Only Series - Only Mine Part 16

aBut Iam learning, thanks in large part to you.a Jessica smoothed her hand over Willowas hair. aRest. Youall need your strength to bring Calebas baby into the world.a Willow turned and looked out the window. Nothing showed but trees bent and writhing in the wind.

aThey wonat be able to hear the rifle,a she said calmly. aTheyare upwind of us.a Silently, Jessica agreed, but she went to the porch anyway. The wind sucked the door handle from her grasp and sent the door slamming back upon the wall. The air was icy. Shivering, she raised the carbine that had been a present for a wedding that should never have taken place. The gold and silver inlay smoldered in the subdued light of the storm.

She fired three s.p.a.ced shots, waited, then fired three more s.p.a.ced shots. Shivering violently, she lowered the carbine and retreated to the houseas shelter. After a brief struggle, she managed to shut the door once again, closing out the icy wind.

For a long moment Jessica stood alone in the living room, gathering herself for what was to come. Then she went to work.

Ignoring her trembling hands, she scrubbed her sharp darning scissors, wrapped them in a clean towel, and set them on top of the pristine receiving blankets Willow had prepared with such love. The thought of wrapping up one more tiny corpse sent a wave of sick despair through Jessica. She had seen the baby clothes and carefully made cradle. She had seen Calebas love and Willowas pleasure when he held his hand on her womb and felt their baby move.

Please G.o.d, let this baby be born alive.

The wind battered the house, sending a chill through Jessica. Quickly she gathered a book and a chair and went back to Willow.

aIt seemed to help Mother if I read to her,a Jessica said with a calm that was wholly false. aIf that doesnat appeal, Iall just sit quietly until you need me.a aPlease,a Willow said quickly, her voice strained, aread.a aTry not to hold your breath when the pain comes,a Jessica said gently. aIt only makes it worse.a Jessica began reading A Midsummer Nightas Dream.

Time went quickly, marked off by contractions that became closer together and harder, until only a handful of minutes came between. The demands of birth took Willowas body, made it rigid, and dragged low sounds from her.

aTry not to fight it,a Jessica said quietly. aBirth is stronger than any of us. We canat conquer it. We can only share it with the babe.a Very slowly, Willow relaxed despite the continued grip of pain.

aHere,a Jessica said, taking a piece of leather strap from her pocket. aPut this between your teeth.a Neither woman heard the front door open. Nor did they hear Calebas voice calling for Willow. Jessicaas first realization of Calebas presence came when a pair of riding gloves. .h.i.t the floor at her feet and a large masculine hand reached past her to Willow.

aNo!a Jessica said fiercely, blocking the hand with her body. aWash yourself first. Nothing dirty must touch her or the child or youall risk fever.a Caleb grabbed the fallen gloves and left the room in a rush. When he reappeared he was dripping water, smelling of soap and wearing nothing but a pair of clean breeches. He dressed quickly.

Willow let out a low sound as the contraction peaked. When her eyes opened, she saw Caleb fastening his pants. Almost guiltily, she let go of Jessicaas hand, spat out the strip of leather, and concealed it beneath the covers.

She wasnat quick enough. Few people were when it came to hiding things from Calebas golden eyes.

aI told Jessi not to fire the rifle,a Willow said. aThe maresa"a aWolfe found them,a Caleb interrupted as he reached for a shirt. aWhatas this about a rifle?a aI tried to call you in when Willow began labor,a Jessica said as she wrung out a cloth to cool Willowas face.

aI didnat hear any shots.a Jessica glanced at the window. It was still light outside. The wind still howled. None of the other men had returned.

aThen how did you know to come?a she asked.

aI heard Willow calling my name.a Jessica stared at Caleb, but he had eyes only for his wife. He was kneeling next to the bed in a carelessly b.u.t.toned shirt. No one but Jessica noticed the half-unfastened clothing as Caleb bent down to Willow, talking softly, stroking her hair and smiling at her with such tenderness that Jessica felt tears catch in her throat.

