Monsieur De Pourceaugnac Part 11

LUC. I do tul 'ee 'ow that I be 'is weiv.

NER. His woif?

LUC. Ees fie!

NER. Aa tell ye once more, that it's me at's joost that.

LUC. An' I vows an' declares as 'ow tez me, my own zul.

NER. 'Twere fowr yeer agone 'at he wed me.

LUC. An' me, tez zeben yur sinz 'e teuk me vur 'iz weiv.

NER. Aa can proove aal 'at aa say.

LUC. All my naibours knowth ut.

NER. Owr town can well witness to it.

LUC. All Pezenas zeed us amarried.

NER. All Sin Quintin helpt at owr weddin'.

LUC. Thur cant be nort more saafur.

NER. Nowt can be more sartin.

LUC. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Dis thee dare to zay rt gin ut, yeu villun?

NER. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Canst thou deny me, wicked man?

MR. POUR. One is as true as the other.

LUC. What eemperence! What, yeu rogue, yeu don't mind poor leedle Franky an' poor leedle Jinny--they that be the outcomin's o' our marridge?

NER. Joost look, there's cheek! What! thou's forgot yon poor cheel, owr little Maggy, 'at thou's lef me for a pledge o' thy faith?

MR. POUR. What impudent jades!

LUC. Yur Franky! Yur Jinny, come both o' ee, come both o' ee, come an'

mak yur bad rascal of a father own to 'ow ee've asard all o' us.

NER. Coom hither, Maggy, maa cheel, coom heere quick, an' shame your fayther of th' impudence 'at he's gotten.

SCENE X.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, ORONTE, LUCETTE, NeRINE, SEVERAL CHILDREN.

CHI. Fayther! fayther! fayther!

MR. POUR. Deuce take the little brats!

LUC. What yeu, villun, artn thee fit to drap, vur to tak to yur chillurn arter jis farshin, an' to keep thee eyes vas, 'feerd thee mids show lig a father teu 'em? Thee shetn git away vrom me, yeu scaulus oseburd! I'll volly thee ivery place, and cry op thee wickedness 'gin I've asard thee out, an' 'gin I've amade thee zwing.

Rascal, I sheud like vur to mak thee zwing vor't, an' that I sheud.

NER. Wilt not bloosh to spaik yon words, an' to tak no thowt o'th kissin' o' yon poor cheel? Thou'lt not get clear o' ma claws; aa can tell thee! an spoit o' thy showin' thy teeth, aa'l mak thee know 'at aa'm thy woif, an' aa'l mak thee hang for it.

CHIL. Fayther! fayther! fayther!

MR. POUR. Help! help! Where shall I run?

ORO. Go; you will do right to have him punished, and he richly deserves to be hanged.

SCENE XI.--SBRIGANI (_alone_).

Everything has been done according to my wish, and is succeeding admirably. We will so weary out our provincial that he will only be too thankful to leave the place.

SCENE XII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.

MR. POUR. Ah! I am murdered! What vexation! What a cursed town!

a.s.sa.s.sinated everywhere!

SBRI. What is it, Sir? Has anything new happened?

MR. POUR. Yes; it rains doctors and women in this country.

SBRI. How is that?

MR. POUR. Two jabbering jades have just been accusing me of being married to both of them, and have threatened me with justice.

SBRI. This is a bad business, for in this country justice is terribly rigorous against that sort of crime.

MR. POUR. Yes; but even if there should be information, citation, decree, and verdict obtained by surprise, default, and contumacy, I have still the alternative of a conflict of jurisdiction to gain time, and a resort to the means of nullity that will be found in the court case.

SBRI. The very terms, and it is easy to see that you are in the profession, Sir.

MR. POUR. I? Certainly not; I am a gentleman.[14]

SBRI. But to speak as you do, you must have studied the law.

MR. POUR. Not at all. It is only common sense which tells me that I shall always be admitted to be justified by facts, and that I could not be condemned upon a simple accusation, without witnesses, evidence, and confrontation with my adverse party.

SBRI. This is more clever still.

MR. POUR. These words come into my head without my knowledge.

SBRI. It seems to me that the common sense of a gentleman may go so far as to understand what belongs to right and the order of justice, but not to know the very terms of chicane.