Mr. Punch's Life in London Part 19

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Indignant Cabby._ "Shockin' bad 'orse, 'ave I? And wot's this hextra tuppence for?--to buy a new 'un with, eh?"]

QUIDDITIES.--_For the Old Ladies._ A tea-party without scandal is like a knife without a handle.

Words without deeds are like the husks without the seeds.

Features without grace are like a clock without a face.

A land without the laws is like a cat without her claws.

Life without cheer is like a cellar without beer.

A master without a cane is like a rider without the rein.

Marriage without means is like a horse without his beans.

A man without a wife is like a fork without a knife.

A quarrel without fighting is like thunder without lightning.

MOTTO FOR A SELF-MADE AND SUCCESSFUL MONEY-LENDER.--"A loan I did it!"

IMPROPER EXPRESSION.--Let it never be said, that when a man jumps for joy, "his delight knows no _bounds_."

THE opposite to a tea-fight--A coffee-mill.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE TIP-CAT SEASON HAS NOW COMMENCED

_Street Urchin._ "Now then, old 'un----Fore!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Crossing-Sweeper_ (_to Brown, whose greatest pride is his new brougham, diminutive driver, &c._). "'Igh! Stop! You've lost somethin'--the coachman!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Irate Bus Driver._ "You wouldn't do that for me, would yer?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: AT THE STORES. BUY--OUR TAPESTRY ARTIST]

CATTLE-SHOW WEEK

(_By Dumb-Crambo, Junior_)

[Ill.u.s.tration: Scotch polled]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Best wether]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Cla.s.s for roots]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Steers]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Best b.u.t.ter]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Cross bred]

THE LINEN TRADE.--There have been a few transactions in rags at threepence a pound, and an extensive bone-grubber caused considerable excitement by bringing a quant.i.ty of waste-paper into the market which turned the scale in his own favour.

MOTTO FOR A MOURNING WAREHOUSE.--Die and let live.

OUT OF PLACE.--A vegetarian at the Cattle Show.

A FINANCIAL AUTHORITY BADLY WANTED.--The man who can say "bogus" to the investing goose.

THE VEGETABLE MARKET.--Asparagus is looking up, and radishes are taking a downward direction. Peas were almost nothing at the opening; and new potatoes were buoyant in the basket, but turned out rather heavy at the settling. A rush of bulls through the market had a dreadful effect upon apple-stalls and other minor securities; but all the established houses stood their ground, though the run occasioned a panic among some of the proprietors.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE QUARTERLY ACCOUNTS.--_Clerk._ "Sorry to say, sir, there's a saddle we can't account for. Can't find out who it was sent to."

_Employer._ "Charge it on all the bills."]