Mr. Punch in the Highlands - novelonlinefull.com
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"_Jam satis terris,_" _&c._
_Alt-na-blashy._--The aqueous and igneous agencies seem to be combined in these quarters, for since the rain we hear of a great increase of burns. In default of the moors we fall back on the kitchen and the cellar. I need hardly add that dry wines are almost exclusively used by our party, and moist sugar is generally avoided. Dripping, too, is discontinued, and everything that is likely to whet the appet.i.te is at a discount.
_Drizzle-arich._--A Frenchman, soaked out of our bothy by the moisture of the weather, was overheard to exclaim "_Apres moi le deluge._"
_Inverdreary._--Greatly to the indignation of their chief, several of the "Children of the Mist", in this romantic but rainy region, have a.s.sumed the garb of the Mackintoshes.
_Loch Drunkie._--We have several partners in misery within hail, or life would be fairly washed out of us. We make up parties alternately at our shooting quarters when the weather allows of wading between them.
Inebriation, it is to be feared, must be on the increase, for few of us who go out to dinner return without making a wet night of it.
Meantime, the watering-places in our vicinity--in particular the Linns o' Dun-Dreepie--are literally overflowing.
It is a.s.serted that even young horses are growing impatient of the reins.
Our greatest comfort is the weekly budget of dry humour from _Mr.
Punch_.
A DISAPPOINTING HOST.--_Sandy._ "A 'm tellt ye hev a new nebbur, Donal'." _Donald._ "Aye." _Sandy._ "An' what like is he?" _Donald._ "Weel, he's a curious laddie. A went to hev a bit talk wi' him th' ither evenin', an' he offered me a gla.s.s o' whuskey, d'ye see? Weel, he was poorin' it oot, an' A said to him 'Stop!'--_an' he stoppit!_ That's the soort o' mon he is."
[Ill.u.s.tration: AMBIGUITY
SCENE--_A Highland Ferry_
_Tourist._ "But we paid you sixpence each as we came over, and you said the same fare would bring us back."
_Skipper._ "Well, well, and I telled ye nothing but the truth, an' it'll be no more than the same fare I'm wantin' the noo for bringin' ye back."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: AUGUST IN SCOTLAND
_Bag Carrier (to Keeper)._ "What does the maister aye ask that body tae shoot wi' him for? He canna hit a thing!"
_Keeper._ "Dod, man, I daur say he wishes they was a' like him. The same birds does him a' through the season!"]
KINREEN O' THE DEE;
A PIOBRACH HEARD WAILING DOWN GLENTANNER ON THE EXILE OF THREE GENERATIONS.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee!
Kinreen o' the Dee!
Kinreen o' the Dee!
Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee!
I'll blaw up my chanter, I've rounded fu' weel, To mony a ranter, In mony a reel, An' pour'd a' my heart i' the win'bag wi' glee: Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee!
For licht wis the laughter in bonny Kinreen, An' licht wis the footfa' that glanced o'er the green, An' licht ware the hearts a' an' lichtsome the eyne, Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee!
Kinreen o' the Dee!
Kinreen o' the Dee!
Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee!
The auld hoose is bare noo, A cauld hoose to me, The hearth is nae mair noo, The centre o' glee, Nae mair for the bairnies the bield it has been, Och hey, for bonny Kinreen!
The auld folk, the young folk, the wee anes, an' a', A hunder years' hame birds are harried awa', Are harried an' hameless, whatever winds blaw, Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee! &c.
Fareweel my auld pleugh lan', I'll never mair pleugh it: Fareweel my auld cairt an'
The auld yaud[C] that drew it.
Fareweel my auld kailyard, ilk bush an' ilk tree!
Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee!
Fareweel the auld braes, that my hand keepit green, Fareweel the auld ways where we waunder'd unseen Ere the star o' my hearth came to bonny Kinreen, Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee! &c.
The auld kirk looks up o'er The dreesome auld dead, Like a saint speakin' hope o'er Some sorrowfu' bed.
Fareweel the auld kirk, an' fareweel the kirk green, They tell o' a far better hame than Kinreen!
The place we wad cling to--puir simple auld fules, O' our births an' our bridals, oor blesses an' dools, Whare oor wee bits o' bairnies lie cauld i' the mools.[D]
Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee! &c.
I aft times hae wunder'd If deer be as dear, As sweet ties o' kindred, To peasant or peer; As the tie to the hames o' the land born be, Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee!
The heather that blossoms unkent o' the moor, Wad dee in his lordship's best greenhoose, I'm sure, To the wunder o' mony a fairy land flure.
Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee! &c.
Though little the thing be, Oor ain we can ca'; That little we cling be, The mair that it's sma'; Though puir wis oor hame, an' thogh wild wis the scene, 'Twas the hame o' oor hearts: it was bonnie Kinreen.
An yet we maun leave it, baith grey head an bairn; Leave it to fatten the deer o' c.o.c.k-Cairn, O' Pannanich wuds an' o' Morven o' Gairn.
Och hey, Kinreen o' the Dee!
Kinreen o' the Dee!
Kinreen o' the Dee!
Sae Fareweel for ever, Kinreen of the Dee!
[Footnote C: Mare.]
[Footnote D: Earth.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: CANNY!
_Sportsman._ "That's a tough old fellow, Jemmy!"
_Keeper._ "Aye, sir, a grand bird to send to your freens!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: EXPERTO CREDE
