Out Of Love Part 35

"It's one of these along here on the right," Carmen said, peering through the the window of her taxi. All of the brownstones on Fifteenth Street ran together, especially at night. "Here is fine."

She climbed out on the curb as the cabbie scrambled to get her bag. A quick call would bring Judith- "There you are."

After her hectic week, Judith's warm smile was a sight for sore eyes. "I'm so glad to see you."

"Me too you," Judith answered, giving her a quick kiss and a long, fierce hug. Then she picked up Carmen's bag and led the way up the steps to the top floor and into the small apartment.

"I'm so glad this week's over." Carmen wanted only to collapse on the futon and relax.

"I knew you were going to San Diego, but why did you have 239 to go to Denver? I couldn't understand what you were saying."

"I was so tired when I talked to you." She kicked off her shoes and threw her feet up on the coffee table as she leaned back.

"The sc.u.mbag who's trying to steal my company had a meeting in Denver with one of my oldest clients, Pete Cowen. Pete called Cathy about it and she put him through to me in San Diego. I flew up there on my way back to Chicago to see what Conover was pitching, and talked with Pete about what it would take to beat him back."

"Will you be able to do it?"

Carmen rolled her head around her shoulders to loosen the muscles, prompting Judith to scoot in behind her and start a shoulder ma.s.sage. "I don't know. The syndicated study throws off a couple of million dollars a year after expenses. That covers payroll and benefits for most of the staff, with a nice tidy profit for yours truly. If he lowb.a.l.l.s us, he could eat up half of it in five years, all of it in six or seven."

"So how do you compete with him?"

That was the same question she had been asking herself for the past three weeks. "One option is just to sell him the syndicated division. That's what he wants. It would be better than watching it disappear over time, especially if I have to stomach the idea of him having all my clients." A sharp pain gripped the center of her chest, and she pressed a fist against it. The sensa-tions had been coming more frequently, and she mentally located the pills in her purse in case of an emergency.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just . . . I've been sitting on the plane and the muscles in my chest are cramped." Judith would probably freak out if she suddenly jumped up and put a pill under her tongue.

"Our only other choice is to cut the service way back and try to salvage the bare bones. At least we'd be able to keep the custom work that way."

"That's the part you like, isn't it?"

240.

"Yeah, but it's also the part with the lowest profit margin, and the first thing to go when companies start tweaking their budgets." Carmen leaned back into Judith and tried to relax. "I won't be able to support a whole staff on just the custom side."

"Is that what worries you most, not being able to support your staff?"

"They've worked as hard as I have."

"No one works as hard as you do, Carmen. At least you can relax this weekend."

"I wish. I lost a day on the San Diego report and it's due on Tuesday. I was hoping you'd let me work on it tomorrow."

Judith stopped her ma.s.sage and hugged her from behind.

"Are you sure that's more important than you getting some rest?"

"I know I'll feel better when it's not hanging over my head."

"Okay, then you should get some rest tonight. Why don't you get ready for bed?"

It was only ten thirty-nine thirty in Chicago-but that seemed like a great idea. "Bed sounds good. I believe I promised to make love with you all weekend."

"And I believe you showed me last weekend that making love can be a lot of things, including just holding you while you sleep."

Carmen felt a swell of love inside. Judith was the most unselfish lover she had ever had. "I'm so glad I'm here."

"Me too."

Carmen unzipped her suitcase and pulled out her toiletries.

Once inside the bathroom, she popped two antacids, hoping they would calm the burning in her chest. If this pain and tightness continued, she would probably have to go back through all the tests again and get back on the regular medication. She had worked hard to avoid that, but stress was her trigger, and she had it coming from all directions-Art Conover, the report that was due, Brooke's cool att.i.tude toward her after learning about 241 Judith . . . and having the one person she seemed to need most live a thousand miles away.

Judith waited at the crosswalk with a half dozen others, oblivious to their faces or purpose, mindful only of getting back to her apartment with coffee and breakfast. It was a beautiful spring day in New York, the kind of day one never wanted to waste working indoors, but Carmen needed to get her report done in order to relax. Judith understood that. She was the same way about getting errands done on Friday night or Sat.u.r.day morning so she could have the rest of her weekend to take it easy and be with her family.

