Marrying An Older Man Part 20

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Turning, she scooped her hair over one shoulder and swept her gaze downward over her back and bottom. Irene had always thought her own rear end was good, and Caroline had seen enough men patting and squeezing it to believe that Irene was right. So she could only conclude that her bottom was good enough. She was not quite as plump there as her mother, but surely that was best since she was not quite as top-heavy as Irene, either. She put a hand on her hip and shifted her weight, pleased that nothing jiggled that shouldn't. Still, it was the front that counted most. She turned back to look herself over one more time. She wouldn't be chosen as this month's centerfold, but she didn't think anyone would throw rocks at her, either. If she worked this right, Jesse wouldn't be throwing, he'd be grabbing.

"You can do it, Caroline," she told herself. "If bare skin is what it takes, then it's bare skin he's going to get."

She dressed again and went downstairs to start lunch. It was past the normal time for it, but that was all part of her design. She had to set the stage just right. It had to look like an accident. Otherwise he'd hide behind his outrage and she would lose her chance.

She was throwing together thick sandwiches and opening cans of soup when the men came in. Tiger was first into the kitchen. He lifted both brows when he saw the mess on the counters and the bare table. Handsome, who was right behind him, let out a long, low whistle, but it was Jesse to whom Caroline addressed herself.

"I let the time get away from me," she said apologetically. "I was posting accounts mis morning, and I just forgot to watch the clock."

"You were posting accounts this morning?" he echoed.

She winced. "I know. It was stupid, this being Wednesday. I have the bathrooms to do, and now I've gotten a late start." She slung a sandwich on a plate at the table. Handsome pulled out a chair and sat down. "Dinner may be late because of it," she went on.

Tiger watched Handsome attack the sandwich and said, "Heck, Miss Caroline, don't you worry about my dinner. I can pick up something on the way home tonight."

*WI have a date,'' Handsome announced around a mouthful of ;, bread and meat.

I* Caroline dispensed a smile. "That's thoughtful of you, Tiger. 31 make it up to you. One day real soon I'll bake you that co-Miut cake you like so much."

Tiger beamed. "Heck, I'd skip dinner once a week for that." Caroline laughed, dumped a sandwich on a plate and shoved it v, thim. "No need for that." She glanced at Jesse. "I'll make L$ours now and get the soup on."

"No-rush," he said, sitting down at the head of the table. <'listen, i="" can="" clean="" my="" own="" bathroom,="" if="" you="" want.="" it's="" not="" like="" ::l="" haven't="" cleaned="" it="">

"I'll get to it," she said briskly, slathering mustard on lightly 'toasted bread. . "I don't mind," he insisted.

She turned her face away to hide the quirk of a smile. "We'll ;see."

Actually, he would see. Everything. She could only pray that it would be enough.

He knocked off at four-thirty sharp. It was almost too cold to work the horses, anyway, and the clouds were banking over the mountains for another snow. Had it ever snowed so much hi a single season before? If so, he couldn't remember it. The front walk was banked chest deep. In the mountains whole buildings were covered to the roofline. Crews were out clearing roads day ; and night, and the police were routinely checking the higher residences. Some days simply weren't fit for roan or beast, but he trudged out as far as the barn, anyway, keeping himself busy and away from Caroline. Judging by the buildup of clouds, tomorrow promised to be just such a day. Maybe he'd stay in and work on the accounts. Yeah, right. He could imagine how that would end up: Caroline on his lap again, soft and warm and oh, so willing. Just the thought of it kept him warm all the way to the house.

-.-: With an effort of will that was becoming more and more dif- ficult, he pushed away thoughts of touching Caroline, stepped up into the back hall and divested himself of his outerwear. By the jtae everything was property stowed, he was well aware that his 192.

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dinner would indeed be late, for the silence and complete absence of savory aroma told him clearly that the meal had not yet even been started. Ah, well. Maybe he could speed things along. He checked the kitchen just to be sure, found it as expected, helped himself to a banana from the bowl of fruit in the center of the table and moved lightly down the hall as he peeled it and bit off the end.

