Mother's Remedies Part 186

It is customary to engage card tables and chairs for such an entertainment. The refreshments are served on these tables. Punch is sometimes served while the game is in progress.

Very often the hostess invites some of her friends who do not play cards to come in for refreshments at half after four or five o'clock.

Refreshments should not be too elaborate for either afternoon or evening card-parties. Sandwiches, coffee, and small cakes, or ices and cake, for the afternoon; salad of some kind with coffee, olives, and some sweet or fancy wafer, for evening. Men enjoy an oyster stew served hot in the dining room.

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YOUNG GIRLS' PARTIES.

Until a girl is formally launched in society, her parties are of the simplest and most informal kind. She will invite a few friends to tea, or to a card-party, giving informal invitations and confining them to her school friends and most intimate acquaintances. Games, music, and the like are the usual amus.e.m.e.nts. Properly chaperoned, she may give a small theater party.

Birthday Party.--The largest of her social functions will probably be her birthday party. For this, her birthday flower will be chosen for decorations. Her young friends may give her little presents. Once in a season she may be invited to a small dance given for some schoolmate. This she will attend, prettily and simply gowned, and properly chaperoned. On no account will she go alone in a carriage, or with a young man alone. If she is a well bred girl she will not pique herself in dancing every dance, nor "split the dances" into fragments to please those who wish to dance with her. She will be careful not to romp nor laugh too loud; nor to permit herself to be held too closely in dancing, nor be served too often with punch.

"STAG" DINNERS.

The woman who wishes to give her husband a birthday party or anniversary will not go amiss if she makes it a "stag dinner"--that is, a dinner for men only.

To this she invites as many of his men friends as she can accommodate, and provides a good, substantial meal, without any "frills." It need not be elaborate if everything is good of its kind, well cooked and served hot.

The menu may include oysters, roast fowl, two vegetables, several relishes, and an entree, with some simple dessert and good coffee. She will also see to it that the cigars are of the proper excellence. It is optional whether she sits at the table till the coffee and cigars are served, or stays in the kitchen to superintend the serving. Red is the most appropriate color for decorations, since a man's ideas of color are usually rather crude. Men always enjoy a dinner of this kind. The evening may conclude with cards.

A stag card-party sometimes takes the place of a dinner; it is followed by a substantial supper.

THE MUSICAL AND INFORMAL TEA.

At a musical, guests are seated, the hostess remaining near the door to welcome late arrivals. If these arrive while a selection is in progress, they stand till it is finished, then find seats. Guests do not leave their seats during the intermission, but converse with those in the vicinity.

Refreshments are always served. Hats are removed.

For a very informal tea the hostess sends her card with the date and hour written across the lower corner. If a friend is staying with her, she may write "to meet Mrs. A." at the top. She will offer a cup of tea and cakes or wafers to each comer, or may ask some friend to do so for her, leaving her free to mingle with her visitors. Simplicity and informality characterize this form of receiving friends.

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ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN.

"The future destiny of the child is always the work of the mother."

--Bonaparte.

Children reflect the manners of their homes. As they learn to talk after the fashion of their parents' speech, so they learn to be polite by example, aided by training, and in both cases the habit of youth persists in greater or less degree all through life.

To train children properly requires patience and persistence, but to have polite children, and to feel that they know what to do and how to do it when they begin to go out, is certainly a great source of satisfaction to a mother, on whom the burden of training falls.

The secret of success is beginning early. Before the baby is three years old he should be in process of training. When he comes into the use of spoon, knife and fork, he should be taught how to hold these properly, and how to feed himself. He should never be permitted to play with his food; out of that baby habit comes the later playing with crumbs, holding the fork in the hand when not eating, drinking tea from a spoon, and other little gaucheries resorted to in embarra.s.sment or preoccupation. It is not necessary to wait until a child is ten or twelve years old before teaching him not to interrupt a conversation, and to make his wants known quietly and without iteration, nor yet that your yea means yea, and your nay, nay.

First Lessons.--The mother's first lesson is usually in regard to taking off his hat or cap. Teach him to remove this as soon as he enters the house, as soon as he begins to go out of doors alone, and the habit will become life-long. It is very charming to see a child of either s.e.x rise to open the door for a visitor, or stand while she talks to him. One often sees boys of seven, nine and eleven years of age occupying the seats in a car while the ladies stand. No mother should permit this.

Whether a child should say "father" and "mother," or use the more babyish form of "papa" and "mama" is a matter of parental choice, but the preference in some circles is for the former. A blunt "yes" or "no" is not thought polite from a child; he should say "yes, father," "no, mama,"

"yes, Mrs. Smith." "Ma'am" as a form of address is quite obsolete.

Most parents make the mistake of believing their children as absorbingly interesting to other people as they are to them, and bring them forward so prominently that they become tiresome. A good rule is for the mother to allow children to greet the visitor and then send them away to their play.

The spectacle of a little child primly seated on a chair and "taking in"

the conversation with eyes and ears is not wholly edifying; while to allow a child to hang on a visitor or monopolize the attention makes the youngster a nuisance.

