On A Godless Planet Volume 1 Chapter 18

"Ahh! I'm so glad I'm a girl! Now I get to see Senpai in a swimsuit!"

When I stretched out in the bathtub and raised my voice, it echoed quite nicely. But…

"This is a bathhouse, so why aren't we naked!?"

"There are naked baths too."

I wasn't sure what Shifu-senpai, whose b.o.o.bs were floating in the water, meant at first, so I twice mentally repeated what Shifu-senpai, whose b.o.o.bs were floating in the water, had said. And…

"Wh-what do you mean, Shifu-senpai, whose bobos are floating in the water!?"

"You don't have to get all hung up on that."

"Okay! I'll think of it as a universal law!"

Then I looked to Senpai.

"…? Senpai, why are your b.o.o.bs sinking a little?"

"Eh? Isn't this just how it works? I think it's an issue of ma.s.s and water displacement."

"Oh, yeah. There is something like a density issue in there, isn't there? Basically, whether they're softer or firmer."

I settled on worshiping them both. Several Revelation Boards appeared around Senpai, so my faith must have reached her. Fantastic.

"So what do you mean there are naked baths!? I want all the details! No lying to me about this!"

"Well," said Shifu-senpai while waving a hand side to side after I stood up in excitement.

"Those are the normal ones. This one is for when you just want to wash off your sweat or just feel like soaking in the bath for a bit."

"S-so I was tricked!?"

"Um, Sumeragi-kun? Those are the ones I meant when I invited you to the bathhouse before."

"Eh!? For real!? For really reals!? Yay! …What was I doing getting hit by a dump truck then!? How stupid am I!?"

"Since you seem to have forgotten, might I remind you that you were a boy then and could not have gone in the girl's bath?"

"Huh!? What does that matter!? It doesn't change that Senpai and I would've been naked in the same bath with only one little wall between us!"

"Are they the same?"

"You tricked me, Balancer! It's you! It's always you!"

I struck a pose and pointed at the screen with both hands.

"Quiet! I only think thoughts that work in my favor! Cause I'm a black belt in positive thinking!"

"You're such a pain…"

You do a little too much negative thinking, I thought, but Senpai had done the same earlier. Shifu-senpai could seem bright and cheery, but was she really? I had expected G.o.ds to be more bursting with energy, but apparently not. Regardless, that didn't matter right now.

"Listen, Balancer! If I'm not taking a bath with Senpai, then the bathhouse is just a really big bath!"

"Isn't that what a bathhouse is?"

"Now that you mention it, yeah. …But then what am I supposed to do!?"

"Um, would it solve everything if I invited you to one of those baths next time?"

"No, Senpai! You can't just give me everything I want!!"

"I'm really not sure what you mean, Sumeragi-kun!"

When Senpai showed she did not understand, Shifu-senpai circled in front of her.

"Eh?"

"Um, Senpai-chan?"

Shifu-senpai placed her hands on Senpai's shoulders. "The thing is," she began.

"For just that one split second, Sumeragi-chan was right."

"Eh? Eh?"

"The thing is, you're way too sweet with Sumeragi-chan. You've reached the level of those addictive caramels that have so much sugar they taste bitter. You've got it so bad you can't bring yourself to say no to anything Sumeragi-chan asks, which is why you really shouldn't give her anything she wants."

"…? am I really that sweet with Sumeragi-kun?"

No one could look her in the eye.

After a while, Shifu-senpai groaned and continued.

"To be blunt, Senpai-chan, sometimes you do things that make me think you went insane, but I let it slide because it's fun to watch."

"Yes, Senpai-san. If this idiot is blackmailing you in some way, please let us know. I can erase those memories or castrate him on the next rollback."

"Hollllllld it! Aren't you ignoring the relationship Senpai and I have built up! Even if I don't remember much of it!"

But I had to say this.

"Senpai! I want to see you naked, I imagine some sketchy things about you, and I may do some imagination movement when I do, but it's all part of how I worship you!"

"Um, then do I have to respond in kind?"

"I worship you because worshiping you is enough for me! I'm not worshiping you because I'm hoping for or trying to bargain for a wardrobe malfunction or something!"

This was what I meant.

"Even when you aren't with me, even when I'm feeling lonely, and even when I get a little hot and bothered in the middle of the night, worshiping you is all I need! That's how worship works and I'm more than satisfied having you as my target of worship! Yes, you could call this a one-sided love! Oh, but it doesn't make me a stalker! Stalking is a crime, but worship is love!"

"Pretty sure you didn't need that part about getting hot and bothered."

"I couldn't come up with a good third example… Agh, why am I so stupid, stupid, stupid!? I just had to screw it up when I had a really good speech going on!"

