Neighbors Of Lancaster County: Amish Weddings Part 26

"Rose," Eve said, her voice kind, "what's going on?"

Rose took a deep breath. She really needed to speak with Trevor-not anyone else.

"I didn't realize you and Trevor knew each other, not really," Eve said. "But maybe I've been so wrapped up in other things I didn't notice."

Rose shifted the baby to her other shoulder, between her and Eve, and said, "Trevor and I spent some time together."

"What kind of time?"

"Talking time." Rose shrugged. "He'd hang around after Lila fell asleep. I'd meet him in the Becks' barn. And ours . . . one time." It felt as if her face was on fire.

"What about Reuben?"

"Well . . . " Rose wasn't sure what to say. She exhaled. "I convinced myself that I hadn't had a Rumschpringe, that I deserved a little fun. And Reuben was all concerned about others-instead of about me." She wrinkled her nose, aware of how stupid that sounded. "I was being awful-I admit it. I told myself that Reuben was boring, that he didn't even seem that interested in me, in that way, if you know what I mean."

Eve c.o.c.ked her head. "And Trevor was interested in you . . . in that way?"

Rose nodded.

Eve took two mugs out of the cupboard and asked, "What happened?"

Rose met her Aenti's eyes. "I didn't mean for it to happen. But I didn't stop it."

Obviously Eve knew what Rose was insinuating. "And?" her Aenti asked slowly as she poured the tea into the mugs.

"I think I'm pregnant."

"Oh, Rose," Eve said, carefully putting the kettle down. She made eye contact and then said, "I need to ask a difficult question."

Rose nodded.

"Was your . . . contact with Trevor consensual?"

"Jah," Rose answered. "I wanted it, at least I thought I did, until it happened. Then I regretted it, especially by the next day. Then I saw it for what it was."

"Which was?"

She frowned. "It didn't seem to be about love, or really even caring about each other all that much." Tears welled up in her eyes. "I was so caught up in how I felt, how my body felt, that I didn't think of any of that."

Eve wrapped her arm around Rose. "Was it just one time?"

Rose nodded.

"You set a boundary, then. That's good."

Rose shook her head. "But it didn't matter. Once was enough."

The baby reached for Eve, and she took him, leaving Rose feeling empty and awkward and completely unsettled.

"What do you plan to do?" Eve asked over the baby's head.

Tears filled her eyes again. "Tell Trevor. I hope he'll want to get married and be a father to our Bobbli."

"Would you be willing to go to Delaware?" Eve asked.

Rose wrapped her arms around herself. "I hope he'll want to stay here. I don't want to leave everyone. What would I do all alone, without my family?"

"You'd have a new family."

Tears flooded over the rims of Rose's eyes.

"Do you know Trevor well enough to commit your life to his?"

"I think so." Rose exhaled again. "I know it won't be easy. But I think it's what's best. I think we can come to love each other, to learn to."

Eve c.o.c.ked her head. "Marriage is hard, under the best of circ.u.mstances."

"I know," Rose said. At least she had some idea it was hard. It wasn't as if she wanted to marry Trevor, but she was over fifty percent sure, just barely, it would be the right thing to do. "I should get over to Zane's. So I can talk to Trevor." She couldn't believe he planned to move back home, not now.

"You need someone to go with you," Eve said. "Like Shani. Or Beth."

Rose shook her head. "I don't want to tell them."

"Then wait until Charlie gets home, and I'll go with you."

Rose shook her head. She didn't want that.

Eve frowned. "You should know we've had some concerns about Trevor. I wouldn't say anything except for your circ.u.mstances. He's moody. And he had a couple of outbursts when Charlie asked him pointed questions."

They'd probably been too nosy. Before she could say anything, the phone rang.

"That's probably the doctor." Eve stepped toward the landline. Rose nodded.

Eve answered the phone, replied to a few questions, and then said, "We'll be right in." When she hung up, she said, "I've got to go."

"Of course," Rose said. "I appreciate you listening."

"I'll buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy," Eve said. "Come back tomorrow and take it. Then you'll know for sure. You can stay here if you need to, until you decide-until you figure things out, as far as your future."

"Denki," Rose said, stepping into the entryway and retrieving her cape from the coat-tree. "I'll take you up on the pregnancy test offer. I'll see you tomorrow."

Eve gave her a half hug, said good-bye, and hurried down the hall. Rose let herself out, leaving the hot tea behind, facing the icy cold and the task of tracking down Trevor on her own.

When Rose reached the end of Juneberry Lane, Trevor's car was parked in front of the Becks' home, but she turned around and drove back home, telling herself she didn't want to leave her buggy at the neighbors'. She parked and unhitched the horse, getting her into her stall in the barn. Dat was gone-he'd probably gone to get Beth. After she brushed, watered, and fed her horse she sat down on a hay bale outside of the stall and put her head in her hands and tried to pray. But absolutely nothing came.

