Once And Forever: Virtually Impossible Part 20

"You need to stop looking at me like that, Hayden."

I blinked, but every time I opened my eyes, they moved right back to that mouth. "I apologize." I tucked my head down to break the hold she had over me. But nothing could stop me from reaching for her chair, slipping my hand in between her legs and curling my fingers under the edge of the seat, sliding her and the chair closer to me.

"Because if you keep looking at me like that, option two is going to happen whether you want it to or not."

I whipped my head up, held still for one moment, and then reached my hand out to touch her. After all this time, we'd never been close enough to touch.

We were far from knowing everything about each other, but what I knew, I adored. And wanted. I couldn't walk away without touching her, making sure she was real and not just something I'd made up in my mind.

My fingertips traced her jaw lightly, then moved to her lower lip. My c.o.c.k swelled the moment she unconsciously moved her tongue to where I'd just touched. Somehow we'd closed the gap between us, and if I moved my thumb out of the way, I could easily replace it with my lips.

When she scooted forward, I moved my hand from her chair to her leg. Her skin was warm, soft. She inhaled sharply as her thighs closed, her hand covering mine to...

Oh s.h.i.t, she wasn't trying to stop me. She was directing me, guiding my touch.

"This is a really bad idea, Hayden."

"Why?"

"I work for you. You're married. And I don't think I'll be able to turn this off if it starts."

"Hasn't it already started?" Not the physical-that hadn't gone nearly far enough. But we couldn't claim this was just a working relationship anymore. Not after being in the same room, feeling the pull between us.

"We could still stop now and pretend nothing happened."

"I don't want to pretend anymore."

"Hayden, please. You know this isn't right."

Actually, all I knew was that fighting this desire was useless, more proof of its danger.

My lips hovered over hers, shaking with antic.i.p.ation and fear, while I wondered how big of a mistake I was making. Because this was definitely a mistake. Things like this didn't happen to me, so something was obviously about to go horribly wrong. Therefore, it became simply the degree of which this was wrong that was important. And how much each of us was willing to trust. To risk.

"I shouldn't be doing this," I whispered. "Not tonight." With each consonant, our lips met, lightly, gently. Our words bringing us together. Like always.

"I warned you."

"I guess I wasn't listening." d.a.m.n it. "I should really go."

She'd been drinking, and I was in no frame of mind to make a good decision. Plus, I'd promised her I had no intention of sleeping with her, which was now a total lie-I would happily rip off all her clothing and sink my tongue into her, taste her everywhere, take out years of s.e.xual frustration on her body. Why did I promise her I wouldn't?

"I wish-" she mumbled against my lips. "Yeah, you should go." Neither of us moved away, holding the line between denial and admission, honesty and risk, innocence and desire.

"I don't think I can." I felt the air move as the corners of her mouth curled.

"You're obviously not trying hard enough."

"Am I taking advantage of you?" I asked, not sure what I would do if she said yes.

"Yes."

d.a.m.n it. "Sorry about that." But not enough to move away.

"No, you're not."

"No I'm not," I repeated. "But I should be. So let's move that apology to me being sorry I'm not sorry about that."

"You should've asked me if I minded. I don't. Plus, when you think about it, I could be taking advantage of you."

"Then I'm begging you to continue."

"Hayden," she tapped my chest. "I think one of us should move away now."

Right. "I'll do it."

"Take one for the team."

"You have no idea how much I wish I could," I grumbled. "Okay, I'm leaving now." No. I couldn't. Not without tasting her, feeling her mouth. "Right after I kiss you. With your permission."

"Did you seriously just ask for my permission?" As she laughed, she straightened. It was only slight, but I had a sudden panic attack that she'd pull away completely. I wrapped my hand around the nape of her neck and pulled her back toward me. Not into me, just to me.

"I guess that proves that you don't do this all the time," she finished, not laughing at all.

I blinked and released her. Did she really think that everything I'd said was just a line? Something I'd used before on other women? "I told you I didn't."

She grabbed me by the shirt. "Did you? Maybe you misspelled it so badly I couldn't make it out." She scooted even closer, her knees pa.s.sing mine. "But let's get back to you leaving. And what you needed to do before you left. What was that again? Finish your water and...?"

"Kiss you."

"Oh yeah. That. Just once?"

"Just once." Tonight. "But it will be a long one."

"I'm going to refrain from commenting on the length of anything right now, and ask you a question instead."

"Okay, but make it a quick one."

"I'm going to refrain from commenting on that as well, because I really don't think what's in my mind right now would be quick."

I groaned. "Ask your d.a.m.n question."

"Just for clarification: What we're discussing here is a long kiss and nothing else. Is that correct?"

Tonight. Nothing else tonight. "Correct."

"And then a) we forget it ever happened and b) you don't fire me and we go on working together, right?"

"I won't fire you. Promise. Anything else that needs clarification?"

"Nope." She grabbed my tie and yanked me toward her.

Thankfully, I hadn't sworn to the other condition. Because nothing on earth could make me forget this ever happened.

I slipped my arms behind her back and pulled her closer until she had to part her legs around mine and settle on top of my lap. Every time our mouths parted and then came together again, so did our hips, her core sliding against the erection tenting my pants. I kept my arms tensed, holding her hips, allowing her only the smallest of movements against me. Because honestly, if I let her have her way, there was an excellent chance I would come in my pants, her scent filling each breath, her taste on my tongue.

After we'd gotten to know each other's mouths pretty d.a.m.n well, I pulled her dress down from where it had scooted up and was now exposing her beautiful thighs and a peek of black lace. What I wanted to do was pick her up, carry her into her bedroom, and spend the rest of the weekend with my lips on her skin. But I disengaged, adjusted myself, and walked to the door. She followed.

