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"I called your family earlier to explain about our wedding."
His head jerked up and his eyes glittered. "You told them-"
"No! No, I didn't tell them that. How you explain things to your family is your business. I just told them that because of all the bad publicity that had been circulating and because you knew they all had plenty on their minds, you'd wanted to keep things as simple as possible."
He grunted, and she wasn't sure if it was a sound of favor or disapproval.
Dana nervously fiddled with the hem on her shirt. She was in a bedroom with the man she'd loved forever, her hair in wild disarray, and wearing only half her clothes.
All things considered, she thought she was handling the situation well. "Do you know what Abbey told me?"
"That she'd have my a.s.s for not inviting her?"
Dana chuckled despite her uneasiness. R.J. teased and bantered with all his sisters, but they knew he loved them just the same. "No. She said you were far too upstanding to shirk your responsibilities. It angers her that you've been put through this mess."
"It hasn't been easy for anyone involved."
"No, it hasn't. But you're the one the press has been pointing a finger at most"
R.J. had been pacing, and suddenly he stopped. Hands on his hips, head tilted, he studied her, then suddenly laughed. "I'll be d.a.m.ned. You did that deliberately, didn't you?"
She stared at him, surprised by his sudden mood shift. "What?"
"Changed the subject on me. We were talking about you and your personal misconceptions, not about me and this b.l.o.o.d.y scandal."
Dana laced her hands together and lifted her chin. "The scandal will die down once I get through pointing out-truthfully-what an outstanding person you are. I've got a busy week planned for you, and I trust you won't complain."
R.J.
shook his head. "No, you don't. I'm not letting you lead me off the track that easily again. I'm on to you now, lady."
Dana didn't want him to be on to her. She didn't want him delving into her psyche, picking away at her painful past. Her childhood hadn't been an easy one, and now R,J, wanted to refute what she knew as truth. But it was so much easier to cling to her old beliefs than to take a chance on believing in him.
R.J.
didn't appear willing to give her a choice in the matter. He looked her over once more and smiled. "Sometimes my own stupidity amazes me."
"You are not stupid, R.J."
"I'm not a bad lover, either, but I suppose I'll have to prove it."
"No!"
He started toward her again, this time with a purpose. "I think the only way to make you understand just how attractive I find you is to show you. So that's what I'm going to do."
As he advanced again, she backed up. Only this time she moved too fast, and when she hit the edge of the bed she lost her balance and dropped back on it, bouncing twice.
R.J. was over her before she could even catch her breath.
CHAPTER TEN.
R J. looked down at her wide-eyed expression and smiled gently. "I'm not going to maul you, Dana. Relax."
She gave an audible gulp and stiffened even more.
"It's amazing," he half teased, "how different a woman can look after a man gets to know her."
"You've known me for years!"
"No, I've known the woman you've pretended to be, not the real you." And now he thought he knew why she'd always hidden herself. Dana had bought into her mother's angry words. Her mother claimed Dana looked a lot like her father-and the father was a total b.a.s.t.a.r.d. How had that made Dana feel?
"Is that what you think?" she asked, her voice unnaturally high. "That I'm now somehow different? Just because you've caught me with my hair loose and my..." Her words trailed off.
"And your pants off?" His grin was wicked, but then, he felt wicked. Wicked and eager. Patience had never been his virtue, but in this case he'd find a healthy dose of it somewhere. Dana needed to learn her own appeal, and he intended to instruct her on the matter. There'd be no reason for him to dent his pride, not when he had a perfect excuse for getting closer to her. "I'd like to get the rest of your clothes off, too."
"No!"
"I wish I could remove that d.a.m.n word from your vocabulary." He wanted to rea.s.sure her, to help her relax. He had no intention of rushing her now that he realized how much care she needed, not only because of her virginity, but because of her fragile ego. "Regardless of my animalistic display of yesterday, I am capable of controlling my baser instincts. I want you. Ever since I stepped in here and saw your bare legs and your hair loose and the warm blush on your face, all I've thought about is making love with you. But I don't want you to be afraid of me-"
"I'm not afraid of you." She looked appalled at the mere suggestion.
