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"Everyone told me that I had to watch out for Tatsunami Mayu."
The girl with the swollen red eyes looked at me as though I were some hypothetical enemy of all humanity.
"Do you even know what it is you're doing?"
Ahh, so that's it. She thought I was the enemy of all humanity. Nothing hypothetical about it. But, unfortunately, I'm not that grand a person.
I remained silent as the girl in front of me kept haranguing me with one disparaging remark after another.
"They told me I shouldn't be fooled by your pretty face. You know what, you're despicable."
How pitiful. I wonder if she realizes what position she's put herself in by saying that.
If she thought I was despicable then she would have been better off giving me the cold shoulder and ignoring me completely. By engaging with someone despicable like me, she's put herself on the same level as me and caused herself more harm than good.
But, what do I know.
Even though I knew it wouldn't change anything, I couldn't stop myself from speaking. If she was going to try and wound me with words, why should I refrain from responding in kind.
Which was why, after listening to everything that she had to say, I felt no compunction about kicking her misery into overdrive. In the end, I said just one sentence.
"So, then, your onee-sama had no problem with it at all?"
*
"Waaaaaah"
I was idly watching the young girl as she ran away, crying, towards the school buildings when a voice suddenly called out to me from behind.
"I know I'm just repeating Akiko-san, but you're despicable."
Emerging from the bushes with a rustling sound was my cla.s.smate, Tanuma Chisato-san.
"I am?"
I laughed. I had no idea that somebody had overhead our conversation. Even if I had known, it probably wouldn't have stopped me from making her cry. What was her name? &h.e.l.lip; right, Akiko-san.
"I dropped my hair-clip somewhere around here during lunch, then had to wait until after school to look for it. Then you and Akiko-san came along and started your heart-to-heart talk, so I had to stay hidden until it was over."
Chisato-san briefly explained how she happened to be there. I knew she wouldn't have been intentionally eavesdropping anyway.
"So, found your hair-clip?"
Chisato-san responded to my question by shaking her head and saying, "Not yet."
"Then I'll help you look for it."
"It's okay, you don't have to."
"Oh, do you feel the same way? That Tatsunami Mayu - "
"Is someone I have to watch out for?"
Chisato-san snorted derisively.
"I don't have an onee-sama, so there's no reason for me to watch out for you."
"Fair enough."
The rumor going around was that I meddled catastrophically in other soeurs' relationships, and was therefore someone to watch out for.
"Hey, hey, which part of me is despicable?"
Ignoring her initial refusal of my offer to help, I followed Chisato-san's lead and poked around the base of the shrubs and the gra.s.sy areas.
"The way you find someone's sore points and open up those wounds. If you keep doing that, you'll end up with no friends at all."
Beaten down by my persistent shadowing of her, Chisato-san relented and allowed me to a.s.sist her.
"You know, it's strange. I've heard that advice before, but it sounds more persuasive coming from you, Chisato-san. Because I'm not feeling any resentment. Instead, I'm feeling the love."
I placed my hand over my heart and smiled. Chisato-san looked shocked as she said:
"There's no love whatsoever."
It was only since the beginning of high-school that I had grown close to Chisato-san. Tatsunami and Tanuma in the same cla.s.s. Opportunities to interact arose from sitting one row apart.
"The sun's setting, so I wonder if I should just come back and search for it tomorrow morning."
Chisato-san muttered, intermixed with sighs. Of the straight hair that hung down to her shoulders, the only part that faintly curled was where the hair-clip had been attached this morning.
"So, Chisato-san, why were you walking around here during lunch?"
It was the middle of February. Even when the weather was fine it wasn't the season to be eating lunch out in the courtyard.
"Well, you see."
Chisato-san hesitated for a moment, before answering.
"This morning, from inside the school building, I saw Hasekura Rei-sama walking around down here."
"Rei-sama &h.e.l.lip; ?"
What came gushing out of Chisato-san's mouth was the name of the second-year student who was called Rosa Foetia en bouton within the high school. She enjoyed immense popularity with the first-years due to her boyish looks, and Chisato-san was one of her ardent fans.
"I thought she might have been scouting out locations for the treasure hunt."
The boutons of Rosa Chinensis, Rosa Gigantea, and Rosa Foetida had agreed to take part in a treasure hunt event to be held on the upcoming Valentine's Day. Whoever found the card that a bouton had hidden would win a half-day date with that bouton.
