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"Will you promise you won't skip?"
"Yes! Put me down!" I couldn't shake the sense that I was being watched and that this would all end badly. I was relieved when my feet were back on the pavement. He grabbed my elbow and half dragged me through the doors just as the late bell rang.
"Uh-oh, we're in trouble!" Matt said playfully. But I wasn't listening. My focus was on Adam, standing at the entrance. He was holding a bouquet of forget-me-nots, but as far away from his body as possible.
"Hey," I said. My eyes landed on the bouquet. Were those for me? They were the same flowers he'd gotten me when we'd won a partner debate. To remind you that together, we're awesome, he'd said. But now, he seemed anything but happy.
Matt glanced between the two of us. "See you later."
"Hey, Westin," Adam said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Enjoying your celebration? It's a big day. Here are your flowers, by the way," he said, practically shoving them into my hands. Blooms scattered to the ground, the rose petals reminding me of blood. "I told Klish you were sick. Even though I was watching you in the parking lot the whole time. Do you know how disrespectful it is? Like, we did this thing together, the guidance office is all psyched, Miss Marsted made a freaking feast, and you didn't even bother to show up."
"I wasn't invited to anything," I said uncertainly.
"'I wasn't invited to anything,'" Adam said in a nasty, mocking tone I'd never heard before. "Whatever, Hayley. Klish said he called you twice. You knew about it. You were just busy with your new friends."
"I didn't know, Adam. I'm sorry. I don't know who Klish called, but it wasn't me. I didn't even know you were also a finalist. I mean, that's great ... right?" I asked uncertainly.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Whatever." Adam shook his head. He rolled his shoulders back. "Actually, you know what? I'm done." He kicked at the flowers on the floor.
"Huh?" I asked.
"I'm done with you, Hayley. This stupid guidance office thing was the last straw. I mean, here was this huge thing that we'd both been working for, and you couldn't care less. You were mean to Miss Marsted, you could barely form a coherent sentence, and then you disappear to hang out in the parking lot with your bestie, Keely, and your boyfriend, Matt."
"Wait, I ... she ... was in the guidance office?" I grabbed Adam's wrist, then he angrily yanked it away.
"This is what's killing me!" Adam exclaimed. "Your whole innocent act. I mean, you're skipping school because you have exhaustion or whatever, you act like an idiot at the interview and today in the office, and now you're an Ainsworth finalist. Freaking awesome. Hayley Westin wins again." Adam sounded like a stranger - an angry stranger.
"You don't understand," I said helplessly.
"Right. Just like no one understood that the Facebook page wasn't you. Or the screwed-up bio wasn't you. Jeez, Hayley, can you hear yourself?" Adam shook his head in disbelief.
"Adam, I need -"
"What? A ride? A study partner? A shoulder to cry on? Pick one, Hayley. It doesn't matter, because I'm done."
"Oh." I wasn't sure what else to say. "That's fine." As long as I spoke in monosyllables, I wouldn't cry.
Adam looked straight ahead. "It's just ... you have no idea what you're doing. Hayley, you're so talented and so smart, and seeing you like this ... I don't like it."
"I don't either, Adam. I need help." I began crying for real, one tear followed by another landing on my jeans. It was useless to cry. I knew that. But I couldn't stop. She had control. And worse, she was here. Or, had been here.
"Adam, something weird is happening," I said.
Adam snorted. "Why don't you tell your new boyfriend?"
"Adam, seriously -" My voice was shaking.
Adam cut me off. "You know what, Hayley? I liked you at one point. But now, I feel like you're just manipulating everyone to feel sorry for you. I think that you had a wild summer, the photos surfaced, and you're making up stories and excuses as to why it couldn't possibly be you in the pictures. It's not fair, Hayley. And even though no one else sees through your little game, I do, and I don't want to be part of it. Anyway, Klish told us we could take the day off. And our Ainsworth interviews are on Monday at the U at 10 a.m. In case you even want to show up for it." He kicked the ground. "Have fun."
With that, he turned and angrily walked off, leaving me alone in the center of the lobby.
I glanced at the trophy case. Today, the plaques bearing my name weren't comforting. They reminded me that I was a target. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Turning on my heel, I headed down the hall toward my locker. At least I was safe here.
I opened the dented metal door, and a piece of notebook paper, folded in a complicated square, fell out. The front was covered with a map design. I opened the first flap of paper to find a block-printed question: WHAT'S AT THE END OF THE TREASURE HUNT?
I opened the second flap and quickly read the words printed on the page.
Wouldn't you like to know? Seems like you're a girl on a mission. Just be careful. We want you alive for the Ainsworth interview ... and I'd hate for something unfortunate to happen to you before then. Don't worry, I've got your back for now. Love ya, sis!
PS: I cannot believe you are besties with the guidance counselor and the guidance counselor's secretary. That is beyond lame. Remember that whatever I am doing, I am doing for your own good. Or mine. But isn't it all the same in the end?
PPS: There's a pep rally tonight. And guess what? You're going!