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CHILDREN'S PARTIES.

There is nothing children love better than a party. It takes so little to make them happy that the exertion is well repaid by their pleasure. A few games, a light supper, an inexpensive souvenir, and they have had "a perfectly splendid time."

For children from five to twelve, the best hours for a party are from three to half past five. This gives time for all to return home by six o'clock. Few mothers wish to have their children out evenings at that age.

Where the children are old enough they should write their own invitations.

They should receive their guests themselves, the mother standing in the background to see that they do it properly and to second their welcome.

The little host or hostess should early learn the lesson that she must study the pleasure of her guests, not her own, and be taught the courtesies required of her.

Games.--The first thing is the games, which are suitable to the children's age. Little ones play romping games, like "Cat and Mouse," "London Bridge," etc.; those a little older enjoy a peanut hunt or a peanut race, or supplying the donkey with a caudal appendage. Many novel games are possible. Or the children may be asked to a doll's party, or an animal party. To the one they bring their favorite doll; to the other their teddy bears and cotton elephants.

Supper.--The supper should be simple. Sandwiches, cocoa, jellies, and fancy cookies not too rich. After the supper they may dance "Sir Roger de Coverley," or some simple form all know, and then little souvenirs may be distributed in a way that leads to a hunt. Notes are written and put in a bag; each child takes one; the note directs where to look. All rush pell mell to that spot. There they find directions to look somewhere else, and finally each gets a little card or a note directing a search at some particular place, say in a basket in the hall or in the dining room, where each finds and unwraps a little gift. Or a large paper sack filled with wrapped bonbons is hung between folding doors, each child blindfolded in turn, given a cane and instructed to hit the sack if he can. Presently the paper is broken and the youngsters scramble for the contents. Each little guest should thank the giver of the party and the mother for the pleasure enjoyed. The little host or hostess should stand where they can make their adieus, for it is no longer proper to "take French leave" on any occasion except "a crush."

Games for Older Children.--Older children enjoy a peanut hunt, or a spider party where they follow a twine through a labyrinth of loopings and find a small prize at the end, or a book party, where each guest represents the t.i.tle of some book. Thus Ouida's "Under Two Flags" could be very easily represented. Young folks always enjoy "dressing up," and any hostess can either find directions for some form of fancy dress, or invent something new for herself. St. Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, May Day, the Fourth of July, Hallowe'en, have their traditional decorations, and games, and suggest their own refreshments. Elaborate refreshments have rather gone out of style.

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CONCERNING ENGAGEMENTS.

A marriage engagement is one of the most serious contracts into which young people can enter, second only to actual marriage. It is not to be lightly entered upon. It is no credit to a girl to have been several times affianced; indeed, it almost invariably occasions unfavorable comment.

There may be reasons for breaking one engagement, but when it comes to the second, Mrs. Grundy makes remarks, and is inclined to blame the girl, either for too great haste to wed, or for being fickle and capricious,

A girl should be very sure of herself before she gives her promise. She must respect the man, and have faith and confidence in him, and not permit herself to be carried away by considerations of wealth and position. If there is anything about him she dislikes, she may be sure dislike will become aversion after marriage, unless she has a genuine affection for him.

Parental Wishes.--She should not engage herself without consulting her parents. Where can she find better advice than from those who have cared for her so long and faithfully? Where there is parental disapproval, a girl should show her respect for her parents' opinion by avoiding a hasty decision. Men know men much better than women can ever know them; and the opposition of a father or older brother should have due consideration.

In these days and in this country, young women take their matrimonial affairs into their own hands. "In the good old times" the young man asked the consent of the girl's parents before he was sure of her sentiments toward him; he asked permission to woo, and if in his eagerness he forestalled the etiquette of the occasion she modestly referred him to her parents, first indicating her consent would accompany theirs. In the twentieth century the young people too often settle the matter between themselves, and announce their intentions to wed quite regardless of their parents' sentiments on the subject. So many youthful attachments are really youthful follies that the girl who submits her wishes to her parents' counsel often has reason to consider herself fortunate. Girls, however, almost invariably regard parental opposition as unreasonable; actually it is often founded on a better understanding of their temperaments and the character of the young men in the case than they imagine--or in many cases can be made to see.

A manly man will approach the father of the girl he wishes to make his wife, state his prospects, and ask the father's consent. If withheld, he will not urge the girl into a hasty marriage, but will wait until the opposition has diminished. In case this does not happen, the girl has at least had an opportunity to learn her own mind. Many who have married against their parents' wishes have lived happily; it must be admitted that others have not. Delay, at least, gives time for reason to outweigh romance.

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It is especially awkward for the girl if the parents of her fiance do not approve his choice. In such case she should give ample time for their disapproval to have whatever effect it may on the young man's feelings towards her. Some girls refuse to enter a man's family unless made welcome.

No girl should engage herself to a man she has known but a short time; certainly not without searching inquiry into his reputation in his former place of residence. No man can reasonably object to such inquiries; indeed, he should welcome them; invite them by furnishing credentials. No matter how violently in love a girl may be, she should not throw prudence and discretion to the winds.