Monsieur De Pourceaugnac Part 4

MR. POUR. The thing was well done.

ERA. Very.

MR. POUR. The dinner was well got up.

ERA. Yes, indeed.

MR. POUR. Then you must remember the quarrel I had with that gentleman from Perigord.

ERA. Yes.

MR. POUR. He met with his match, eh?

ERA. Ah! ah!

MR. POUR. He slapped my face; but I paid him back handsomely.

ERA. Very handsomely. By the bye, I shall not allow you to go to any other house but mine.

MR. POUR. I would not....

ERA. Nonsense! I will not allow one of my best friends to go anywhere but to my house.

MR. POUR. It would be disturb....

ERA. No; deuce take it all. You shall stay with me.

SBRI. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Since he will have it so, I advise you to accept.

ERA. Where is your luggage?

MR. POUR. With my servant, where we stopped.

ERA. Send somebody to fetch it.

MR. POUR. No. I forbade him to let it go out of his sight, for fear of swindlers.

SBRI. You did quite right.

MR. POUR. It is good to be cautious in this place.

ERA. We always know a man of sense.

SBRI. I will accompany this gentleman, and bring him back where you wish.

ERA. Do so. I have a few orders to give; but you only need come to that house yonder.

SBRI. We will come back presently.

ERA. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). I shall expect you with great impatience.

MR. POUR. (_to_ SBRIGANI). I find an acquaintance when I little expected to meet with one.

SBRI. He looks like an honest man. (_Exeunt._)

ERA. (_alone_). Ah! ah! Mr. de Pourceaugnac, you will get it hot!

Everything is ready, and I have only to give the word. Soho! there.

SCENE VII.--eRASTE, AN APOTHECARY.

ERA. I think, Sir, that you are the doctor to whom somebody went to speak in my name.

APO. No, Sir. I am not the doctor; such an honour does not belong to me. I am only an unworthy apothecary; at your service.

ERA. Is the doctor at home, then.

APO. Yes; he is in there, trying to get rid quickly of some patients.

I will tell him that you are here.

ERA. No; you need not disturb him; I will wait till he has done. I have to entrust to his care a certain relation of mine he was told about today. He is attacked with a sort of madness that we should like to see cured before we marry him to anyone.

APO. I know; I know all about it. I was there when he was told of this affair. Upon my word, Sir; upon my word, you could not apply to a more skilful doctor. He is a man who understands medicine thoroughly, as well as I do my A B C;[8] and who, were you to die for it, would not abate one iota of the rules of the ancients. Yes, he always follows the high-road--the high-road, Sir, and doesn't spend his time finding out mares' nests. For all the gold in the world he would not cure anybody with other medicines than those prescribed by the faculty.

ERA. He is quite right. A patient should not wish to be cured unless the faculty consents to it.

APO. It is not because we are great friends that I speak so of him; but it is a pleasure to be his patient, and I had rather die by his medicines than be cured with those of another. For, whatever may happen, we know for certain that things are always in due order; and should we die under his care, our heirs have nothing to reproach us with.

ERA. A great comfort to a dead man.

APO. Certainly; it is pleasant to have died according to rules.

Moreover, he is not one of those doctors who let a disease off. He is an expeditious man--expeditious, Sir, who likes to clear off his patients; and when they are to die, the thing is done in no time.

ERA. There is, to be sure, nothing like going through the business quickly.

APO. Indeed, what is the use of haggling over the matter, and beating so long about the bush? One should know offhand the long and short of an illness.

ERA. You are quite right.

APO. Why, he did me the honour of taking care of three of my children; they died in less than four days, whereas with another they would have lingered for more than three months.

ERA. It is a blessing to have friends like these.

APO. Decidedly. I have still two children left, of whom he takes care as if they were his own; he attends them, and physics them as he pleases, without my interfering in the least; and very frequently on my return from the city, I am quite surprised to find that they have been bled or purged by his direction.

ERA. This is kind care indeed!

APO. Here he is, here he is; here he is coming.