Outcast: A Novel Part 26

At first it wasn't a big deal. I'd slept in, utterly exhausted from all the crazy emotions I'd expended the night before. I made myself a late breakfast and carefully avoided the issue of last night's date with a simple, "Fine," when my mother couldn't hold it in any longer and just had to ask. She'd obviously decided to skip going to the Church of the Angels this morning to be there when I woke up.

"Where's Gabe this morning?" she followed up with. I could tell she was biting her tongue, could tell that she really wanted to sit down and have me go through every minute of last night with her.

"What do you mean?" I asked sipping some orange juice.

"His bike's gone, haven't seen him all morning."

I put down my gla.s.s and looked at her. She didn't seem all that concerned, and I guess it made sense. After that period in the winter when he'd been away so much, and now with the two of us gone every day-working on his place, she a.s.sumed-it wasn't such a big deal to discover he was gone.

But I knew we weren't meeting up until this afternoon at his place, and it did surprise me that he'd have left so early.

"I guess he wanted to get started today first thing," I said, finishing my juice and taking my plates over to the sink. "Is it okay if I take your car early today?"

Mother nodded. When Daddy was back we had two cars, and for the last was the ssh. Could couple months her car had practically become my own. Asking was just a formality, really.

I got dressed, pulled my hair back into a ponytail, and left right away. I was at Gabe's in record time, but there was no sign of him. Not even his bike. I parked the car and stepped out, wandering around back. No one. I still had some time before the others showed up, so I walked over to Etta Mae's, but again no bike. No Etta Mae, for that matter, and then I remembered it was Sunday, and she was probably at church in New Adamstead.

So I went back to Gabe's and sat myself on the dock to wait. Wherever he'd gone, he'd be sure to be at practice on time. We only had a few days left now until the Taking, and my army had promised, after yesterday's day off, that we'd be working those last few days solid.

True to their word, the rest of the team showed up not only on time, but early. Lacy was the first to show, and I knew right away why that was.

"So?" she said running over to me. "How did it go? How was your hair?"

I laughed, and she sat next to me, her eyes wide with antic.i.p.ation. "It was really nice," I replied. "We went to this really cool restaurant for dinner, danced..."

"And...?"

"And..." I couldn't help but blush a bit. "He kissed me."

"Was it totally amazing?" She was bouncing on the spot. It was very cute.

"Yeah. Totally amazing."

"I always thought he looked like a great kisser."

"I don't have much to compare it to..."

"And..."

"And? That's it. We just kissed, nothing else..."

"No, I meant the hair. Was it okay?"

I laughed again. "Yes, it was fine. Totally held up."

"Well, that's a relief."

There were some voices off in the distance. The Alexander brothers had arrived. "Lacy, I'd like to keep this just between us for now. Is that cool?"

"Totally." She smiled conspiratorially at me.

The brothers were in good spirits, and so was Father Peter who was actually smiling at Wild Frank's jokes. It looked like that day off turned out to be just what the doctor ordered. Everyone seemed relaxed and ready to work.

But Gabe still hadn't shown up.

"Where's McClure?" asked Curtis looking at me.

"I don't know. He was gone before I got up this morning." I saw Lacy try to hide a grin, and I realized how that had sounded. "My mother was the one who noticed first," I added, hoping that would make it sound a little more innocent-which it was.

"That's weird," said John, and Daniel nodded.

"I'm sure he'll show up soon," said Father Peter standing. "We should probably get started."

We all agreed with Father Peter, and in short order we were in full practice mode. But as the day wore on and there was still no sign of Gabe, I just couldn't focus. Fortunately, that didn't seem to affect my shooting in the least, which evidently I could do as naturally as walk. But I was too concerned to take a moment to appreciate what that meant.

Despite Gabe's absence, the day went really well and everyone parted ways in good spirits. I hoped, as I pulled up my driveway, that I'd see shoved in his mouthsokidd Gabe waiting for me on the front porch. But it was my mother instead, sitting on the bench, sipping a lemonade. When she saw the car, she stood up.

I turned off the engine and got out. As I approached her, I knew something wasn't right. My mother wore her feelings on her face like a fashionable accessory.

"What, what is it?" I asked climbing up the stairs to meet her.

"Honey," she said, taking my hand and guiding me to the bench, "we need to talk."

"What's going on?" I asked sitting down. I was glad to do it. My legs had turned to jelly with her statement.

"I have some bad news."

"Is Gabe dead?" I asked quickly. It might have sounded extreme, but it was the first thought that hit me. After all, the last boy I'd really cared about had vanished from my life as if he'd been killed, so why not Gabe?