Carmen had gotten up early, stacking her printouts on the small kitchen table as she fired up her laptop. The works.p.a.ce wasn't big enough to spread things out, but she was gamely making the best of it, balancing some of her papers on the lid of the trashcan. In her Chicago apartment, she had an enormous desk and works.p.a.ce, an ideal atmosphere for getting things done. That she was now crammed into the corner of a tiny kitchen to crank out what she said was a fifty-thousand-dollar report was absurd.

Judith knew Carmen loved her, but she wasn't going to kid herself about the reality of their differences. People like Carmen-successful businesswomen used to the finer things- didn't simply adapt to spending their free time in two hundred square feet on the top floor of a walk-up. It made so much more sense for Judith to be the one doing the traveling back and forth, especially since Carmen traveled so much already and she had a dog at home that needed her attention. But Carmen insisted it wasn't fair unless they took turns. She might change her mind after a few more weekends like this one.

As she turned the corner on her street, her cell phone rang from her purse, and she hurried to the next stoop so she could 242 set down her tray. The number in the display had a Chicago area code.

"h.e.l.lo." It was Cathy Rosen. "No, I guess she forgot. She was so tired when she got here last night." Carmen hadn't turned on her cell phone today.

Judith took a seat on the third step of the brownstone as she listened to Cathy's instructions. Carmen was booked tomorrow on the five o'clock return from LaGuardia . . . a package came late yesterday from Pete Cowen in Denver, probably Art Conover's sales packet . . . one of the research a.s.sociates had a question about the San Diego report. "She's working on the report for San Diego today. I wish I could help her . . . Sure, I could do that." Carmen had a habit of transposing digits, Cathy said. Someone needed to go behind her and check the numbers in her report and charts.

"I feel so bad that she has to work today, Cathy . . . Yeah, but she's really tense about it. Last night when she got here, she said the muscles in her chest were cramping, and-no, she didn't take anything, at least not that I know of."

She sat in stunned silence as Cathy grilled her for more details, then explained why she was so concerned.

Carmen marked the page of numbers with a blue sticky note from her briefcase so she could find the figures she wanted later.

The blue ones marked statistics for outbound travel for those living in or around San Diego. The yellow ones marked local attractions for day-trippers. And the pink ones marked visitors to the area from other parts of the country. It was easier to concep-tualize her report in terms of color coding the sections. As soon as she wrote the basic framework, the meat of the text would fall into place.

She had done this hundreds of times, but she prided herself on never letting it become rote. Her clients wanted new and 243 clever interpretations, things they could use to attract new business and outsell the compet.i.tion. Ordinary wouldn't do.

She jumped to open the door when she heard Judith jiggle the lock with her key.

"Coffee, coffee, coffee. Just what I need."

"I got fruit and yogurt too."

"That's not as good as coffeecake, but it'll do. What took you so long?"

"I got a call from Cathy. Your cell phone's turned off again."

Carmen went into the other room and fished it out of her purse. "Just the ringer. I don't have any messages."

"I do."

She sipped her latte as Judith relayed the messages about the plane, the package from Denver, and the question from Richard.

"I guess I should call him first since I'm working on the report now. Did she say anything else?"

She was surprised by Judith's stern look as she turned.

And there was something almost confrontational about the way she folded her arms and leaned against the sink. "As a matter of fact . . ."

Carmen c.o.c.ked her head, waiting for whatever Judith needed to get off her chest.

"I told her about how tired you were when you got here last night, and I mentioned that bit about when you were holding your chest."

Great, she thought. So not only did Cathy know she was having trouble again, she had probably told Judith all about it.

No doubt, both of them would make this a bigger deal than it was. "And I bet Cathy told you things she had no business telling you."

"Is your health something you think isn't my business?"

"No, but I should be the one to decide what to tell you and when." She fought the impulse to grip her chest as the familiar ache returned. Thinking or talking about it always seemed to 244 make it worse. "It isn't all that big a deal. I didn't want you to think it was worse than it was."

"No, you didn't want me to be like Cathy and ride you about what you eat and whether or not you get out and exercise."

