Mistress Penwick Part 30

"But it does, I cannot help it; and I see also thy disappointment, for thy hands tremble."

"We have had much to unnerve us, and I am still under restraint."

"I would thou hadst sent a better _emba.s.sage_!"

"We could not have found a fairer." At these words Mistress Penwick shrunk from him, remembering her disguise; which, though it was a custom of the time for one to go masqued when and where they pleased, upon whatsoever mission, yet she felt guilty to positive wickedness for having so cloaked her beauty, and did not the Father's words imply that her charms should have won success? For a moment she remained silent. A flash of lightning fell broad through the open window. She quickly glanced at Janet, who appeared to be asleep in her corner.

Katherine bent her face close to the Abbe's and whispered,--

"Father, might I not here make my confessions? I would have come to thee at the monastery if it had been possible. The confessional has not been open to me since I left the convent, and I feel I must confess. I must now; for I know not when I shall be able again to have converse with a priest. May I, Father?"

"'Tis a noisome, stormy night and thy nurse there--"

"I will speak low, beside I care not if she does hear that that doth concern myself; for, indeed she understands me better than I understand myself. Then I may speak, Father?"

"I will hear that I deem needful for the peace of thy soul; if perchance thy soul be wrought upon unhappily; and for sins innocently done I absolve thee already." Mistress Penwick half knelt by the cowled figure and placed her elbows upon his knees, and after saying the prayers of contrition leant her face close to his.

"I have been guilty of what I believe to be a very great sin. Father, I disguised myself to go before the King!" She trembled and bent her head. The priest's voice was calm and unperturbed.

"And why didst thou that?"

"I heard 'twas an unsafe thing for a maid boasting of some fairness to visit the King."

"Why so?"

"I have heard he keeps them for his own pleasure, allowing not their return."

"And didst thou think we would have let thee go to him, had it not been safe?"

"But I thought, good Father, living as closely as thou dost, thou didst not know of the matters of the world, and I ventured to use my own judgment, meaning no harm. But I will go to him unmasqued if thou dost appoint it so. I intend to do so. Shall I not?"

"Nay, thou hast done all and more than is expected of thee."

"How, more?"

"'Twas brave to go at all after hearing of his Majesty's demeanour."

"But I was not very much afraid; indeed, I became very calm as I entered his presence."

"If I understand, thou wert ambitious to become a Maid of Honour."

"At one time, but having better acquaintance with the Court, I feel my ardour has cooled."

"We have gone somewhat astray, my child. We will finish thy confessions for I soon must leave thee. Indeed, if this is the weighty part of thy sins, there is no need to confess any more."

"One thing I am particularly anxious to inquire of thee. Since love comes and we cannot help it, 'twould be wrong not to give it place?"

"If the love is love and not masquerading pa.s.sion, and it comes from one who is not altogether unworthy of thee?"

"Indeed, he is most worthy, barring his religion, which is Protestant.

I would have advice upon this matter, for I believe the love is mutual."

"My child, if his heart is good and true, and thou lovest him, and he thee, the manner of worshipping G.o.d should not be of question, since one shows his love one way and another another. The common scullion, who, from year's end to year's end sees not inside the holy sanctuary, may carry in his heart the divine image of G.o.d and pay him homage every breath he draws; while he who walks in sacred robes and abides ever in the shadow of the cross, taking part in all the forms, pomps, vanities and varied monotony, may have Satan within him and breathes out flames of h.e.l.l as he intones. We can in all things beside religion discern punctilio. There is no sect that has the control of the Holy Spirit; it is the exclusive property of the individual who gains the right and t.i.tle of it by the keeping of the ten commandments. So, if thou art sure thou dost love the youth, and art most sure he loves thee sincerely, then--"

"Then, indeed, I am most happy; for I am sure he is n.o.ble and good and--loves me."

"When didst thou learn that he loved thee; for if I mistake not, thou wert recently bent upon marrying one Adrian Cantemir, who, I must declare, is altogether unworthy of a maid who doth possess such virtue."

"I have learned to since--since--I can't tell when--I knew I loved him--yesterday--the day before. I know it now. I tremble when I think of how well I love him. I have been so uncertain, Father. I thought I loved this one, and then another, and for a time I was not sure I knew what love was. Then it came to me on a sudden that I would rather die than live all my life without the one I so desired. And yesterday I knew of a certainty that I loved and that I was loved."

"Yesterday?"--and the priest winced, and there was pain in the tone of his voice as he uttered the word.

"Aye, yesterday--I was thinking. I thought of his kindness to me--of the deference he has shown me, of his great patience toward me; and I saw how well he loved me."

"Was it the King's son, my child?"

"Nay, one not nearly so gentle as the Duke. He is more n.o.ble at heart and hath a most n.o.ble name. He hath a handsome countenance, more even than the Duke's, and Janet says he hath the finest mould in all England. Indeed, I do not know so much about such things, but I am sure his hands are near as small as mine, but with a grasp like iron.

He is wonderfully strong and hath an awful stamp when in rage, and his temper is most violent and bad, and his tongue is vicious;--indeed, Father, I know not what to do with his oaths. They frighten me."

"Perhaps if thou shouldst go to him and ask in all gentleness, he would leave off blasphemy."

"But I have no influence with him. When anger takes him, he is terrible."

"Then I'm afraid he does not love thee."

"Aye, he loves me; but wants his own way, and--to be sure, I love him quite as well when he does have his way--which is not often. Janet says I provoke him to swear." Again the priest started and his white hands trembled suspiciously.

"And how dost thou so provoke him, child?"

"He would marry me straightway and give me not time to know whether I wanted him or not, and I refused and he fell into an awful fury and swore oaths and I could not stop him,--Father, I said I hated him, and now he so believes, and I would have him think otherwise; yet I would not tell him for the world. When I meet him, it shall be--with cold looks."

"Then how is he to know thy mind?"

"I know not." Katherine shook her head dolefully.

"Then when he greets thee, why not smile at him and look thy feelings?"

"I know not, only 'tis my way. I shall love to hear him plead again. I hated to hear it once; but now--'twill be like music."

"What if he is cold to thee?"

"If he is cold, I will go to him and ask him to forgive me for what I have done."

"Then thou art culpable?"

"Aye, I fear I am, for he now suffers for my fault, or rather for his love of me."

"But if he greets thee with all love and holds out his arms to thee?"

"Then I shall be most happy, but shall act indifferently."