He climbed the stairs, devouring the remaining banana in three bites. He carried the peel into his room and dropped it into the empty wastebasket behind the door, men began unb.u.t.toning his cuffs and rolling them back as he moved past the bed with its saddle-blanket spread and the mission-style cupboard that he used as a dresser. He paused near the open door to his bathroom, hearing a trickle of water. Either he'd left the water running in the sink or Caroline was in there cleaning. If it was Caroline, he'd tell her to leave it and go ahead with dinner. He could finish up himself. He stepped into the doorway. The first thing he saw was the pile of neatly folded clothing on the counter near the sink, but the significance of that didn't have time to register, for movement near the shower immediately snagged his attention. He turned his head. And froze.

His heart stopped. His jaw dropped. His lungs seized. His eyes widened to take in the sight before him.

Caroline kneeled on the tile floor, where she had been scrubbing the bottom of the shower with one hand while holding back her hair with the other. Naked.

Her head turned, and she saw him, but her expression didn't register. He couldn't take it in; all that pale, creamy skin got in the way. While he gaped and ogled and forgot to breathe, she slowly stood, tossing away the scrub brush with a muted clatter. With a minimum of movement, she rinsed her hand and twisted off the water, and all the while her gaze never left his face. She pushed her hair back and sucked in her belly, her arms hanging limply at her sides. He shook his head. Just the idea that she had to suck in any portion of that lush, svelte figure was beyond absurd. She was perfect, wildly perfect.

His gaze moved over her greedily, from her angel's face and long sweep of pale hair to the elegant column of her throat and 193.

the dainty vee of her collarbones where they met high in the center of her chest and downward. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were round and firm, slightly fuller underneath, the nipples peaking in saucy points tilted slightly upward, inviting a man's hands and mouth. Her rib cage was tiny, her waist amazingly narrow. The pucker of her navel pressed gently inward, and her belly rounded sweetly between the delicate protrusions of her hipbones, tapering to a small triangle of fine ash-blond hair only slightly darker than that on her head. He closed his eyes then, imagining those long, slender legs wrapping around him as he plumbed the female depths held in secret beneath that silky triangle.

He felt rather than heard her move toward him, and his eyes opened despite his best efforts to stay with the fantasy, though why he wanted to became a mystery the moment he looked at her again. She was utterly female, as delicate as a piece of porcelain, and his for the taking. He'd never been more aware of that than now. When she reached uncertainly for the towel folded neatly over the ring bolted to the end of the cabinet, he stopped her instinctively, his big, rough hand closing over her slender wrist, and then she was in his arms, standing literally on his booted toes, her body pressed against him, light as feathers, all cool skin and smoldering heat at the same time.

Her mouth met his. Her arms twined around his neck.

"Jesse," she said between slow, hungry kisses. "Jesse, Jesse, Jesse..."

The sound of his whispered name brushed across his nerve endings, scorching and cooling, singing and chanting, telling him relentlessly that he would be a fool to pa.s.s this by, whatever the consequences. Giving in was the most selfish thing he'd ever done, but he did it without argument or thought. Locking both arms around her, he lifted her against him and backed through the doorway, quieting her with his mouth. It wasn't a conscious decision but an inevitability that he couldn't even think about, not with her mouth parting beneath his lips and her tongue rubbing against Ms, not with her hands tugging at his shirttail as he carried her to the bed. He set her on her feet and grabbed the hem himself, yanking it off over his head. By the time the outer one was gone, she had the other hiked up under his arms. He made short 195.

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spread her legs for him, restlessly scissoring them until he planted himself heavily between them and pinned her with the weight of iiis upper body.

She clutched his head as he suckled her and lightly sc.r.a.ped her hard little nipple with his teeth. Heaving and writhing beneath torn, she told him eloquently of the depth of her need, and he was happy to satisfy the sharp edge of that need immediately. Holding ber at the waist with both hands, he slid downward again, dropping his legs off the side of the bed and trailing wet kisses over mat sweet belly until he came to the juncture of her thighs. She work of it and threw back the bedcovers with one arm, reaching for her with the other. She came into the curve of his arm as she belonged there, and he swung her down onto the bed even as she grappled with his belt When he began to straighten, she made a sound of protest, wrapped both arms around his neck and hung on. Bending over her, he struggled blindly with his boots and tossed them aside to clunk heavily against the floor. Suddenly she released him and went to work on his belt again. He managed to get one sock off before she dispensed with the belt. Then she encountered the but- tons of his fly and growled impatiently as she struggled with thej wefced in her breath in shock when he kissed her there, but her first He laughed, absurdly happy, and slipped the metal b.u.t.tons~l free with deft, practiced flicks of one hand while she lifted herl mouth to his and demanded with her kiss that he hurry. To quiet and placate her, he used his free hand to cup her breast. It was his first inkling of just how sensual this woman was.