"Thank you for the lovely evening," I managed, my body screaming at me, begging my brain to stop being so d.a.m.n rational for once. "Get some sleep. I'll be contacting you in a few hours."

"A few hours?" She looked at the clock. "But it's Sat.u.r.day."

"I know. And I'll be contacting you." After one last, more modest but still smoldering kiss, I backed away and went to my car.

It was a miracle I didn't back up into the neighbor's front yard because, for the life of me, I couldn't look away from her. The porch light didn't make her glow, nor did any other light, because she glowed. With life and humor and intelligence. I didn't know adults could feel this way. Had always a.s.sumed it was all part of a teenager's hormones that gave the feeling of simultaneously being complete and completely empty. Wanting more, needing it. Needing her.

But I shifted the car into first and drove away, because she'd been drinking and, regardless of what she said, I wanted her to be one hundred percent sober the first time I took her to bed. I knew there would be a first time, and a second, and a fifth, and a fifty-fifth. Because I never gave up once I decided what I wanted. And I'd never wanted anything as much as I wanted her.

26.

Andi I didn't even think about it until after he'd driven away and I'd closed the door, but he still didn't know my real name. Maybe if he'd called me Sara instead of Sira, I would've remembered to come clean. It wasn't as if call-center people didn't use fake names, so it shouldn't have been a big deal. But as soon as we'd kissed...and kissed......and kissed, it had become a big deal.

I woke up to the smell of sweat and s.e.x. Not nearly as exciting when you went to bed by yourself, believe me. When I heard someone knock on the door, I crawled out of bed.

Hayden stood on my front porch, looking like perfection, complete with two cups of coffee. "How often do you see the sun?" I could so get used to seeing his smile every day.

"What's the sun?"

"Thought so." He handed me one of the coffee cups. "Come on, Sira, it's time you got out from behind your screen occasionally. Life can be lived without electronics."

"Blasphemy. What are you doing here?"

"I'd like to say I'm here to spend the day getting to know someone better. But, unfortunately, I have to get some stuff done-less interruptions when no one else is in the office. Oh, one more thing before I go. I don't know what's in your tap water, but can I get a little more?"

"Tap water?" I wish I had a camera or artistic talent or something, anything that could capture the beauty of his teasing smile.

"Yeah. I don't know why, but I woke up in the best mood ever. I feel happy, relaxed, excited. The only thing I can think of is the water you served me last night. I mean, what else could it be?"

"Right. Had to have been the water. Did you bring a bottle for me to fill? Or should I just spray you down with a hose?"

"Thanks to you, I took a cold shower last night." He laughed. "I'll make sure I bring a bottle next time." He turned to go but then stopped. "There will be a next time, right, Sira? Soon?"

"Hayden..." Say it. Ignore the sudden nausea and just say it. "That's not really my name."

His smile grew. "I know."

"You do?"

"Of course." He came back to the doorway. "But it fits, don't you think?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I like it. But-"

He stopped me with a kiss, his lips warm, his mouth tasting like coffee and mint and man. I put my hand on his chest, ready to push him away so I could speak. I should push him away.

I should.

I would.

I didn't.

He was the one to finally break contact. "I really need to go. Gotta take another cold shower before I go to the office."

I peeled my eyes open to see him walking away. I couldn't speak, my lips too busy rubbing themselves together, trying to hold on to the sensation his had left behind.

"Soon, Sira. Really soon."

"Soon," I promised. I'd tell him sooner or later. I waved goodbye as he pulled out of my driveway and drove off.

I'm a horrible person. I should've stayed where I belonged and never met him face-to-face. Then it wouldn't matter who I was or was just pretending to be. If I'd just kept everything professional, none of this would be happening.

Things were so much simpler online. You could be whoever you wanted to be. A person's name and past and baggage weren't important. If Hayden and I had never met, I could just be me, be Sira, his brilliant and amusing a.s.sistant, and that would've been enough. Now it wasn't. Now it was a lie. A lie I couldn't rationalize away.

Dealing with life through a gla.s.s screen made everything safer, easier to control. If I didn't like what I was seeing, all I had to do was press a b.u.t.ton and it disappeared. That screen was my way of keeping a manageable distance from life and everyone in it. Maybe that's what was holding me back more than anything else-if I told Hayden my real name, that wall of protection would be shattered, and I'd have nowhere to hide.

I tried to focus on work, but my mind was all over the place. Eventually, my subconscious took over, and I found myself searching for information about the crime Detective Williams had told me about. The one I could possibly be blamed for. Yeah, that one. I didn't find anything more specific than what I already knew-not even the name of the security guard or what kind of information had been stolen. All I learned was that the unnamed guard had been struck and killed by an unknown driver of an unidentified vehicle outside of a big office building in the Financial District. Not helpful.

I could've looked deeper into it, but illegally hacking in to find out more about a hacking crime seemed a bit too much for my karma to handle.

I waited until the third ring before answering Emilia's call, not wanting to talk to her. I had too much c.r.a.p to obsess over to go running or spinning or whatever other h.e.l.l she had planned for us.

"We need to talk," she said immediately.

"We are talking. Right now, actually."

"Not on the phone. We need to talk in person, face-to-face."

"I'm really busy." Never going out in public again. The only things talking face-to-face got me were trouble or b.o.o.b-sweat rings. Wow, did that sound wrong.

"Tough. I'm picking you up at seven and taking you to dinner. My treat."

"I can't-"

"Refuse. Yeah, I know. Wear something nice. Maybe something low-cut, so you'll remember not to tuck your napkin into your neckline."