Um, so what I was trying to say was…

"Having Senpai with me and interacting with me is enough to make me happy and that's true even if those interactions are really cold!"

"Well, aren't you in luck."

"I wasn't talking about you!"

"Anyway, do you get the picture now, Senpai-chan? If you just give Sumeragi-chan everything, she won't have to go through her worshiping maneuvers and that would be bad."

"Um, uh, can I ask one thing?"

Senpai put her hands on her cheeks as she asked her one thing.

"What if I want to give her those things?"

I saw the idiot raise her hand.

"I just imagined something pretty incredible, but it doesn't count since I'm a girl, right?"

"Uh, sure. You don't have to say what it was, so let's just forget all about that."

I placed my hands on Senpai-chan's shoulders again.

"Restrain yourself, I guess."

"Restrain myself?"

"I mean, whenever Sumeragi-chan gets all worked up over nothing, it counts as worshiping you. We've all seen that."

It was happening even now. Even the most pointless things she said counted as respect and level-up messages kept appearing on the Revelation Boards around Senpai-chan.

"Senpai-san, if you respond to Sumeragi's worship, I estimate her level of satisfaction will increase and the frequency and amount of her worship will decline. That will prevent you from levelling up and delay the terraforming."

"Eh? Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Restrain yourself, I guess."

"We're back where we started!"

"Okay, I'll try to keep this just barely on the side of decency, but you aren't the kind of G.o.d that has to suck out men's 'lifeforce', are you? Depending on the region, there are some mother earth G.o.ddesses that were incorporated into another mythology and ended up like that, so you can find them in the Indus mythologies."

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Of course not."

"Then," I said calmly.

"I really think you just have to restrain yourself."

"You really think so?"

"In the most extreme, you probably have to restrain yourself until the terraforming is complete, but it would help Sumeragi's motivation if you moderately relaxed that rule from time to time, so how about that?"

"Yes, well, um, I discussed this Sumeragi-kun before and…"

Sumeragi raised her hand.

"You're gonna incessantly tease me and string me along!? I'm pretty sure I can get an unlimited amount of arousal out of being teased by you! But I would like the occasional glimpse - or more than a glimpse - of something!"

"a glimpse!? More than a glimpse!? I will do my best as your G.o.d partner!"

I was worried, but we were here to put a stop to things if need be, so it'd be fine. Probably.

Well done, I thought.

"I'm glad I wore the new style instead of the old style today."

"Well, we were planning on partic.i.p.ating in the terraforming."

"What's so great about the new style? That's what I'm wearing today."

"And all the laundries around here are like that."

It is a convenient system, I thought. But…

"That alone will not teach us about the clothing of this time period, so it is important to purchase old style uniforms and local casual clothing that we must wash ourselves."

"Kuwajiri-chaaan, you don't have to be on the job all the time."

It was not so much a job as it was my role or nature as a G.o.d.

But since Balancer had created an opening, there was something I wanted to ask.

It was about the level up Revelation Boards that had been appearing around Senpai-san.

"Balancer, Senpai-san, I apologize for doing this via divine transmission, but something is bothering me."

"Eh? Um, what is it?"

"Well, Senpai-san and Sumeragi live in adjacent rooms, but if the idiot…that is, if Sumeragi worships Senpai-san through the wall while she is right up against the wall, will her level go up?"

"Then depending on where the Revelation Boards appear, it could appear on Sumeragi's side of the wall, showing her where Senpai-san is."

"Eh? Is that a problem?"

I heard Kuwajiri breath a weirdly heavy sigh.

"Eh!? What's wrong, Kuwajiri!? Oh, I know! Our uppercla.s.smen's busty flavor was aromatized by the steam, making it super breathe-in-able and I have no idea what I'm even saying anymore, but breathing in is the path to victory! Breathing through your nose is best! Now, absorb the bustiness!"

"I told you not to talk."

"The thing is, Senpai-san."

"Yes?"

"I am aware your morals are fairly - ahem - unique since you are Shinto."

"Th-that was incredibly rude, wasn't it!?"

"Yeah, but when hearing about Shinto stuff, I do often find myself thinking, 'Eh? They've got a lock on that genre too?' "

"The Olympus group is often said to be very 'human', but by that measure, Shinto is about as 'human' as you can get."

"No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Norse is pretty bad too, isn't it!?"

"Um, can we get back on topic?"

"Fine. So what is your opinion on this, Balancer?"

"I won't let you! What if someone moved into that room!?"

"Senpai-chan, does that mean you don't trust Sumeragi-chan?"

"It isn't that! I'm just saying I like having Sumeragi-kun in the next room!"