She rose up, literally, not at all mollified but instead frantically insistent. He shoved down his pants and both layers of underwear and kicked until he was free of them. After a weak attempt at that last sock, he left the d.a.m.ned thing and climbed into bed with her. She pulled him down on top of her, her legs together, her arms locked about his shoulders. Answering her eagerness with his own, he pushed her head into the pillow with the force of his kiss. His pillow. His bed. His woman. He couldn't deny that, didn't want to. Even knowing that it shouldn't be so, that he would later regret what they did here tonight, he couldn't abandon this unexpected joy.

She felt like heaven beneath him, surprisingly soft and yet firm, less slight than she had in his arms. In contrast, he felt like a great hulking brute, so afraid he would hurt her, bruise her, disappoint her. He reached through the veil of her silky hair 'and kneaded her heated flesh. The feel of that sleek, creamy skia created a need to taste it. Sliding his mouth from hers, he kissed her cheek and the curve of her jaw. The vulnerability of her throat beckoned him, and he curled his body in order to reach it. She arched, thrusting her b.r.e.a.s.t.s against his chest, and suddenly mat was where he needed to be. Sliding downward, he filled first his hands and then his mouth with her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. That was when she body instantly relaxed, totally accepting of everything he would give it He slid his hands beneath her knees and lifted them, leaving her feet flat upon the bed. With his hands he pressed her thighs wide apart j He had never seen anything so beautiful as this woman, never wasted anything so much as he wanted to give her this pleasure. He lowered his head, and with the first flick of his tongue, she came up off the bed. With the next, she clamped both hands into iiis hair and pressed him against her. She was like riding a wild bronc, bucking and rotating, uncertain what she wanted but reaching for it with everything she had in her. He made sure she got it, his own flesh leaping and throbbing as she cried out, arching her back and pulling her heels tight against her b.u.t.tocks. He used his teeth, shaking with the need to be gentie, to give and not yet take, until she screamed. Qnly then did he surge upward, his hand sliding between her legs as he gave her a taste of herself with his lips and tongue.

She curled her fingers around the blades of his shoulders, digging in her nails, driving her own tongue into his mouth. He pinched and plucked, driving her mad and happy to do it When he sensed that the moment was on her again, he pulled back so he could watch her face as he slowly pushed first one finger and then two up inside her. Panting, she wrapped arms and legs mound him, her eyes mere slits, body heaving. When the first wave shook her, she clamped down on it.

"No!" she gasped. "Not again, not without you!" ; "Yes," he said, just for the pleasure of saying it, of knowing 196.

that he could make her come again and again, no matter her protests. He smoothed her hair away from her face with one hand, his upper body weight balanced on that elbow, while with the other hand he plumbed her deepest secrets and made her body sing unknown songs until she convulsed beneath him. He stroked her through it, watching the muscles of her face go rigid and slacken in the same instant. Her nipples grew into small, round peaks atop the swollen softness of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Jaws clamped,! nostrils flaring, she moaned through her teeth, her lips peeling back. She looked as though she could take bites of him, great, hefty chunks. Tears came to his eyes simply because he had never seen a sight more wonderful than this woman in the throes of a climax that he had given her.

As the crest receded, he let himself concentrate on the feel of her, the sleek, smooth skin, taut muscles and rounded softness pressed to his own body, the wet pull of her woman's core on his fingers. He felt ready to burst now. Just the thought of pushing himself into that tight, wet heat was almost more man he could bear. He laid his forehead against hers, fighting back the surges of his own body, until she began to move beneath him once more, rhythmically at first and then with growing urgency. Only then did he take his hand away. Blindly she pulled at him, her hands moving restlessly over bis back and shoulders. For her the des-tination was not enough, she needed, demanded, the journey itself, every step of it, every inch. He was so very glad, so deeply, desperately grateful. Positioning himself, he smoothed the hair from her face.

