More Bab Ballads Part 7

They sought the Earl that very day; The Sage began to say his say.

The Earl (a very wicked man, Whose face bore Vice's blackest ban) Cut short the scholar's simple tale, And said in voice to make them quail, "Pooh! go along! you're drunk, no doubt-- Here, PETERS, turn these people out!"

The Sage, rebuffed in mode uncouth, Returning, met the Mystic Youth.

"My darling boy," the Scholar said, "Take MARY--blessings on your head!"

The Mystic Boy undid his vest, And took a parchment from his breast, And said, "Now, by that n.o.ble brow, I ne'er knew father such as thou!

The sterling rule of common sense Now reaps its proper recompense.

Rejoice, my soul's unequalled Queen, For I am DUKE OF GRETNA GREEN!"

Ballad: The King Of Canoodle-Dum

The story of FREDERICK GOWLER, A mariner of the sea, Who quitted his ship, the Howler, A-sailing in Caribbee.

For many a day he wandered, Till he met in a state of rum CALAMITY POP VON PEPPERMINT DROP, The King of Canoodle-Dum.

That monarch addressed him gaily, "Hum! Golly de do to-day?

Hum! Lily-white Buckra Sailee"-- (You notice his playful way?)-- "What d.i.c.kens you doin' here, sar?

Why debbil you want to come?

Hum! Picaninnee, dere isn't no sea In City Canoodle-Dum!"

And GOWLER he answered sadly, "Oh, mine is a doleful tale!

They've treated me werry badly In Lunnon, from where I hail.

I'm one of the Family Royal-- No common Jack Tar you see; I'm WILLIAM THE FOURTH, far up in the North, A King in my own countree!"

Bang-bang! How the tom-toms thundered!

Bang-bang! How they thumped this gongs!

Bang-bang! How the people wondered!

Bang-bang! At it hammer and tongs!

Alliance with Kings of Europe Is an honour Canoodlers seek, Her monarchs don't stop with PEPPERMINT DROP Every day in the week!

FRED told them that he was undone, For his people all went insane, And fired the Tower of London, And Grinnidge's Naval Fane.

And some of them racked St. James's, And vented their rage upon The Church of St. Paul, the Fishmongers' Hall, And the Angel at Islington.

CALAMITY POP implored him In his capital to remain Till those people of his restored him To power and rank again.

CALAMITY POP he made him A Prince of Canoodle-Dum, With a couple of caves, some beautiful slaves, And the run of the royal rum.

Pop gave him his only daughter, HUM PICKETY WIMPLE TIP: FRED vowed that if over the water He went, in an English ship, He'd make her his Queen,--though truly It is an unusual thing For a Caribbee brat who's as black as your hat To be wife of an English King.

And all the Canoodle-Dummers They copied his rolling walk, His method of draining rummers, His emblematical talk.

For his dress and his graceful breeding, His delicate taste in rum, And his nautical way, were the talk of the day In the Court of Canoodle-Dum.

CALAMITY POP most wisely Determined in everything To model his Court precisely On that of the English King; And ordered that every lady And every lady's lord Should masticate jacky (a kind of tobaccy), And scatter its juice abroad.

They signified wonder roundly At any astounding yarn, By darning their dear eyes roundly ('T was all they had to darn).

They "hoisted their slacks," adjusting Garments of plantain-leaves With nautical twitches (as if they wore breeches, Instead of a dress like EVE'S!)

They shivered their timbers proudly, At a phantom forelock dragged, And called for a hornpipe loudly Whenever amus.e.m.e.nt flagged.

"Hum! Golly! him POP resemble, Him Britisher sov'reign, hum!

CALAMITY POP VON PEPPERMINT DROP, De King of Canoodle-Dum!"

The mariner's lively "Hollo!"

Enlivened Canoodle's plain (For blessings unnumbered follow In Civilization's train).

But Fortune, who loves a bathos, A terrible ending planned, For ADMIRAL D. CHICKABIDDY, C.B., Placed foot on Canoodle land!

That rebel, he seized KING GOWLER, He threatened his royal brains, And put him aboard the Howler, And fastened him down with chains.

The Howler she weighed her anchor, With FREDERICK nicely nailed, And off to the North with WILLIAM THE FOURTH These horrible pirates sailed.

CALAMITY said (with folly), "Hum! nebber want him again-- Him civilize all of us, golly!

CALAMITY suck him brain!"

The people, however, were pained when They saw him aboard his ship, But none of them wept for their FREDDY, except HUM PICKETY WIMPLE TIP.

Ballad: First Love

A clergyman in Berkshire dwelt, The REVEREND BERNARD POWLES, And in his church there weekly knelt At least a hundred souls.

There little ELLEN you might see, The modest rustic belle; In maidenly simplicity, She loved her BERNARD well.

Though ELLEN wore a plain silk gown Untrimmed with lace or fur, Yet not a husband in the town But wished his wife like her.

Though sterner memories might fade, You never could forget The child-form of that baby-maid, The Village Violet!

A simple frightened loveliness, Whose sacred spirit-part Shrank timidly from worldly stress, And nestled in your heart.

POWLES woo'd with every well-worn plan And all the usual wiles With which a well-schooled gentleman A simple heart beguiles.

The hackneyed compliments that bore World-folks like you and me, Appeared to her as if they wore The crown of Poesy.

His winking eyelid sang a song Her heart could understand, Eternity seemed scarce too long When BERNARD squeezed her hand.

He ordered down the martial crew Of G.o.dFREY'S Grenadiers, And COOTE conspired with TINNEY to Ecstaticise her ears.

Beneath her window, veiled from eye, They nightly took their stand; On birthdays supplemented by The Covent Garden band.

And little ELLEN, all alone, Enraptured sat above, And thought how blest she was to own The wealth of POWLES'S love.

I often, often wonder what Poor ELLEN saw in him; For calculated he was NOT To please a woman's whim.

He wasn't good, despite the air An M.B. waistcoat gives; Indeed, his dearest friends declare No greater humbug lives.

No kind of virtue decked this priest, He'd nothing to allure; He wasn't handsome in the least,-- He wasn't even poor.

No--he was cursed with acres fat (A Christian's direst ban), And gold--yet, notwithstanding that, Poor ELLEN loved the man.