<…>

"I don't mean that in a weird way."

"Yeah, I guess it wouldn't count as weird by Shinto standards, would it?"

"I am honestly having a hard time imagining what would count as weird by Shinto standards, but I will try to educate myself."

"No, no, no. Wait, um, let's get back on topic!"

"It might be good to make it togglable. She might want to contact him through the wall sometimes."

"Why hasn't this been an issue before now?"

"I guess not even Kuwajiri-chan can notice problems that have yet to occur."

"Let's say this was a problem we noticed thanks to Sumeragi-kun's character."

I noticed the beer mug swimsuit girl glaring at me.

"Oh!? What's this!? Noticed my charm, have you!? Well too bad because I'm wearing a supporter and nothing's gonna show throughhhhhh! Something might slip out though! So how about it!? Wanna see that!? Pay careful attention when I'm all lathered up in the washing area, okay!?"

"Your very existence is a nuisance."

"Hooray, a promotion!!"

After that, I looked around and saw two people at the entrance.

"Oh, do not worry about us."

"I really don't want to get dragged into that mess."

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

Tenma had already introduced herself along with Scarecrow.

And her first impression was as follows:

…So this is the one and only original human at the moment.

She used to be human herself and had been deified by the Shinto rules, but there were some differences from what she remembered.

"Humans have gotten a lot noisier, cruder, and annoyingly creepier."

"Tenmkun, you can be a little science-minded at times, but you don't think saying anything is acceptable as long as it's true, do you?"

"Hey now, first year! Enough with the praise! You're gonna make me blush!"

Tenma tilted her head when she saw the idiot stand up in the bath and start doing some weird twitchy movements of joy.

"Should you really be here now? The DC's inspectors are already here."

Raidou was listening to the girls-side conversation via divine transmission.

"The DC is here, aren't they?"

"Accomplishing that is actually pretty good if you ask me. But it's also true we haven't gotten very far with the terraforming."

He knew exactly why that was.

…The G.o.d in charge still has a really low divine rank.

A low rank was fine because it could always be increased.

But progress there was slow. Sumeragi's rollbacks were a problem, so her divine rank was not rising fast enough.

But, he thought.

"This is our responsibility."

Raidou washed his face in the bath. And…

"That's riiight."

Yomoji nodded as he spoke.

"We are suppooosed to be helping out with thaaat."

"This is a bit difficult for you, isn't it?"

They knew something based on what Scarecrow of Shinto was saying.

"The DC's inspectors are from Mesopotamia."

"That is correct," confirmed Scarecrow.

She had met one of them this afternoon.

"Shamhat visited me as their vanguard. She is a prost.i.tute who was deified when incorporated into Mesopotamian mythology, but her presence tells us who we are dealing with here."

Kuwajiri raised her hand.

"I want to check on something. You called it Mesopotamian mythology, but He who Saw the Deep can be seen as both an epic poem and the records of a king. Can that really be viewed as a mythology? You can probably make excuses to get everything working for a virtual manifestation, but deification is a prerequisite for a real manifestation."

"He who Saw the Deep says the king was born half-G.o.d and half-man and it frequently features mythological figures. Its setting is a world with G.o.ds in it and its character become deified themselves. That allows us to 'interpret' He who Saw the Deep as part of the mythology of the Mesopotamian G.o.ds."

To sum up…

"When something is in the gray zone for considering it a mythology or not, the DC has the right to decide. And since our membership means we leave a lot of duties with them and share the right to call a meeting, we generally have to obey their decisions."

"Queeeestion."

Sumeragi raised her hand.

"Who are these inspectors? Are they G.o.ds I would know?"

Scarecrow was not sure, so she answered to find out.

"The Babylonian King Bilgamesh and his comrade in arms Enkidu."

…Oh, no. I asked, but that doesn't even ring a bell.

What was a Babylonian king? Did it have anything to do with Babel II?

But some help arrived from beyond the wall.

"C'mon, you know. The Tower of Druaga."

"Eh? Really?"

"Not directly, no. But you know how the tower of Druaga's main character Gil's real name is Gilgamesh? Well, Bilgamesh is an older name for that Gilgamesh."

"Oh," I said. I didn't know if these were real memories or not, but…

"I know Druaga. I even beat Another Tower! But is there no Ki?"

"Maybe that's Enkidu? I don't really know, but I do know Bilgamesh is Gilgamesh. In other words, we're up against a really well-known person here."

"Um, Druaga? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, it's a game. It started out as an arcade game, but it was ported to the Famicom and even had a board game made."

"In the MZ-1500 version, Gil's sprite didn't change even when you picked up treasure."

