Mr. Hawkins' Humorous Adventures Part 28

"What about it?" demanded Hawkins.

"Why, the other trains ain't arranged to give with this ninety-mile-an-hour gait."

"They should be. I told the railroad people that I intended to break a few records."

"But I guess they didn't know--we may smash into something, mister, and----"

"Not my fault," said the inventor. "If we do by any chance have a collision, the railroad people are to blame. But we won't. I can stop this machine and the whole train in two hundred feet. That's another great point about the Alcomotive, Griggs--the Alcobrakes. You see, when I shut off the engine proper, all the power goes into the brakes. It is thus----"

"Hey, mister," the engineer shouted again, "here's Newark!"

"Why, so it is!" murmured Hawkins, with a pleased smile. "Really, I had no notion that we'd be here so soon."

I will say it for Hawkins that he managed to stop the affair at Newark in very commendable fashion. It seems so remarkable that one of his contrivances should have exhibited that much amenity to control that it is worthy of note.

Some of the pa.s.sengers who alighted to be sure, exhibited signs of hard usage. There were visible bruises in several cases, due, presumably, to the slightly startling suddenness with which our trip began.

But Hawkins was blind to anything of that sort.

"Now, wasn't that fine?" he said proudly.

"Well--we're here--and alive," was about all I could say.

"I wonder how it feels to be back in the cars. Let's try it," proposed Hawkins.

"But say, mister," said the engineer, "who's going to run the darned machine, if you're not here?"

"Why, you, my man. You understand an engine of this sort, don't you? But of course you do. Here! This is the valve for the alcohol--this is the igniter--here are the brakes--this is the speed control. See? Oh, you won't find any difficulty in managing it. The Alcomotive is simplicity on wheels."

"Yes, but I've got a wife and family----" the unhappy man began.

"Well," said Hawkins, icily.

"And if the thing should balk----"

"Balk! Rats! Come, Griggs. It's time you started, my man. I'll wave my hand when we reach the car."

Frankly, I think that it was a downright contemptible trick to play on the defenceless engineer. Had I been able to render him any a.s.sistance, I should have stayed with him.

But Hawkins was already trotting back to the cars, and, with a murmured benediction for the hapless mechanic who stood and trembled alone on the platform of the Alcomotive, I followed.

We took seats in one of the cars.

"Well, why doesn't he start?" muttered the inventor.

"Maybe the fright has killed him," I suggested. "It's enough----"

Bang!

The Alcomotive had sprung into action once more. People slid out of their seats with the shock, others toppled head over heels into the aisle, the porter went down unceremoniously upon his sable countenance and crushed into pulp the plate of tongue sandwich he had been carrying.

But the Alcomotive was going--that was enough for Hawkins. He sat back and watched the scenery slide by kinetoscope fashion.

"Lord, Lord, where's the old locomotive now?" he laughed pityingly.

"Don't shout till you're out of the wood, Hawkins," I cautioned him. "We haven't reached Philadelphia yet."

"But can't you see that we're going to? Won't that poor little mind of yours grapple with the fact that the Hawkins Alcomotive is a success--a _success?_ Can't you feel the train shooting along----"

"I can feel that well enough," I said dubiously; "but suppose----"

"Suppose nothing! What have you to croak about now, Griggs? Actually, there are times when you really make me physically weary. See here! The Alcomotive supersedes the locomotive first, in point of weight; second, in point of speed; third, in economy of operation; fourth, it is absolutely safe and easy to manage.

"No complicated machinery--nothing to slip and smash at critical moments--perfect ease of control. Why, if that fellow really wished to stop--here, now, at this minute----"

Whether the fellow wished it or not, he stopped--there, then, at that minute!

We stopped with such an almighty thud that it seemed as if the cars must fly into splinters. They rattled and shook and cracked. The pa.s.sengers executed further acrobatic feats upon the floor; they clutched at things and fell over things and swore and gurgled.

"Well, by thunder!" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Hawkins. That was about the mildest remark I heard at the time. "What do you suppose he did?"

"Give it up," I said, caressing the egg-like eminence that had appeared upon my brow as if by magic. "Probably he fell into the infernal thing, and it has stopped to show him up."

"Nonsense! We'll have to see what's happened. Come, we'll go through the cars. It's quicker."

We ran through the coaches until we had reached the front of the train.

Hawkins went out upon the platform.

The Alcomotive was apparently intact. The engineer stood over the machinery, white as chalk, and his lips mumbled incoherently.

"What is it?" cried Hawkins.

"How'n blazes do I know?" demanded the engineer.

"But didn't you stop her?"

"Certainly not. She--she stopped herself."

"What perfect idiocy!" cried the inventor "You must have done something!"

"I did not!" retorted the engineer. "The blamed thing just stood stock-still and near b.u.mped the life out of me! Say, mister, you come up here and see what----"

"Oh, it's nothing serious, my man. Now, let me think. What could have happened? Er--just try that lever at your right hand."

"This one?"

"Yes; pull it gently."