Manners and Rules of Good Society Part 3

In old cathedral cities and quiet country towns, far from the metropolis, on the contrary, the rule holds good of residents calling on new-comers.

=Cards "To Inquire."=--Cards to inquire after friends during their illness should be left in person, and should not be sent by post; but they may be sent by a servant. On a lady's visiting card should be written above the printed name: "To inquire after Mrs. Smith." When the person inquired after is sufficiently recovered to return thanks in person, the usual visiting card, with "many thanks for kind inquiries,"

written above the printed name, is the usual mode of returning thanks, and is all-sufficient for the purpose.

=P.P.C. Cards.=--Formerly P.P.C. cards were left within a week of departure, or within ten days if the acquaintance was a large one.

The letters P.P.C. for _pour prendre conge_, written at the lower corner of visiting cards, indicate departure from town or from a neighbourhood.

P.P.C. cards may be left in person or sent by a servant; they can also be sent by post. The object of leaving P.P.C. cards is to avoid leave-takings and correspondence concerning departure, and to prevent offence being given if letters and invitations remained unanswered.

In the country an absence of from three to six months renders leaving P.P.C. cards somewhat necessary; under that period it would be unnecessary to give notice of a temporary absence which does not amount to an actual departure. Short absences render it unnecessary to leave P.P.C. cards. Holiday movements at Christmas, Easter, and Whitsuntide are thoroughly recognised, and no leave-taking is obligatory. P.P.C.

cards are now seldom if ever left in town.

=Business Calls.=--When a lady makes a strictly business call upon either a lady or gentleman she should give her card to the servant to be taken to his master or mistress, but on no other occasion should she do so.

=Gentlemen's Visiting Cards.=--A gentleman's card should be thin--thick cards are not in good taste--and not glazed, and of the usual narrow width, _i.e._ one and a half inches in depth, and three inches in width; his name should be printed in the centre, thus: "Mr. Smith" or "Mr.

Francis Smith," should he require the addition of his christian name to distinguish him from his father or elder brother. To have "Francis Smith" printed on the card without the prefix of "Mr." would be in bad taste.

Initials appertaining to honorary rank should never be written or printed on a card, such as D.L., K.C., M.P., K.C.B., M.D., etc. Military or professional t.i.tles necessarily precede the surname of the person bearing them, and are always used, such as "Colonel Smith," "Captain Smith," "Rev. H. Smith," "Dr. Smith," etc.

As regards t.i.tles, "The Honourable" is the only t.i.tle that is not used on a visiting card. Thus "The Honourable Henry Smith's" card should bear the words "Mr. Henry Smith" only.

A Baronet's card should be printed thus, "Sir George Smith," and a Knight's card thus, "Sir Charles Smith." A gentleman's address should be printed in the left hand corner of the card. If a member of a club, it is usual to print the name of the club at the right hand. Officers usually have the name of the club printed at the left hand corner in the place of the address, and the regiment to which they belong at the right hand.

Cards should be printed in small copper-plate script, without ornamentation of any kind. Old English letters look old-fashioned on a card, and are but little used; and ornamental capital letters are never used, and are out of date. The lettering should be as plain and as free from any sort of embellishment as it well can be.

=The Routine of Card-leaving for Gentlemen.=--To bachelors card-leaving is an irksome routine of etiquette, and is, therefore, in a measure often neglected, by reason of their having little or no leisure at command during the afternoon hours. This is now thoroughly understood and accepted in general society. When, however, a bachelor has his way to make in society and has leisure to further the acquaintanceships he has already made, he should follow the rules of card-leaving.

Bachelors, as a rule, are expected to leave cards on the master and mistress of a house with whom they are acquainted as soon as they are aware that the family have arrived in town; or if a bachelor himself has been away, he should leave cards on his acquaintances immediately after his return. He should leave one card for the mistress of the house and one for its master.

A gentleman should not turn down a corner of his card, even though he may be acquainted with other ladies of the family besides the mistress of the house. A gentleman should not leave a card for the young daughters of the house, or for any young relative of its mistress who might be staying with her; but if a married couple with whom he is acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he is calling, he should leave two cards for them, one for the wife and one for the husband, and should tell the servant for whom they are intended.

As regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances, a gentleman should not leave his card upon a married lady, or the mistress of a house, to whom he has been introduced, however gracious or agreeable she has been to him, unless she expressly asks him to call, or gives him to understand in an unmistakable manner that his doing so would be agreeable to her.

This rule holds good, whether the introduction has taken place at a dinner-party, at a ball, at an "at home," at a country-house gathering, or elsewhere; he would not be ent.i.tled to leave his card on her on such slight acquaintanceship; as, if she desired his further acquaintance, she would make some polite allusion to his calling at her house, in which case he should leave his card on her as soon afterwards as convenient, and he should also leave a card for the master of the house, the lady's husband or father (as the case may be), even if he had not made his acquaintance when making that of the lady.