When the next contraction came, it was Calebas hands that Willow gripped. She struggled not to cry out, but couldnat stifle a rough sound.

aGo ahead,a Caleb said. aScream or curse or cry. Whatever helps.a Willow shook her head.

When the contraction pa.s.sed, Jessica fished out the piece of rein Willow had hidden beneath the covers. She put the leather strip on the blanket next to Willow.

aI prepared this and kept it near because I knew you would need it.a Jessica said. aIf you wonat cry out or use the leather, Iall tell Caleb to leave. The last thing you should be worried about is fighting yourself so as not to upset your husband. He put the babe in your body. He can share in the pain as well as the pleasure of its birth.a Willowas mouth set in a mutinous line.

Caleb kissed his wife and said something too soft for Jessica to hear.

aI didnat want to worry you,a Willow said. aLove, you get upset if I burn myself cooking.a He lifted her hands and kissed them very gently. Then he picked up the leather strap. The marks of her teeth showed clearly. His fingers tightened on the dark leather.

aIf I could bear it for you, I would,a he said roughly.

aI know. Just having you here helps me.a It was true.

Despite the force of the contractions, Jessica saw that the lines of tension in Willowas face had eased. When Caleb bent his head and whispered to his wife, the smile she gave him was as full of love as her eyes.

Then Willowas body was claimed once more by the demands of birth. Caleb felt the tension of her muscles. Without a word, he held out the strap. She took it between her teeth just as a powerful contraction arched her whole body.

After that, there was little time for anything but easing Willow in small ways while she performed the hard work of bringing another life into the world. As the rhythmic fury of birth progressed, Jessica prayed silently, fiercely, that it would not all be in vain, all the wrenching pain and the blood, the set agony of Calebas face speaking eloquently of his fear and love for the woman who was giving birth to his child.

Finally, the contractions came so quickly that there was no time between for Willow to recover. Panting, sweating, dazed, she tried to smile at Caleb, only to be swept up once again.

aHow much longer?a Caleb asked tightly of Jessica.

aAs long as the babe requires.a aShe canat take much more of this.a aYou would be surprised at what a woman can endure.a And Caleb was.

In the final throes of birth, Willowas hands gripped with a power that amazed Caleb, leaving bruises on his work-hardened hands, bruises that he didnat even notice until later; he had care only for Willow, for giving her what ease he could.

The sound of a babyas cries came as a shock.

aYou have a son!a Jessica said, laughing and crying at the same time. aA beautiful, red-faced, crying, living son!a Willow smiled and closed her eyes, letting everything slide away but the knowledge of her son and her husbandas kiss burning in the center of her hand.

Jessica managed to cut and tie the cord despite the happy tears running down her face. She washed the baby in warm water, wrapped him in receiving blankets, and handed him to Caleb. She was stunned to see tears in Calebas eyes as he looked at his child.

aShow Willow your son,a Jessica said huskily. aThen put him to her breast. He needs to feel her heartbeat again. She needs to feel his.a Reverently, Caleb took their son to Willow. When Jessica looked up again, Willow was lying in her husbandas arms and the baby was sucking eagerly, his tiny head cradled by Calebas big hand.

aARE you all right?a Wolfe asked urgently, pulling Jessica into his arms before she could answer.

aWillow did the work, not I.a Wolfe didnat seem to hear. He held Jessica hard against him. aWhen Reno told me, I kept thinking of your mother, of the horror you have of birth. I was afraid being near another childbed would terrify you.a aI was afraid, too,a Jessica admitted, wrapping her arms around Wolfeas lean waist. aI was afraid it would be born dead, like all the others.a Wolfe made a hoa.r.s.e sound, but the hand that stroked Jessicaas disheveled hair was very gentle.

aBut this baby was alive,a she continued, excitement vibrating in every word. aRed-faced and crying, waving tiny fists, with black hair and long limbs. It was perfect and it was alive!a Smiling, Wolfe bent and kissed her. When she returned the kiss rather than retreating, heat ran like leashed lightning through him. Memories of last night had come to him throughout the day, shaking him. He hungered for Jessica in ways he hadnat believed possible.

