Memoirs of a Midget Part 10

"You'd be astonished," I a.s.sured him, "how slight the differences really are. A few inches or ounces; red or black or fawn; and age, and s.e.x, of course; that's all. Now, isn't it true, Dr Phelps, that almost any twenty women--unselected, you know--would weigh about a ton? And surely there's no particular reason why just human sh.e.l.ls should weigh as much as that. We are not lobsters. And yet, do you know, I have watched, and they really seem to enjoy being the same as one another.

One would think they tried to be--manners and habits, knowledge and victuals, hats and boots, everything. And if on the outside, I suppose on the inside, too. What a mysterious thing it seems. All of them _thinking_ pretty much the same: Norm-_Thoughts_, you know; just five-foot-fivers. After all, one wouldn't so much mind the monotonous packages, if the contents were different. 'Forty feeding like one'--who said that? Now, truly, Dr Phelps, don't you feel?---- It would, of course, be very serious at first for their mothers and fathers if all the little human babies here came midgets, but it would be amusing, too, wouldn't it?... And it isn't quite my own idea, either."

Dr Phelps cleared his throat, and looked at his watch. "But surely," he said, with a peculiar emphasis which I have noticed men are apt to make when my s.e.x asks intelligent or unintelligent questions: "Surely you and I are understanding one another. _I_ try to make myself clear to _you_.

So extremes _can_ meet; at least I hope so." He gave me a charming little awkward bow. "Tell me, then, what is this peculiar difference you are so anxious about? You wouldn't like a pygmy England, a pygmy Universe, now, would you, Miss M.?"

It was a great pity. A pygmy England--the thought dazzled me. In a few minutes Dr Phelps would perhaps have set all my doubts at rest. But at that moment Miss Bowater came in with the tea, and the talk took quite another turn. She just made it f.a.n.n.y's size. Even Dr Phelps looked a great deal handsomer in her company. More sociable. Nor were we to remain "three's none." She had finished but one slice of toast over my fire, and inflamed but one cheek, when a more protracted but far less vigorous knock than Dr Phelps's on the door summoned her out of the room again. And a minute or two afterwards our tea-party became one of four, and its s.e.xes (in number, at any rate) equally matched.

By a happy coincidence, just as Good King Wenceslas had looked out on the Feast of Stephen, so Mr Crimble, the curate-in-charge at St Peter's, had looked in. By his "Ah, Phelps!" it was evident that our guests were well acquainted with one another; and f.a.n.n.y and I were soon enjoying a tea enriched by the cream of local society. Mr Crimble had mild dark eyes, gold spectacles, rather full red lips, and a voice that reminded me of raspberries. I think he had heard of me, for he was very attentive, and handled my small cup and saucer with remarkable, if rather conspicuous, ingenuity.

Candles were lit. The talk soon became animated. From the weather of this Christmas we pa.s.sed to the weather of last, to Dr Phelps's prospects of skating, and thence to the good old times, to Mr Pickwick, to our respective childish beliefs in Santa Claus, stockings, and to credulous parents. f.a.n.n.y repeated some of the nave remarks made by her pupils, and Mr Crimble capped them with a collection of biblical _bons mots_ culled in his Sunday School. I couldn't glance fast enough from one to the other. Dr Phelps steadily munched and watched Mr Crimble. He in turn told us of a patient of his, a Mrs Hall, who, poor old creature, was 101, and enjoyed nothing better than playing at "Old Soldier" with a small grandson.

"Literally, second childhood. Senile decay," he said, pa.s.sing his cup.

From Mrs Hall we naturally turned to parochial affairs; and then Mr Crimble, without more ado, bolted his mouthful of toast, in order to explain the inmost purpose of his visit.