Six p.m. and the sound in the gym was deafening. I couldn't believe that my Bainbridge cla.s.smates had so much school spirit, since they certainly hadn't used any of it for the newspaper or yearbook. I also couldn't believe I was actually here. I tried to get inside my sister's head. Would she expect me to follow her orders, or would she expect me to ignore them? Why a pep rally? Was she planning on meeting me? Ambushing me?
Killing me?
I spotted Keely, Ingrid, and Emily on the bleachers at the far side of the gym. I waved to them, but they didn't see me in the sea of people. Some undercla.s.smen b.u.mped into my back. I whirled around, but I couldn't tell who'd done it. Suddenly, I realized that even though the pep rally provided an illusion of safety, it'd be pretty easy to disappear without anyone noticing.
"Keely!" I shouted, my voice impossible to hear over the crowd. On the other side of the bleachers, Jess was sitting on Robbie's lap, surrounded by a few people I recognized from Yearbook. I edged up the steps of the bleachers, elbowing my way past my cla.s.smates. I felt dizzy and disoriented, and wished I was back in my own bedroom, watching a DVD under the covers.
"Keely!" I called again. This time, she whirled around and I plastered on a smile. As far as I knew, the only way to stay alive was to stay popular.
She bounded down the bleachers and embraced me.
"This is so fun!" she squealed, ushering me toward the spot where she, Ingrid, and Emily were joined by Caleb and Will. I smiled tightly.
I poked Keely's bicep.
"Yeah?" she asked, snapping her gum.
"So, when I was at Alyssa's party last weekend ... what was I like?"
Keely cracked her gum. "What do you mean? Normal. Fun. I don't know. Why?"
"Just because ..." I trailed off. Because I want to see just how insane my evil twin who is impersonating me can be? "No reason. That's cool."
Just then, Adam walked to the center of the gym and tapped on the microphone. Because he was the senior cla.s.s president, he was expected to introduce everything.
"Hey, Bainbridge Warriors!" he yelled into the microphone. His voice cracked slightly.
"G.o.d, he's so dorky." Keely rolled her eyes as the crowd slowly began to quiet down. "I thought for the longest time that you and he were, like, this nerdy power couple."
"From HIKE to yikes!" Emily cracked, glancing around for a reaction. Ingrid smiled; Keely shook her head imperceptibly.
Just then, my phone buzzed.
See what a good sister I am? I made friends for you!
I whirled around, but no one was there. It was happening. She was here, watching me. And I was totally unprepared. It felt like the walls were closing in.
"I have to go." I elbowed my way down the bleachers. Adam was still talking and I saw the soccer team lined up, ready to be introduced. Matt smiled at me, but I glanced away. My heart hammered in my ears. I was about to confront my sister. I could do this. We were in school. My safe place. She couldn't hurt me.
I glanced around, reaching the bottom of the bleachers just as the entire section stood up to do the wave. Faces blurred together; the gym was hot and I was sweating; the sound of whistling and cheering and stamping was echoing in my head; and all of a sudden, I felt myself falling forward. I clutched in front of me, but grabbed nothing but air.
And then, I fell. And the last thing I remembered was silence.
"I think she fainted."
"Is she on something?"
"Stand clear!" It was Miss Keeshan's high-pitched voice that caused my eyes to snap open.
"I'm fine!" I protested. I shakily sat up. What had happened?
"You're bleeding," Miss Keeshan announced, holding a wad of tissues toward me.
"I am?" I experimentally held my hand toward my nose, surprised when I saw a red smear of blood.
"Yes. Have you been drinking?" Miss Keeshan asked, angling herself away from me so that my blood wouldn't get on her floral-print jeans.
"No." I shook my head. "Just ... tired."
All of a sudden, I was aware that I was still sitting in the middle of the gym, and every single Bainbridge Secondary School student was peering curiously down at me. I could imagine how it looked: Hayley Kathryn Westin, academic superstar, bleeding and disoriented on the dirty gym floor. If my sister had set out to humiliate me, she'd succeeded. I knew that I was the one who'd fallen, but I couldn't help but wonder if she'd somehow facilitated it. In my mind, she had taken on a G.o.dlike quality, getting into my head and twisting everything. I felt tears p.r.i.c.k my eyes and I angrily wiped them away.
"Well, if you're feeling all right ..." Miss Keeshan stood up and offered her hand. I grabbed it, taking a shaky step forward.
"I'm fine. Perfect," I said tightly.
"We'll take care of her," Keely said, her eyes wide.
"Come on," Emily urged, slipping her arm through mine.
"I've got your stuff," Ingrid announced importantly.
Together, the four of us walked out of the gym as the noise cranked back to concert level.
"We're going to the diner," Keely announced. "And then we'll sleep over at Em's. Your parents will understand, Emily," Keely said, arching an eyebrow. "After all, Hayley almost died."
"I didn't almost die," I said sharply.
"Well, fainted, whatever." Keely shrugged. "The details don't matter. What matters is that you got a ton of attention, and you looked good doing it."
Emily nodded. "Yeah, you didn't flash anyone or anything."
Ingrid furrowed her brow as if deep in thought. "It was cool," she said finally.