"I think they had it in the Daiichi Department Store as a retro game. Oh, but I think they swapped it out for a version of Xevious with the t.i.tle burned into the screen."

"Hey, so are we stuck in boy's talk mode now?"

"Yeah," I agreed. We were getting sidetracked.

So I turned back toward Scarecrow-senpai.

"I more or less get it. Are they strong?"

"They are from the oldest of all the mythologies. That means their divine rank is above ours. Even above those Norse G.o.ds there."

"Ehhhh!? C'mon, Raidou-senpai!? What good's a war G.o.d who's lower rank before the fighting even begins!? Now I see how you lost to me in Family Tennis!"

"Y-y'know!"

Raidou-senpai managed to find the words.

"A difference in divine rank doesn't mean we don't stand a chance."

"That is true. Authority and Auth Spells are weakened by your opponent's divine rank, but not completely negated."

The first year clearly stated why.

"They cannot be completely negated…because we are G.o.ds."

Tenma chose her words carefully. She was fairly well known, but she was a fairly minor G.o.d when looking at all mythologies.

But even so…

"There are times when individual compatibility can negate them. Think of it like elemental differences. That is the result of the Contradiction Allowance deciding that no negation means elemental negation cannot be negated. But in other cases, divine powers cannot be negated. Although they can be reduced to insignificant levels."

"But what's the point if the damage is reduced?"

"There are many different types of authority. For example, some mythologies have a lot of G.o.ds get a.s.sa.s.sinated right? And by the lowest level of G.o.d."

How could that happen?

"That low level G.o.d has a 'death' authority that cannot be fully negated, so it is possible for them to a.s.sa.s.sinate a G.o.d."

And there was more.

"Environment controlling G.o.ds can corner their opponent by manipulating their opponent's surroundings instead of the opponent themselves. If a G.o.d does not have an authority to protect against the area they're in flooding or turning into a vacuum, there is no defending against it no matter how high their divine rank is."

Tenma thought, This G.o.d known only as Senpai probably has an authority like that.

But…

…Is it possible for something like environmental control to warrant calling her the 'most powerful'?

She did not know.

She wanted to see it for herself, but was that a bad habit carried over from her time as a human?

"Anyway, even with high level base stats, you sometimes can't defend against elemental attacks or AoE attacks. And there's another thing that puts us - all of us other G.o.ds - at an overwhelming disadvantage."

I tilted my head at Raidou-senpai's words.

"All of you other G.o.ds? What do you mean by 'other'?"

"I mean other than Senpai, your partner G.o.d. Think about it. No one but her has a human worshiper."

Meaning…

"Every other G.o.d is stuck at their natural divine rank. …In the long run, you're going to end up above us if that doesn't change. That's where the politics and intrigue comes into play."

"Also," added Raidou. It's lame how this is kind of arguing my own case, he thought, but he said it anyway.

"There is one strength of us later generation G.o.ds. For example, the privilege of being a 'thunder G.o.d war G.o.d'."

"Hm? What's that? Sounds like the name of a really cool-looking character in an RPG who gets nerfed like crazy once they join your party."

"You have a knack for explaining things in a way I can understand. The privilege of being a 'thunder G.o.d war G.o.d' refers to the privilege of how the G.o.ds split up their duties in the later generation mythologies. …It's pretty rare to get a G.o.d who's just a thunder G.o.d or just a war G.o.d."

"Hm?" I thought with a tilt of my head. Then I turned toward Senpai.

"What does that mean?"

"U-umm, can you field this one, Shifu-san?"

"Okay, time for the wife to save the day. …Anyway, he's right. With the older G.o.ds, they each tend to have their own individual job."

"To use Mesopotamian mythology as an example since we were just talking about it, they do not have a thunder G.o.d."

"Does that mean they don't have thunder?"

"No, no," said Shifu-senpai while shaking her hand side to side.

"In the older mythologies, 'thunderstorms' would generally be just one of the weather or climate skills held by a G.o.d related to agriculture. While in the later mythologies, everything is either broken down or it's refined until the details are gone."

"And in the ancient mythologies, the skills of a war G.o.d are generally added in later. Even if they already had a G.o.d of victory. I see that as a sign of how early humans initially wanted prosperity and put the negative things off until later."

In other words…

"There are thunder G.o.ds who are primarily war G.o.ds with a specialization in thunder. Tooru is like an extension of that simple status."

"I am also an agricultural G.o.d, but people tend to forget since I do so much fighting in the myths."

"And you know what else?"

Raidou-senpai had more to say.

"The DC isn't made up of the strongest G.o.ds. How about we discuss that here for a bit?"