Our Deportment Part 36

A proper variation will make this form equally suitable for any of the other anniversary weddings.

MARRIAGE CEREMONY AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.

It is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony repeated at these anniversary weddings, especially at the silver or golden wedding. The earliest anniversaries are almost too trivial occasions upon which to introduce this ceremony. The clergyman who officiates may so change the exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them appropriate to the occasion.

CHAPTER XXV.

Births and Christenings.

Upon the announcement of the birth of a child, the lady friends of the mother send her their cards, with inquiries after her health. As soon as she is strong enough to permit, the mother returns her own card to all from whom she received cards and inquiries, with "thanks for kind inquiries." Her lady friends then make personal visits, but gentlemen do not call upon the mother on these occasions. If they wish, they may pay their visits to the father, and inquire after the health of the mother and child.

NAMING THE CHILD.

It becomes an all-important matter to the parents, what name they shall give to the newly-born child, and as this is a matter which may also concern the latter at some future day, it becomes an object of solicitude, until a suitable name is settled upon. The custom in Scotland is to name the first son after the father's father, and the first daughter after the mother's mother, the second son after the father, the second daughter after the mother, and succeeding children after other near relations. This perpetuates family names, and if they are persons whose names are regarded as worthy of perpetuation, it may be considered a good custom to follow. With some it is customary to name children after some renowned person, either living or dead. There are objections to this plan, however, for if the person be still living, he may commit some act which will bring opprobrium to his name, and so cause both the parent and child to be ashamed of bearing such a disgraced name. If the person after whom the child is named be dead, it may be that the child's character may be so entirely different from the person who formerly bore it, that the name shall be made a reproach or satire.

The plan of reviving the old Saxon names has been adopted by some, and it has been claimed that the names of Edgar, Edwin, Arthur, Alfred, Ethel, Maud, Edith, Theresa, and many others of the Saxon names are pleasant sounding and strong, and a desirable contrast to the Fannies, Mamies, Minnies, Lizzies, Sadies, and other petty diminutives which have taken the place of better sounding and stronger names.

THE CHRISTENING.

The christening and the baptism usually occur at the same time, and are regulated according to the practices of the special church where the parents attend worship. As these are quite varied, it will be sufficient only to indicate the forms and customs which society imposes at such times.

G.o.dPARENTS OR SPONSORS.

In the Episcopal Church there are two, and sometimes three, G.o.dparents or sponsors. If the child is a boy, there are two G.o.dfathers and one G.o.dmother. If a girl, two G.o.dmothers and one G.o.dfather. The persons selected for G.o.dparents should be near relatives or friends of long and close standing, and should be members of the same church into which the child is baptized. The maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather usually act as sponsors for the first child, the maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother for the second. A person invited to act as G.o.dparent should not refuse without good reason. If the grandparents are not selected, it is an act of courtesy to select the G.o.dmother, and allow her to designate the G.o.dfather. Young persons should not stand sponsors to an infant; and none should offer to act unless their superior position warrants them in so doing.

PRESENTS FROM G.o.dFATHERS.

The sponsors must make their G.o.dchild a present of some sort--a silver mug, a knife, spoon and fork, a handsomely-bound bible, or perhaps a costly piece of lace or embroidery suitable for infants' wear. The G.o.dfather may give a cup, with name engraved, and the G.o.dmother the christening robe and cap.

THE CHRISTENING CEREMONY.

Upon entering the church the babe is carried first in the arms of its nurse. Next come the sponsors, and after them the father and mother, if she is able to be present. The invited guests follow. In taking their places the sponsors stand, the G.o.dfather on the right and the G.o.dmother on the left of the child. When the question is asked, "Who are the sponsors for the child?" the proper persons should merely bow their heads without speaking.

In the Roman Catholic Church baptism takes place at as early a date as possible. If the child does not seem to be strong, a priest is sent for at once, and the ceremony is performed at the mother's bedside. If, on the other hand, the child is healthy, it is taken to the church within a few days after its birth. In Protestant churches the ceremony of baptism is usually deferred until the mother is able to be present. If the ceremony is performed at home, a carriage must be sent for the clergyman, and retained to convey him back again after the ceremony is concluded. A luncheon may follow the christening, though a collation of cake and wine will fill all the requirements of etiquette. It is the duty of the G.o.dfather to propose the health of the infant.

PRESENTS FROM GUESTS.

Friends invited to a christening should remember the babe in whose honor they convene, by some trifling gift. Gentlemen may present an article of silver, ladies something of their own manufacture.

THE HERO OF THE OCCASION.

It should be remembered that the baby is the person of the greatest importance on these occasions, and the guests should give it a large share of attention and praise. The parents, however, must not make this duty too onerous to their guests by keeping a tired, fretful child on exhibition. It is better to send it at once to the care of the nurse as soon as the ceremony is over.

FEES TO THE CLERGYMAN.

Though the Church performs the ceremony of baptism gratuitously, the parents should, if they are able, make a present to the officiating clergyman, or, through him a donation to the poor of the neighborhood.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER XXVI.

Funerals.

The saddest of all ceremonies is that attendant upon the death of relatives and friends, and it becomes us to show, in every possible way, the utmost consideration for the feelings of the bereaved, and the deepest respect for the melancholy occasion. Of late the forms of ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing, and by some people of intelligence, even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in part.

INVITATION TO A FUNERAL.

It is customary in cities to give the notice of death and announcement of a funeral through the daily newspapers, though sometimes when such announcement may not reach all friends in time, invitations to the funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased. In villages where there is no daily paper, such invitations are often issued.

Private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper, with a heavy black border, and in such form as the following:

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of Mr. James B. Southey, from his late residence, No. 897 Williams avenue, on Friday, October 18, at 3 o' clock P.M. (or from St. Paul's Episcopal Church), to proceed to Woodland Cemetery._]

When an announcement of a death is sent to a friend or relative at a distant point, it is usual to telegraph or to write the notice of death, time and place of funeral, to allow the friend an opportunity to arrive before the services.

It is a breach of good manners not to accept an invitation to a funeral, when one is sent.

ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FUNERAL.

It is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for the funeral to some relative or friend of the family, and if there be no friend who can perform this duty, it can be safely left with the undertaker to perform the painful duties of master of ceremonies. It is prudent to name a limit for the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the family should always govern these. Pomp and display should always be avoided, as they are out of keeping with the solemn occasion, and inconsistent with real grief. At the funeral some one should act as usher to seat the friends who attend.

THE HOUSE OF MOURNING.

Upon entering the house of mourning, a gentleman should always remove his hat in the hall, and not replace it until he is about to depart. No calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the dead remains in the house, and members of the family may be excused from receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time.

There should be no loud talking or confusion while the body remains in the house. All differences and quarrels must be forgotten in the house of mourning, and personal enemies who meet at a funeral must treat each other with respect and dignity. The bell k.n.o.b or door handle is draped with black c.r.a.pe, with a black ribbon tied on, if the deceased is married or advanced in years, and with a white ribbon, if young or unmarried.