Music And Lyrics: Soul-O Part 4

Chapter 11.

'You don't know how strong you are until you can't say good-bye.'

Tanner I love this house. Looking around brings up so many great memories, and having the whole family together is amazing. Didn't realize how much I missed my brother. Growing up, we weren't super close. He was off to college by the time I was fourteen years old. If it weren't for Lyrics, I'd have felt like an only child. G.o.d, Lyrics and I have always been together. I know she will never forgive me for leaving. I mean I wouldn't forgive her if she left. She's my best friend, the only person that knows everything about me. Took me seventeen years to realize that I am completely in love with her and when I finally get the b.a.l.l.s to ask her to marry me, this bulls.h.i.t happens. Feeling all this anger and shame, how could I love her the way she deserves? What kind of best friend would I be to drag her through my bulls.h.i.t? This is too much, way too f.u.c.king much!

Sitting on the wooden fence and staring out at the farm has always brought a peaceful feeling to me. I hear the back door open and look to see who it is. I hear Brent's voice, "Still sittin' on that old wood fence, huh? Guess things must be bad. You know, Tan, I'm here if you want to talk about it."

I smile and say, "Thanks, bro, I'm so sick of talking about me. Tell me about you." Brent doesn't press on me about it, thankfully.

"I've decided to take a head football coaching position up in Odessa."

I turn to him and ask, "Really? Man, that is awesome. Does Mom know? Head coach, huh? Wow, feel sorry for those kids. Just kidding, they'll be lucky to have you. Let me know the schedule so I can get to a game." Brent has a big proud smile on his face and that makes me so happy.

We hang out for a bit chit chatting and he says, "Well, guess we should get in before the ball and chain hunts me down." We both laugh. Ca.s.sie is as sweet as they come.

As we walk into the house, I see Lyrics cooking with Mom and my eyes fill with tears. I fight back hard for them not to drop out of my eyes, but it doesn't work.

As I'm wiping my tears off my face, Dad comes up from behind me and says, "Don't cry Tan, he's only gonna be in Odessa." I couldn't help but bust out in laughter. Sometimes he is so clueless.

Ca.s.sie yells from across the room, "Why don't y'all sing us a song?" I look at Lyrics and she is looking at me waiting for my answer.

"Love to but we didn't bring the guitar." Lyrics expression turns sad. It is easy to see. I quickly say, "You know, I bet I have one in the back room still. I'll go see."

Lyrics follows me and when I open the door to the room, she says, "Tan, you know you have like twenty guitars in here. If you don't want to sing with me, just say that."

I close the door and push her back up against it. Her face is soft as I slowly run my fingers across her cheek bone. Both of our chests are rising and falling in unison. She has the most kissable lips and I need to taste her right now. With intention, I crash my lips onto hers and take in every taste and feel of her that I can. Her tongue is sweet, tasting of Mom's freshly made cookies and perfectly wet as it follows my every move. I didn't want to get into this but now I don't know how to stop. I crave this woman, every part of her. The low moans she lets out go straight to my d.i.c.k and all thoughts blur away.

I whisper, "You know you are the only one I'll sing with. I just haven't been in the mood to sing."

She looks into my eyes and says, "Why wouldn't you want to sing though?"

I try to choose my words wisely, but it's Lyrics and she'll call bulls.h.i.t on me. "These songs just remind me of who I used to be and what I used to have." The moment the words came out I wanted to suck them back in.

I thought she was going to flip her s.h.i.t but to my surprise, she says, "I understand, I guess I feel the same way." We are stuck in each other's stare, neither wanting to move. The knock on the door makes us both jump back like we were high school kids sneaking s.e.x in our parent's house.

Brooke yells, "Uncle T, y'all gonna sing or what?"

We both giggle and I ask Lyrics, "You up for this?"

She quickly says, "Tanner, I've waited almost six months for this." I grab one of my old guitars and Lyrics hand. As I reach to open the door, she flings me around and plants a kiss on my lips. The urge to devour her grows strong but when I begin to set the guitar down, she says, "No, I want to sing with you so badly. What do you say we sing, Exactly What I Need Tonight?" Like a piano fell on my chest, my whole body feels crushed. That is one of my favorite songs that she wrote, and d.a.m.n if it's not truest at this moment.

"Perfect. Let's do this. Your adoring fans are impatiently awaiting your presence!"

She laughs and says, "We can't have that."

I truly don't know that I'll have the strength to walk away from this woman, even though I know it is the most selfless act I can do for her right now.

The whole family is gathered in the living room and the Christmas tree is sparkling with Mom's famous decorations. Of course, she has about six or seven Christmas trees throughout the house, like every good Southern woman. Mom set two chairs out for us to sit in, both facing the crowd. I take the chairs and turn them to face each other. I want to look at Lyrics for this one. As I tune my guitar quickly, Lyrics is visibly nervous, which forces a smile to form on my face. d.a.m.n she's beautiful.