"Scouting? That seems wrong, don't you think?"
Chisato-san agreed with my opinion.
"I know. There's no way she'd do something so brazen."
Even though she knew this, Chisato-san couldn't help but walk over the same ground.
"Did you give Rei-sama chocolates?"
Still squatting on the ground, I turned my gaze towards the gra.s.s.
The vigor of summer had departed. There were still plenty of plants in the area, rooted firmly to the ground and untouched by the harsh winter, although most of them would probably be called weeds.
"And you, Mayu-san? It's your first Valentine's Day in high-school."
Chisato-san turned the question back on me.
"Indeed it is."
I plucked a single stem of clover that was growing near my feet, snapping it off close to the ground.
"If I gave someone else's onee-sama chocolates, I don't think it would end with them just calling me out to the courtyard after school and berating me."
"What about your initial onee-sama &h.e.l.lip; Motoyama Sakae-sama?"
Chisato-san said, somewhat hesitantly.
"And what, reconcile now after having said farewell to her? It's not like I'm Yoshino-san &h.e.l.lip; ah, sorry."
Seeing Chisato-san's face go stiff, I put my hand over my mouth. Yoshino-san was the pet.i.t soeur of her beloved Rei-sama.
"It's okay. I'm just fed up with the whole Yellow Rose Revolution."
Chisato-san stood up and stretched. Then, rather than condemning me, she asked me a question, as though she were only trying to find an answer.
"Mayu-san, why are you always doing that sort of thing?"
That sort of thing. - She must be referring to how I was constantly trying to get close to second-year students that already had a pet.i.t soeur.
"That's probably because I'm a three-leaf clover, I guess."
I laughed, then threw the clover I held in my hand as far away as I could.
* *
Back when I was in kindergarten, there was a brief period of time when searching for four-leaf clovers was really popular amongst my friends.
Where did I first hear that finding a four-leaf clover would bring happiness? It was probably from one of my friends who had an older sister, or was friends with someone older, and wanted to sound grown-up.
At any rate, we became obsessed with counting the number of leaves on pieces of clover.
During our free time we'd head out, not sparing a single thought for the swings or other playground equipment.
Luckily, there was a section of the playground where clover grew wild. The teachers adored the cute, white flowers that blossomed in spring, but would prune back the gra.s.s that grew too fast in summer. Therefore, they didn't bother cautioning us kindergarteners when we plucked the pieces of clover.
Nonetheless, it wasn't that easy to find a four-leaf clover. One by one the kids lost interest in this game and left, until there were only two people remaining. Akemi-chan and myself.
Once I'd considered what would happen if Akemi-chan found a four-leaf clover after I had stopped, there was never any more question about stopping.
Eventually, we came up with some rules that we both followed. Every day we'd mark off a block of land, and search within that area. Usually the block was about 1 metre square.
"Which one do you want?"
Akemi-chan always allowed me to choose first. But I'd often have second thoughts immediately after making my choice.
"Ah, I guess I'll take this one."
Consequently, we'd often swap places. If Akemi-chan hadn't started searching, she'd let me swap places, saying, "What can you do?" But if she had already started searching, then she wouldn't let me change places with her.
"You can't do that, Mayu-chan."
She was softly spoken, but even as a child she understood the truth about things.
Then, one day, our game abruptly came to an end. Akemi-chan finally found a four-leaf clover.
I had chosen where to search on that day too.
I viewed that single stalk with its four petals that Akemi-chan grasped in her hand not only as reward for numerous days worth of effort but also as a certificate that promised future happiness.
I blamed myself for letting happiness slip away before my very eyes. I'd thought that if I had chosen the other location, I could have been the one smiling happily and holding aloft the four-leaf clover.
Once Akemi-chan had found one, my fever for four-leaf clover searching suddenly cooled. There probably wasn't just that one four-leaf clover amongst all the clover in the playground. If I had kept searching relentlessly, I too might have found one. But, short-sighted as it may have been, I stopped.
I convinced myself that the gentle Akemi-chan had found one because she was favored by G.o.d, whereas I was merely another one of the great ma.s.s of three-leaf clovers.
I resigned myself to my fate, abandoning any great expectations.
