More Toasts Part 62

--_Jack Burroughs_.

Frederick was sitting on the curb, crying, when Billy came along and asked him what was the matter.

"Oh, I feel so bad 'cause Major's dead--my nice old collie!" sobbed Frederick.

"Shucks!" said Billy. "My grandmother's been dead a week, and you don't catch me crying."

Frederick gave his eyes and nose a swipe with his hand, and, looking up at Billy, sobbed, despairingly:

"Yes, but you didn't raise your grandmother from a pup."

_Dogs and their Friends._ _(The Greeting)_

A thousand velvet eyes aglow with thanks, A thousand tiny paws in welcome waved, An orchestra of barks and neighs and purrs Struck up, and maddest gayety betrayed!

Each satin nose will press its owner's hand, Such happiness and frolic will abound When Anti-Cruelty meets all its friends At last, within their Happy Hunting Ground!

--_Marie Bordeaux_.

Dogs will be dogs.

They also serve who only watch at night and bark.

Tis better to have loved a dog than never to have loved at all.

A little battle now and then is relished by the best of dogs.

h.e.l.l hath no fury like an angered bulldog.

For a dog, all roads lead home.

Bark and the whole neighborhood barks with you; hide and you hide alone.

Dogs should be trained but not hurt.

A buried bone is a joy forever.

Fidelity, thy name is Fido.

--_Edmund J. Kiefer_.

A friend may smile and bid you hail, Yet wish you with the devil; But when a good dog wags his tail, You know he's on the level.

_The Seven Wonders of the World._ (_According to Fido_)

His master.

Meat.

Children.

Rags.

The moon.

Being tickled.

Fleas.

He was a very small boy. Paddy was his dog, and Paddy was nearer to his heart than anything on earth. When Paddy met swift and hideous death on the turnpike road the boy's mother trembled to break the news. But it had to be, and when he came home from school she told him simply:

"Paddy has been run over and killed."

He took it very quietly. All day it was the same. But five minutes after he had gone to bed there echoed through the house a shrill and sudden lamentation. His mother rushed upstairs with solicitude and pity.

"Nurse says," he sobbed, "that Paddy has been run over and killed."

"But, dear, I told you that at dinner, and you didn't seem to be troubled at all."

"No; but--but I didn't know you said Paddy. I--I thought you said daddy!"

PUP--"Great cats; That's a nerve! Somebody has put up a building right where I buried a bone!"--_Puck_.

_See also_ Dachshunds.

DOMESTIC FINANCE

LITTLE TOMMY--"What does 'close quarters' mean, Ma?"

WEARY MOTHER--"It's a definition of my trying to get twenty-five cents from your father."

"Ma, what does the 'home-stretch' mean?"

"Making a fifteen-dollar-a-week allowance go around, my son."

WIFE--"Ta-ta, dearie; I'll write before the end of the week."

HUSBAND--"Good gracious, Alice, you must make that check last longer than that!"

"Dearie," said the young married man, "I have to go to New York on business. It will only take a day or so and I hope you won't miss me too much while I'm gone, but--"

"I won't," answered his young wife, positively, "because I'm going with you."

"I wish you could, dear, but it won't be convenient this time. What would you want to go for, anyhow? I'm going to be too busy to be with you, and--"

"I have to go. I need clothes."

"But, darling--you can get all the clothes you want right here on Euclid Avenue."

"Thank you. That's all I wanted."