"-and I don't want you to be nervous. I want you to trust me."
Very softly, she whispered, "I do trust you, R.J. That's not what this is about. It's...it's a lot more complicated than that"
R.J. felt a lick of dread go down his spine. He stiffened, feeling the tension gather in his neck. "You want me to have a paternity test done?"
Dana looked at him blankly. "What?"
He gently smoothed his hand over her hair, though he felt anything but gentle. "You're still wondering if maybe I'm the father of the baby, aren't you?"
He braced himself for her reply, but wasn't ready for her burst of anger. She shoved him, almost throwing him to the side. He caught her shoulders and held her still.
"Dana?"
Hands pressed flat on his chest, she lifted her head and shouted an inch from his nose, "No! I do not think you're the baby's father. That's a stupid thing for you to say. For the last time, R.J., anyone who knows you knows it's an utterly ridiculous accusation."
The emotions that hit him then were too confusing to sort out. Her belief in him meant a lot, and he was grateful for it. But if the paternity issue wasn't the problem, then he'd been right all along.
He'd been a failure in the sack. He felt the heat of his embarra.s.sment climb up his neck. She didn't want to sleep with him again not because she doubted his honor, but because he'd been such a disappointment. His expertise in pleasing a woman had never been questioned before now.
Of course, he'd never gone deaf, dumb and blind over a woman before, either.
He clenched his teeth and resisted the urge to defend himself once again. Dana was simply too inexperienced and too unsure of her own appeal to understand that it was his hunger for her that had driven him wild. All she knew was that he'd come after her with the finesse of a rutting bulldog, and she hadn't found any satisfaction at all.
That thought made his muscles twitch. He couldn't wait to bring Miss Dana Maitland -his wife-to completion, to show her in explicit detail just how appealing she really was. Once she found out what s.e.x was all about, things would be different between them.
But in the meantime, he needed to work at shoring up her confidence. He had no doubt her mother had played a real number on her, repressing Dana's natural sensuality as something evil. After all, it was the sensuality of some other woman that had taken her husband away.
It was ironic that Dana's father had abandoned her because he didn't care about his wife, while R.J.'s father had walked away because his wife had died, leaving him a man incapable of caring about anyone or anything else.
He held her head between his hands, keeping her gaze locked with his. He enjoyed looking at her, and his fascination with her emerald eyes hadn't diminished one bit. He smoothed his thumbs over her cheekbones, seemingly unable to stop touching her. His sweet, efficient, orderly Dana.
She was by far the s.e.xiest woman he'd ever seen.
"I've never in my adult life," he whispered, "treated a woman the way I did you last night. But it was your fault too, honey. You shocked the h.e.l.l out of me. I didn't expect you to be so..."
"So what?" Her antagonistic tone proved she was going to fight him every inch of the way. "I'm just me, R.J. The same woman you've known for years, the woman you recognized for her secretarial skills. Not for anything else."
She was so defensive, he thought. He had his work cut out for him. R.J. rolled to the side and then hauled her up in the bed so they were lying against the pillows. "Let's look at this logically." He lifted a long strand of her hair and examined it. "You have beautiful hair, soft and pale. Not at all washed out. That's just plain stupid. Look at it, Dana, how the light catches it. It's the type of hair a man imagines spread out over his pillow while his woman smiles up at him."
"I already told you flattery doesn't affect me." He hid a grin. Her voice had shaken just the tiniest bit as she made that statement R.J. propped himself up on one elbow. Without moving a single inch, Dana looked at him. She had the appearance of a frightened doe, too wary to move but too cautious not to keep a close eye on him. Her body was rigid. "What color was your mother's hair?" "She had very thick, dark brown hair." "I see." And he did. He could imagine her mother making all kinds of comparisons, but he held his anger in check. Dana didn't need his anger now.