I'd grown up with my biased parents constantly telling me I was cute, but looking around I saw I was only average in appearance, and definitely not the type of person that grew up to be a beautiful woman.
So, naturally, when I entered into high school I wasn't looking to become the pet.i.t soeur of a Rose, or a bouton, or some other superstar like that.
Cognizant of my average grades and looks, and of my somewhat harsh personality, I was most pleased when a benevolent girl asked to become my onee-sama and so I accepted the rosary that was offered to me by my senior in the tennis club, Motoyama Sakae-sama. That was last year, in the first week of May.
My onee-sama was gentle and kind. Our relationship wasn't exciting, but I thought it worked out well, in its own way. After all, a school life that was the very picture of ordinariness was only fitting for a three-leaf clover like myself, and I was satisfied with it.
But then, one day in autumn, I heard some news that caused me to flip my way of thinking by a full 180 degrees. f.u.kuzawa Yumi-san, who I had always considered to be a three-leaf clover much like myself, had become the pet.i.t soeur of Rosa Chinensis en bouton, Ogasawara Sachiko-sama, who was admired just as much as Rei-sama. Yumi-san, a completely ordinary girl with no special features or traits.
However, slowly but steadily, Yumi-san started to change. Like the new leaves budding in spring, day by day Yumi matured and began to shine brightly. There was no way she could be called a three-leaf clover any more. At some point she had become a four-leaf clover.
That was when I had a realization. It had to be Sachiko-sama that was making Yumi-san shine. Sachiko-sama hadn't found a four-leaf clover amongst the three-leaf clovers, she possessed the magical ability to change the three-leaf clover she had accidentally found herself with into a four-leaf clover.
In that case, was there was someone out there who could turn me into a four-leaf clover too? There were plenty of other first-years that were also sparkling, they couldn't all be because of Sachiko-sama's power.
But it was too late for me. It might have been possible if I hadn't already received a rosary, but it had been six months since I'd become a pet.i.t soeur and there was no way I could tell my onee-sama, "I've made a mistake." The high-school pecking order was strict, even at the best of times.
Even so, there was a first-year student that had the audacity to pull off such a stunt. Rei-sama's pet.i.t soeur, Shimazu Yoshino.
The unprecedented act of a pet.i.t soeur casting aside her onee-sama, which came to be known as the "Yellow Rose Revolution," caused a shock amongst the student population and, for a time, it became popular for first-years to imitate Yoshino-san and return the rosary to their onee-samas.
At that time, I too said farewell to Sakae-sama.
"Why?"
Looking at the rosary I had removed from my neck, Sakae-sama had a completely bewildered expression on her face.
"I don't think I'm the right match for you, Sakae-sama."
"But I thought things were going along nicely."
"I'm terribly sorry."
"Oh. I see."
Sakae-sama didn't try to stop me. She simply accepted the rosary in silence, turned her back and walked away. She was probably thinking that at some point I'd regret what I had done and return to her.
Before too long the Yellow Rose Revolution boom came to an end. By and large, the followers once again imitated the originals, with the pet.i.t soeurs asking their onee-samas for a reconciliation. Despite this, I never made the request of Sakae-sama. If I had asked her, then I would have just ended up right where I started. Naturally, I quit the tennis club too.
And, after that, I started the search for my true onee-sama. When I found a second-year that interested me, I would proactively call out to her. Usually they would already have a pet.i.t soeur, but that didn't bother me. I believed they'd both be happier finding someone who fit them perfectly, rather than struggling to be near each other when they weren't fully compatible. Consequently, I approached them unashamedly. If we had similar hobbies, I'd meet them outside of school.
However, after we'd grown a bit closer, I would invariably start to feel a sense of discomfort. At first everything would seem fresh, but then I would realize that, just like Sakae-sama, this person couldn't make me shine either. So I'd go searching for the next one.
And if the previous person had split up with her pet.i.t soeur, there was nothing I could do about that. I never said, "Break up with your pet.i.t soeur," or "Make me your pet.i.t soeur." If a pair of soeurs break up just because a third person gets close to them, then they were probably always going to break up anyway.
* * *
On the day after Valentine's Day, Chisato-san spotted me the moment she walked in to the cla.s.sroom, came rushing over and said:
"What should I do about the date with Rei-sama?"
