Official Book Club Selection Part 17

Since people often ask me whether I pay the price for my offending celebrities, I wil reveal that I did have an interesting run-in two years later regarding the Dakota Fanning incident. I was working in Las Vegas on a Friday night at Mandalay Bay and the next night Jerry Seinfeld was performing at Caesar's. I wanted to go see him, so I put in the cal to his people and asked if it would be possible to say hi. I was told to come by backstage before the show. Although friends had come with me on this trip, I was nervous about dragging them to see a superstar, so when it came to seeing Jerry one-on-one, I just went by myself.

Big mistake.

I head to Le Celine Dion lounge-I wil always cal it Le Celine Dion lounge, no matter who's playing there-and see a table ful of people.

And at that table is, of al people, Steven "I Wil Protect Dakota Fanning At Al Costs" Spielberg. I walk in and it's literal y just me, and a circle of them sitting at a table eating. So I immediately head to the farthest corner of the room, like I'm a second grader in timeout, and quickly vowed to myself never to go to any Hol ywood backstage area, green room, party, or even casual costume fitting alone again for the rest of my life.

Of course, it seemed like Jerry was taking forever to come back and say hi, but he was preparing for his show, which I understood. I just kept talking to the bartender, ordering Diet c.o.kes and making chitchat. How was his day? Where did he live? What a nice shirt! I probably looked like a meth addict the way I was furiously babbling at him.

My plan was, let Jerry come in and have his private conversation with Spielberg, and then the Spielberg posse wil leave, and I'l be able to say hi, and what the f.u.c.k was I thinking and this is what I f.u.c.king get and great, I have f.u.c.king a.s.s-crack sweat now, and G.o.d, why can't I keep my big f.u.c.king mouth shut. I'm regretting this whole thing. Real y, I'm regretting my whole career at this point. I'm about to pay the piper, and his name is Steven Spielberg.

Sure enough, Jerry comes in and he's got his suit on, and everyone's excited to see him. He deals with the Spielberg party first, as he should, but I knew he'd seen me. Wel , it seemed like they were talking for what felt like forever. No one else was there, remember. Then, suddenly, Jerry starts to wave me over. "Kathy, come on over!" he says.

I'm gesturing like a lunatic, "Oh no, I'm okay over here! Heh heh! This Diet c.o.ke won't drink itself! Heh heh! I'l be right here! Come find me when you're done!"

Then he talked to the Spielberg group some more, and again he cal ed out to me. "Kathy, come on! I know how you like celebrities! Don't you want to meet Steven Spielberg?"

"Oh, you guys probably want to catch up! Don't let me ... [gulp] ... get in the ... heh heh ... way, I mean ... [gulp] ... I would ... never want to ...

impose!"

I knew Steven Spielberg knew it was me. And I knew he knew I was nervous. There had to be a part of him that was loving this.

It got to the point where it was going to be weird if I said no anymore, so I walked over, and it was that horrible timing where the minute I approached Jerry, Spielberg stood up and Jerry started a brand-new story. So there's Spielberg to his right, Jerry in the middle, and me to his left, and I just kept looking at Jerry, nervously focusing on his tie so as to avoid even being in Spielberg's line of vision. I'm sure that made me look even more normal, right? Everybody was laughing, and I was, too, but probably at al the wrong moments, looking like I was trying to join the in crowd, when I clearly had no membership qualifications, whatsoever.

Final y, Jerry says, "Wel , Kathy, this must be an exciting moment for you, because I know how much you love meeting famous people. So, Kathy Griffin, Steven Spielberg! Steven Spielberg, Kathy Griffin!"

I just thought, Here we go Here we go. I looked at him and chuckled, trying to acknowledge that I'd been busted. "It's so nice to meet you," I said with a little giggle.

He looked at me, and with a very serious tone said, "Nice to meet you, too."

