes.'

'You could have told me,' said Jessica, thinking that she could have dropped into the cute little nail bar near the lot. Amazing French polish and ego boost the Korean technicians loved the show and only ten bucks, too.

'Actually, you were the reason why I pushed it back,' said John, showing her to a chair. 'I wanted to talk to you in private.'

'John, it's okay, I'm fine,' sighed Jessica. 'All that c.r.a.p with Sam's in the past. I've moved on.'

'That's great to hear, but I wanted to talk this through with you.'

On his desk was a stack of scripts. He took one and handed it to Jessica.

'Episode One,' he smiled.

'About time,' said Jessica, leafing through, mentally estimating the ratio of lines for Katie and the other characters. It was always important to get the most face-time on screen.

'So we've got a hot new writer this season,' said John. 'Robert Levine. You know his stuff?'

'Of course,' she lied.

'We've been thrashing out the story arc for Season Five, making a few tweaks.'

She looked up. 'I thought we'd discussed where this season was going. You ran through it with my agent.'

'Sure we did, and we took on board everything you said. But, well, we have to keep things fluid, Jess. Adapt, change it to keep it fresh.'

Alarm bells were immediately ringing. Words like 'change' and 'fresh' always made her nervous.

'Okay. So what's the plan?'

'We're ramping up the drama a little. I think we've been playing it too safe.'

Jessica couldn't really disagree with that. After several seasons it was easy for shows to fall into a rut. If she was honest, that had happened with All Woman All Woman. The characters had been fully fleshed out and their storylines exploited and consequently the viewing figures had begun to dip.

'What did you have in mind?'

John held up his hands dramatically.

'A love rival for you and Billy.'

Billy was the on-screen love interest for her character Sally. He'd started off as her flatmate, a hunky shoulder to cry on through numerous ill-fated love affairs, including a fling with her dentist and a farcical relationship with a pair of identical twins. But through it all, he and Sally had crackled with s.e.xual chemistry, and their 'will they, won't they?' storyline had been one of the most electric on-screen relationships since Moonlighting Moonlighting.

Season Three's finale, where Billy and Sally were trapped in an avalanche and finally consummated their love in a log cabin, had pulled in the highest ratings of any sitcom that season. But Season Four, following Billy's b.u.mbling attempts to propose, just hadn't had the same tension. Hence the love rival angle. But Jessica didn't like the word 'rival', not at all. Sally was the undisputed star of All Woman All Woman, and Jessica didn't want her to have a rival anything.

'What are you thinking? A one-night stand? Or how about a dream sequence starring the twin sister Sally doesn't even have? I'm thinking good twin, bad twin.'