I had elected to have a quiet Valentine's Day, and had gone home early instead of partic.i.p.ating in the treasure hunt. Consequently, I initially had absolutely no idea why Chisato-san was so excited.
"A group of us found the card. Then I won it with rock. You see."
From what I could gather, the rules stipulated that in the event that multiple people found the treasure card simultaneously, they would have a playoff of scissors, paper, rock to determine the winner, and blessed Chisato-san had earned that privilege.
"I have to write a report about it, which will be a major pain, but still I'm - "
"Going to steal her?"
I interrupted Chisato-san's excited chatter.
"Huh?"
"Well, Chisato-san, you've spent a lot of time thinking about Yoshino-san, right? You've said to me, "That accursed girl manipulates wonderful Rei-sama.""
"Well, I know I said that, but still."
My proposal was certainly unconventional, and perhaps because of that Chisato-san looked down and said, "I don't know &h.e.l.lip; "
"It would have been poor form to split them up while Yoshino-san was still unhealthy, but she's fine now, right?"
"Well, she was running around yesterday, albeit rather slowly."
"In that case, there's no reason for you to hold back."
At that time, I wasn't looking to tar Chisato-san with the same brush that had been applied to me.
Instead, I felt that if Chisato-san and Rei-sama worked well as a couple then it would be a vindication of my own beliefs. That I too might be able to find an onee-sama who fit me perfectly.
* * * *
Not long thereafter, an unlikely rumor made its way around the school.
I think it was after school on Friday when a first-year from the tennis club made her way to my cla.s.sroom and said:
"Have you heard that Sakae-sama has a pet.i.t soeur?"
"Huh?"
She overlooked my momentary unrest.
"Ah, but I don't suppose you'd be interested in hearing about that, Mayu-san."
Even though she was acting polite, it was quite obvious that she was thinking, "Serves you right."
Her onee-sama wasn't someone that I'd tried to get close to. And yet she still despised me. It looked like I was an enemy to all first-years, after all.
"It all started a few days ago, on Valentine's Day, when she gave Sakae-sama chocolates."
Those kind of details were completely irrelevant.
"Who?"
I asked, irritated.
"Want me to tell you?"
The girl from the tennis club smirked.
"If you want me to tell you then you'll have to bow down before me and say, "Please tell me.""
What was she thinking?
"I refuse."
My voice was shaking from anger. My face twitched.
"I have no desire to bow down to the likes of you."
I spat out those words then walked out of the cla.s.sroom and into the hallway. Aimlessly. Knowing only that I no longer wanted to be around that girl.
"Wh, what did you say - !?"
I heard her hysterical cries coming from behind me. Like h.e.l.l I'd bow down to someone who came all the way over to our cla.s.sroom just so she could laugh as she watched me bowing.
I walked out of the building to escape the suffocating feeling. I was still wearing my indoor shoes, but that was of no concern to me. I stamped onwards. My feet were moving before I had time to think about it. Almost as though they weren't my feet at all.
My feet stopped at the fork in the road, in front of the statue of Maria-sama.
Just what on earth was I doing? I came to my senses, found it all too ridiculous, and a laughing cough slipped out between ragged breaths.
Even though there was nothing I should be running away from. If I truly believed that what I was doing was 100% correct, then I should have been able to stand my ground regardless of what anyone else said. But since I couldn't, did that mean that there was a part of me that was feeling somewhat guilty about this, after all?
If so, what should I do?
I took no pleasure from splitting apart happy soeurs.
I only wanted to shine brightly and become a four-leaf clover. So why did things turn out the way they did?
I prayed to Maria-sama. I desperately wanted Maria-sama, who silently watches over us, to answer my question.
What should I do to find happiness?
No miracle would take place, no matter how faithfully I prayed.
I wasn't expecting to open my eyes and see my kind onee-sama standing there, waiting for me with lots of friends.
(But, what if.)
I asked myself a question. Would I really want to go back to the day when I informed Sakae-sama that I was breaking up with her and redo things?
But I couldn't answer. Because somebody called out my name.
"Mayu?"
I lowered my hands and turned around. Standing there was Sakae-sama.
"Onee &h.e.l.lip; "
I started to speak, but then stopped myself. She was no longer my onee-sama.
"It's been a while. How are you?"