He was anxious to persuade Miss Bowater to sing at the annual Parish Concert, which was to be given on New Year's Eve. Try as he might, he had been unable to persuade his vicar of the efficacy of Watch Night Services. So a concert was to be given instead. Now, would Miss Bowater, as ever, be ever so kind, and would I add my entreaties to his? As he looked at f.a.n.n.y and I did too--with one of those odd turns of the mind, I was conscious that the peculiar leaning angle of his head was exactly the same as my own. Whereupon I glanced at Dr Phelps, but he sat fair and foursquare, one feeding like forty. f.a.n.n.y remaining hesitant, appeal was made to him. With almost more cordiality than Mr Crimble appeared to relish, he agreed that the musical talent available was not so abundant as it might be, and he promised to take as many of the expensive tickets as Miss Bowater would sing songs.

"I don't pretend to be musical, not like you, Crimble. But I don't mind a pleasant voice--in moderation; and I a.s.sure you, Miss Bowater, I am an excellent listener--given a fair chance, you know."

"But then," said f.a.n.n.y, "so am I. I believe now really--and one can judge from one's speaking voice, can't one, Mr Crimble?--I believe you sing yourself."

"Sing, Miss Bowater," interjected Mr Crimble, tipping back his chair.

"'The wedding guest here beat his chest, for he heard the loud ba.s.soon.'

Now, conjuring tricks, eh, Phelps? With a stethoscope and a clinical thermometer; and I'll hold the hat and make the omelette. It would bring down the house."

"It was his _breast_ he beat; not his _chest_," I broke in.

The six eyes slid round, as if at a voice out of the clouds. There was a pause.

"Why, exactly," cried Mr Crimble, slapping his leg.

"But I wish Dr Phelps _would_ sing," said f.a.n.n.y in a small voice, pa.s.sing him the sugar.

"He must, he shall," said Mr Crimble, in extreme jubilation. "So that's settled. _Thank_ you, Miss Bowater," his eyes seemed to melt in his head at his success, "the programme is complete."

He drew a slip of paper from his inside pocket and brandished a silver pencil-case. "Mrs Browning, 'The Better Land'--better and better every year. 'Caller Herrin" to follow--though what kind of herrings caller herrings are I've never been able to discover." He beamed on me. "Miss Finch--she is sending me the names of her songs this evening. Miss Willett and Mr Bangor--'O that we two,' and a queer pair they'd look; and 'My luv is like.' Hardy annuals. Mrs Bullace--recitations, 'Abt Vogler,' and no doubt a Lord Tennyson. Flute, Mr Piper; 'Cello, Miss Oran, a niece of Lady Pollacke's; and for comic relief, Tom Sturgess, of course; though I hope he will be a little more--er--eclectic this year.

And you and I," again he turned his boyish brow on me, "will sit with Mrs Bowater in the front row of the gallery--a claque, Phelps, eh?"

He seemed to be in the topmost height of good spirits. Well, thought I, if social badinage and _bonhomie_ were as pleasant and easy as this, why hadn't my mother----?

"But why in the gallery?" drawled f.a.n.n.y suddenly from the hearthrug, with the little steel poker ready poised; "Miss M. _dances_."

The clear voice rasped on the word. A peculiar silence followed the lingering accents. The two gentlemen's faces smoothed themselves out, and both, I knew, though I gave them no heed, sat gazing, _not_ at their hostess. But f.a.n.n.y herself was looking at me now, her light eyes quite still in the flame of the candles, which, with their reflections in Mrs Bowater's pier gla.s.s were not two, but four. It was into those eyes I gazed, yet not into, only at.

All day my thoughts had remained on her, like bubbles in wine. All day hope of the coming night and of our expedition to the woods had been, as it were, a palace in which my girlish fancy had wandered, and now, though only a few minutes ago I had been cheeping my small extemporary philosophy into the ear of Dr Phelps, the fires of self-contempt and hatred burned up in me hotter than ever.

I forgot even the dainty dressing-jacket on my back. "Miss Bowater is pleased to be satirical," I said, my hand clenched in my lap.

"Now _was_ I?" cried f.a.n.n.y, appealing to Dr Phelps, "be just to me." Dr Phelps opened his mouth, swallowed, and shut it again.

"I really think not, you know," said Mr Crimble persuasively, coming to her rescue. "Indeed it would be extremely kind and--er--entertaining; though dancing--er--and--unless, perhaps, so many strangers.... We can count in any case on your being _present_, can we not, Miss M.?" He leaned over seductively, finger and thumb twitching at the plain gold cross suspended from his watch-chain on his black waistcoat.

