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Chapter 35: Mochi Pounding (I Didn’t Say Anything About Actually Pounding Mochi)
“Maou-sama! A hero has invaded our castle!”
“AGAIN?!”
The castle where Maou-sama lives. In this castle that has turned into something like Takeshi’s Castle1 as a result of Maou-sama’s love for traps escalating into a weird direction, today too a subordinate’s voice rings out clearly in report.
Incidentally, for those who are wondering what Takeshi’s Castle is, just think of it as something like a certain TV program filled with muscles called SASUKE2. But just know that doing so would automatically earn you the ire of everyone from this author’s generation.
“Why is it that heroes come so frequently even though I said we won’t fight against humans?!”
“Everywhere has its fair share of stubborn idiots, I suppose. Also the ones who come recently are mainly heroes with half-baked levels who merely want to claim the fame from defeating you.”
The one who calmly responds to Maou-sama’s cry while sipping on red tea is (the real) Yuusha-sama.
He was dispatched by his country to keep an eye on Maou to confirm whether she bears any hostility or not, but it’s a secret that lately he’s been thinking ‘eh this Maou is so fail that it’ll probably be fine to just leave her alone.’
“…… More like, are there that many heroes?”
“It’s just something like a t.i.tle. Just saying though, I’m the only one who’s been officially acknowledged by my country. That country actually has a rather positive att.i.tude towards changing the relationship with you. It’s most likely the Church side that’s ma.s.s producing heroes by handing out certifications left and right because of their hatred of the demon race.”
“So they’re like a dime a dozen heroes?”
This otherworld’s heroes turn out to be merely ma.s.s produced. They are a far cry from a certain hero whose stomach was devoured to prevent his resurrection and yet resurrected anyways.3
“…… Can I give up being patient? Can I just get rid of them real quick?”
“You can argue for the case of legitimate self-defence, but then for sure your reputation among the humans would plummet. In a way, that might be what they’re aiming for too.”
“Ugahh—!! Just how wily are those clergymen?!”
“Excuse me……?”
“What is it! …… A rabbit?”
Maou-sama turns around at an unknown voice to see a rabbit with pure white fur.
Its twitching nose is just lovely. But right now is an urgent situation so yes look no touch.
“Ah, how do you do. I am Inaba no Shiro Usagi. Ookuninushi-sama received reports of a j.a.panese person who was summoned to be the demon lord who is feeling stressed and exhausted, so he asked me to come help in whatever way I can.”
Inaba no Shiro Usagi.
(T/N: We’ll call it Shiro Usagi, which means ‘White Rabbit.’)
The name is one that everyone knows, but actually it is a rabbit with a very fine pedigree who appeared even in Kojiki.
Just when it was in pain from having its skin flayed, it met eighty G.o.ds who told tricked it into literally rubbing salt into its own wounds. That’s when it met, and was saved by, Ookuninushi-sama.
Incidentally, the reason why its skin was flayed is because it wanted to cross the sea and tricked a bunch of crocodiles to line up as a bridge. But near the very end, it couldn’t help but to chortle about the brilliance of its own plan, which caused the crocodiles to attack it in anger.4
In short, the rabbit was simply reaping what it sowed.
“Un. I’d really appreciate some soothing, but now I’m busy so can we talk later?”
“It’s fine. There’s an intruder, right? I can drive them away without killing them.”
“Eh? You can?”
So declares Shiro Usagi with a confident puff from its nose, but its appearance is still only cuteness personified.
But in this world there are rabbits whose hobby is to crush adventurers’ necks so one should never let down one’s guard.
“Then can I ask you to take care of—”
“Are you here, Maou?!”
“They’ve already arrived?!”
“There’ve been so many attacks lately that we haven’t been able to replenish the traps in time.”
After kicking in the thick and heavy door, a band of self-proclaimed heroes rush in. Maou-sama is totally fl.u.s.tered, but Miraka-san is just calmly sipping her red tea. After all, unlike the demon lord, she only sees humans as snacks so she is completely unfazed.
“d.a.m.ned demon lord! Regret your innumerable atrocious deeds in the next wor—”
“Mallet Attack!”
“Blunt weapon?!”
“A-, Alf!!”
The self-proclaimed hero who spoke up first was pounded by Shiro Usagi with the mallet in its paws.
“Wai-, what are you doing Usagi-san?!”
“Don’t worry! He’s not dead!”
“But all four of his limbs are bent at angles that are definitely not normal!?”
Indeed, Shiro Usagi must have gotten in several blows that previous instant, as the self-proclaimed hero has been showered with blows.
But he’s not dead. He might be halfway there, or more than halfway, but he’s not dead.
“Allow me to explain! ‘Mallet Attack’ is the ultimate art of self-defence developed by rabbits who do not want to be disturbed when pounding mochi!”5
“That’s a lie for sure, right?!”
“We name it, Inaba Bokusatsu Ken!”6
“There’s the word ‘Bokusatsu’ in that name though?!”
Shiro Usagi chortles in high spirits. Its appearance is cute as ever, but the blood that had stained its fur red has genre-changed it into horror.
It’s to the degree where if you met it during the night, you’d immediately do an about turn and dash off at full speed.
“And so, I’ll take care of the others too in a flash!”
“…… Un, I guess I don’t care anymore, it’s fine as long as they’re not dead.”
““It, it’s not fine!!””
Shiro Usagi clearly has every intention to go for the kill, while Maou-sama has clearly given up. The self-proclaimed heroes raise their voices in protest, but they have no allies here in the Demon Lord’s Castle.
The real Yuusha-sama is also just looking on while enjoying red tea together with Miraka-san.
“Mortar Attack!”
“Mortars are not for throwinGAHA?!”
“Brian?!”
Starting with the young priest, Shiro Usagi fells the adventurers one by one as if pounding mochi.
It is a scene of h.e.l.l accompanied by screams and flying blood.
This is how Shiro Usagi beat to death(?) all the self-proclaimed heroes who showed up in Demon Lord’s Castle. After a week or so, rumors of ‘The Red Hare of Demon Lord’s Castle’ spread like wildfire and the number of invaders plummeted.
Today, too, this otherworld is at peace.
1Fuun! Takeshi Jo, or 風雲！たけし城 (official English name is Takeshi’s Castle) is a j.a.panese game show that aired between 1986 to 1990 that basically involves a lord of a castle who sets up various challenges for players/volunteers to overcome to get to him. Think pools of mud and pits of flour for those who fail in some manner.
2 SASUKE is another j.a.panese game show that is also known as Ninja Warrior. Unlike Takeshi’s Castle where all the challengers go forward at the same time, this one is more like each contestant taking turns challenging a four-stage obstacle course. It is still airing to this day, with numerous spin-off shows all over the world.
3 Sorry, really don’t get this reference. Anyone who knows?
4 Full story on Wikipedia here.
5 Many Asian folklores see a rabbit in the pattern of the moon. The j.a.panese see the rabbit pounding mochi. Here’s a detailed article on the Moon Rabbit, as its called.
6 Inaba is the place name from the rabbit’s name. Bokusatsu means ‘death by beating.’ Kenis the word for ‘fist’, it’s just what they add to the end of the name of schools of martial arts to indicate that it’s a fist-focused school.
