Oh! Susannah! Part 21

Doctor. _(rising)_ Don't let me keep you from your friends, _(half rising)_ They'll be getting impatient.

Mrs. O'H. _(rising)_ H'impatient indeed. _(crosses C.)_ Their company manners is just as good as _your_ friends, _I'll_ warrant. Which reminds me that Widder Smith 'as met you in _(hiccough)_ in sa.s.siety.

Doctor. _(absently)_ Widow Smith? _(shakes his head)_ Never heard her name.

Mrs. O'H. Ho! of course not! _(comes to him)_ You'll say next you never gave her a bath--_(hiccoughs)_

Doctor _(rises, astonished)_ Gave her a bath?

Mrs. O'H. _(very indignant)_ A bath bun--I was a-goin' to say, and a cup o' coffee, at the Penny Reading--_(crosses C. again)_

Doctor. _(smiling grimly)_ Oh, I remember that Penny Reading--I gave a comic recitation--it _was_ funny! _(sits again)_

Mrs. O'H. Fairly so, she says, 'for a hamatoor. Somethin' about the water-cure, wasn't it?

Doctor. _(writhing)_ I believe it was. _(aside)_ The water-cure!

It's fate!

Mrs. O'H. Well, out o' charity to a pore lodger as can't pay 'is rent, I'm goin' to take yer h'upstairs to to say that there recitltation to my lady friends. Come along!

Doctor. _(rising)_ No, no, I'm not in a funny humour!

Mrs. O'H. Ho! but I'm going to take 'arf a crown off the rint-book for yer doin' of it--ap come along! _(drags him)_

Doctor. No, no--I really can't--I've had a terribly busy day and I'm too--tired!

Mrs. O'H. Too proud, you mean. But, mark my word, if you don't come h'up--

Doctor. _(aside, absently)_ I _shall_ come _h'up_ three times.

Mrs. O'H. Your pride'll 'ave a fall, and a very 'umblin' fall!

_(Exit Mrs. O'Hara, with dignity.)_

Doctor. _(alone)_ I wonder if the fall from the Albert Suspension is worse than Waterloo Bridge? _(sits looking miserable)_

_(Enter Aurora. looking more miserable.)_

Aurora. _(aside)_ It's now or never. I must tell 'im, I must.

Doctor _(aside)_ I wonder if I ought to keep that appointment with my father-in-law first. No! I'll spare him the trouble.

Aurora. _(aside)_ Now, when I come to think of it, there's not only them three girls settin' their frills at 'im, but there's the lady without any clothes in there, _(points to bathroom)_ That's four of 'em, but I'll struggle with the lot.

Doctor. _(aside)_ I'll go now. _(rises)_ Oh, I do feel so nervous, _(pours out whiskey, going to add water)_ N--no! I shall get enough water afterwards, _(drinks)_

Aurora. _(aside)_ I'll be 'is patient! They all do it that way.

I've learnt the symptoms off the letter, I'll see if I know 'em.

_(repeats them to herself with action)_

Doctor. _(aside)_ Courage, courage! _(strikes his chest, going)_ No, I can't go in these! _(looks at pyjamas)_ I can't drown myself in pyjamas, and I've left my only trousers in there, and I can't get 'em--how--how very annoying, _(sits again, much relieved)_ I can't drown myself.

Aurora. _(standing C. end of sofa, leaning head on cushion)_ Ho, sir, I do feel queer.

Doctor. _(looking round)_ What's the matter?

Aurora. I'ye got all sorts of normal fancies, an'-- longin's--hawful longin's, sir--I think I'm longin' to drown myself.

Doctor. _(suddenly)_ Don't say that! I'm surprised at you--don't you know it's only cowards who want to drown themselves. Come now, sit down! What's the trouble, eh?

Aurora. _(vacantly)_ The trouble, sir?

Doctor. What can I _do_ for you?

Aurora. I dunno, sir, what _can_ you do for me?

Doctor. No, you don't understand. What are your symptoms?

Aurora. _(effusively)_ Oh!! My symptoms, sir? _(aside)_ I know 'em all by 'eart! _(whispers in his ear)_

Doctor. Most extraordinary! I've heard of a case exactly like that. Whose was it? _(sees letter on table)_ Of course! The lady in Grosvenor Road. My only patient, and I'd forgotten her! I must pull myself together. I've got my work to do--my work, _(picks up aunt's letter)_ "The n.o.ble work of alleviating human suffering!"

Ah, that's what she said--before she had a bath--_(looks at bathroom, sighs. To Aurora)_ Aurora. your case is deeply interesting.

Aurora. Oh, thank you, sir.

Doctor. It's complicated.

Aurora. It's 'oo, sir? _(crosses C.)_

Doctor. It's complicated!

Aurora. Oh, it is _that_, sir.

Doctor. Now tell me. _(Bus. with scribbling block)_ Do you suffer from your heart?

Aurora. Oh, don't sir. _(simpers)_ My 'eart, oh, don't I just!

You 'ark at it, sir! _(rushes at him, jumps on his knee, and presses his head to her heart)_ It goes b.u.mpity-b.u.mp, and it's all for you, sir, all for you.

_(Enter Flo. from bathroom.)_

I loves yer! _(wildly)_

_(Flo. shrieks, and enter Aunt quickly from bathroom in Doctor's Turkish bath-towel dressing gown, and wearing his Turkish smoking-cap and bedroom slippers.)_

Aunt. _(severely)_ What does this mean?

Aurora. _(looking at Aunt)_ What is it? I shall go off into highstrikes in a minute, I know I shall.

Aunt. _(more severely)_ Answer me, sir, what does this mean?