Unable to stop himself, Wolfe urged Jessicaas lips apart. Despite the elemental need hardening his body, he tasted her with great gentleness, absorbing her warmth and the soft breaking of her breath when his tongue first touched hers. It was a long time before he lifted his head.

aReno said both Willow and the boy are doing well,a Wolfe said finally, looking toward the closed bedroom door.

aYes.a Jessica smiled and kissed the corner of Wolfeas mouth. aVery, very well. Oh, Wolfe, it was extraordinary. To hold a new life where none was before made me feel as though I had touched G.o.das smile. The look on Calebas face when he held his son told me he felt the same way.a aWhen will I be allowed to see this little red-faced miracle?a aWillow canat wait to share him. As soon as you wash, you can go in.a aIam clean as sunlight,a Wolfe said wryly. aReno ran me through the wash house personally and thoroughly. Told me he wasnat risking his one and only nephew on some dirty halfbreed.a aWhat?a Jessicaas head snapped up. aIs he still alive?a aHavenat you heard? Heas pure greased lightning with that six-gun. I was as meek as a lamba"even washed behind my ears twice.a aIall box his ears,a she muttered. aCalling you names. He ought to be ashamed.a Wolfe made a smothered sound and broke into laughter as he lifted Jessica off her feet in a big hug, aSuch a fierce little elf,a he said against her lips. aI was only teasing. Reno has called me some names from time to time, but none of them had anything to do with my Cheyenne mother.a The laughter in Wolfeas eyes made them a beautiful midnight blue. The strong slant of his cheekbones and his starkly defined mouth were heightened rather than blurred by his smile. Jessica realized anew how compelling Wolfeas features were to her.

Suddenly, she wondered what it would be like to look down into the face of a sleeping baby and see hints of Wolfeas beloved face.

aWhat an odd sound. Are you all right, Jessi?a aYes. No. That isaa Jessicaas aquamarine eyes searched Wolfeas face. She slid her fingers into his black hair and found that it was still damp. The cool, sleek texture made her shiver with pleasure and say his name as she watched him with wide, wondering eyes.

aJessi? Are you all right? Youare looking at me as though youave never seen me before.a aI havenat.a Before he could say anything, she lifted her mouth to his. aKiss me, Wolfe. Kiss me hard.a The kiss Wolfe gave Jessica was deep, hot, frankly hungry. When it ended, both of them were breathing too rapidly. Just as he bent to take her mouth again, the front door closed hard.

aYou keep that up and there will be one more small screamer come winter,a Rafe said, trying and failing to swallow his smile.

Wolfe tucked Jessicaas fiery face against his chest. aWe were just getting ready to admire your nephew.a aUh-huh. Whatas this I hear about a complete bath before I get to see the little mite?a aAsk Reno.a aI did. He has a scrub brush the size of a wagon seat and pure deviltry in his eyes.a Jessica laughed into Wolfeas shirt.

aAre you strangling her?a Rafe asked politely.

Wolfeas hand slid beneath Jessicaas chin. He tilted her face up and brushed a kiss over her lips.

aAre you strangling?a Wolfe asked softly.

She blushed and said something Rafe couldnat hear.

aWhat was that?a Rafe asked.

aShe said to enjoy your bath.a ad.a.m.n. I was afraid of that. Donat wear out the little morsel before I get back.a aWhich morsel?a Wolfe asked.

aWolfe!a Jessica said, hitting his chest with her hand.

