Neighbors Of Lancaster County: Amish Weddings Part 11

Lila stirred in the middle of the night, ready for her pain meds. Lying flat on her back with the fixator jutting out of her middle made it hard to sleep, and the pain meds were the only thing that helped. When she was wide-awake and in pain, her mind tended to race. She worried about the future. Would she be able to have a baby? Would Zane get fed up with how dependent she was? Would he become frustrated with how hard it was to be Amish?

Jah, he was her person, the one she most wanted to be with, to spend her life with. What she feared had happened. G.o.d did have another lesson for her to learn to teach her to trust him more and Zane less.

The thought brought her no comfort, only panic. And the only thing that numbed both her thoughts and her pain was another pill. She turned her head toward the cot where Casey was sleeping. Lila was completely helpless. She couldn't move at all, not even to get her own meds and water bottle off the table.

The sound of the door opening startled her. But then Zane stepped to the end of the bed. "Are you awake?" He spoke in a normal voice.

"Jah," she whispered. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep." He had a flashlight in his hand, pointed at the floor. He wore a jacket and stocking cap. When he came around the side of the bed, she could see that he wore a pair of sweatpants instead of Amish trousers. "Do you need your pain meds?" he asked, this time his voice lower.

She nodded.

He took the pillbox off the bedside table, popped out the middle-of-the-night dose, and handed her the pill and then the water bottle. After she swallowed, she said, "You should go back to bed-you can't keep going like this, without getting any rest."

"I woke up worried about you," he said.

"I'm all right."

"I had a dream. . . ."

"A nightmare?"

He nodded. "But it wasn't about Afghanistan."

"What was it about?"

"You going over the top of Billie and into the creek."

"Zane." Lila reached for his hand, her sense of panic building. "I'm going to be fine." She hoped so anyway.

"But you could have been killed." He'd said the same thing a few times before. It wasn't helpful to her. He sat down on the edge of the bed. "I keep thinking about you going through the windshield and about the man who hit you. I want to know exactly what happened."

Lila didn't answer.

"Was he texting?" Zane asked. "Or blind to buggies? Didn't he see the caution sign? Because I know you wouldn't let Billie pull out in front of the vehicle."

"Zane," she said. "Stop."

He shook his head and then said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't." The pain had. "But you should go back home."

He ignored her. "It's good to see Simon, isn't it?"

"Jah," she said, lowering her voice even more, "and Casey too." She didn't want to wake up their friend.

Zane nodded, a faraway look in his eyes.

"Do you miss all of it?" Lila asked. "The Army? The other soldiers?"

He paused for a moment. Then he said, "No."

Lila closed her eyes. He'd paused. They'd been all set before the accident. Marriage was a month away. Zane was adapting to living Plain. They had the support of her Dat and of Zane's parents, and Gideon too, of course. But maybe now Zane was second-guessing everything. Transitioning to a horse and buggy was hard enough for everyday life, but throw in a catastrophe and she could see why he felt overwhelmed. He didn't know how to cope with tragedy in the Amish way. He was used to doing something about it, fixing everything. He was wearing her out.

"I'll leave you be," Zane said, using an expression she was sure he'd picked up from her.

Lila nodded without opening her eyes. The numbness had started to settle in, masking the pain and slowing her thoughts. They both needed to rest. She sensed him stepping to the side of the bed and then leaning down, careful not to b.u.mp the fixator. When he kissed her forehead, she opened her eyes and said, "We'll get through this." She hoped it was true.

He nodded. "I know. I just wish I could have protected you."

She tried to smile as she reached for his hand. "Think about everything you're doing. Where would I be without your help?"

Zane looked pathetically sad. "I just wish I could fix it now."

She squeezed his hand. "Go back to bed."

He yawned. "See you tomorrow." He stopped at the wood stove and stoked the fire. A minute later the front door closed behind him.

"Everything all right?" It was Casey's voice from across the room.

"Fine," Lila answered. "Sorry we woke you."

"No worries." By the sound of it, Casey had flopped over to her side.

There were many times Lila wished the accident had happened after the wedding. Then Zane could have taken care of her. Then they'd be together all night long, not just for a quick visit when Zane couldn't sleep. But then, if he changed his mind about staying Amish, it was a blessing they hadn't married yet. She had to trust G.o.d-and trust his timing.

Lila woke the next morning to a clatter in the kitchen and the smell of bacon frying. She couldn't imagine that Casey was much of a cook. Maybe Shani had arrived already.

"Shoot!" It was Casey all right, probably doing her best to control her language.

"What happened?" Lila called out.

"Nothing." There was another clatter. Then silence.

