Our Deportment Part 37

THE FUNERAL SERVICES.

If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will receive the guests. The immediate members of the family and near relatives should take a final view of the corpse just before the arrival of the guests, and should not make their appearance again until the services are about to commence. It is becoming customary now to reserve a room of the house adjoining that in which the services are held, for the exclusive use of the near relatives and members of the family during the services. Then the clergyman takes his position at the door between the two rooms while conducting the services. As guests arrive, they are requested to take a last look at the corpse before seating themselves, and upon the conclusion of the services the coffin lid is closed, and the remains are borne to the hea.r.s.e. The custom of opening the coffin at the church to allow all who attend to take a final look at the corpse, is rapidly coming into disfavor. The friends who desire it are requested to view the corpse at the house, before it is taken to the church.

If, however, the deceased is a person of great prominence in the community, and the house is not able to accommodate the large numbers who desire to take a last look at the face of the deceased, then, perhaps, it may be well that the coffin should be opened at the church.

THE PALL-BEARERS.

The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight, when the deceased is a person of considerable prominence, are generally chosen from the intimate acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same age. If they walk to the cemetery, they take their position in equal numbers on either side of the hea.r.s.e. If they ride, their carriage or carriages precede the hea.r.s.e.

ORDER OF THE PROCESSION.

The carriages containing the clergyman and pall-bearers precede the hea.r.s.e, immediately following which are the carriages of the nearest relatives, more distant relatives and friends respectively. When societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the hea.r.s.e.

The horse of a deceased mounted military officer, fully equipped and draped in mourning, will be led immediately after the hea.r.s.e. As the mourners pa.s.s out to enter the carriage, the guests stand with uncovered heads. No salutations are given or received. The person who officiates as master of ceremonies, a.s.sists the mourners to enter and alight from the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance of the coffin. In towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand and the procession goes on foot, the men should go with uncovered heads, if the weather permit, the hat being held in the right hand. Guests return to their respective homes after the services at the grave.

FLORAL DECORATIONS.

The usual decorations of the coffin are flowers, tastefully arranged in a beautiful wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a married person, which are placed upon the coffin. These flowers should mostly be white. Near friends of the deceased may send beautiful floral devices, if they wish, as a mark of their esteem for the deceased, which should be sent in time to be used for decorative purposes.

OTHER DECORATIONS.

A person of rank generally bears some insignia upon his coffin. Thus a deceased army or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the national flag, and his hat, epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the lid. The regalia of a deceased officer of the Masonic or Odd Fellows'

fraternity is often placed upon the coffin.

CALLS UPON THE BEREAVED FAMILY.

About a week after the funeral, friends call upon the bereaved family, and acquaintances call within a month. The calls of the latter are not repeated until cards of acknowledgment have been received by the family, the leaving of which announces that they are ready to see their friends.

It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors when making their calls of condolence. In making first calls of condolence, none but most intimate friends ask to see the family. Short notes of condolence, expressing the deepest sympathy, are usually accepted, and help to comfort stricken hearts. Formal notes of condolence are no longer sent.

Those who have known anything of the unsounded depths of sorrow do not attempt consolation. All that they attempt to do is to find words wherein to express their deep sympathy with the grief-stricken ones.

SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY.

No member of the immediate family of the deceased will leave the house between the time of the death and the funeral. A lady friend will be commissioned to make all necessary purchases, engage seamstresses, etc.

It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom after a bereavement, however great it may be, and consequently no prescribed period of seclusion can be given. Real grief needs no appointed time for seclusion. It is the duty of every one to interest himself or herself in accustomed objects of care as soon as it is possible to make the exertion; for, in fulfilling our duties to the living, we best show the strength of our affection for the dead, as well as our submission to the will of Him who knows what is better for our dear ones than we can know or dream.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER XXVII.

Washington Etiquette.

Certain local rules have been recognized in society at Washington, from the fact that a gentleman's social position is acquired by virtue of certain offices which he holds, and the social status of woman is also determined by the official rank of her husband.

THE PRESIDENT.

As the President of the United States holds the highest official rank in political life, so is he also by virtue of that office, awarded precedence in social life. There is no necessity of special formalities to form his acquaintance, and he receives calls without being under any obligation to return them. He may be addressed either as "Mr.