And that was it. He wasn't a jerk. He could have said, "You were out of line," but instead he looked at me in a way that my dad would look at me when I came home late from a beer bash, and I don't even drink. It was the look of someone grounding me. I felt like one of the "Peanuts"

characters whenever they're nervous and have a squiggle for a mouth. I was shaking and squiggle-smiling at the same time. And Jerry was so proud of himself, thinking he was doing me this big favor by getting me face time with Spielberg.

Final y it was time for him to do his show, and he said, "Come with me." He said good-bye to the Spielberg party, and then I fol owed him to his dressing room. We sat down and I just went off on him. "What the "What the h.e.l.l are you doing introducing me to Steven Spielberg? h.e.l.l are you doing introducing me to Steven Spielberg? Don't you know he actual y issued a Don't you know he actual y issued a press statement press statement against me? Didn't you remember that thing where I made that joke about Dakota Fanning? against me? Didn't you remember that thing where I made that joke about Dakota Fanning?

How could you drag me over to make me say hi to him? Were you f.u.c.king with me? Is that it? This is so typical typical!"

And then Jerry, in his best Seinfeldian rant mode, was throwing it right back: "How am I supposed to keep track of who Kathy Griffin gets along with in Hol ywood? You have so many fights with people, how am I supposed to know? You get along with this person one day! You make fun of somebody else the next! Am I supposed to have a chart of the Am I supposed to have a chart of the people who can't stand you in Hollywood?" people who can't stand you in Hollywood?"

This got us laughing, especial y Jerry thinking that my little fight with Spielberg would possibly be on his radar in a mil ion years. Of course it wasn't. You could even argue that unwittingly Jerry had gotten me back for talking s.h.i.t about him in my special al those years ago. But if it had to happen, I'm glad it was with Jerry, somebody I could laugh about it with afterward. By the way, Jerry told me that he and his wife watch every episode of My Life on the D-List My Life on the D-List. Take that, Fanning.

Did the humiliation end, though? No way. Sure enough, when it came time to take my seat for Jerry's show, guess who was sitting behind me?

Spielberg.

You know that bottleneck that always happens in the aisle after a packed show ends? Wel , now I had to trudge my way out of the theater with Spielberg right next to me right next to me. So I turned to my friend Todd, who came with me to the show, and said "Go! Go! Hurry up!" But what I forgot was that Todd legitimately knew Steven Spielberg, because he'd been a consultant on War of the Worlds War of the Worlds . So suddenly Spielberg turns and says, "Todd?" . So suddenly Spielberg turns and says, "Todd?"

Poor Todd looked over and said, "Oh, hi, Steven!"

But I nipped that in the bud and just pushed my friend Todd up three stairs, practical y knocking him over, and out of the theater. I explained it al to him later, but basical y I robbed my good friend of having a normal friendly conversation with Steven Spielberg. Because when it comes to me paying the piper, it wil not last any longer than it absolutely has to, come hel or high water. Sorry, Todd.

Woz with his pa.s.sion, and I mean the Segway polo, not me.

In the summer of 2007, I was on tour, going through my emails, when a woman named Kris Gunderson contacted me through my publicist. She said she was a friend of Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, she had seen my act live, and based on that, decided he and I would be a good match. That was al I needed. Soon afterward, when the New York Post New York Post put to me the question what kind of guy asks Kathy Griffin out, I got a little ahead of myself and blurted out, "Steve Wozniak is in love with me!" put to me the question what kind of guy asks Kathy Griffin out, I got a little ahead of myself and blurted out, "Steve Wozniak is in love with me!"

Oh boy.

Below is a condensed version of our relationship via cybers.p.a.ce, and when I say "condensed," I mean that I had to take a meat cleaver to some of Woz's emails. Sorry, Mac heads, but I had to consider readers who may not be able to take seventeen pages in a row about his Segway polo match stats, or dozens of recol ections detailing his golden age of laser-pointer pranks. And if the rest of you stil can't hack reading what he's got to say, that's because you're no bil ionaire computer genius, are you? As for the spel ing errors, I left in al his and mine, because that's how I rol . Okay, here we go ...