"But you're still fragile," Keely said loudly. "And that means that we're not letting you out of our sight."
That was the best news I'd heard all day.
You said you wanted to borrow the gray dress. And besides, it goes with your eyes," Ingrid said knowledgeably, pulling her knees underneath her oversized striped sweater. We were in Keely's purple-and-pink room, and Keely was yanking clothes from her closet and throwing them toward me, just as she had five years ago, when we'd all hang out in her room before heading to seventh-grade dances. It felt familiar ... and completely bizarre.
"Sure, gray is fine," I said, barely listening. I'd been dressed, mascaraed, and brought up to date on gossip - both Bainbridge and Hollywood - over the past three days by the three of them. It was nice to not have to think. Within the past seventy-two hours, I felt old barriers break down. My thoughts felt fuzzier, but I wasn't sure if that was due to them or due to the fact that I could barely sleep. Last night, I'd even convinced the three of them to sleep over at my house, just in case. But I hadn't heard a word from my twin. I hadn't heard from Adam, either, but I didn't care about that. I had way more stuff on my mind - like the fact that I had my upcoming date with Matt, and Keely was taking it upon herself to serve as my personal stylist.
And weirdly, I liked the attention. It was a side of me I hadn't known existed - a normal teenage girl getting ready for a date with a crush. But it wasn't just that. It was the fact that finally, people knew I existed. It hadn't taken the Ainsworth nomination or the yearbook editor position or all the debate awards. And having people rush up and ask if I was okay, getting a note from Miss Marsted that said she understood my behavior from yesterday, and being excused from a Calc quiz was kind of nice. It was weird - fainting in a pep rally was the opposite of perfect. And yet people liked me more than ever.
I wanted that to be the lesson my twin had been trying to teach me. And even though I didn't think it was, and I didn't think I'd heard the last of her, for now, I was ignoring it and concentrating on being Normal Hayley. Datable Hayley.
"Um, Hayley, this is kind of important? Gray dress? Yes? No?" Keely asked, shaking the hanger in front of me.
"I guess so?" I hoped that was the right answer.
"Yes," Keely said definitively. "It's s.e.xy." Ingrid nodded in agreement and snapped a picture to text to Emily, who was at the orthodontist but still demanded a play-by-play of the entire outfit-picking experience.
"So, how much do you like him?" Keely pressed.
"Um, I don't know. I guess I'm still figuring that out," I said shyly.
"Where's he taking you?"
"The Firebird," I said tentatively. It hadn't been what I'd expected. It was pretty much the only restaurant in town deemed acceptable by any of the visiting professors, meaning that it served more than pizza and didn't automatically a.s.sume Parmesan sprinkled from a can conveyed authentic.
Keely raised an eyebrow. "Wow. That's like ... clutch."
"Yeah." I didn't tell her I still didn't know what clutch meant.
Just then, the doorbell rang, a three-part chime that echoed through the house. Keely and I exchanged a look, and she burst into a peal of nervous, excited laughter.
"That's him!" she said loudly, as if it could possibly be anyone else. She raced down the stairs and I followed behind slowly.
"Everything's going to be fine," I whispered to myself. A fantasy flashed through my mind: Matt and I going to the winter formal, me getting on the train at Thirtieth Street Station in Philadelphia to greet him. He'd catch the train in Concord, and he'd spend weekends curled up in my bed in my UPenn dorm. Maybe it could work.
"Hey!" Matt pulled Keely into an embrace. I noticed how perfectly they fit together. Whenever I hugged someone, it was awkward - my cheek would hit their shoulder, or my lips would graze their lips instead of their cheeks. But Keely and Matt were naturals, as though they'd always done this.
Matt's gaze flicked up. "Hey, Hayley," he said, as if he were seeing me after months away and not only a few hours. He twirled his keys on his finger. I emitted a shaky sigh. What was I doing?
"Everything all right?" Matt raised an eyebrow. "Your wipe-out the other day was epic. You've got to be hurting. I saw you, like, wincing in the hall the other day."
"I'm perfect." The word sounded off to my ears. I wondered when Matt had spotted me. Had he seen me darting into the cafeteria and sitting, sentry-like, by the entrance, in hopes of seeing my sister? Drinking an extra-large Coffee Hut coffee to make up for the fact that I'd barely slept? Or just looking all-around terrorized, exhausted, and sleep-deprived? And no matter what, if he'd seen me so upset, why hadn't he done anything about it?
"Well, you crazy kids have fun!" Keely chirped. I tried to shake my weird mood off. I remembered back when Keely used to categorize people by whether they looked like m.u.f.fins, birds, or horses. Everyone looks like one of the three! I'd almost forgotten that beneath her blown-out hair and perfectly rolled field-hockey skirts she had a goofy streak. I gazed quizzically at Matt. He was a m.u.f.fin, but in a good way. I liked his half smile, the way his hair flopped over his forehead, like the top of a m.u.f.fin rising from the pan. Which was an observation that made it even more explicitly apparent that I desperately needed sleep.
"Are you ready?" Matt looked up at me strangely.
I nodded.