We were still students in the same high-school. Even after the break-up, I'd seen her around school numerous times. But never this close, and we'd never exchanged words before now.
That was because I'd gone to great lengths to ensure we didn't meet. If I spotted Sakae-sama coming towards me down a corridor, I'd turn around and head back where I was coming from, or escape via a nearby stairway. And if I found out that a second-year student I was interested in was in Sakae-sama's cla.s.s, then I'd give up on talking to her.
But there was nowhere for me to hide from this sort of surprise attack. I looked up at Maria-sama bitterly.
However, the person that I had probably hurt the most didn't say a single resentful word, instead she smiled gently at me.
"What's the matter? Did something happen to you?"
Why was she being so sympathetic to the person who had hurt her?
As though everything in the past hadn't happened. The innocence of a chance reunion with a friend that you'd drifted apart from.
"Sakae-sama."
For a moment I thought that this could have been a miracle brought about by Maria-sama. That Maria-sama had taken pity on me and reset everything, giving me a chance to fix things.
"I - "
Just as I was reaching out my hand.
"Sorry I kept you waiting, onee-sama."
A student ran up to Sakae-sama from behind.
"I had left it in the cla.s.sroom, just like I thought... Ah."
Memories came flooding back to me. The new arrival seemed to realize who was standing beside Sakae-sama the moment she saw me too.
"Mayu-san?"
"&h.e.l.lip; Akemi-san."
After seeing the two first-years greet each other by name, Sakae-sama said:
"Huh? Oh, that's right. You've both been here since preschool. Of course you'd know each other."
"Uh &h.e.l.lip;, yeah."
Even as I nodded, my chest was almost bursting from the violent thumping of my heart.
Ahh, so that's how it was. I quickly grasped the situation. So I immediately forced a smile, otherwise I wouldn't be able to deal with this at all.
"I heard you two became soeurs, right?"
Despite the shock I had just received, that piece of information hadn't been forgotten. More for the sake of a peaceful world than for my own sense of self-respect.
"Word travels fast."
The pair smiled shyly at each other.
"One of my friends from the tennis club came over to tell me about it straight away &h.e.l.lip; "
I suppose my acting had been up to the challenge. Either that or the gentle, quiet Sakae-sama couldn't have conceived of me lying about such a thing.
"Oh, really. That's good. I was worried about you Mayu, since you stopped coming to club activities right after we broke up. But you're still talking to the first-years from the tennis club. That's a relief."
"Yeah."
I agreed eagerly, so as not to shatter that sense of relief. It was strange, but after that I no longer felt like I hated that tennis club girl from before.
"So, what are you doing out here, Mayu?"
"I think I dropped one of my hair-clips around here during lunch."
The explanation that came easily from my mouth was stolen straight from Chisato-san.
"Shall we search for it together?"
Akemi-san asked, bright-eyed. She didn't know that I didn't habitually wear anything like a hair-clip.
"No, it's all right."
I declined, shaking my head.
"The sun's starting to set, so I think I'll just come to school a bit early tomorrow and search for it then. Plus, it might not be here anyway."
"Really?"
"Yeah, thanks anyway."
If Akemi-san put her mind to searching for it, it seemed likely that she'd really find a hair-clip that didn't exist.
"Well then, I have to head back to the cla.s.sroom."
"Okay, gokigenyou."
After confirming that they were walked away, I turned back towards the school buildings.
* * * * *
On Monday, I ate lunch alone at my desk then left the cla.s.sroom. I was walking down the hallway, on the way back from Milk Hall, when I b.u.mped into Chisato-san.
"Got a minute?"
Chisato-san pointed towards the courtyard.
"Sure."
Thinking she just wanted to have a chat, I nodded my head and we walked outside together.
Even though we were in the same cla.s.s, the only thing I had said to Chisato-san all morning was "Gokigenyou."
As soon as the lunch break started, Chisato-san had been surrounded by our fellow cla.s.smates barraging her with questions about her half-day date with Hasekura Rei-sama on Sunday, so there had been no opening for me to approach her.
"What happened to all the people you had glued to you?"
"I kept telling them that I couldn't say anything until the report was published in the Lillian Kawaraban. Eventually they got the message."
"I see."
This place had seemed like a frozen winter garden back when we walked around here searching for that hair-clip. But now, with the sun overhead, it felt so warm it was like a completely different place.