From: Kathy Date: August 18, 2007 10:30:56 AM To: Kris Gunderson Subject: Oh dear G.o.d!

Please pa.s.s on to Steve: How are you enjoying our love affair? Ok, here's what happened. I did an interview last week and one of the questions was "What kind of guys ask you out?" That's it. I don't know where the Post Post got the details. Hope you're not too bothered by al this. XXOO, Kathy G got the details. Hope you're not too bothered by al this. XXOO, Kathy G From: Woz Date: August 18, 2007 9:06 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Oh dear G.o.d! From Kathy Griffin You are real y ridiculous.

I a.s.sumed it was al very deliberate comedy and I loved it so much.

Now you tel me it was accidental. I'm al b.u.mmed out.

It took me a day to respond to this email because I'm currently hosting a Camp Woz at my home. Some young kids, 13 to 17, from a New Jersey social program, are being treated to a special camp. Most of them have been badly abused in various ways.

They create their own music and do their own ch.o.r.eography and have a big record deal now and do N-Sync like dancing and singing and work with Justin Timberland.

Hope to hear from you, Steve From: Kathy Date: August 20, 2007 5:37:44 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: Oh dear G.o.d! From Kathy Griffin Steve-you're what they cal a "wierdo," correct?

Wired.com is reporting that were not Dating anymore WTF??? I was planning our Life magazine "At home with Kathy and Steve" pictorial. oh right, Life magazine doesnt exist anymore the photos would be 1) me holding a ladle of my home made soup up for you to taste 2) me on stage with a stand up mike and you watching me from the audience with your arms akimbo, like I've just said something very outrageous 3) the two of us in your living room counting your money.

P.S. Its Justin TimberLAKE grandMA!

From: Woz Date: August 23, 2007 6:45:52 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Oh dear G.o.d! From Kathy Griffin help!!!

You are a hero of mine. I'm afraid to talk to you. It's like my fear of talking with heroes like Bil Hewlett of Hewlett and Packard. My long standing philosophy is that the best measure of life is smiles minus frowns. I once was being inducted as the first member into my High School's Hal of Fame and I gave the students my formula H = F cubed, meaning Happiness is Food, Fun and Friends. The kids started laughing and I had to admit that there might be a 4th F. (Family?). I heard in later years that the school administration did not like my speech because I talked of the smartest students being rebels and why I refused to say the pledge of al egiance, etc.

Anyway, your jokes have made me laugh and laugh so you are truly a hero in my book. The good medicine is better than other effects, like PC stuff. I don't think you are PC. I real y see you as a Macintosh person.

Oh, wrong PC.

hasta whenever, Woz From: Kathy Date: August 30, 2007 8:59:10 PM To: Woz Subject: Better than the lnar eclipse Steve-I'm so thril ed you're going to the EMMYS with me. The EMMY is an award given out to various television shows. Television is a new and exciting way of transmitting entertaining images in to the homes of humans. You should watch one some day. XXOO, KG From: Woz Date: August 31, 2007 1:14 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Better than the lnar eclipse Kathy, you are a genius for this one. I probably wouldn't do this if you had not brought me laughter in your comedy. I am truly honored. I have downloaded your D List shows. I wil be straightforward at the event. My sense is that this wil be successful, since I'm more of an unknown in the entertainment world. We are an interesting couple in that sense.

I like genuineness, or at least a feeling of it, so some (only a few) reality shows are the only ones I've watched in ages. My withdrawal from TV happened in the early days of satel ite TV, before you could even buy it. You had to hand-make huge dishes. I discovered that movies delivered that way had much better acting than TV shows for the most part. Heck, the movies weren't even encrypted or charged for when I got into it, in early Apple years.