President," or "Your Excellency." Sometimes he gives up the morning hours to receiving calls, and at such times precedence is given to such people as have business with him, over parties who go to make a formal call. In either case, the caller is shown to the room occupied by the President's secretaries, presents his card and waits his turn to be admitted. If the caller has no business, but goes out of curiosity, he pays his respects and withdraws to make room for others. It is better in making a private call, to secure the company of some official or some friend of the President to introduce you.

RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

Stated receptions are given at the White House by the President during sessions of congress, and all are at liberty to attend them. Sometimes these are morning, and sometimes evening, receptions. Upon entering the reception room, the caller gives his name to the usher, who announces it, and upon approaching the President is introduced, by some official to whom the duty is a.s.signed, both to the President and to the members of his family who receive with him. The callers pa.s.s on, after being introduced, mingle in social intercourse and view the various rooms until ready to depart. If a caller wishes he may leave his card.

The same rules of etiquette prevail at state dinners given by the President as at any formal dinner, precedence being given to guests according to official rank and dignity. An invitation by the President must be accepted, and it is admissible to break any other engagement already made; however, it is necessary to explain the cause, in order to avoid giving offense. It is not regarded as discourteous to break an engagement for this reason.

The wife of the President is not under obligation to return calls, though she may visit those whom she wishes to favor with such attentions. Other members of the President's family may receive and return calls.

NEW-YEAR'S RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

As the New-Year's receptions at the White House are the most ceremonious occasions of the executive mansion, it is the custom of the ladies who attend them to appear in the most elegant toilets suited to a morning reception. Members of foreign legations appear in the court dresses of their respective countries on this occasion, in paying their respects to the President of the United States.

ORDER OF OFFICIAL RANK.

Next in rank to the President come the Chief Justice, the Vice-President and the Speaker of the House of Representatives. These receive first visits from all others. The General of the army and the Admiral of the navy come next in the order of official rank. Members of the House of Representatives call first on all the officials named. The wife of any official is ent.i.tled to the same social precedence as her husband. Among officers of the army and navy, the Lieutenant-General corresponds to the Vice-Admiral, the Major-General to Rear-Admiral, Brigadier-General to Commodore, Colonel to Captain in the navy, and so on through the lower grades.

THE CABINET OFFICERS.

The officers of the cabinet, comprising the Secretaries of State, the Treasury, the War, the Navy, the Postmaster-General, the Secretary of the Interior and Attorney-General, expect to receive calls, and as all the officers are of the same rank and dignity, it is only on occasions of State ceremonies that an order of preference is observed, which is as above given. The wives of the cabinet officers, or the ladies of their household, have onerous social duties to perform. They hold receptions every Wednesday during the season, which lasts from the first of January to Lent, when their houses are open to all who choose to favor them with a call, and on these occasions refreshments are served. The ladies of the family are expected to return these calls, at which time they leave the card of the cabinet officer, and an invitation to an evening reception. The cabinet officers are expected to entertain Senators, Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, members of the diplomatic corps and distinguished visitors at Washington, as well as the ladies of their respective families. The visiting hours at the capital are usually from two until half-past five. The labor and fatigue which social duties require of the ladies of the family of a cabinet officer are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during receptions at her own house, to stand at a series of entertainments at the houses of others, whose invitation courtesy requires should be accepted, and to return in person calls made upon her, are a few of the duties of the wife of a cabinet officer.

HOW TO ADDRESS THE OFFICIALS.

When writing to the different officials, the President is addressed "His Excellency, the President of the United States;" the members of the cabinet "The Honorable, the Secretary of State," etc., giving each his proper t.i.tle; the Vice-President, "The Honorable, the Vice-President of the United States." In a ceremonious note, words must not be abbreviated. In conversation the Speaker of the House of Representatives is addressed as "Mr. Speaker;" a member of the cabinet as "Mr.

Secretary;" a senator as "Mr. Senator;" a member of the House of Representatives as "Mister," unless he has some other t.i.tle; but he is introduced as "The Honorable Mr. Burrows, of Michigan." The custom is becoming prevalent of addressing the wives of officials with the prefixed t.i.tles of their husbands, as "Mrs. General Sherman," "Mrs.

Senator Thurman," "Mrs. Secretary Evarts."

THE FIRST TO VISIT.

The custom of first visits or calls at the capital is that residents shall make the first call on strangers, and among the latter those arriving first upon those coming later. Foreign ministers, however, in order to make themselves known, call first upon the members of the cabinet, which is returned.

SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES.

It is entirely optional with Senators, Representatives and all other officials except the President and members of his cabinet, whether they entertain. They act upon their own pleasure in the matter.