"Oh, yes," I replied, "you can count on me for the claque."

The room had sunk into a stillness. Constraint was in the air. "Then that's settled. On New Year's Eve we--we all meet again. Unless, Miss Bowater, there is any hope of seeing you meanwhile--just to arrange the _t.i.tles_ and so on of your songs on the programme."

"No," smiled f.a.n.n.y, "I see no hope whatever. You forget, Mr Crimble, there are dishes to wash. And hadn't you better see Miss Finch first?"

Mr Crimble cast a strange look at her face. He was close to her, and it was almost as if he had whispered, "f.a.n.n.y." But there was no time for further discussion. Dr Phelps, gloved and b.u.t.toned, was already at the door.

f.a.n.n.y returned into the room when our guests had taken their departure.

I heard their male voices in vivacious talk as they marched off in the cold dark air beneath my window.

"I thought they were never going," said f.a.n.n.y lightly, twisting up into her hair an escaped ringlet. "I think, do you know, we had better say nothing to mother about the tea--at least not yet a while. They are dull creatures: it's pottering about so dull and sleepy a place, I suppose.

What _could_ have inspired you to invite Dr Phelps to tea? Really, really, Miss M., you are rather astonishing. Aren't you, now?"

What right had she to speak to me like this, as if we had met again after another life? She paused in her swift collection of the remnants of our feast. "Sulking?" she inquired sweetly.

With an effort I kept my self-possession. "You meant what you said, then? You really think I would sink to that?"

"'Sink!' To what? Oh, the dancing, you mean. How funny you should still be fretting about that. Still, you look quite entertaining when you are cross: 'Diaphenia like the daffadowndilly,' you know. Good Heavens!

Surely we shouldn't hide any kind of lights under bushels, should we?

I'm sure the Reverend Harold would agree to that. Isn't it being the least bit pedantic?"

"I should think," I retorted, "Mr Crimble would say anything pleasant to _any_ young woman."

"I have no doubt he would," she agreed. "The other cheek also, you know.

But the real question is what the young woman would say in reply. You are too sensitive, Miss M."

"Perhaps I am." Oh that I could escape from this horrible net between us. "I know this, anyhow--that I lay awake till midnight because you had made a kind of promise to come in. Then I--I 'counted the pieces.'"

Her face whitened beneath the clear skin. "Oh, so we list----" she began, turning on me, then checked herself. "I tell you this," she said, her hand trembling, "I'm sick of it all. Those--those fools! Ph! I thought that you, being as you are--snippeting along out of the night--might understand. There's such a thing as friendship on false pretences, Miss M."

Was she, too, addressing, as she supposed, a confidant hardly more external to herself than that inward being whom we engage in such endless talk and argument? Her violence shocked me; still more her "fools." For the word was still next-door neighbour in my mind to the dreadful "_Raca_."

"'Understand,'" I said, "I do, if you would only let me. You just hide in your--in your own outside. You think because I am as I am that I'm only of that much account. It's you are the--foolish. Oh, don't let us quarrel. You just came. I never knew. Every hour, every minute...."

Inarticulate my tongue might be, but my face told its tale. She must have heard many similar confessions, yet an almost childish incredulity lightened in hers.

"Keep there," she said; "keep there! I won't be a moment."

She hastened out of the room with the tea things, poising an instant like a bird on a branch as she pushed open the door with her foot. The slave left behind her listened to her footsteps dying away in a mingling of shame, sorrow, and of a happiness beyond words. I know now that it is not when we are near people that we reach themselves, not, I mean, in their looks and words, but only by following their thoughts to where the spirit within plays and has its being. Perhaps if I had realized this earlier, I shouldn't have fallen so easy a prey to f.a.n.n.y Bowater. I waited--but that particular exchange of confidences was never to be completed. A key sounded in the latch. f.a.n.n.y had but time to show herself with stooping, almost serpent-like head, in the doorway.

"To-night!" she whispered. "And not a word, not a word!"

Chapter Thirteen