Only Series - Only Mine Part 15

aDid you? I saw only your smile and heard only the sharp edge of your tongue over my taste in d.u.c.h.esses.a aI was angry with you.a aYou were jealous of me, Jessi. The way a woman is jealous of her man. Lady Victoria saw that. Just as she saw what I concealed even from myself.a aWhat was that?a aI couldnat hear your voice, I couldnat smell a rose, I couldnat pa.s.s a room where you had recently been without becoming aroused. I was being drawn upon a rack. There was no end to it, no relief in other women, nothing I could do but leave.a Wolfe looked up at Jessica, making no effort to conceal the desire for her that had sunk so deeply into him through the years that he no more noticed it than he noticed the marrow of his bones.

aI didnat know,a she whispered.

Trembling, Jessica met Wolfeas eyes. The elemental need in him rushed through her body in a glittering tide.

aI kept my need from you even more carefully than I kept it from myself,a he said.

Slowly Wolfe turned his head away. His dark glance went back down her body. The contrast between pale, luminous skin and mahogany fire was new each time he saw it. So was the fullness of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and hips, a lush feminine promise that was repeated in the graceful curves of her legs.

aYou took the color from the sky when you left,a Jessica whispered. aOh, Wolfe, I missed you until I thought I would die. I loved you so much. Iave always loved you.a His heartbeat hesitated, then resumed with a heavy pulse.

aDonat love me, Jessi. It will only hurt us both. I should have kept my need from you even now. But I canat. You are too beautiful and I have dreamed of you too long.a Wolfe bent to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. His tongue traced the circle where pale satin skin became a pink temptation that he was trying to resist for a few moments longer. The edge of his teeth lightly tested her, drawing a startled sound from Jessica. Her fingers tightened in his hair.

aDonat be frightened,a Wolfe breathed against her skin. aIam not a drunken lord who will maul you until you bleed. Iam a t.i.tleless b.a.s.t.a.r.d who has waited a lifetime to caress you.a Before Jessica could speak, she saw Wolfeas lips part, knew the unexpected fire of his tongue licking over her nipple, felt the intimate heat of his mouth as he drew her inside. Her back arched reflexively as a thrill of pleasure and surprise shot through her. She called his name and was answered by an increase in the shifting pressure of his mouth. Heedlessly her fingers clenched his hair as sweet sensation twisted through her once more.

Wolfe stabbed sensually with his tongue at the rigid peak he had summoned from Jessicaas breast. She moaned and arched against him. He sheathed the edges of his teeth in his lips and tested the hardness of her nipple. Fire splintered, drawing a ragged, pa.s.sionate cry from her. Wolfe didnat lift his head until her breathing was broken and she was twisting slowly beneath his mouth. Very slowly he released her captive breast and admired the high ruby crown his mouth had created.

aYou draw even tighter for my mouth than you did for the rain.a aWhat?a she asked, dazed.

aThis.a Wolfe took one of Jessicaas hands and drew it lightly over her breast. aFeel your pa.s.sion. Such a velvet hardness.a Her eyes opened in shock.

Laughing softly, Wolfe kissed her palm, bit the flesh at the base of her hand, and felt her body jerk with pleasure. Her caught her nipples between his fingers and plucked until she forgot everything but the sensations radiating through her like sunlight through a garden.

When one of Wolfeas hands slid down the length of her body, Jessica didnat protest. The warmth of his hand stroking over her legs was simply part of the net of fire that was drawing more tightly around her with each tug of his mouth at her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. She didnat notice that with each sweet pressure of his palm her legs shifted and then shifted again until nothing of her softness was shielded from him.

aRemember how sunlight touches the bud?a Wolfe asked.

His voice was deep, husky, as warm and heavy as his hand resting just above the tangle of mahogany curls.

aGently,a Jessica whispered. aCompletely.a aEverywhere.a Understanding came. aDear G.o.d, Wolfe. Even there?a aEspecially there. Youare going to come as sweetly unwrapped as a rosebud baring its petals to the sun for the first time.a Motionless, Jessica stared at Wolfeas dark, intensely masculine face.

aThereas no need to be frightened,a he said. aYou want this. I can see it, even if you canat. Youare already unfolding for me.a She made a sound that could have been Wolfeas name when she felt his hand ease lower.

aDonat tighten your legs,a he said softly. aThis is as close as Iall ever come to taking you. I want to see it.a Wolfeas hand didnat move as he lay motionless beside Jessica, waiting for her decision.

