Outside The Ropes: OtherSide Of Fear Part 28

"Get off." I pulled away, gritting my teeth to keep from flinching at the action. "You dont listen to me. You dont change. You keep thinking you can just decide everything. Well you cant. You cant, and Im not going to let you anymore."

His breathing picked up, but he stayed silent, eyes wide as he kept his hands raised, hovering by me like I might tip.

"Im done waiting for you."

Our eyes were locked on one another, our argument pulling between our gaze. A tug of war I refused to loose.

"Im done." He still only stared back as a response. "Do you hear me? Im done." My muscles ached to hit him, to lash out, to release this anger that was consuming and poisoning me-so much anger covering a well of sadness.

"Dont." I must have lifted my fists because he gripped my wrists when he spoke, "Get back in bed and well talk." He nodded over my shoulder to the bed.

I didnt want to listen to him. I didnt want to give him control. But my body shook and sweat beads broke out on my skin with the effort of standing. I thought about sitting in a chair, but knew I wouldnt last there either.

"What did you do with the flowers?" I stepped back to the bed and lowered myself down to sitting.

"I threw them out," his response was flat, and he crossed his arms, watching me.

When I narrowed my eyes at him but stayed seated, he stepped forward and adjusted the pillows behind me. "Lay back. You need rest to heal. This is serious."

I hated that I was going along with him, leaning back on the support of pillows he made. "I know its serious. Im the one here in pain, not you."

He closed his eyes, inhaling.

"Talk," I demanded, wishing I really had that power.

His eyes popped open, crystal blue and intense on mine. "Those flowers were from Rusnak."

I hissed against the pain as I flinched.

He took a step closer but stopped short when I shot him a look.

"What did it say?"

He shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Tell me."

"To get well and keep safe."

"Go get the card."

His head whipped to meet mine. "What?"

"Go. Get. The. Card. I want to see exactly what it says."

"Jesus, why? I just told you what it says." His eyebrows creased and he leaned away from me.

"You like to leave a lot out," I responded quick, matter of fact.

Our gaze filled with tension and then he snapped it, getting up and walking out.

He came back in a second later, dropping the slip on my lap. "There. See for yourself."

The message was typed onto the little tile card.

Get well soon. Keep safe. A.R.

"I think its time you tell me what happened in that room." His hand gripped my knee like he was trying to be supportive, but his hard tone gave away his anger.

Pulling my eyes from the card, I looked up to him and shook my head. "I went there to talk to you. I tried calling you first, but you didnt answer and I had to talk to you. Anthony stopped me again." I paused as his grip tightened on my leg. "He said, things were about to happen and it was my last chance to talk."

"Then you walked right into Anatoli."

"He followed me into that room. Ian told me to wait there for you. I didnt know he was even out of prison, you never told me."

"No. I didnt know until that night. It was all kept quiet. The review of his file, some evidence gone missing, they found illegal procedures leading to his arrest." He shrugged. "It doesnt matter. People pulled strings and he got out without warning. He showed up without warning, too."

"Then why did you go off on me? You should have known I didnt know, that I didnt show up for him. But you kicked me out and put me in that car." I choked on the rest of the words, unable to face that part of the night.

He looked away, nodding slowly. "I will regret that forever." He turned back to me, gripping my hands. "Please try and understand, I thought the club was dangerous for you. I thought being near me at that moment was the most dangerous thing for you. I didnt realize what was going to happen."

I closed my eyes, and his thumbs slid under them, wiping away my tears.

"All Ive ever wanted to do was keep you safe." His breath felt cool against my wet cheek, but the heat of him warmed me up.

I was shaking, conflicted and in pain, tears rolling down my face and neck. Wanting to let him in, to let him take away my pain, but knowing he couldnt.

"You cant keep me safe. Not like this. Not with the things you do. Not by keeping secrets."

"Im sorry. I know."

"No, you dont know." I cut off his apology, heart crumbling. "I always thought I felt safest with you, but I realize now, youre the reason I was scared to begin with. These people. I shouldnt need to be kept safe. I cant do this anymore. I cant be in this anymore. I never really could, but I wanted you so bad I let myself believe it."

"Youve been through a lot. More than anyone should." He bowed his head and then looked back up. "But we made it through worse, we can get through this."

"Worse? No. This is the worst." I wanted to yell. I tried to yell, but the air stung in my chest and it came out in broken sobs.

"I didnt mean it like that." His arm came around me. "I just meant, together we can do this. We need each other. Please baby, I need you too. Im hurting too."

"Get out." I pulled away from him. "Leave me alone. I cant be around you." I pushed on him, and he hopped up, out of my reach.

"Calm down, youre going to hurt yourself." He patted the air, trying to calm me from a safe distance.