"Do you need anything?" Lila asked.

"No," Casey said, her voice sharp.

Lila adjusted the backrest until she could see the counter left of the sink through the kitchen doorway. A wooden spoon sat in a mixing bowl. There was a mug next to it. Lila breathed in the smell of bacon mixed with coffee.

Her stomach began to growl for the first time since the accident. "How about a cup of that coffee?" Lila called out.

"Coming right up." Casey poked her head around the corner. "With cream?"

"Black," Lila said.

A minute later Casey appeared with a mug in her hand. Her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she was wearing a pair of Army sweats. Even in the drab gray, she looked beautiful.

"Here you go." She put the mug on the table beside the bed. "Do you need your meds?"

Lila nodded. It had definitely been four hours since her last pill-both the pain and anxiety had returned. "Thanks." Once she'd swallowed the medicine, using the coffee to wash it down, she asked, "What are you making in there?"

Casey smiled. "You'll see."

"I didn't take you for much of a cook."

Casey stopped smiling.

"What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?"

Casey shook her head. "No one seems to think I'll be able to run a house, including Simon."

Lila couldn't help but laugh. "What does Simon care? He's the biggest slob-" She stopped, realizing she shouldn't have said that.

"Right?" Casey responded. "But he still seems to think I should be able to cook."

"Wait," Lila said. "What are you two planning?"

"Well, we're not exactly planning anything yet. But we're talking."

"M-marriage?" Lila stammered.

Casey nodded, a smile spreading across her face. "Is that all right with you?"

"Of course," Lila said. It meant Simon really wouldn't come home and join the church, but she hadn't expected he would. She inhaled. But she hoped he wouldn't stay in the military much longer. "Is Simon planning to make a career out of the Army?"

"Perhaps," Casey said.

"And what about you?"

"We'll see," she answered. "I don't want to be one of those couples where both parents get deployed and the kids end up going to stay with grandparents." She paused a moment and then said, "I'm going to admit that I snooped, but here goes. I'm curious is all. I opened the door to the room upstairs after my shower, the one at the top of the landing."

"Oh?" Lila said, shifting a little in the bed.

"Yeah, I shouldn't have. I know." Casey wrinkled her nose. "So do all Amish couples furnish a nursery before they get married?"

Lila gasped. "The room's furnished?"

Casey nodded, a confused look on her face. "Crib. Bureau. Rocking chair."

Lila shook her head. "No, it's not normal. Zane did all of that."

"Oh, sorry," Casey said. "I shouldn't have snooped. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No," Lila said. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

Casey nodded toward the kitchen. "Simon and Rose will be here soon, so I need to get back to work. I want things to be ready when they get here."

Casey headed back to the kitchen, while Lila contemplated what she'd said. Zane wouldn't understand, but what he'd done was prideful. She knew he did it as a gift to her, but it was far too early. Far too soon. Tears flooded her eyes, and she swallowed hard. Not only had she loved Zane too much and put too much of her trust in him, but he was already counting that G.o.d would bless them with children before they'd even married.

They'd both been foolish.

She dabbed at her tears. She wasn't going to spend the day crying. Not again.

A hint of smoke came from the kitchen, overpowering the scent of bacon. Lila took a sip of her coffee. The smoke got worse. "Everything all right?" she called out to Casey.

"Fine," she answered. "I'm just trying to get used to this stove."

Smoke started to billow out of the kitchen just as Simon came through the front door, followed by Rose. Then the smoke alarm started wailing.

"Whoa!" Simon called out, dashing into the kitchen. "What's going on?"

Lila couldn't hear Casey's answer. Rose headed toward the kitchen and then back toward Lila, a smile on her face. "She burned the hotcakes."

"Poor Casey," Lila said.

Rose sat down on the side of Lila's bed.

"Is Reuben coming over later?" Lila asked.

Rose shook her head again.

"But you're going to the singing with him. Right?" It was an off Sunday as far as church, but a singing had been planned for the evening.

"Maybe I'll go . . ." Rose answered.

"Maybe?"

She shrugged. "I think I'd rather hang out here, see more of Simon before he leaves."

"But you told Reuben you'd go?"

"Jah, but I'm not sure he cares that much."

"What do you mean?" Lila wrapped her hands around her mug and held it close.

Rose shrugged again.

Lila c.o.c.ked her head. Rose wasn't being honest. "Come on, Rose. What's going on with you and Reuben?"

"Nothing."

"Relationships don't just happen. You have to work at them. Nurture them. Put the other person first."

Rose frowned. "Like you did with Reuben?"

"I never loved Reuben," Lila answered. "But I thought you did. That's what you said. Did that change?"