aWolfe,a she whispered, but could say no more.

aShy little rose.a He kissed her shoulder, then drew his teeth over the place where nerves gathered. She made a soft sound of surprise and pleasure.

aI know youare aching for the sun,a Wolfe said. aLet me give it to you.a The delicacy of his teeth caressing her shoulder was both sensual rea.s.surance and sensuous promise. Slowly Jessica let out her breath and relaxed the tension in her legs. She was rewarded by the slow stroking of Wolfeas palm over her belly and hips and thighs. His mouth teased her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, sending pleasure licking through her once more, wrapping her in a net of loving fire.

When Wolfeas nails scored lightly inside Jessicaas thighs, the fiery net tightened around her in a rush that made her moan. His hand flattened as his fingers spread wide, then curled around the curve of her inner thigh. He caressed her slowly with his palm, easing between her legs. This time she didnat resist the inevitable parting of her thighs beneath his touch.

aJessi,a Wolfe breathed, shaken by her unspoken trust.

His palm skimmed over the dark curls he longed to comb with his fingertips, seeking the scented softness he knew ached for his caresses. Gently he pressed his hand between her legs. His fingers cupped around her softest flesh as his palm rubbed languidly over the mahogany curls that no longer concealed Jessicaas sultry core.

When she felt his touch, her breath came in with a sound like silk tearing. With great care he traced her layered softness, coaxing each petal into quivering life.

aSuch a beautiful flower,a he said huskily. aIs there nectar within?a Jessica didnat know what Wolfe meant until she felt herself being softly parted. The gliding penetration of his finger should have shocked her, but shock had no chance against the bubble of sensation expanding through her, bursting softly, drenching her in pleasure.

aWolfe.a aI know,a he said hoa.r.s.ely. aI can feel it, hotter than my dreams.a His hand moved again, slowly, and her response spilled over, burning both of them with the softest kind of fire. She made a sound deep in her throat and lifted against his hand, needing to feel the sweet movement within her once more. He felt the frailty of her maidenhead, cursed, and began to withdraw from the satin sheath he wanted more than he wanted breath.

aPlease,a Jessica whispered, trying to keep him within her body. aTouch me.a aNot like that.a aDoes itadonat youado youadislike it?a Wolfe laughed deep in his throat and returned to probe lightly, hungry for the moist, clinging heat. The sound Jessica made told him that her eyes were open and what she was seeing both shocked and set fire to her.

aYes, Jessi. Watch and think what it would be like to feel my kisses like a warm rain over every bit of you,a he shuddered and whispered, aand you a warm rain over me.a Something both beautiful and faintly frightening swept through Jessica. She tried to quell the feeling, but might as well have tried to turn back the sun with a sigh.

aWhat is happening to me?a Jessica asked. aWhat are youa"I canata"Wolfe.a Jessica moaned his name as her body convulsed softly around him, caressing him secretly, drawing him more deeply into her while pa.s.sionas sultry rain licked over his hand.

Need clenched savagely in Wolfe, making him groan as he withdrew from Jessicaas body. With leashed urgency he smoothed the heat of her response over her most sensitive skin. When he caressed the nub of pa.s.sion he had called from her, she cried out with surprise and violent pleasure. His fingertips circled her aroused, sensitive flesh, tugging at her, holding her captive for the hungry testing of his thumb.

Jessica arched in elemental abandon as Wolfe taught her that pleasure could be so intense it was more vivid than pain, more elemental, a sensual lightning burning her to her soul.

Wolfeas dark glance swept over Jessica, memorizing her body as it was transformed by the ecstasy he had given to her. He wanted to be within her again, to feel her release shivering around him, caressing him with sultry velvet wings. He knew he shouldnat risk tearing the fragile veil of her chast.i.ty, yet he was unable to resist.

His hand shifted as he glided very carefully into her body once more. The slow penetration drew a shivering cry of completion from her.

aYour maidenhead is so frail.a Wolfe whispered. aIt tells me I could take you in every way Iave ever imagined and you would know only pleasure.a Wolfeas thumb moved slowly and Jessica moaned as sensuous lightning searched through her once more.

aI wonat take your virginity,a Wolfe said hoa.r.s.ely as he bent down to her, abut I will know you in a way Iave never known any woman.a He shuddered and caressed her intimately, dragging his mouth over her. aGive yourself to me, Jessi. Let me taste ecstasy.a Pleasure seared through Jessica. With a rippling cry she gave herself to Wolfe, sharing ecstasy with him as his mouth moved over her with a hungry intensity, knowing her in a silence that burned, not stopping until she lay spent and shivering between his hands, her every breath his name whispered in wonder.