A gentleman should not leave a card on a young lady to whom he has been introduced, but upon her mother or the relative with whom she is residing.

When the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is but slight, they should occasionally leave cards upon each other, especially when they do not move in the same circle, and are not otherwise likely to meet; it generally follows that the one who most desires the acquaintanceship is the one to leave his card first, always supposing that the strength of the acquaintance would warrant his so doing. The one of highest rank should be the one to intimate that he desires the acquaintance of the other; if the rank be equal, it is a matter of inclination which calls first.

The rules of etiquette, though stringent as regards acquaintances, have little or no application as regards intimate friends; friendship overrules etiquette.

When a bachelor has a number of intimate friends, very little card-leaving is required from him as far as they are concerned.

=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--In the event of a gentleman receiving an invitation to an entertainment from an acquaintance, or from a new acquaintance, or through some mutual friend, he should leave his cards at the house within a week or ten days after the entertainment, one for the mistress and one for the master of the house, whether he has accepted the invitation or not. Between friends this rule is greatly relaxed.

It is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the host or on the hostess, after every entertainment to which he has been invited by them, whether it be a dinner-party, or ball, or "at home," etc. Whether he has been present or not, the fact of his having been invited by them obliges him to pay them this civility, although great lat.i.tude as regards time is now accorded in general society with regard to this particular rule.

If invited by a new acquaintance, the cards should be left a few days after the entertainment, but if by a less recent acquaintance they should be left within ten days or a fortnight, but the earlier the cards are left the greater the politeness shown.

If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the same rule applies as to the necessity of cards being left on him by those gentlemen but slightly acquainted with him who have been invited to the entertainment.

When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment given at the house of a new acquaintance, whether the acquaintance be a lady or a gentleman, it would be etiquette for him to leave his card upon them on their arrival in town or elsewhere, even though they may not have invited him to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the year. If during the following year they do not again invite him, he might consider the acquaintance at an end and cease to call. These complimentary calls made, or rather cards left, should not average more than four during the year.

=Memorial Cards= are out of date in society, and consequently should not be sent to either relatives or friends.

A widow should not make use of her christian name on her visiting cards to distinguish her from other members of her late husband's family. Her cards should be printed as during his lifetime.

FOOTNOTES:

[1] It is, however, permissible on the occasion of a _first_ call to say, "I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address"; or some such phrase.

CHAPTER IV

PAYING CALLS

Ladies stand upon strict and ceremonious etiquette with each other as regards both paying and receiving calls. Ignorance or neglect of the rules which regulate paying calls, brings many inconveniences in its train; for instance, when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an acquaintance, she runs the risk of herself and daughters being excluded from entertainments given by the said acquaintance.

When a call has not been made within a reasonable time, a coldness is apt to arise between ladies but slightly acquainted with each other.

Some ladies take this omission good-naturedly or indifferently, while with others the acquaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to be subsequently dropped altogether.

The first principle of calling is, that those who are the first to arrive in town should be the _first_ to call upon their acquaintances to intimate their return.

"Morning calls," so designated on account of their being made before dinner, are, more strictly speaking, "afternoon calls," as they should only be made between the hours of three and six o'clock.

Calls made in the morning--that is before one o'clock--would not come under the denomination of "morning calls," as they can only be made by intimate friends and not by acquaintances, and are not, therefore, amenable to the rules of etiquette which govern the afternoon calls, which calls are regulated in a great measure--as to the hour of calling--by the exact degree of intimacy existing between the person who calls and the person called upon. From three to four o'clock is the ceremonious hour for calling; from four to five o'clock is the semi-ceremonious hour; and from five to six o'clock is the wholly friendly and without ceremony hour.

If a lady is driving when she calls at the house of an acquaintance, she should say to her servant, "Ask if Mrs. A---- is at home."

When a lady is walking, she should ask the same question herself.

When the answer is in the negative, she should leave one of her own cards and one of her husband's, and should say to the servant, "For Mr.

and Mrs. A----."

When the answer is in the affirmative, the lady should enter the house without further remark and follow the servant to the drawing-room.

The servant should go before the visitor, to lead the way to the drawing-room, and, however accustomed a visitor may be to a house, it is still the proper etiquette for the servant to lead the way, and announce him or her to his mistress; and this rule should not be dispensed with, except in the case of very near relations or very intimate friends.

At the drawing-room door the servant waits for a moment until the visitor has reached the landing, when the visitor should give his or her name to the servant, "Mr. A----" or "Mrs. A----," should the servant be unacquainted with it.