Poise: How to Attain It Part 15

One of the most important exercises in the search for poise consists in accustoming oneself to speak slowly and very distinctly.

If one stammers in the least degree, especially if this fault is due to nervousness, one should begin again at the word which caused the trouble, p.r.o.nouncing each syllable slowly and distinctly. Then one should incorporate it in one or two sentences and should not cease to utter it until one can enunciate it clearly and without any trouble.

In order to combine theory with practise, one should seek opportunities for entering public a.s.semblies, striving to do so without awkwardness.

One should choose the time when the audience is not yet fully arrived, since, unless one is very sure of oneself, it is a risky matter to appear upon the scene when the house is full, or the guests for the most part a.s.sembled. By this means one is much more likely to be able to emerge victorious from the ordeal of the stares of the curious.

The man endowed with poise enters a gathering politely yet indifferently, ordering his manner not to suit the particular occasion but as a matter of instinct. He will go naturally to those whom he happens to know, will shake hands with them, and will say to each one the thing that he ought to say.

If a mother he will ask news of her children. He will offer congratulations to the man who has just been publicly honored. Presence of mind will not desert him for a moment; he will commit no blunders. He will avoid the necessity of meeting a former friend with whom he has fallen out and will pa.s.s him without speaking. He will not talk of deformities to a man who is deformed. In a word, his poise, while leaving him free to exercise all his faculties, will give him the opportunity to remember a thousand details, the performance as well as the omission of which will create much sympathetic feeling toward him among the people whom he meets.

The man who does not yet possess poise, will be wise if he follows the recommendations we have made, that is by preparing his speeches to be made upon entering. In those cases where he is not absolutely sure of the relationship of people or of the condition of health of the person to whom he is speaking, he had better avoid these topics. Silence is not infrequently an indication of poise.

THE THOUGHT OF SUCCESS

But to emerge successfully from all these difficulties, one must believe that one can do it, banishing absolutely from one's mind the doubt, that, like leprosy, attacks the most well-made resolutions, transforming them into hurtful indecision.

The mere thought, "_I will succeed_," is in itself a condition of success. The man who p.r.o.nounces these words with absolute belief implies this sentence: "I will succeed because I will succeed and because I am determined to employ every legitimate means to that end!"

Avoid also all grieving or melancholy over past failures, or, if you must be occupied with them, let it be without mingling bitterness with your regrets.

Say to yourself: "It is true. I failed in that undertaking. But from this moment I propose to think of it merely to remind myself of the reasons why I failed.

"I wish to a.n.a.lyze them sincerely, while recognizing where I was in the wrong, so that under similar circ.u.mstances I can avoid the repet.i.tion of the same mistakes."

Fools and knaves are the only people who complain of fate.

The words "I have no luck" should be erased altogether from the vocabulary of the man who proposes to acquire poise.

It is the excuse in which weaklings and cowards indulge.

Timid people are always complaining of the injustice of fate, without stopping to think that they have themselves been the direct causes of their own failures.

The violet has often been quoted--and very improperly--as an example of shrinking modesty which it would be well to imitate.

It does not in the least trouble the phrase-makers and the followers of the ideas that they have spread broadcast through the world that the violet which hides timidly behind its sheltering leaves nearly always dies unnoticed, and that it is in most cases anemic and faded in color.

The type that wins the admiration of the world is that, which, disengaging itself from its leafy shield, springs up with a bound above its green foliage just as men of poise rise triumphantly above the accidents and the petty details which bury the timid under their heavy fronds.

If one were minded to carry out the comparison properly, it is far more exact to liken the timid to these degenerate flowers, which are indebted to the shade in which they hide for their puny and abortive appearance.

The timid have then no sort of excuse for complaining of their ill-luck.

To begin with, it is to their own defects solely that their obscurity is due.

Furthermore, by ceaselessly complaining, they gradually become absorbed by these ideas of ill-fortune, which grow to be their accomplices in their detestation of effort and suggest to them the thought of attempting nothing upon the absurd pretext that nothing they do can succeed.

One must add here--and this is extremely important--that in acting in this way they always manage to provoke the hostile forces that are dormant in everything and that array themselves the more readily against such people because of their lack of the resolution to combat them and the energy to overcome them.

This is the reason why people who are gifted with poise find themselves better qualified than others to succeed.

Their faith is so beautiful and so convincing that it compels conviction in others and seems to be able to dominate events.

It is by no means an illusion to believe in the worth of this confidence. People to whom it is given become of the most wonderful help to others, their faith aiding and sustaining that of those who have resolved to make an effort.

However strong the soul of man may be, it is nevertheless subject to hours of discouragement, to moments of despair, in which some comfort and sympathy are needed.

The man of resolution will recover from his failures the more easily the more certain he is that he has created in those about him an atmosphere of friendliness which will not allow his defeats to be made public.

As mists are dispelled at the approach of the sun, the agony of doubt will disappear in the genial warmth of the encouragement and the confidence that his poise and self-reliance have built up in those around him, and a sure faith will be given to him, the certain and faithful guide to the road that leads onward to success.

CHAPTER V

THE SUPREME ACHIEVEMENT

One must be most careful not to credit oneself with the possession of poise while one is unable to encounter reverses without loss of serenity.

Every setback of this sort must be judged without bias and the proper measures must be taken to prevent its recurrence.

Every exuberant gesture, as well as every constrained and abortive movement, must be the object of redoubled attention.

This is the stumbling-block that brings so many timid people to grief.

They imagine that they have achieved the conquest of poise, while they are really only deceiving themselves by the idea that they are giving a good ill.u.s.tration of it. They become the victims of a peculiar type of delusion akin to that of the cowards who deliberately invite danger while trembling in every limb.

The very fear of being considered cowards causes them to plunge into it blindly without taking the trouble to reflect. They always overshoot the mark, exposing themselves quite uselessly and achieving a result that is entirely valueless to themselves or any one else.

The man who is really master of himself will avoid such foolish undertakings, retaining his powers for those that are likely to bear fruit, whatever the quality of the success may be.

It is an act of folly to deny the possibility of success because one is discouraged at the very first obstacle.

The greatest triumphs are never achieved without a struggle. The man who obtains them does so only by virtue of the experience gained by repeated efforts, none of which bore for him the fruit he desired.

The better is merely a step along the road to the best.

Perfection is, therefore, the result of many half successes.

If one could hope to arrive at one stride at one's desired goal one's efforts would be of no value, and mediocrity would very soon become the sole characteristic of those who were possest by this idea. The man who has had the wit to acquire poise will guard himself carefully from falling into the error of the timid, who, haunted by an unappeased longing for perfection, lose their courage at the first attempt.

Does this imply that idealism must be banished from the thoughts of the man of resolution?

Not at all, if by the word ideal one understands what it actually means.

A false meaning has been given to this word which has warped it from its original sense.