Then Wolfe held Jessica very hard and told himself how many kinds of fools he was. He had discovered the intense pa.s.sion of an aristocratic girl who could never be his true mate. He wanted her more than ever, not less; yet he could not have her. He must not.

They were still all wrong for each other. Nothing had changed.

Bad to worse. Thatas a change.

It was a long, long time before Wolfe slept.

14.

aI T doesnat sound like spring out there,a Willow said, rubbing her lower back absently. aFirst it thaws, then it freezes, then it snows, then it thaws, and now itas clear and wind is screaming down out of the north. Hear it?a aIt would be hard not to,a Jessica said.

The long wild howl of the wind was as savage as anything Jessica had ever heard as a child in Scotland. Yet even as her fingers closed automatically around the locket with Wolfeas picture inside, she realized the wind no longer had the power to make her soul shiver in terror. She might never enjoy the anguished keening of a storm, but she wouldnat whimper in fear any more. She finally knew the difference between reality, nightmare, and a childas terrible memories.

I owe that to Wolfe.

Memories of the past night rippled through Jessica, leaving a breathless kind of fire in their wake. She had never dreamed that the ability to feel such pleasure existed in a womanas body. No longer did she believe all children except the first were forced upon unwilling wives by rutting husbands. The risks of pregnancy and childbirth were real, but so was the ecstasy.

She knew. Wolfe had shown it to her. Then he had held her until the last ecstatic tear was spent and the last shivering had left her.

Wolfe has given me so much, and I have given himanothing.

aWhat an uncertain spring,a Willow said, sighing as she looked out the window.

Jessica looked past Willow. Patches of gra.s.s showed through half-melted banks of snow. Bushes and trees blushed in shades of green. The creek in the ravine behind the barn was a silver rush of energy despite the wind-chilled air.

Neither the cold remaining in the ground nor the wild cry of the wind had troubled Jessica last night. She had known the burning that brings pleasure rather than pain, and then shead fallen asleep locked in Wolfeas arms, her face pressed against the hot skin of his chest. The elemental scent and taste of him had permeated her dreams, sinking past all fears into her soul.

Intimacy. Merciful heaven. Jessica shivered with wild memories. I never even guessed the meaning of intimacy until last night.

aJessi?a She blinked and focused on Willow. aYes?a aDonat brood about last night.a For an instant, Jessica thought Willow had somehow guessed what had taken place in the hushed silence of the bedroom. A vivid blush colored Jessicaas face before she remembered what else had happened last nighta"Wolfeas icy, public enumeration of her faults as a woman.

aWolfe apologized to everyone this morning,a Willow continued, aso I a.s.sume he apolygized to you last night.a aHandsomely,a Jessica said, knowing she was blushing.

Willow smiled despite the tension drawing her mouth into unaccustomed flatness. aThatas the joy of marriage. Apologies as pa.s.sionate as the arguments.a aDo you and Caleb argue?a aDonat sound so surprised. Surely youave guessed by now that my husband can be as stubborn as a frozen boot.a Willow smiled slightly. aOf course we argue.a aYou, of course, arenat stubborn at all,a Jessica said wryly.

aOf course not,a Willow said with wide-eyed innocence. aIam a fragile little flower of woman-hood. How could I ever be so foolish as to disagree with that oversized gunfighter I married?a Jessica laughed. aAh, if only Caleb could hear you.a aYes. If only.a The intensity beneath Willowas light words caught Jessicaas attention.

aIs something wrong?a aThe wind. The cold. The calving could begin any moment. Caleb said last night the mares were on the edge of foaling as well.a aI know. Wolfe woke me before he left. He said something about the animals drifting in front of the storm. He was worried about the pregnant mares.a aWe havenat had time to fence the horse pasture,a Willow said, frowning at the untamed land. aIshmael, my stallion, has been keeping the mares safe. But he was raised in barns and paddocks. The country just south of here is wild and broken. If the mares are pushed there by a storm, weall have a devil of a time finding all of them. The wind is icy. If the mares begin foalingaa Willowas voice died. Saying nothing more, she stood in front of the window and watched the invisible violence of the wind.

