Poems by George Pope Morris Part 46

KING.

Like the snuff?

WEDGEWOOD.

Yes (snuffs)--it's decent blackguard (snuffs)--quite decent.

KING.

Taste it again.

WEDGEWOOD.

Don't care if I do. (Helps himself.)

KING.

Perhaps you will also do me the favor to accept the box?

WEDGEWOOD (taking the box.) If it is convenient. What am I to infer from this?

KING.

That you and I cannot take snuff out of the same box. MY box is not large enough for two.

WEDGEWOOD (astonished.) You don't say so! "Not large enough for two?" (Looks at the box.) d.a.m.n me if I don't think it large enough for a dozen, unless they took snuff with a shovel!

(Aside.) Who in the name of all that's magnanimous can this old three-cornered c.o.c.ked-hatted c.o.c.kolorum be?

KING.

You were overheard to say but now that you would like to see the king?

WEDGEWOOD.

Overheard? (Aside.) Ah, that's the way they do everything here. A man can't sneeze without some one of the four winds of heaven reporting it to His Majesty! There is no such thing as a secret in the whole kingdom! How do the women get along, I wonder?

(To FREDERICK.) "Like to see the king?" Certainly I should.

KING.

That box will procure you an audience. Present it at the palace.

WEDGEWOOD.

Look you here, my jolly old c.o.c.k, none of your jokes--none of your tricks upon travellers, if you please. What do you mean?

KING.

That I am appreciated at court.

WEDGEWOOD (aside.) Oh, there's no standing on this! (To FREDERICK.) Do you intend to say that you are personally acquainted with Frederick the Great?

KING.

I know him, I believe, better than any subject in his realm. He is my most intimate friend.

WEDGEWOOD.

Well, then, if that be the case, all that I have to say is, that he is not over and above nice in his choice of companions.--What an odd old file!

KING (angrily.) Look you here, Mr. Wedgewood--

WEDGEWOOD.

W-e-d-g-e-w-o-o-d!--

KING.

Yes--I know you well enough. You are an Englishman by birth--a crockery-merchant by trade--a gentleman from inclination--and an odd sort of character from habit.

Without knowing anything more about it than the man in the moon, you have condemned the policy of the king, who is aware of all you have said and done since your arrival in Prussia.

WEDGEWOOD (alarmed.) Oh, I'll get out of this infernal country as fast as my legs can carry me! The king is all ears, like a field of corn; and all eyes, like a potato-patch!

KING.

What alarms you?

WEDGEWOOD.

Everything. It's all over with me! I'm an earthen teapot with the spout knocked off!--Suspiciously odd!

KING.

You, sir, like too many others, are entirely mistaken in the character of Frederick.

You will understand him better when we meet again (going.)

WEDGEWOOD.

But, before you go, pray receive your box again!--(the KING looks at him sternly-- WEDGEWOOD is greatly alarmed)--if--it--is--convenient!

KING.

Not now. When next we confer, remember me.--Farewell! [Exit.

WEDGEWOOD.

Remember you? I think I shall. Once seen, never forgotten. What a deep old screw!

(Enter HAROLD.)

HAROLD.

The king commands your presence at the chateau of the countess.

WEDGEWOOD.

The devil he does! (Looks at the box.) What's here? As I live, the royal arms!

(Conceals the box from HAROLD.) Oh, the thing's plain enough. That fellow has stolen this box; and for fear of being found out, he has put it off on me! It's all up!--I've been bamboozled by the nefarious old monster of iniquity! But I'll after him straight, and have him JUGGED. If I don't, they'll make not bones of JUGGING me!--If it is convenient. [Exit in a flurry.

HAROLD.

How he trembles! He's frightened out of his senses--Fear? What is it? A word not to be found in the articles of war--a soldier's only vocabulary!

SONG--HAROLD.

Fiery Mars, thy votary hear!

Weave for me a wreath of glory!

When I rest upon my bier, Let my memory live in story!

Aid my sword in time of war!

In my country's cause I wield it-- Only with the breath I draw, Will I to the foeman yield it!

[Exit.