As for my background, many know that I founded Apple but avoided running a company to stay in the laboratory. I generously gave lots of my stock to other employees who had none. I was the founder of the Children's Discovery Museum and The Tech of Silicon Val ey and The Silicon Val ey Bal et and more. I wanted to give back to the city I was born in (San Jose). They named a street after me. I went back to col ege after Apple and finished my degree at Berkeley under the name Rocky Rac.o.o.n Clark. I got my diploma in that name. I had always wanted to teach 5th grade and felt it was more important to donate yourself and your own time so I taught for 8 years with no press al owed except once for People Magazine. I don't hang around with CEO's or financial types.

I prefer interesting creative people, starting smal companies or doing other projects, sometime even homeless people. If they have interesting stories, that's more important to me. Oh, I'm also wel known in the San Jose for supporting animal causes and the humane society. That's a short summary of my background.

This wil be fun. I even bought a suit. What a great thing and it wasn't even my own idea, which is unusual.

xoxo and smiles, Woz -tv is wake zone (anagram of my name) From: Kathy Date: August 31, 2007 11:45:11 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: Better than the lnar eclipse -Yes, it's Kathy Griffin here. Can you hear me? I downloaded, or I guess just listened to your interview on the Segway fansite ot whatever the f.u.c.k that was. Christ, talk about a niche market! I figured I should do some homework if you're going to watch "My Life on the D-List" You are a very smart guy and that's probably why whatever is wrong with you is wrong with you. I hope you can take my gentle ribbing, because honestly, I can't get enough of it. I cannot WAIT to give you s.h.i.t in person about staying at the Universal City Hilton. If you play your cards right, I might let you take me to a theme restaurant there.

I hope you know a few people wil a.s.sume you're gay just because you're with me. Can't help that. It wil broaden your fan base. Speaking of, I find it so funny that at the mention of your name there are only two reactions. "Who" or "He's a G.o.d!" Nothing in between. Congratulations on buying your first suit ...

XXOO, KG (my initials) From: Woz Date: September 2, 2007 2:34 PM To: Kathy Subject: Type A I mean Taipei ...

I actual y watched 6 D List shows on the flight over instead of sleeping.

I understand the stress of performing. The same goes for my own category. I just toured the world speaking for 20 years but it was phony because I did it al at my own expense, first cla.s.s travel and al . I wanted to give back to the clubs that Apple came out of. But it got to be so much travel al the time that I started saying they had to pay my way. It's stil so ful -time that I try to cut back more by asking for fees but I'm stil overworked at this and thank G.o.d that I'm patient.

I used to carry long knives onto airplanes. In Tokyo I bought ceramic knives that fold up like switchblades. They are so health-driven there that many people don't like metal utensils. I'd take everything metal off my body and walk through the metal detector in airports just fine. I'm sure it would work today as wel but I haven't tried this since 911. On the plane I'd rub the knife (metal back then) and comment to the stewardess that the knife was pretty dul and how I hoped the steak was tender. Then when the steak was served I'd pul out my ceramic knife, with about a 6-inch blade, and it worked great. The most a stewardess ever said was "wow, a plastic knife" but sometimes pa.s.sengers had very upset looks across the aisle.

love to your whole crew, oops, it's been an hour and I'm hungry again here.

From: Kathy Date: September 2, 2007 10:33:57 PM PDT To: Woz Subject: Re: Type A I've never been to Taipei. Do you explore a city much when you're there?

When you're here wil you please explain Greenwich time to my in a way I can understand. In fact I'd like it if you'd pretend I was one of your fifth graders when answering most of my questions. When you ask me a question about Hol ywood or celebrities, I wil , however, look at you like you're a complete moron. It just makes me feel better.

If I ever see you in an airport or fly with you I'm going to act like I don't know you. Do you real y like to travel for work this much? I get road burn out sometimes. On those days I cry for no reason. That's why I'm such a hotel j.a.p (Jewish American Princess. I'm not Jewish, but I'm jew-friendly.) Unlike you, I must have the largest suite possible in the nicest hotel in town with the best room service. If I don't, I have trouble relaxing.

