Poise: How to Attain It Part 14

One can then enact one's entry into the room in such a way as to foresee even the most insignificant details, so that the fear of making a failure at the start will no longer have a bad effect upon one.

We have heard of a man who was so lacking in poise that he lost his situation because, when summoned by his chief, he became so confused that he forgot to leave his streaming umbrella in the outer office.

It was an extremely wet day, and the unfortunate man, instead of being able to plead his cause effectively, became hopelessly embarra.s.sed at perceiving his mistake, the results of which, it is needless to state, were by no means to the benefit of the floor.

His despair at the sight of the rivulets that, running from his umbrella, spread themselves over the polished surface of the wood, prevented him from thinking of anything but his unpardonable stupidity.

His native awkwardness became all the worse at this and, utterly unable to proffer any but the most confused excuses, he fled from the office of his chief leaving the latter in a high state of irritation.

He was replaced by some one else at the first opportunity, on the pretext that the direction of important affairs could no longer be left in the hands of a man of such notorious incapacity.

It should be added that this man was more than ordinarily intelligent and that his successor was by no means his equal.

It is, therefore, absolutely necessary for those who are lacking in presence of mind to accustom themselves to a species of rehearsal before undertaking any really important step.

Does this imply that they must think of nothing but weighty affairs and neglect occasions for social meetings?

By no means. To those who are distrustful of themselves every occasion is a pretext for avoiding action.

They should, therefore, take pains to seek every possible opportunity of cultivating poise.

The entering of a theater; the walking into a drawing-room; the acknowledging of a woman's bow; every one of these things should be for them a subject of careful study, and if, when evening comes, the daily self-examination leaves them satisfied with themselves, it will be a cause of much encouragement to them.

If, on the other hand, they have received a rebuff due to their lack of poise, they should carefully examine into the reasons for this, in order to guard against such an occurrence in the future.

A good preparatory exercise is to choose those of our friends whose homes are unpretentious and who have few callers.

Let us make up our minds to pay them a visit, which, in view of the quietude of its a.s.sociations, is not likely to awaken in us any grave emotions.

To carry this off well we should make all our preparations in advance.

One should say to oneself: "I will enter like this," while rehearsing one's entrance, so as not to be caught napping at the outset.

One should go on to plan one's opening remarks, an easy enough matter since one will be speaking to people one knows very well.

One should then decide as to the length of one's call.

One makes up one's mind, for instance, to get up and say good-by at the end of a quarter of an hour.

One should foresee the rejoinder of one's host, whether sincere or merely polite, which will urge one to prolong one's visit, and for this purpose should have ready a plausible excuse, such as work to do or a business engagement, and one should prepare beforehand the phrase explaining this.

Finally, one should study to make one's good-bys gracefully.

It might be as well, while we are at it, to prepare a subject of conversation.

Generally speaking, the events of the day form the topic of discussion on such visits, whose good-will does not always prevent a certain amount of boredom.

It will be, then, an easy matter to prepare a few remarks on the happenings of the day, on the plays that are running, or on the salient occurrences of the week.

It should be added that these remarks should express opinions of such a nature as not to wound anybody's feelings.

The man who seeks the conquest of poise will not expose himself to the risk of being involved in a discussion in which he will be compelled either to remain silent or to make an exhibition of himself.

To do this would be to strike a serious blow at his resolution to persevere.

The one idea of the aspirant to poise should be above all things never to risk a failure.

Such a check will rarely be a partial one. It will have a marked effect upon his proposed plan of educating his will-power by again giving rise to that confusion which is always lurking in the background of the thoughts of the timid and which is, moreover, the source of all their ills.

Another wise precaution consists in foreseeing objections and in preparing such answers as will enable one to refute them.

Eloquence is one of the most useful achievements of poise; it is also the gift that best aids one to acquire it.

It is, therefore, indispensable to train oneself to speak in a refined and correct manner.

The man who is sure of his oratorical powers will never be at a loss. He will find conviction growing while he seeks to create it.

We spoke in the preceding chapter of the mechanical exercises necessary to make speaking an easy matter.

We must not forget, however, that before one can speak one has to think.

Words will spring of themselves to our lips the moment we have a definite conception of the idea they serve to present. As a proof of this contention one has only to cite the case of those persons who, while ordinarily experiencing great difficulty in expressing themselves, become suddenly clear, persuasive, and even eloquent when it comes to discussing a subject in which they are deeply interested.

The study of the art of speaking will become, then, for people of timidity, over and above the mechanical exercises that we have prescribed in a former chapter, a profound a.n.a.lysis of the subject upon which they are likely to be called upon to express themselves.

One should strive to describe things in short sentences as elegantly phrased as possible.

When the idea we wish to convey seems to be exprest in a confused fashion, one should not hesitate to seek for a change of phraseology that will make it more concise and clear.

But above all--above all, we must pull ourselves up short and begin over again if any tendency to stammer, to hesitate, or to become confused, begins to manifest itself.

Just as soon as one feels more at one's ease one can seek to put in practise all these special studies.

Nothing is quite so disconcerting as the idea of stammering or stopping short.

For this reason it is imperative that one should begin all over again the moment such an accident occurs.

This is what prevents timid people from accomplishing anything. From the moment of the first failure they become panic-stricken and can no longer go on speaking connectedly.

Those who would acquire poise must act quite otherwise.

Instead of avoiding occasions of speaking in public, they should seek for them. But first of all they must make some trials upon audiences who are in sympathy with them.

They should experiment upon their own families and should never fail to enlarge upon their theme. If need be, they can prepare the matter for a short address or a friendly argument.

If they find themselves stammering or panic-stricken, they must strive to recall the phrase that caused the trouble and endeavor to repeat it very emphatically without stuttering.

For the rest, it is always a dangerous thing to talk too fast. Words that are p.r.o.nounced more slowly are always much better articulated, and in speaking leisurely one is more likely to avoid the embarra.s.sment in talking that attacks those whose education in the direction of the acquiring of poise is not yet complete.