Jessica went over and put her arm comfortingly around Willow. aThe men will find your mares.a aThe mares, the cows, the yearling steers. We could lose everything to this d.a.m.ned wind. I wish I were out there working beside Caleb. We need every hand we can get. I feel so useless. Ia"a Willowas voice broke as she dragged harshly at air.

At first, Jessica thought tears had taken Willowas voice; then Jessica felt the forerunners of childbirthas primal contractions ripple through Willow.

aHow long has it been going on?a Jessica asked urgently.

aThe storm? Since last night.a aTo blazes with the storm! How long have you been having pains?a aOff and on since midnight.a Jessicaas eyes closed for an instant. When they opened, they were clear and very intent.

aDid you tell Caleb?a aNo.a Willowas voice was tight, flat. aMy mother told me that first babies are unpredictable. Labor can begin and fade and then begin again many times.a Willow took a deep breath. aWe need to save our animals more than I need Caleb to hold my hand through false labors that could go on for days.a Despite the brave words, Jessica could see the uneasiness in Willowas wide hazel eyes. She would have liked the comfort of her husbandas presence.

aIs this the first time youave felt pains?a aTheyave come and gone for almost two days,a Willow admitted. aBut that last one was different.a aMay I?a asked Jessica, putting her hands on the mound of Willowas womb.

Surprised, Willow simply nodded.

For a time, there was silence broken only by the wail of the wind. The more Jessica gently probed, the more fearful she became. The baby wasnat moving. According to the books she had read, once the proper birth position had been achieved, even the healthiest of babies became quiet in the hours before labor.

So did babies that were no longer alive. Jessica had acquired that bitter knowledge watching her motheras futile labors.

aTell me when the next one comes,a Jessica said with a calmness that went no deeper than her smile. aIn the meantime, you can finish hemming the receiving blankets you made.a It was half an hour before another wave of contractions swept through Willowas body. She looked up from the receiving blanket she had just folded.

aJessi!a she called.

aNow?a aYes.a Jessica dropped the pump handle and ran from the kitchen into the living room where Willow was sitting. When Jessica put her hands on the mound of Willowas pregnancy, the muscles were quite hard. Frowning, Jessica probed carefully yet thoroughly. She had read enough about false labor to know that it rarely involved the womanas body to this extent. Nor had the baby changed position.

After a long count of three, Willowas muscles relaxed.

aThe clenchinga"did it go all the way around your body?a Jessica asked, straightening.

aIt began in back and then came forward,a Willow said, demonstrating with her hands.

aCan you stand?a aWithout my husbandas strong arm to drag me upright?a Willow asked dryly. aWeall find out.a When Willow was standing, Jessica bent and moved her hands over the swollen abdomen. The baby was definitely riding lower than it had been, though not so low as in the drawings in Jessicaas books showing women on the verge of labor. On the other hand, first babies wereafirst babies. Unpredictable.

Though Jessica waited and waited, she didnat feel the baby move with any vigor at all. When she was certain none of the fear she felt would show in her eyes, she looked up, smiled, and spoke in a teasing tone.

aAs your brothers would say, aWell, w.i.l.l.y, youave gone and done it again.a The baby has dropped, itas standing on its head, and itas ready to see what the world is like.a A small smile softened Willowas pale lips. She took one of Jessicaas hands between her own and squeezed.

aIam so glad youare here, Jessi.a aSo am I.a It was only partially a lie. For Willowas sake, Jessica was glad to be present. No woman should have to face the dangers of childbirth alone.

Yet Jessica had hoped never again to go through the agony, terror, and wrenching futility of childbed again.

aDid you eat breakfast?a Jessica asked.

aNo. I had no appet.i.te.a aGood. Your body has more important things to do than deal with biscuits and bacon,a Jessica said briskly. aWhere do you keep clean linens for the bed?a aIn the chest at the foot ofa"oh!a aWhat is it?a No sooner had Jessica asked when she saw the unmistakable marks of wetness spread down Willowas skirt.

aYour water has broken.a aYes, thatas it, of course.a Willow smiled tremulously. aSilly of me to be frightened. I forgot that would happen. What a goose I am.a Jessica hugged Willow and stroked her golden hair as though she were a child.

aYouare not a goose. aTis only natural to be a bit worried, especially with your first.a For a moment, Willow clung to the smaller woman, then she stepped back and straightened her spine.

aItas probably just as well Caleb isnat here,a Willow said. aHeas so worried that Iall suffer the same fate his sister did.a Jessica remembered the night Caleb had carried his sleeping wife from the living room. His face had been as hard as stone, yet the emotion in his eyes had made Jessicaas heart turn over.