I also like to do lots of online research about the food. I refuse to do chain restaurants on the road. No Cracker Barrel, no Coco's, no fast food. I love Mom and Pop places. I watch the food channel and take notes! I can't cook at al , but it's the best place to find the good places to eat al over the U.S. I real y like basic food, but very wel prepared.

Sometimes my Gays and I have a "tuna meltdown" and search for the best new place to get a real y good tune melt. Promoters and hotel manager's usual y want to send me to someplace to get duck confit with a raspberry reduction or some s.h.i.t. G.o.d, I would so like to talk to you about money. My mom is staying over at my house tonight. I have depression parents. My Dad actual y pa.s.sed away last Feb. My whole life, their depression ethic has been dril ed in to me. Anyway, she has convinced me once again that if I spend one more penny, I'm going to lose everything, live in my car and eat dog food. I don't spend that much money, relatively speaking, but I believe her none the less.

You probably figured this out, but I'm not interested in you for, nor do I need your money.

Why don't you speak at Comdex(sp?) and functions like that where you wil be treated like a G.o.d and your jokes wil kil ? I know, you're not in to that, but c'mon, once in a while. Let the geeks love you.

XXOO, Kathy From: Woz Date: September 3, 2007 9:10 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Type A I hate it when hosts book my travel and it's not non-stop, etc. So every trip that's contracted we have them pay us an estimate for travel, an estimate for food, etc. They often write in the same for Steve's a.s.sistant, Julie. For the last trip to Las Vegas they paid us $3700 each for travel I think (maybe $3700 total) and we drove Prius's which get there and back for about $150 each. We have them pay estimates for travel first cla.s.s and then I can use my credit card for tickets and take advantage of 2-for-1 ticket deals. I don't have to save any receipts this way and submit them. I'm so bad at that. I don't think I've ever done it once because I just don't want to. But Julie is a type A person and she has been pul ing some data from my AmEx bil s to get me recompensed.

ugh.

You are lucky you have the time. I love Dunk'n Donuts because there are about none in California anymore. In foreign countries I like to eat foreign food, which means McDonalds when there. Not exactly but sometimes. It's usual y room service. I love mom and pop places but I'm usual y alone and not wil ing to take the risk. G.o.d, I took the risk in New Orleans last March and wound up unable to move for 2 days with food poisoning.

Tuna salad sandwiches and Tuna melts are my favorites. When I'm not eating red meat, you can get this at Subway and Togo's and I have my favorite places at home. So I have one thing in common with you or your Gays.

We're different. I never think about money. That goes back to before Apple. We had no money when we started. No savings, no car, no house, no nothing. I had to pay cash at my apartment because of bounced rent checks. We would make computers with 30 days credit on the parts and then sel them to a store for cash after 10 days. We made our first $10K that way. I don't like money.

I had philosophies against having too much money, how it changes you and your ethics. I also had determined at a young age that nothing would change my strong sense of who I was or corrupt me. So when we had so much more money than anyone could need I resented it. I had not sought it. I had started the company reluctantly and only after first giving my computers away without any copyright or patents. I was not even 30. I started giving to every needy cause and started various museums and the like and put on some huge rock concerts and got divorced 3 times so you can trust that I don't have al that much. I talked to friends at Apple about this after it went public and told them that my goal was to give to worthy causes until I had enough to be comfortable but not more than could ever be explained. I'm stil in that mode although my accountant doesn't like it. Frankly, I don't think about money. I avoid it. I'm not frugal but I'm not excessive. I don't think I'm excessive. But you can't compare yourself to anyone else or it gets to be like a p.i.s.sing contest.

I have keynoted at many shows like Comdex. I can't remember I if did Comdex ever but I might have. One big appearance was in the '90's to the the national education computer conference, EduComm. It was to an audience of about 5,000 live. This was in Seattle, near Microsoft. But Seattle was a Macintosh school region. Bil Gates gave one keynote and was boring and got a polite applause when done. I got a standing ovation before and after my speech. They respect me but they won't after my prank book, ha ha.