"Look at me."

She slowly opened eyes heavy-lidded and knowing, her arms sliding about his neck, legs coiling around his hips and thighs. Her gaze lifted to his and locked there, her body undulating beneath him. A smile spread across her rosy mouth. "I- love you," she whispered, each word piercing his heart so sharply that he gasped. He laid his head against her breast, humbled beyond words, and it was then that he heard the footsteps on the carpeted landing. She heard it, too. Her head turned in that direction even as his lifted, but before either of them could react further, the door to his bedroom opened and his father stuck bis head inside.

Wl "Jesse? Son, are you-"

Caroline made a sound low in her throat, a sound of humiliation jBrt ripped Jesse to pieces, and in that instant, he saw them as his father must: the grown, supposedly responsible son old enough ito know better and the pretty, starry-eyed little housekeeper, entwined naked together in his bed. In that instant, he recognized ihat his regret was not what mattered, had never been what mattered, that Caroline's shame was nothing, could be nothing, compared to his. In that instant he became aware of himself as he should have been all along, and he knew without thought or question that he was no fit lover for this beautiful young woman searing him with her emotion and her need: he was big and clumsy; he needed a shower and a shave; he was ten years too old; he was uncertain of so much, regretted so much, understood so little, fa that instant he knew the depth of his feelings for this woman and the depth of his fear for her.

A heartbeat, perhaps two--if anyone's heart had been beating still-and Haney retreated, closing the door with a thump. Caroline made that awful sound again and covered her face with her hands. Jesse said the vilest, filthiest word he knew. He said it again as his feet hit the floor and again as he shook out his jeans and yanked them on. She sat up in the bed, the sheet clutched to her chest.

"Jesse-"

"Get dressed." He found his other sock and wrestled it on while standing on one leg. "I'll go down and talk to him."

"No!"

He s.n.a.t.c.hed up his undershirt and started for the door, pulling it down over his head. She came up on her knees and lunged at him. "It's all right," he said with more ease than he'd thought possible. "I'll explain everything."

"You don't understand!" she cried, clutching fistfuls of his shirt. "It's my fault."

He pried one hand free. "No, no. He'll understand. It's all right"

"I planned it, Jesse! I wanted you to make love to me...so I planned it"

He stared down at her disbelievingly. "Planned it?"

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"I don't clean the showers in the nude, Jesse!" she cried, shaking him. "The cleanser does sometimes splatter on my clothes and bleach them, so I wear an ap.r.o.n. I wear a heavy ap.r.o.n over everything, Jesse. I let you find me. I made sure you found me in your room naked." Finally she let go of his shirt and sank back on her heels. "It's all my fault, and I'm so sorry."

For a moment he could do nothing but marvel. To mink that she could have wanted him that much! It was ahnost more than he could grasp. But she was sorry now, and that was only to be expected. He cupped her head with his big, rough hands and pulled her against him, cradling her against his chest. He smoothed her sleek, shining hair reverently, and then he put her away from him, wiped the tears from her eyes with his fingertips and left her there alone in his bed.

His legs seemed to weigh a thousand pounds apiece as he skirted the stairwell and went to his parents' room. The door was open, the room dark and empty. He went back to the stairs and rounded the newel post, descending to the hallway. He moved along it as though moving through deep sludge and finally came to the living room. His father was sitting in his favorite chair, his big body molded to it like lumpy upholstery. He stared straight ahead as Jesse came into the room, walked around the couch and sat down on its end. Jesse tried for a long time to think of something intelligent to say and finally came up with, "Dad, I'm sorry you had to see that."

Haney waved a hand lethargically. "My fault. I wasn't thinking," he said. "I haven't been."

Jesse swallowed. "You should know that nothing happened. I mean, not everything happened. It would've, but it didn't." He sighed. "And now it won't."

Haney lifted both hands to push them through his hair! "You're both adults," he said in a voice like raked gravel. He turned an oddly uncertain look on Jesse. "Sarah says that Caroline's in love with you. She's always wanted you to fall in love again. We thought for a while with that Nancy woman..."