Once again, he settled his palm over her breast. "Mmm. So soft. Those suits you wear make it impossible for a man to see what's beneath. But now I've felt you, and I've tasted you, and I know." He met her wide, unblinking gaze. "I won't ever forget, babe."
As he continued to touch her, her lips parted on a shuddering breath. He didn't want to overly arouse her, because he wanted her to know he'd wait for her. Until she told him she wanted him, until she began to believe in herself, he'd settle for giving her all the compliments she hadn't gotten from him so far.
"Do you want me, Dana?"
Her lashes fluttered as if she was trying to regain her wits. "You didn't marry me for this."
He rested his hand on her silky thigh and wanted to shout out how much he wanted her. But that sure as h.e.l.l wouldn't rea.s.sure her. "We could consider it an added benefit."
He said it like a question, leaving the ball in her court. Part of him was so turned on he felt as if he could come with just a touch. He couldn't recall ever wanting a woman so badly or denying himself so completely.
But another part of him, the natural protector, wanted to hold her close and dispel whatever ridiculous myth her mother had perpetrated. Why would any mother make her daughter believe such nonsense?
Dana shyly reached up and put her small palm on his chest. Just that, such a simple touch, and his guts tightened in reaction. She looked at him, her eyes dark and soft, her lashes leaving shadows on her cheekbones. He kissed her nose.
"R.J., I like my job."
"I'm glad." He was distracted by her small ears, tracing the gentle whorls with a fingertip.
"If you and I...if we had s.e.x..."
"Yes." h.e.l.l yes.
"...it would change everything."
R.J. stalled in the middle of licking her ear. d.a.m.n.
That had been his argument from the first, but he no longer cared. Somewhere along the way his common sense had been sidelined by other emotions, and they were totally different from the physical wanting that had exploded inside him. There was tenderness and curiosity and a deep caring. He'd known Dana for many years and naturally felt a unique fondness for her, built on in part by her loyalty and commitment to the job. That fondness had suddenly altered into something else, though, something he wasn't entirely certain of. All he knew was that he wanted her to be aware of her feminine charms, to know that he wanted her because of the woman she was, not because of a duty he felt from her initial demands or an enforced closeness.
Lifting his head to look at her, he asked carefully, "What if I promise you I won't let it interfere with your job?"
She snorted. "That'd be impossible, even for you."
He rubbed her thigh and felt her shift subtly against him. d.a.m.n, he wanted to rip that awful, baggy tunic off her and kiss her whole luscious body. He sucked in a lungful of air and said, "You're right, of course. I'm sorry." He took her hand and carried it to his erection, holding her fingers tight against him while watching her eyes widen. "I'm afraid a man's libido sometimes leaves no room for scruples. We'll say anything to convince a desirable female to see things our way, especially when in a state like the one I'm in now."
Her gaze remained glued to his face, and her fingers didn't move. She licked her lips. "Maybe... maybe it's that...um, state, that makes you think you want me."
He laughed, then groaned when her fingers tightened. "Sweetheart, you're the one who put me in this state, and I want you, not anyone else. Do you think I walk around like this all the time?"
"I don't know." Her expression turned serious, and her fingers started moving, gently squeezing him through his slacks, sliding the tiniest bit up and down his length, exploring. "I don't know much about this part of men."
He could barely talk. More than anything he wanted his pants off and her small hand on his naked flesh. His erection strained into her palm, and her eyes opened even wider.
"You moved."
R.J. choked. A fine beading of sweat touched his forehead. It took him a minute, but he managed to hold on to his control. He'd sooner become celibate than rush her again, and there was no way he'd stifle her curiosity. "You have your hand on me, sweetheart. It's driving me crazy. I moved."
"Oh." She started to pull away, but he caught her wrist.
"Crazy in an excruciatingly wonderful way." He saw the awareness dawn in her eyes, saw her eyes darken, the pupils expand.
"Like this?" She stroked him with a tentative touch.