"I dont care. I just want you gone." Every time I looked at him, I experienced the loss all over again. And I knew it wasnt really his fault. It was mine. It was what I let myself become when I was with him.

"You dont mean that."

"Listen to me. You being here hurts me. I cant take it. Get out. Please. Please." I covered my face with my hands, sobbing. Painful ragged breaths tore me apart. I let my despair come to the surface. I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone, And at some point when I looked up, I was alone.

30: Gone Too Far.

GAGE MUST NOT HAVE GONE TOO FAR. When the cops showed up the next morning, he led them in, and he stayed as they questioned me. His presence weighed on me more than theirs.

"Mr. Salvador Alyak cut the wheel to the left to avoid a car that stopped in front of you?"

I nodded as the officer reviewed what I told them.

"He lost control of the car, but it stopped on the sidewalk, and thats when the truck hit into the side of you?"

I nodded, staring at the blankets covering my legs, fighting to keep my mind blank, to keep my heart empty, to not feel anything.

"And you dont remember anything else?" The second officer pressed in a way that made me look up at his eagerness.

"No." But my heart started banging in my chest as his words skimmed at a thought in my mind. "I woke up in the hospital after that."

My eyes cut to Gage as he leaned forward in his seat, fingers steepled in front of his mouth. I had woken up relieved to see him, now he was at the center of my pain.

The cops traded glances. The first one nodded, giving permission to the other, and my skin tingled.

"When the ambulance got there, you were on the road and the car door was open. You dont remember how you got out of the car?"

"I-" I shook my head, searching my memory of that night. I hadnt remembered, but it hit me and I felt the impact like that mans boot. "No."

"You dont remember if anyone else was there or if you got out yourself?"

"No, I dont know how I got out."

Gage rose from his chair, stepping to the side of my bed. "She might have been in shock."

"Could be." The shorter officer nodded. "Were only trying to get any information that could lead to finding who was responsible for this. .h.i.t and run. If someone else was there-"

"Well she doesnt remember. Have you identified the types of vehicles yet?"

"The tire marks and b.u.mper at the accident was from a Ford Super Duty Truck. But we have to look into the car that stopped originally." He slipped a card out of his leather notebook he was writing in. "Heres our information." He handed it to Gage, not me. "Please call us if you remember anything else."

Gage shook their hands and they nodded to me as the exited the room. He followed them into the hallway, and I slipped into my thoughts. My body ached and burned despite the pain medicine that had been working moments before.

It wasnt the man that scared me, it wasnt even his actions-although they were bad enough-it was his message that shook me.

"No one interferes with Shadow. Remember that."

The memory of his words was an electric shock, a current that kept stinging as his voice replayed in my mind, scarring deep into my memory. I could never forget now.

Gage stepped through the door, eyes on me as he closed it behind him.

"What are you hiding?" He didnt waste anytime getting to the question, asking it even before he reached the side of my bed. "What else happened? Was someone else there?"

My mouth kept opening to speak, but no words came out.

"You need to tell me." He reached for my hand, but I pulled my fingers back and wrapped them with my other hand on my lap.

"They were looking for someone," I whispered the truth that was starting to settle on me.

Gages fingers curled as he slipped his hand off the bed. "Who?"

"I think they were looking for you." I looked up to meet his eyes and saw realization cross his face. The worst part was he didnt seem that surprised. Maybe he was covering it, but more than likely it was probably just another one of his secrets.

"Tell me. What happened?" He looked like a stone statue, and I hated his calm.

"They dragged me out of the car and kicked me when they realized I wasnt you." I tried to crack him, but he only looked stronger, bigger, as he stood up taller.

"Who?"

I couldnt look at him, not at the lines of his jaw as his anger took over, not at the way he postured himself like he was in control. I had seen the steel in his eyes, and I hated that he thought there was something he could do.

Shaking my head, I looked out the window of the room, snow flurries floating past the lines of buildings and grey-white sky beyond. "I dont know."

"How do you know they were there for me?" He took a step closer to the head of the bed, closer to me.

"The one that grabbed me, he told the other that 'hes not here. and then he said hed leave a message, 'no one messes with Shadow." Again, I wanted to see a reaction, some sort of surprise at my words, but there wasnt, he was already moving ahead.

"What did they look like? There were two of them, you said?"

"I dont know." I couldnt even help, because I hadnt seen the faces. "One was wearing grey timberlands. I heard two voices, but I dont know." I kept failing, falling short when it mattered.

His palm slid over the top of my head, down my hair. "Its okay. Ill figure it out."

I shifted away, making his hand drop. "No. Its not okay."

"Youre right," his voice was soft, and I looked up to meet his eyes but realized I was mistaken. Nothing about him was soft, his voice was only low, an icy wind, "Its not. And theyll f.u.c.king pay for what they did."

He walked out then, and I didnt even try to stop him.