Shock knocked Jesse back. "You knew about Nancy?" He couldn't keep the incredulity from his voice.

ARiENE JAMES "Your mother wanted to meet her, but I told her to leave it I alone. When you didn't bring her around...well, that was that."

"You knew about Nancy." He couldn't get over it.

Haney gave him a look. "It's a small town, Jesse, but that's not the point."

Jesse rubbed his hands over his face. They knew about Nancy, had known, perhaps, all along. He closed his eyes, shrinking where he sat. He could only pray he'd disappear completely. His ? father was speaking, and he had to shake his head to clear it k enough to listen.

"So the question is, I suppose, how do you feel about her?"

Jesse gulped. "Caroline?" Of course Caroline. He licked his lips. "I definitely have feelings for Caroline. Let's just say that they're not quite the same as hers for me, not what she thinks hers are for me, anyway."

Haney lifted both hands in a gesture of helplessness. "I don't know what that means, but I don't want you to hurt her, Jesse."

"You think I do?"

Haney shook his head. "I don't want you getting your mother's hopes up, either."

"I understand."

"And I don't want you carrying on with Caroline in front of her, either. It's not respectful. What you do in private is your business, of course."

Jesse scoffed at that. "Since when?"

"Your mother says you should be on your own," Haney went on as if Jesse hadn't even spoken. "She says we've all been in a rut, and that ever'body's suffered for it."

"Where is Sarah?" Caroline asked from the doorway.

Haney jerked and turned his head away. Jesse looked at her in surprise. Heavens, he hadn't even thought of his own mother! Now that he did, however, he knew darned well that she wasn't sitting out in the cold car. He looked to his father. "Dad?"

Haney cleared his throat. "I left her in Denver."

Caroline walked into the room with all the dignity of a queen, her hands clasped tightly before her. "Is she all right?"

Haney bowed his head. "Depends on what you mean by all right"

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Caroline came to stand in the s.p.a.ce between Haney's chair and the end of the sofa. "Is she well physically?"

Haney nodded. "I think so, well as she can be."

Caroline breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad for my own sake that she isn't here right now."

Haney said nothing to that. Jesse closed his eyes and propped his forehead against the heels of his hands, his elbows on his knees. He felt as if he'd been pulled through a thrashing machine backward. He wished she had stayed upstairs, but with Caroline all his wishes were just so much nonsense.

"Haney," she said softly, "I doubt Jesse told you, so I will. What you saw up there, it was entirely my fault."

"No, it wasn't." The least he could do was take his fair share of the blame.

"Yes, it was. I planned the whole thing. I made it happen."

"Nothing happened," Jesse pointed out.

"You know what I mean," she snapped.

Jesse just couldn't bear any more. He got up slowly, laboriously. "It didn't happen," he said evenly. "It isn't going to."

He might as well have challenged her with a red cape. She put her hands to her hips and glared at him. "Yes, it will, Jesse Wagner. I love you, and if you think I'm giving up on you now, you've got another think coming!"

Emotionally he was very near the edge, and so he ran. He ran out of there like a scared hare. "I'm going to town. Don't wait dinner on me. In fact, don't expect me at all."

"You'll be back!" she called after him. "And when you get here, I'll be waiting. Do you hear me, Jesse? I'll be waiting!"

He stomped into an old pair of boots in the hallway and threw on his coat. He rammed a hat on his head and patted down his pockets, relieved almost to the point of collapse to find that he still had his wallet and his keys. He was in the truck and headed to town before he had enough presence of mind to even wonder what had sent his father home without his mother. Whatever it was, he could do nothing about it. He couldn't manage his own life right now, let alone anyone else's. In fact, he was very much afraid that no matter what he did, it would be the wrong thing for someone, for him or for Caroline or someone else, everyone, maybe. He had to sort it all out somehow, make some decisions and stick to them. Somehow.

"Well, that was effective," Caroline muttered cryptically, dropping down onto the sofa s.p.a.ce so recently vacated by Jesse. "As if shouting actually accomplished anything."

"Tell me'about it," Haney mumbled, and Caroline bullied her mind into a direction where it might do some good.

Sighing, she regarded him frankly. "Actually, maybe we ought to turn that around. Maybe you ought to tell me why you're here instead of Denver."