Nonsense Books Part 4

Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica.

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There was an Old Man who said, "How Shall I flee from this horrible Cow?

I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile, Which may soften the heart of that Cow."

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There was a Young Lady of Troy, Whom several large flies did annoy; Some she killed with a thump, some she drowned at the pump, And some she took with her to Troy.

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There was a Young Lady of Hull, Who was chased by a virulent Bull; But she seized on a spade, and called out, "Who's afraid?"

Which distracted that virulent Bull.

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There was an Old Person of Dutton, Whose head was as small as a b.u.t.ton; So to make it look big he purchased a wig, And rapidly rushed about Dutton.

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There was an Old Man who said, "Hush!

I perceive a young bird in this bush!"

When they said, "Is it small?" he replied, "Not at all; It is four times as big as the bush!"

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There was a Young Lady of Russia, Who screamed so that no one could hush her; Her screams were extreme,--no one heard such a scream As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.

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There was a Young Lady of Tyre, Who swept the loud chords of a lyre; At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the deep, And enchanted the city of Tyre.

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There was an Old Person of Bangor, Whose face was distorted with anger; He tore off his boots, and subsisted on roots, That borascible Person of Bangor.

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There was an Old Man of the East, Who gave all his children a feast; But they all ate so much, and their conduct was such, That it killed that Old Man of the East.

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There was an Old Man of the Coast, Who placidly sat on a post; But when it was cold he relinquished his hold, And called for some hot b.u.t.tered toast.

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There was an Old Man of Kamschatka, Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur; His gait and his waddle were held as a model To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.

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There was an Old Person of Gretna, Who rushed down the crater of Etna; When they said, "Is it hot?" he replied, "No, it's not!"

That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.

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There was an Old Man with a beard, Who sat on a Horse when he reared; But they said, "Never mind! you will fall off behind, You propitious Old Man with a beard!"

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There was an Old Man of Berlin, Whose form was uncommonly thin; Till he once, by mistake, was mixed up in a cake, So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.

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There was an Old Man of the West, Who never could get any rest; So they set him to spin on his nose and his chin, Which cured that Old Man of the West.

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There was an Old Person of Cheadle Was put in the stocks by the Beadle For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some wigs, That horrible person of Cheadle.

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There was an Old Person of Anerley, Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly; He rushed down the Strand with a Pig in each hand, But returned in the evening to Anerley.

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There was a Young Lady of Wales, Who caught a large Fish without scales; When she lifted her hook, she exclaimed, "Only look!"

That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.

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There was a Young Lady of Welling, Whose praise all the world was a-telling; She played on the harp, and caught several Carp, That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.

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There was an Old Person of Tartary, Who divided his jugular artery; But he screeched to his Wife, and she said, "Oh, my life!

Your death will be felt by all Tartary!"

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There was an Old Man of Whitehaven, Who danced a quadrille with a Raven; But they said, "It's absurd to encourage this bird!"

So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.

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There was a Young Lady of Sweden, Who went by the slow train to Weedon; When they cried, "Weedon Station!" she made no observation, But thought she should go back to Sweden.

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