That was part of it too, Carmen admitted to herself. "Look, that's not the sort of thing I tell people that I'm just getting to know." She took a step toward Judith and grasped both of her hands. "But now that I know you better, I'll tell you all about it."

"You should have done that already, especially if it's bothering you now."

"I don't want you to treat me like I'm fragile or something."

"Tell me how you're feeling right now."

"Right now . . . it hurts a little bit. This always happens when I feel stressed about something, like needing to get this report done."

"Sit down."

She grabbed the kitchen chair and started to turn it around.

"Not there. Let's go in the other room."

Carmen led the way into the main room and sat on the futon, still in its unmade condition. "It's not usually this bad, but this mess with Art Conover has been bothering me for a couple of weeks. That's the kind of thing that makes it act up."

"What is it that's acting up?"

"My cholesterol runs a little high. And then when my blood pressure goes up, my chest starts to feel tight."

"Do you take medicine?"

"I used to. But after a couple of years, we agreed to try to control it with diet and exercise. I always carry a bottle of pills in my purse-some nitroglycerin tablets-in case I have an emergency.

I haven't taken one since Susanna got so sick." The time before that was shortly after Brooke married Geoffrey and moved out with the girls, but Judith didn't need to know that.

"Carmen . . ." Judith wore a pained look, but it was obviously concern, not anger or disappointment that she hadn't been told 245 about this. "You know how Cathy watches over you? I'm going to be ten times worse than that."

"I figured you would. Between the two of you, I'm guessing all of my fun is gone forever." She had hoped for a smile, but it didn't happen.

"You know what?" Judith intertwined their fingers, never once looking up to meet her eye. "Forever sounds pretty good to me, but I want it to be a very long time."

Yes, forever did sound good. She squeezed Judith's hand and leaned over to place a tender kiss on her temple. Now probably wasn't a good time to tell her that this New York-Chicago thing was second only to Art Conover on her list of problems she had to solve if she really wanted to deal with her stress.

Carmen sat nervously on the couch beside Victor, wondering if, at any moment, one of them would jump up and dash out of the room. It wasn't that she minded sitting with him, but she worried he might become spooked at being left alone with a relative stranger.

He was sweet, this toddler inside a man's body. He certainly loved his sister. That was obvious from the way his face lit up every time she was near. No wonder Judith felt such a strong sense of responsibility for his well-being.

Halina appeared in the kitchen doorway. "Carmen, would you like coffee?"

"No, thank you. I'm stuffed. Lunch was delicious." She had eaten the meatloaf graciously, though ground beef in any form usually gave her indigestion.

"I would have fixed something more suitable for company, but Judith didn't tell me you were coming until just before you got here."

"It was wonderful, Mrs. Kowalczyk." She had practiced p.r.o.nouncing the surname on the subway with Judith as they rode to 246 Brooklyn. It was too soon to tell what sort of impression she was making on Judith's mother. At least Victor seemed to like her.

Judith returned from the bathroom and sat on the couch between Carmen and Victor. "I think my mother likes you," she whispered as Halina disappeared into the kitchen.

"How can you tell?"

"When you helped Victor hang up his jacket . . . she really liked that. Most people don't interact with him very much, but you did."

"It wasn't anything. He just looked like he needed a little help."

"I know, but it was the way you did it. You helped him do it, instead of doing it for him."

"That's what you do."

Halina returned with a cup of coffee. "Carmen, do you have brothers and sisters?"

"There are six of us. My brothers aren't as handsome as Victor, though." She leaned forward to peek at Judith's brother, who was blushing from the compliment. Now that Carmen knew how to earn Halina Kowalczyk's approval, she wasn't ashamed to pour it on.

Judith pulled the front door closed on her mother's house and stepped onto the sidewalk to wait with Carmen for her limo.

"This would be a nice day for them to be late."

"But if I miss my plane, I'd have to stay a whole extra day.

What would we do?"

"Believe me, I can think of plenty." Judith was bubbling over with excitement over how well the afternoon had gone. The last-minute decision from Carmen to join them for Sunday dinner had paid off for everyone. Her mother had been a gracious hostess, and Victor had liked Carmen right away, even coloring a picture for her after lunch. "What are you going to do with that 247 picture?"

"I'm going to put it on my refrigerator just like you do."

"You're sweet."