Rafe was laughing as he shut the front door behind him.

aCome on, morsel,a Wolfe said, putting Jessicaas feet back on the floor. aShow me the little miracle.a Willowas radiant smile belied the paleness of her skin as she welcomed Wolfe. Caleb was sitting next to the bed, holding the sleeping baby in the crook of his arm. When Wolfe walked close, Caleb gently shifted the small burden.

aPut one hand under his head and the other under his bottom,a Jessica said to Wolfe.

aJesus,a Wolfe whispered, aheas tiny.a aNot for a baby,a Caleb said. aHeas nearly two feet long and weighs nine pounds if he weighs an ounce.a aLike I said. Tiny.a But Wolfe took the sleeping baby in his hands and looked at it with a gentleness that softened the hard lines of his face. When the babyas eyes opened sleepily, Wolfeas breath came out in a wondering sound.

aLook at those tawny eyes. Heas your son, all right.a The baby studied Wolfe with unfocused eyes, yawned, blew a tiny bubble, and was asleep within seconds. Wolfe laughed very softly and touched the babyas small, perfect cheek with his thumb.

Watching Wolfe brought Jessica a feeling close to pain. She had seen the wonder in Wolfeas face when he looked from the babyas golden eyes to Calebas. She had seen something more, too. She had seen Wolfeas hunger to someday hold a baby in his hands and know that he was part of that continuing miracle of life.

A man didnat need t.i.tles or wealth in order to want a child. The pain of the realization was so deep that Jessica barely managed not to cry out.

aAre you going to be as hard-headed and decent as your daddy?a Wolfe asked the baby softly. aI hope so. The world needs more dark angels of justice to keep the devils in line.a Wolfe looked up and smiled at Caleb. aAll the same, I hope you have a daughter next time. The world needs more Western women, too.a aHave one yourself,a Caleb said dryly.

Only Jessica saw the light leave Wolfeas eyes. His black lashes swept down as though he were looking at the sleeping baby once more. She knew he must be thinking of their marriage, the trap he was caught in which insured he would never have daughters or sons.

Yet when Wolfe looked up again and handed the baby to Willow, there was a smile on his face. The smile was as real as the pain had been.

aYou made a beautiful baby,a Wolfe said to Willow.

aI had some help.a ad.a.m.n little. A man as ugly as Caleb canat make a pretty baby.a Willow smiled and looked at Caleb. aMy husband is as handsome as a G.o.d.a aTo you, maybe,a Wolfe said dryly. aTo me?

Well, Iall just say Iave seen better looking things left on the ground after a buffalo herd walked past.a Caleb snickered. Wolfe turned around and gave the other man a swift, hard hug, brother to brother.

aBefore this, you had the sun,a Wolfe said. aNow you have the moon and stars. Guard them well.a After a moment, Jessica looked away, for she could no longer bear the sadness she sensed beneath Wolfeas pleasure for his friend.

15.

S HE was naked on a vast plain of ice. Nothing was alive. Nothing moved but the many-voiced wind. Far ahead of her grew a powerful, living tree that carried safety in its branches.

She must reach the treeas shelter.

Yet the harder she tried to run, the more deeply encrusted she became in ice. She was a prisoner of cold and a plaything of the wind. Yet still she struggled toward the tree while the wind taunted her: That woman is not Jessica.

Worst mistake of his life.

All wrong for each other.

Jessica sat bolt upright in bed just as the first light of dawn brought color to the empty sky.

aJessi?a Wolfeas hand touched her shoulder. aAre you having nightmares about the past again?a aNo. Not the past.a aGet back under the covers,a Wolfe said gently. aItas cold out there.a aItas freezing,a she whispered.

Jessica lay down and turned toward Wolfe, needing his warmth to chase the chill of her own dreams.

aWhat is it?a he asked, stroking her hair.

aA nightmare, thatas all. I was alone.a aYouare not alone now. Iam here.a But for how long?

Wolfe felt Jessicaas arms go around his neck. The softness of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s pressed against his naked chest. He had awakened from his own dreams already aroused. The feel of her against his skin brought his need to the point of pain. When she shifted, trying to come even closer, her hip brushed against his hardened flesh. He felt as much as heard her gasp.

aDonat be frightened,a Wolfe said. aIave spent a lot of nights like this, and I havenat forced you. I never will. All I have to do is remember how terrified you are by a manas need, and why, and I have no problem at all controlling myself.a aItas not that. You justastartled me.a Jessica took a slow, almost secret breath, trying to banish her dream. She rubbed her cheek against Wolfeas rea.s.suring warmth, letting it sink through the chill left by the voices of the wind repeating Wolfeas words, telling her how little she was worth as a woman. When she felt Wolfe withdrawing from her, she made a broken sound and clung to him with a strength that surprised him.