I lean over and kiss her cheek and say, "You know you have the best voice I've ever heard."

She snaps back with, "Yeah right. Don't be lame."

I mouth, "Ready?" She nods.

The family is quiet and waiting, even the kids.

"Lyrics wrote this song about ten years ago, when we first started doing gigs. It's amazing how even though it has always been one of my favorites, its meaning has never meant as much to me as it does right now." The family fills the room with aww's and oohs.

I look at Lyrics and she mouths, "I love you." Time feels like it stops.

"I love you," I mouth back. "Okay, here we go." Of course, another round of applause roars through the living room. We both smile. Feels great to really smile again.

'Exactly What I Need Tonight'

Another town, one more gig Another drink, another cig.

Crowded room with screaming girls Just trying to survive and pay my bills.

Don't give a d.a.m.n anymore about winning this fight Baby, you got exactly what I need tonight.

Chorus Your long hair surrounding me, arms and legs twisted with mine The smile you give me when I get out of line.

Taking me places only you can do Year's together but still feels brand new.

I give up, don't care to win this fight Baby, you are exactly what I need tonight.

Eight hours on this tour bus, feel so alone Staring out into nothing, counting the miles until home.

The small talk and laughter, just a way to kill time Unlock the front door cause I'm coming to make you mine.

Chorus Your long hair surrounding me, arms and legs twisted with mine The smile you give me when I get out of line.

Taking me places only you can do Year's together but still feels brand new.

I give up, don't care to win this fight Baby, you are exactly what I need tonight.

There's n.o.body that makes me need the way that I need you n.o.body loves me the way that you do.

So, forget about arguing, forget about our fight Baby, you are everything I need tonight.

Between the shaky voice and tears I'm fighting back, I realize how G.o.dd.a.m.n good it feels to sing with her again, to be us again. For the first time in weeks, I am me, we are we. I set my guitar down and reach for Lyrics. She hesitates to move toward me and it's obvious that she is working just as hard as I am, making sure not one teardrop falls. As I step closer to her, I feel her warm breath tickle my neck, and my heartbeat slows down from the familiarity. Those beautiful blue eyes, so deep with love, confusion, and loyalty. My fingers lace through the back of her hair and I pull her into my chest as she releases a sigh that makes my heart practically stop beating. Her soft lips press against mine and my arms wrap around her so tightly that I forget about our entire family focusing directly on us.

As my hand finds its way to the small of her back, Mom gives a courtesy cough and then says, "Who's ready for dinner?" Lyrics smiles and pulls her head away but I pull her back in. The way her mouth responds to me sends electricity from my head to my b.a.l.l.s, and pretty much stays right at the ball area. Her wet tongue on mine is driving me crazy. This is the kiss I've been craving for months now. I'm an idiot! She's been here wanting to stand by my side and all I have done is push her away. I can't f.u.c.king leave her, she is truly my other half. No matter where I'd run to, she'd always be there in my head and in my heart. I belong with her. I can't believe I almost let Jennifer win. Here I've been just thinking about myself and how pathetic I am to let something like that happen to me, and Lyrics has been right here for me.

Finally, feel like myself again, I take Lyric's hand and tell the family we'll be right back.

Lyrics asks, "Where are you taking me?"

I smile and say, "What, a guy can't swing with his best friend anymore?" I can feel her smile without even looking at her.

We sit on the swing, facing each other. For some reason, I am scared to death.

Lyrics places her hand on my knee and says, "You know you are all kinds of messed up, right?"

I smile and say, "Yeah, babe, I know. That's kind of what I'd like to talk to you about."

Lyrics looks away from me and says with hesitation, "Right now? You know they're waiting on us in there."

I nod and say, "It's fine. They're fine. Listen, Lyrics, I really need to talk to you."

She interrupts me and says, "Tan, are you breaking up with me? Did you f.u.c.king bring me out on our swing to break up with me?"

I say with a smile, "I should, but no, I can't. Just let me get this s.h.i.t off my chest, please. I have a lot to say and I just need you to listen to me. Please."

Her face turns statuesque and she says with absolute clearness, "I'm listening."

I notice Brent peeking out the window and I motion to him to give us a few minutes. He gives me the thumbs up sign and lets the curtains fall together. I inhale deeply and no words come out.

Lyrics says, "Tan, it's me. What do you want to tell me? Just say it." She's exactly right!

"I don't want to lose you. Deep down, I know I should let you go and never look back, but I just can't. I wrote the f.u.c.king song and all, I thought I had a plan. Really, I thought I was so f.u.c.ked up and lost but singing with you tonight told me otherwise. I'm just p.i.s.sed off. I'm so f.u.c.king p.i.s.sed off at myself for being so d.a.m.n vulnerable, and I couldn't understand why you'd want to be with me anymore. How could I be the husband you deserve? I've always been the one to protect you, make sure you are safe and happy, but now you may think differently of me. Here's the thing though, you are my Lyrics and I am your Tanner. h.e.l.l, I wasn't good enough for you before all this, but we belong together. Dylan, this road isn't going to be an easy one, but I want you to be my wife. It's always been you and me. You have been and will always be my life. No matter what, I will always protect, love you, and cherish every moment you grant me. What do you say? Will you still marry me come April 25th?"