"Oh darling, no, no of course not!" My mother pulled me into her and held me in an awkward hug. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, you look like someone's died, and Gabe's been missing all day..." I said into her chest.

She released me and looked at me carefully. "Gabe's gone, dear."

"Gone?"

Mother nodded and pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket.

"I found this taped to the front of the door. You must have missed it when you hurried off."

I took the note with a shaking hand. I absolutely had no desire to read it, but at the same time knew I had to.

Riley, I have to leave. This ain't my home, this ain't my time. Thanks for everything. You mean a lot to me. I hope someday

My head snapped up and I saw it, standing right over me, looking down at me. I should have noticed the cold first, I guess, but it's hard to feel cold when your body is numb. I couldn't even feel the hard ground beneath me anymore.

"Right, this is when you decide to show up."

Riley.

"You and Gabe, always saying my name as if it's all meaningful and stuff. It isn't, okay? It isn't. It's just a name." The thought of Gabe and the way he'd say my name like that and just look at me as if we were sharing a private thought, when really I had no idea what he was thinking at all...the thought of Gabe... "He left me..." The emptiness inside seemed to spread up and out. I doubled over from the pain.

He didn't.

"Yes, affected by our powermeIidDJhe did. You weren't there. You don't know."

Riley, I'm always there.

I shook my head. "That's a lie. You left me. You just went and then didn't come back. Okay, you show up last night to tell me you can't show up, but that's it! And you just had to say that stupid thing about the obvious question, and then I couldn't ask it, and that was so unfair."

I'm always with you. Have always been with you. Since the beginning. I see everything that happens.

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

I am.

"Stop lying!" At least now I had an outlet for my rage. "You showed up for the first time last fall. And then you left. You left! Why does everyone leave me..."

I've been with you since you were an idea, Riley. I've been with you before even that. You only see me now because you want to. You haven't seen me in months because you didn't want to see me.

"Yes I did! Of course I did. I needed to ask you stuff. About the Circle and all the plans I was making...I wanted to..." But as I said it I couldn't help but feel the ghost thingy had a point. I knew I'd wanted to ask the questions, but maybe, well...maybe deep down I hadn't been ready for the answer. I pulled my legs out from beneath me and hugged my knees to my chest.

It takes deep strength for you to see me. Speak with me. That is why you feel so cold. That is why you always fall unconscious afterward. It takes a lot of energy to create me as a corporeal being.

I could feel my anger slowly being replaced by confusion and sadness.

Riley.

"You know what?" I looked right at it. "All this trying to explain things to me out of context really isn't helping. Either start from the beginning or go away."

I can't go away.

"That...that wasn't my point."

What is your point?

I buried my face in my knees. I don't know, I don't know what my point is. "I can't do this. Not now. I don't want to. Please just go away and leave me alone."

I cannot.

"Of course you can. You always do. You show up, say some s.h.i.t, act all mysterious, then I fall asleep, and you vanish. That's the routine. So can you just go now instead of us having to go through all that."

Are you tired?

"Yes."

There was a pause for a moment. Ah, that is a joke.

I looked up at it. "What?"

You joke. That is a joke. You are not tired but you said you are. Is that not a joke?

"No."

I do not understand jokes.

"I'm tired. I'm affected by our power each otherkidd exhausted. With everything...all of it. And now Gabe..." I choked on his name.

And then...then the ghost thingy actually interrupted me.

But do you not see that for the first time all of who you are wants me here? Do you not see that you are so much stronger now? You are tired superficially but feel deep down that you are not tired. All these months of training, your self-confidence. For the first time you are totally open to me, you want me. It is very nice for me.

"I don't understand..."

Don't think. Feel. Feel the difference.

I didn't want to. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. But not because I felt that familiar pressure, that wave of exhaustion overcoming me like what usually happened when the ghost thingy showed up, but because of everything that had happened today.

Maybe the creature made a point.

I closed my eyes and tried to wade through all the emotions on the surface to find something deep inside that would give me some clue as to what the h.e.l.l the ghost thingy was going on about.

I want help.

The thought was profound. I didn't think I'd ever really thought it before. I want help. I'd felt the need for help, but whenever it was offered I really usually just wound up doing my own thing anyway. Even with Gabe, and his ability to make me feel like I was making the right choices, and that I wasn't alone...I still could have got by. Would have had to.

The mystery around the Circle of Seven. I could have just asked the ghost thingy, I realized, but I hadn't. Of course, at the time I'd thought that it was because the ghost thingy just wouldn't reappear, but I'd been more interested in doing the research myself...talking to Father Peter...

Then there was the matter of the obvious question. Whatever that was.

Wanting help instead of needing help. Being open. I felt...open.

I opened my eyes.