aDonat let go of me,a she whispered urgently.

aI thought I was frightening you.a She shook her head. The motion sent a silky fall of hair over Wolfeas chest.

aAre you certain?a he asked.

aVery.a Slowly, Wolfe put his arms back around Jessica and pulled her close once more. She relaxed against him despite the stark evidence of his arousal. For a few minutes, there was silence but for the wind coiling through the spreading light of dawn.

aWolfe?a He made a questioning, rumbling sound.

aSeeing Willowaa Jessica hesitated, not knowing how to give words to what she was feeling. aThe birth wasaa Wolfe kissed Jessicaas forehead. aIt brought back the nightmares, didnat it? Donat worry. Theyall fade. Even under the best circ.u.mstances, birth is a messy process. With your memories of the past, it must have been horrifying.a aThatas not what I meant. Yes, birth is messy, but so is spring. One doesnat get an omelet without breaking sh.e.l.ls and all that.a Wolfe smiled as he nuzzled the hollow of Jessicaas cheek. aDid I remember to tell you how very brave you are, Jessi?a aIam a ruddy little coward and no one knows it better than you.a The bleakness in Jessicaas voice surprised him. Wolfe tilted her face up so that he could see her eyes.

aThatas not true,a Wolfe said simply. aYouave endured things that would have broken most adults, much less a child.a Saying nothing, Jessica closed her eyes and shook her head.

aJessi,a Wolfe whispered, kissing her eyelids. aYou had every right to run and hide on the nights your father raped your mother, but you didnat. You went to your mother and gave her what help you could.a aSo little.a aSo much,a he countered. aYou must have been terrified beyond words, yet you gave comfort to the very woman who should have been comforting you.a aThere was no comfort in her. Toward the end, I think she was mad.a Wolfe closed his eyes. aIt would have been a blessing.a aYes. But it left me very much alone. I expected to die when cholera took her. I was so sick. Then he came and bathed me and fed me thin gruel and kept me warm until cholera took him, too.a aHe?a aThe lord. My father. Everyone else was dead or dying. I tried to help him, but finally the wind took him, too. I thinkaI think he welcomed it.a Wolfe made a low sound. aYou were so young. It tears my heart to think of you alone and frightened.a aIad always been that way,a Jessica said matter-of-factly, auntil you came. I tried to keep you from seeing what a coward I was, but you knew anyway.a aHush,a he said, kissing her eyelashes. aA coward would have run from the house and left Willow to bear her child alone. You didnat. Despite your horrible memories, you stayed by Willowas side and kept your fear to yourself. Caleb said you were as calm as a doctor.a aFear would only have made it more difficult for Willow. I couldnat do that to her.a A sound came from Jessica that wasnat quite laughter nor yet tears. aYou were right about her, Wolfe. She is a rare and wonderful woman. Sharing her sonas birth made mealess fearful.a Smiling, Wolfe stroked the back of his fingers down Jessicaas cheek. She turned her head slowly until she could catch his index finger between her lips. The swift intake of his breath as she tasted his skin told her that she had his full attention.

aCaleb taught me something, too,a Jessica said.

aDid he?a aMmm.a The soft warmth of Jessicaas tongue between Wolfeas fingers made him forget to breathe.

aSeeing Caleb with his son,a she said, amade me realize there is more to having heirs than pa.s.sing on t.i.tles and estates.a Wolfe barely registered the meaning of the words. Jessica was biting him so delicately that he might have imagined it, but even in his dreams he hadnat felt the tiny serrations of her teeth caressing him.

aYou taught me something, too,a Jessica continued.

aAgain,a he whispered.

aWhat?a aBite me again, elf.a Smiling, she dragged her teeth lightly down the sensitive edges of his finger. When she reached the base, she thrust the tip of her tongue between his fingers.