Finally she stood, gathered her courage, and started through the field. A layer of ice covered the snow, causing her to slip several times as she shuffled along. Already the sun was lowering behind the line of poplars. She could make out the melody of the creek, beyond the trees, but she couldn't enjoy it. She pressed forward, walking as fast as she could in the ice and snow.

When she reached the hedge, she veered toward the left, toward the little house. Smoke swirled out of the chimney. She hoped Trevor was there alone.

After knocking a couple of times and not getting an answer, she peered through the front window. There weren't any lamps lit. Perhaps Trevor had gone with Zane to his folks' house-or maybe they'd left in Trevor's car.

She knocked a third time. "Hey," said a voice from behind her. It was Trevor. She turned, slowly, her knees weak. She dreaded speaking with him more than anything in her entire life.

"Hey, yourself," she said. "Why did you stand me up?"

A confused expression pa.s.sed over his face, and then he said, "Oh, no."

She raised her eyebrows.

"I forgot all about it," he said. "I packed all my things from Eve and Charlie's this morning. I'm staying here tonight."

"Because?"

"I'm going home tomorrow."

Rose wrapped her arms around herself. "Were you going to tell me?"

He shrugged. "I didn't think you'd care."

The truth was, she wouldn't have a couple of weeks ago. She would have been happy to have him leave. But now everything had changed.

"Where's Zane?" she asked.

"Over at his parents'. Playing a game of Scrabble with Adam." Trevor held up his phone. "I was just charging this." He sighed. "What did you need to talk about?"

Rose exhaled slowly, holding on to her forearms under her cape as she did.

He stepped closer, towering over her. "Look," he said, "like I told you, I didn't intend for that to happen. I knew it was a bad idea as soon . . ."

Tears started to sting her eyes.

"Will this make things difficult with Reuben? Will he break up with you, if he finds out? Because I haven't told anyone. There's no way he'll know, as long as you haven't said anything." He glanced over his shoulder and then back at Rose, his voice lower. "Have you told anyone?"

She nodded.

He groaned. "Who?"

"Eve."

"Okay," he said. "She can be trusted. She would never tell Reuben, right?"

Rose shook her head. "That's not the problem."

"What's the problem?"

"I'm pregnant."

"No," he whispered. "Are you sure?"

"Jah."

"You mean, you took a test and it was positive. That kind of sure?"

"I'll take the test tomorrow. But I'm sure." She was never late and everything felt different. The never-ending morning sickness. The fatigue. Her body.

"Look," he said. "I'm going home. I quit my job here. I have a lead on another one there-I've been planning this for the last month."

Rose put her hand on the rail, to steady herself. "Are you getting back together with your girlfriend?"

He shrugged. "She knows I'm coming home, but we haven't really talked things through." He ran his hand through his hair. "I don't think you and I should even talk about this until you've taken a test, right? Because how can you know for sure?"

"I do," Rose said.

"No!" He stormed past her. Reaching the door, he grasped the k.n.o.b and said, "Take the test. Then call me. There's no reason to get all worked up until we know for sure."

A tear spilled from her eye and then another one. "I'll call you tomorrow." She turned back toward the field, slipping as she did.

He must have turned to watch her go, because he called out, "Wait. I'll walk with you."

Rose kept on going, but she sensed him coming up behind her, and then he grabbed her elbow. At first she wanted to fling her arm away from him, but she didn't. Instead she stopped and looked up into his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said. "We'll figure this out."

"All right." She swallowed hard, not wanting to cry in front of him.

He bent down and hugged her, first just a friendly hug but as she responded he held her tighter. Jah, the pa.s.sion was still there. She forced herself away from him and started across the field again. Sure, a marriage with Trevor might be a lot of work, like Eve said-more than she could imagine, she was sure-but she would do it for her Bobbli. She'd become Englisch if she needed to. She didn't blame him for wanting her to take a test to make sure. They'd figure things out after it was definite.

If things didn't work out with Trevor, she wouldn't marry Reuben. She wouldn't do that to her child. Who was she kidding? Reuben wouldn't want to marry her. Not after what she'd done.

As she continued on, she ached for Trevor. Hopefully they'd figure everything out sooner rather than later.

The next afternoon Rose stood in Eve's black-and-white-tiled bathroom and watched a pink dot appear on the end of the plastic stick in her hand. It only confirmed what she already knew. She headed out to the living room and held it up for Eve.

Her aunt's eyes were kind. "Did you talk with Trevor yesterday?"

"Jah," Rose said.

Eve held up her cell phone. "Would you like to call him now?"

Rose shook her head. She'd call him later.

"What will you do after you talk with Trevor?" Eve asked.

"I'll tell Reuben. And Dat. Although maybe not tomorrow-I might need some time to work up my courage."

"Are you seeing Reuben at all?"

Rose shook her head. "Only at church."