She is my life.

Jessica had wondered then what it would be like to hold a manas love so deeply. She would have moved heaven and earth and taken on h.e.l.l in order to have Wolfe look at her with such emotion.

Yet Jessica knew it wouldnat happen.

Weare all wrong for each of her.

Wolfe was half right, but only half. He was the right man for her.

She just wasnat the right woman for him.

With an effort, Jessica put her own turmoil aside. Taking Willowas hand, she led her to the bedroom.

aIave been meaning to have Wolfe talk with Caleb about this,a Jessica said, abut I never found the proper moment. Itas been discovered that childbed fever can be prevented if the doctor washes his hands with soap and hot water between patients.a aTruly? Why would that make a difference?a aI donat know. Yet washing is a simple enough thing to do. And while Iam at it, Iall see that the bed linens are clean, that your gown is clean, and that the rest of you is clean for good measure.a Willow smiled slightly. aIf it works on hands, why not on other things, is that it?a aExactly,a Jessica said. aHere, let me help you out of your clothes.a aI can manage.a aI can manage better.a Jessica smiled at Willow and began unfastening her skirt. aThereas no room for modesty at a birthing. What will happen, does, w.i.l.l.y nilly, without so much as a by your leave. And by the time it does happen, neither one of us will have a thought in our minds but getting the job done.a Willow let out a long breath. aYouare always surprising me.a aYou mean Iam slightly less useless than Wolfe would have you believe?a aWhat nonsense. I could have shaken Wolfe by his ears for his bad temper. You can no more help the circ.u.mstances of your birth than he can.a Jessica smiled rather grimly and said nothing.

aWhat surprised me,a Willow said, awas that you knew nothing about, er, the physical side of marriage, so I a.s.sumed you were reticent about physical things and probably horribly embarra.s.sed by them as well. But youare quite practical about births, arenat you?a aI spent my first nine years on a country estate. Dogs, sheep, cats, horses, pigs, cows, rabbits, the whole lot. They all conceived and gave birth with the regularity of the sun rising.a aParticularly the rabbits?a Willow suggested with a slight smile.

Jessica laughed. aThose blessed bunnies were the only crop that never failed, rain or shine.a aIam glad youare not a city aristocrat,a Willow admitted. aIave never attended a birth, but I believe Iall need you, if only to be rea.s.sured that someone is here to care for the baby if Iam too tired at first.a Jessicaas determined smile almost slipped. She had never had the luck to deal with a live birth, but that wasnat something Jessica was going to mention. At the moment, keeping Willowas spirits up was all that mattered. Talking of difficult births and dead babies was the last thing she needed.

aNow, lean on me while you step out of your skirt and petticoat,a Jessica said.

Working quickly but without the appearance of haste, Jessica got Willow washed and dressed in a clean gown. The bed was prepared by stripping off the old linens, putting a tarpaulin over the mattress, and then putting on clean linens. By the time Willow crawled awkwardly into bed, another contraction had come. It, too, wrapped fully around her body.

There was no doubt that the labor was real.

aIall be right back,a Jessica said as she tucked the covers beneath Willowas chin. aIf you hear the rifle, donat worry. Iam calling in the men.a aNo. Iam fine. I donat need them.a aWillow, what do you think Caleb would do to the person who kept him from you when you were in need?a Tears brightened Willowas eyes. aBut the mares need him more than I do.a aWolfe will help the mares. He loves horses as he loves nothing else on earth.a aExcept you.a Jessica smiled sadly. aTree That Stands Alone doesnat love me. He cares for me, thatas all, and itas more than I deserve.a aNonsense,a Willow said.

aNo. Simple truth. Everything Wolfe said about me last night was true. I forced this marriage against Wolfeas wishes. He wanted a Western wife like you. He got an aristocrat who didnat even know how to comb her own hair.a Jessica smiled at the look of shock on Willowas face. aaTis true, Iam afraid,a Jessica said. aThe hairbrush was as foreign in my hand as a gold coin in a beggaras grasp.a aDear Lord,a Willow whispered.