Mother's Remedies Part 194

They also stand uncovered when the United States flag is borne past, or the national hymn--the "Star Spangled Banner"--is played in public, at a military review, etc.

When a man pa.s.ses a lady in the corridor of a hotel, or on the stairway, he should raise his hat.

When he takes leave of a lady, the same act of deference is expected.

Hat and Coat When Calling.--When calling, the man looks after his own hat, overcoat and stick. His hostess does not offer to relieve him of them, nor suggest the removal of his coat. He deposits his hat and stick on table or seat in the hall before entering the drawing-room, and takes off his overcoat if his call is to be prolonged. Or, he may take them all with him into the drawing room if his call is to be brief. In any event, it is his business to dispose of them according to his own pleasure.

RULES FOR PRECEDENCE.

A man precedes a woman in going down-stairs and follows her in going up.

This is that he may be in readiness to catch her should she fall.

He allows a woman to precede him on entering or leaving a room, and should open the door for her.

On entering a hotel dining-room the man may precede the lady to the table a.s.signed them, on the occasion of their first meal, standing until she is seated. Afterwards, he may follow her as the head-waiter leads the way.

Sometimes he permits her to precede him in the first case.

The question is sometimes asked who should follow the usher on entering church or theatre. The rule above stated obtains. The woman follows the usher; the man follows her.

The man allows the lady to enter the carriage first, but descends before her that he may a.s.sist her to alight. The same rule prevails in regard to entering and leaving a street car, etc.

ABOUT SMOKING.

The old rule of good manners: "A gentleman does not smoke in the presence of ladies," is many times violated in these modern times. There is a story of an elderly woman who, being asked if smoke was offensive to her, replied: "I do not know. No gentleman has ever smoked in my presence." The woman of today is more likely to answer "Oh, dear no! I love the odor of a good cigar." The truth is the cigar has become such a constant and apparently necessary adjunct to a man that to banish it is in effect to banish the man. And women prefer to endure the smoke rather than have the man absent himself. There are very few cafes and restaurants where men do not conclude their repast with a good cigar, even when entertaining ladies.

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Where Not to Smoke.--Nevertheless, there are times and places when and where a man should not smoke. When he is about to meet a lady he knows he removes his cigar before removing his hat and bowing. If he wishes to join the lady, walking a short distance with her, he throws away his cigar before doing so. He does not smoke, when driving with a lady, unless possibly in the country. He should not smoke when walking with her--but he often does, with her full consent and permission. In fact, women, as has been said, are responsible for men's lapses in the way of smoking.

A guest does not smoke in his host's house unless especially invited to do so, by his host, not some younger member of the family or another visitor.

At a dinner party at which ladies are present, men do not smoke until the ladies have left the dining-room.

It is a bad form to smoke when anyone is singing, unless in those free-and-easy places of amus.e.m.e.nt where "everything goes."

About Expectoration.--No man should smoke, anywhere or at any time, who cannot smoke without using a cuspidor. It is a practice so much worse than smoking, so thoroughly abominable in itself, that no man with any claim to good breeding or good manners permits himself to indulge in it.

In most homes, nowadays, men are permitted to smoke "all over the house."

It is better, wherever possible, to let the man have a "den" where he may smoke with his friends. The practice of smoking in bedrooms is reprehensible; the air one will breathe through the night should not be vitiated.

BACHELOR HOSPITALITY.

"A bachelor's life is a splendid breakfast; a tolerably flat dinner; and a most miserable supper."

Being a bachelor does not excuse a man from certain forms of hospitality.

Many "society men" live in apartments, at the present time, and may entertain the ladies who have favored them with invitations; in fact, it is expected that a man who has often been entertained will reciprocate in some fashion.

If a bachelor's quarters are too restricted for any other form of entertaining, he may give a theatre party, followed by a supper at some cafe. Or he may do this without the theatre party. Of course, such an entertainment is expensive, but he must remember that the ladies who have entertained him have spent a good deal of money on their fetes.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 765]

The Bachelor and the Chaperon.--The first thing the bachelor must do is to secure a chaperon. She must be a married woman of unimpeachable reputation. Having done this, he invites the other members of the party, first submitting his list to her approval. The usual number is six, three men and three women, or two men and four ladies. Two men may join forces to entertain a quartet of ladies, or more, and thus halve the expense. The carriage or taxicab is sent first to the residence of the chaperon; the host accompanies it or may meet it there. The other ladies are called for, the other men generally meet the carriages at the theatre. The host sits next the chaperon at the theatre and at the supper, placing her on his right.