12 days before something (it's Tuesday here), -steve -ok a new size tv p.s. I got to ride a Segway on stage today!!!! This lady who used to be the CEO of HP in Taiwan had one there. I have to talk them into forming a Segway polo team but she said only about 6 people have Segways in Taiwan.

From: Kathy Date: September 5, 2007 2:03:17 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: hi Last year I wore this dress to the Creative Arts EMMYS that I'm going to "recycle" and wear to the primetime EMMYS this year in hopes that one of the magazines wil do a "what was she thinking" picture. In Hol ywood, it's unheard of to be photographed in the same dress twice. What I didn't realize was that I gained 10 pounds from last year. So now Entertainment Tonight doing a "can she get in to the dress by EMMYS"

piece, so when we go talk to them on the red carpet, I'l be in that f.u.c.king dress. As of 5 days ago, I could zip it up, but not sit in it. The point is, my work is much more important than yours.

The girls (Jessica and Tiffany) and I are very excited about the list of duties we have for you to do when you come to the house, while I'm getting hair and m/u done. Please bring your A game, because you have never quite seen a chal enge like this. One of them is to put my favorites on my laptop in alphabetical order. Good luck, and just be yourself. I have been Google news-ing you every day lately. After I do my own name, of course. Some of the articles and interviews are so heady, I just laugh. To me, it's almost like you speak another language, but a dead one like latin or Gaelic. Because it's not just foreign, but difficult to me to even find a translator. I especial y like the one about your crazy pine house that you're building. But I like to sleep in 65 degrees, not 71.

I mean, honestly, Steve. Sometimes I forget that I'm the brains of the operation, and you're just some bimbo on my arm. XXOO, KG From: Kathy Date: September 8, 2007 10:28:07 PM To: Woz Subject: Guess what?

I won! I won! I won! Oh wait. Today I won the Creative Arts EMMY. What we're going to next week is the primetime EMMYs. Hope this isn't confusing. Xxoo, K From: Kathy Date: September 10, 2007 7:20:11 PM To: Woz Subject: Fwd: Kathy Griffin comment request Steve-Oooh, I'm real y in trouble now. Can you handle a real social outcast on your arm? XO, KG From: Woz Date: September 10, 2007 10:32:38 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Fwd: Kathy Griffin comment request Short answer: yes You are hardly a social outcast. You did get one-upped by Brittney Spears today.

Whenever I sense everyone going one way, I always try to oppose them with logic and facts, if there are any. I even signed a pet.i.tion to the governor to pardon Paris Hilton because everyone was so upset that they wanted her punished just to hurt her and not out of logic as to whether it was fair and equal.

You entertain and you are at times irreverent? I total y love it. You had a good joke, even comment, about Jesus. I hate it when you tel a joke and people take it too seriously. That happens al the time.

The more I learn about you yourself the more I like it! I'm into genuine and that means saying things as they are. For the sake of art that offends at times. I'm also of a shy background and that means quiet and polite, which goes the other way.

Anyway, I may not be at your level but you wil be surprised at what you find in me! I make sure it's never predictable. If someone could predict what you'd say or do in any circ.u.mstance, then I'd change and try to do something else. Except that I'd eat a Big Boy Combo at Bob's Big Boy.

I got the room I wanted here at Disney World. I wanted something near room 4404 and I got 4406. That's HARD to do since it fil s up on a first-come first-serve basis. I suspect that my a.s.sistant got the word to my hosts and the held the closest room they could. I never could reserve the rooms I wanted here in the past. I'd usual y fly out a day or two ahead of my family to play games and switch rooms as other people departed and I'd sometimes get the right rooms. This time I think the Disney people, my hosts, helped. It's late here but I'm stil on CA time I told them.

I hope you are floating and very happy as you fal asleep tonight. Just being close to this whole EMMY thing as it happened is one of the greatest things in my own life.

I feel a lot of the significance of the award with you and it's almost overwhelming. I look forward to sharing fun times.

XOXO,.

