Mr. Punch's Life in London - novelonlinefull.com
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[Ill.u.s.tration: ONE OF "LIFE'S LITTLE IRONIES"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: OVERHEARD OUTSIDE A FAMOUS RESTAURANT
"Hullo, Gus! What are you waiting about here for?"
"I'm waiting till the banks close. I want to cash a cheque!"]
"UNSATISFACTORY COMMERCIAL RELATIONS."--Our "uncles."
COUNTRY SHAREHOLDERS.--Ploughmen.
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Working Man, sitting on the steps of a big house in, say, Russell Square, smoking pipe. A mate pa.s.ses by with plumbing tools, &c._
_Man with tools._ "Hullo, Jim! Wot are yer doin' 'ere? Caretakin'?"
_Man on steps._ "No. I'm the howner, 'ere."
_Man with tools._ "'Ow's that?"
_Man on steps._ "Why, I did a bit o' plumbing in the 'ouse, an' I took the place in part payment for the job."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE GLORIOUS FIFTH
_Benevolent Lady_ (_fond of the good old customs_). "Here, my boy, is something for your guy."
_Conscientious Youth._ "We ain't got no guy, mum; this 'ere's grandfather!"]
A "YOUNG SHAVER."--A barber's baby.
JOINT ACCOUNT.--A butcher's bill.
[Ill.u.s.tration: AFTER "THE SLUMP" IN THE CITY.--_Weak Speculator in South African market_ (_about to pay the barber who has been shaving him_). "A shilling! eh? Why, your charge used to be only sixpence." _City Barber._ "Yes, sir; _but you've got such a long face_, we're obliged to increase the price!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "I don't arst yer fer money. I don't _want_ money. Wot I wants is bread. _'Ave_ yer got such a thing as a bit o' bread about yer, me lord?"]
THE PROMOTER'S VADE MEc.u.m
(_Subject to Revision after the Vacation_)
_Question._ What is meant by the promotion of a company?
_Answer._ The process of separating capital from its possessor.
_Q._ How is this end accomplished?
_A._ By the preparation and publication of a prospectus.
_Q._ Of what does a prospectus consist?
_A._ A front page and a statement of facts.
_Q._ Define a front page.
_A._ The bait covering the hook, the lane leading to the pitfall, the lath concealing the quagmire--occasionally.
_Q._ Of what is a front page composed?
_A._ t.i.tles, and other suggestions of respectability.
_Q._ How are these suggestions obtained?
_A._ In the customary fashion.
_Q._ Can a banking account be put to any particular service in the promotion of a company?
_A._ Certainly; it eases the wheels in all directions.
_Q._ Can it obtain the good-will of the Press?
_A._ Only of questionable and usually short-lived periodicals.
_Q._ But the destination of the cash scarcely affects the promoter?
_A._ No; for he loses in any case.
_Q._ How much of his profits does he sometimes have to disgorge?