If a supper is to follow, and it almost always does, the host has reserved a table at the hotel or cafe and has perhaps ordered flowers and a special menu in advance. He has also settled the account, so that he has only to cross the waiter's palm with silver at the conclusion of the repast, in acknowledgment of faultless service.

Cheaper Ways of Entertaining.--In summer there are cheaper ways in which a bachelor may payoff his social obligations. Most bachelors belong to clubs, where they may give luncheons or suppers. There are roof-gardens and outdoor vaudeville, open-air concerts, etc., that may be made pleasurable occasions. He may charter a yacht, in company with several friends, and entertain a dozen or half score ladies with a sailing party.

At all these, however, he must provide a chaperon.

A very pleasant and informal way for a bachelor to entertain is to invite some of his more intimate women acquaintances to afternoon tea at his apartments. For this he writes personal notes or gives verbal invitations.

He asks some married, lady to a.s.sist him, placing it in the light of a favor to himself. She must arrive early, and remain until the last guest has left. The host pays the chaperon special deference, asking her to pour the tea, and either escorting her home or ordering a carriage for her.

Elaborate refreshments are not necessary at such an affair. Sandwiches, cakes, tea, served in the American fashion or a la' Russe, are sufficient.

The chaperon presides at the refreshment table. All things needed for the refreshment of the guests may be ordered from a caterer. If the affair is in the evening, chocolate and coffee may be served instead of tea, or cakes, coffee and ices.

The Bachelor's Chafing Dish.--If the circ.u.mstances of the bachelor permit, he may give a chafing-dish supper, presiding over the manufacture of a Welsh rarebit or lobster a la Newburg, making the coffee himself in a machine. This might take the place of the supper at a restaurant after the play. After such a supper, or a dinner in his rooms, the host escorts the ladies to their carriages, and accompanies the chaperon to her home.

If none of these methods of entertaining chance to be within the man's means--for many poor men of pleasing address are social favorites--he may fall back on the pretty compliment implied in sending flowers or bonbons, remembering that matrons as well as "buds" appreciate such attentions.

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In Village Society.--In small towns and in the country, the young man would ridicule the idea of having a chaperon along. He seldom considers the question of repaying social invitations, or paying calls after an entertainment. He should be careful to show courtesy to the host and hostess, to dance with the latter and her daughter at a dancing party, and may escort mother and daughter or the mother and some one of her friends, to a lecture or concert. Generally he ignores all claims of this character. But he should not.

Should He Offer His Arm?--A man seldom offers a woman his arm nowadays, unless she is so elderly or infirm that she needs the support. For a couple to walk arm in arm in daylight is decidedly provincial. For a man to take a woman's arm is a liberty not permissible unless she is a member of his family. He should offer his arm if holding an umbrella over her at night, on a poorly lighted street or a country road at night. A woman, unless very infirm or ill, should not walk arm-in-arm with a man in daylight.

The Outside of the Walk.--A man usually walks on a woman's right, in order to protect her if necessary, It looks absurd, however, for him to be dodging around her to keep on the outside of the walk unless some danger is to be encountered.

Minor Matters of Men's Etiquette.--A man should not carry a girl's parasol; he should however a.s.sume any parcel she may be carrying.

When a man escorts a woman to her home it is not correct for him to linger at the door. He should accompany her up the steps, ring the bell and wait until she is admitted. If the hour is at all late he should not enter, even though invited.

It is extremely bad form for a man to speak of a woman by her Christian name while talking to casual acquaintances. Though long acquaintance may sanction the familiarity at home, or among intimate friends, to all outsiders she should be Miss.

The custom of leaving the theatre between acts is inexcusable. If a man is escorting a lady, he is guilty of great rudeness if he leaves her,