Steve From: Kathy Date: September 11, 2007 12:25:04 AM To: Woz Subject: Re: Fwd: Kathy Griffin comment request I just had the crew from D-List over tonight for a poker night. It was real y fun. A great group of guys. I regaled them with stories about how I'm making you alphabetize my favorites on Sunday. They want me to break al my gadgets and make you rebuild them. Your hotel number has to be a prime number stories are freaky. When I tel my friends, I tel them I'm trying to get you to like a whole new hotel number. Four, as in Four Seasons. Oh, my Steve Wozniak chunk is coming along nicely. I'm excited that you know who Britney is. I imagined Sunday would be me translating everything that's happening around us, like you're my foreign exchange student or Starman. I do not have any honorary doctorates. I only went to Jr col ege for 6 months and started working in commercials.

Do you understand, I guess it's physiology? I have some very embarra.s.sing questions for you. Not questions, so much, but a real y weird thing to tel you. I started menopause a few months ago and I'm completely fascinated by the whole thing. I know, creepy. I have this cream that I put on my arms once a day. It's cal ed bio-identical hormone therapy. My hot flashes went away and my skin is clearing up and my period came back. I should delete that whole section, but I think you can handle it. I'm on the "El en" show tomorrow. I don't know what time it's on in Florida ... I loved your email, as always. Have a funnel cake for me tomorrow. XXOO, KG From: Woz Date: September 11, 2007 1:10:16 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Fwd: Kathy Griffin comment request I do plan on bringing you a smal gift. It's pre-made origami but with a nice wood stand. I hope you can appreciate origami.

I write al my dates as 2007.10.11 because it's the only way they sort alphabetical y into date order. You have to have al 4 year digits and 2 digits for the month and day, even if they are less than 10. It's also logical to put the slowest changing part, the year, to the left. We put the slowest changing parts of numbers to the left.

Computers are so good for things like sorting. They can do mil ions of things a second. A human can only count about one number a second but a computer can do maybe a bil ion. (I can count from one to a mil ion in less than a minute but I have to count by hundreds of thousands). Wel , the first program I ever wrote was a chess problem and no answer came out and then I did a calculation which showed that I'd get an answer in ten to the 25th years, longer than the universe has been around.

Now what is the embarra.s.sing question you had? It should be something that I even have a clue about.

As for bio-anything, very few people recognize that DNA is a stereoscopic isomer that can twist light and repolarize it, changing the color. A minor example is that a red laser spreads thorughout your finger but a green or yel ow laser doesn't. I can do a demo for you of how pa.s.sing laser light through my body can change its color. I do this sometimes in speeches and it leaves the audience aghast. They sometimes ask if it wel work on them as wel and I hand them a laser and it does work. Beware of my lasers as they are used for sterilizing cattle and removing tattoos.

What the heck is a funnel cake??? I'm in Florida. is that at al like Key Lime Pie? Is it in the shape of a funnel? I wil not be able to sleep now.

XOXO,.

Steve From: Kathy Date: September 11, 2007 7:43:10 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: You know how to send pictures from your iphone???

Kathy Griffin From: Woz Date: September 11, 2007 8:07:43 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow.

One of the worst acronyms ever.

The worst may have been PCMCIA cards for computers. Everyone just cal ed them PC Cards in the end. n.o.body knew what PCMCIA stood for. Two possibilities were Personal Computer Manfacturers Create Impossible Acronyms (I remembered that one) and People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.

praying for you, Steve From: Kathy Date: September 11, 2007 11:20:19 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: Re: You didn't have a funnel cake? Fried dough with powdered sugar on top? You are soul ess.

Are you and Julie driving to LA Sat night or Sunday morning? You're supposed to be at my house at noon. How fast can you type? If you can't fix anything, maybe you can do some light dictation. XXOO, Kathy (big Jesus hater, but EMMY winner) Griffin From: Woz Date: September 12, 2007 1:43:45 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Re: Sunday morning, departing at 5 AM.