Chapter 12.

'You don't know redneck until you hurt my man.'

Lyrics I allow Tanner's words to settle in my head for a moment, and then ask, "You done?" He shrugs and kind of smirks. His hand folds over mine as I lay my hand in his. I say, "First off, of course I still want to marry you. This is the first real issue that has ever happened with us. Yes, it's a ma.s.sive one and I wish more than anything it didn't happen, but it did and we are still alive and together. I don't blame you at all for what happened, not at all. I do, however, blame Jennifer, entirely. That being said, there is one thing that I want if we are going to be together. A simple demand, if you will."

I wait for his response before continuing and Tanner's face is almost comically scared, "What is this demand you have?"

"I know you and Chip have something brewing to get Jennifer, but I want in on it. She didn't just do this to you. You got hurt because she wanted to hurt me and she did. Now, I want to end this s.h.i.t. I can't sit back and wait for karma or some other bulls.h.i.t to give her what she deserves. What kind of woman would I be if I allowed this whack nut to violate you, f.u.c.k with us, and just sit back and hope justice finds her? That's not me, babe. The last face I want her to see is mine, thanking her for making us stronger." Tanner is looking at me as if I'm crazy.

"Um, I'd prefer you just let me handle this."

I quickly say, "When I close my eyes to go to sleep, I see her grinding on you, licking you, and that disgusting smile as she looked to the camera. I want to f.u.c.king kill her." He takes his hand from mine and runs it through his hair.

He fades to a ghostly shade of white as he whispers, "You want to kill her? You think you could take her life "Yes," I say as I look him dead in the eye. He shakes his head and looks at me again. Tanner puts his hand on my face and turns me so I am looking directly in his eyes.

"Neither of us are murderers. My plan isn't to kill her, Dylan. It's to ruin her career and reputation, not turn me into some killer that ends up rotting away in a jail cell. You really think I'd let you throw your life away on a piece of c.r.a.p like Jennifer or on anybody? Listen here, Penelope Garcia, watching Criminal Minds doesn't actually mean you can pull off a murder, baby girl." I can't help but laugh.

"Okay, so I'm not a murderer, but I want to be part of taking her down, whatever that means."

Tanner smiles and pulls me into his delicious lips. He says, "d.a.m.n, redneck woman, remind me not to ever really p.i.s.s you off."

I raise my eyebrows and say, "You know you don't mess with a redneck woman's man."

"I do now."

I run my hand through his short hair and say, "You look very s.e.xy with the new look. Okay, it's a bit f.u.c.k boy-ish, but still very hot!"

"Glad you like it. Just needed a change."

Mom comes out and says, "Let's eat!" We both hop up and head inside. Everybody is already sitting around the table, when we take our seats.

Dad says, "Everything okay?" We both nod yes.

I say, "Mom, it smells delish, can't wait to dig in." Tanner's Dad says a quick prayer and the eating fias...o...b..gins. Mom made a huge ham, her famous cheesy potatoes, green bean ca.s.serole, sauteed carrots, sweet potato pie with extra marshmallows per my request fifteen years ago, and steamed veggies. Every Christmas dinner she makes my favorite dessert, Lemon Merengue pie. Of course, she also makes a couple pumpkin rolls, apple pies, and pumpkin pies.

When I pull my face away from all the food, I take a minute and look around the table. This is my family. Seeing the love in Dad's eyes as he looks at Sophia brings a smile to my face. Twenty-two years he went without dating so he could just be my Dad, even though I begged him to date. It is so great to see him with such a wonderful lady.

I break the silence and say, "So, y'all have a special anniversary coming up!"

"Forty years on February 21st," Mom says.

"Holy c.r.a.p! We've been married for ten years and I've almost killed him more times than I can count," Ca.s.sie says. Everybody laughs.

"Have you actually tried or just thought about it?" Brent says.

Ca.s.sie gives a crazy look and says, "Well, that's for me to know and you to find out."

"You know you love me way too much to kill me. Plus, you'd be stuck with these two rug rats all by yourself."

She leans over and kisses him and says, "Very true." Tanner links his hand to mine under the table and gently rubs his thumb the length of my hand.

Sophia chimes in and says, "If we make it to forty years, we'll be about one hundred years old. Do you think we'll still be, you know?"

"Yuk!" Brook yells out.

The laughter rolls and Brent says, "You don't even know what you know means."

"It means kissing each other."

"Exactly!" everybody says.

When Mom brings the dessert out, she hands me a big cake cutting knife and says, "Baby, would you cut the pumpkin roll?" Tanner takes the knife from me and flashes a big smile.