It had only been a matter of days since then. I suppose that meant spring was just around the corner.
"So? How was your date &h.e.l.lip;. oh."
I trailed off mid-sentence. Chisato-san had just said that she couldn't talk about it until the report was published. Nonetheless.
"That was just an expedience. There's no gag-order, or anything like that."
Chisato-san stuck her tongue out cheekily.
"I just didn't want to talk about it. But there was something I wanted to tell you, Mayu-san... See, because of what happened, I've changed the way I've been thinking about things."
"What?"
"You told me to split them apart, right?"
"You're talking about Rei-sama?"
I asked, even though I had said that.
"While you were the one who said it, in truth, I'd been thinking it as well. After all, I'd cherish Rei-sama so much more than Yoshino-san does. I thought that if I could just get close to her, then she'd see that there were other girls out there that were so much nicer. That was my honest expectation. For our date."
"And? Your expectations were dashed?"
I asked, and Chisato-san's response was, "Not quite."
"Rei-sama was even more wonderful than I expected. But then I realized, somewhere within that wonderful Rei-sama was Yoshino-san."
"You mean in her thoughts?"
"That's not it. I don't really know how to explain it, but a part of Rei-sama's charm existed because of Yoshino-san. Let's say I managed to s.n.a.t.c.h Rei-sama away from Yoshino-san. I think I'd feel like there was something missing from that Rei-sama. What I like is the Rei-sama that's mixed with Yoshino-san. And so &h.e.l.lip; "
"I get it."
I said, and Chisato-san's eyes widened in surprise.
"Really? From an explanation like that?"
"Yeah, I get it. Because I've been thinking something similar recently."
This time it was my turn to tell the story.
"Sakae-sama has a pet.i.t soeur."
"&h.e.l.lip; So I've heard. The girls in the tennis club were all making a fuss about it."
"And her partner, a masterpiece. Koiso Akemi-san. It's like, geeze, I give up. Well played, Maria-sama."
Chisato-san apparently didn't appreciating my attempt at humor because she had a sullen look on her face.
"I mean, Sakae-sama looked to me like a wonderful lady."
"A wonderful lady?"
"Right, a wonderful lady. And I was shocked to think that I had broken up with such a wonderful lady."
But the thing that shocked me the most was how happy I felt after seeing them together. It was funny the way the sense of utmost regret turned to acceptance of what seemed inevitable.
"It was Akemi-san that made her such a wonderful lady. Again, a complete defeat for me. But that complete defeat was really refreshing."
"Yeah. That's how I felt too."
As we walked around the courtyard, we rubbed shoulders and laughed. Each of us with the knowledge that the one who best understood our feelings was the friend beside us.
"Ah, so that's where it is."
Chisato-san suddenly squatted down and said, "My hair-clip."
"Really? So you didn't find it earlier?"
I leaned over and followed Chisato-san's gaze.
"Wait, look. That's got to be somebody's prank, right?"
The silver hair-clip, decorated with flowers, had numerous pieces of clover growing through the part that holds on to the hair. The whole thing looked as though the clover was hair that the hair-clip was fastened to.
"Wouldn't it just grow naturally like that because of all the warm weather we've been having?"
I gently stroked the leaves of the clover that had been bunched together by the hair-clip. Clumped together as they were, it looked like there were five- and six-leaf clovers, never mind just three- or four-leaf ones.
"Maybe."
Chisato-san extracted her hair-clip from the bunch of clover.
"Even though I've finally found it, I won't have any use for it soon."
I looked at Chisato-san, uncomprehending, and she said:
"I was thinking of getting my hair cut short. Just like that."
My friend smiled as she made a chopping motion across her shoulder-length hair. She'd probably look good with short-hair. But I, with my shorter hair, couldn't drastically change my hair just by cutting it.
So I decided to ask Chisato-san for that hair-clip for which she would soon have no use.
"Sure. It's only a cheapie, though."
As she said this, Chisato-san stepped behind me, gathered the hair from the side of my head and clicked the hair-clip in place.
And with that, the lie that I had told Sakae-sama and Akemi-san had been turned into truth.
Freed from the hair-clip, the three-leaf clovers fluttered in the breeze.
"It's beautiful," I thought.