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With a groan I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to stop the visions. It didn't work, I knew it wouldn't, but I was a little hopeful. With my hope dashed into pieces I resigned myself to the visions.
While there were warnings about the Neglism in the information I had been given, and I had taken those warnings seriously, I was completely unprepared for how effectively the Neglism invoked my negative emotions.
Truthfully I thought I would have to feed the emotions to the plant. Think them through and allow myself to feel the emotions that came with the memories rather than keeping them bottled up like I usually did.
That wasn't the case. The Neglism was slurping up my negative emotions through a straw with a big happy smile like a kid given its favorite milkshake. I had absolutely no power to stop it either. The entire 'farm' was in the range of the plant. I had already tried to run from it. Completely pointless. The walls of the shack did nothing to stop or even slow the extraction of my worst memories, making me relive them, then magnifying my emotions to make them more tasty.
I could guide the memories I was willing to experience. I had started out small, or at least what I considered small. How I got here. There wasn't much to it. Or at least that was what I had thought.
I had just gotten out of work, I had spotted my ex girlfriend on my way out. That was abnormal as we both worked for the same company and had caused more than a few awkward moments. The Neglism wanted to latch unto those uncomfortable feelings and suck them all out but I pushed it away, proving that I could guide the memories, but scaring me a bit in the process. Despite that I kept going. I had plans to meet a friend, for a drink. I showed up at the bar we had agreed to meet. He had texted that he was running late and told me to order without him. I wasn't a big drinker, and only went to bars with friends. Sitting alone at the bar sipping a drink, by myself, made me feel really uncomfortable. Like a alcoholic that couldn't wait to get his next drink. Probably just an overreaction, but I had been struggling against the urges to drink myself into a drunken stupor at the time, so I felt it was a very real possibility.
Just as I was finishing my second drink and about to call my 'friend' and see what the h.e.l.l was taking him so long or if he had just decided to blow me off. I had seen her. Kind of hard not too. She was gorgeous. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I thought my tolerance was better than that, but she was even prettier than my ex. Long midnight black hair that curled in small rings down her back. A pair of enchanting dark blue eyes set into a angelic face, and a killer body encased in a tight yet modest pale blue dress. More importantly she was staring straight at me as she approached.
Of course I was sure that it was all a coincidence and I wasn't what she was coming over for. Until I glanced around. Despite having finished my second drink, it was still early. The bar was nowhere near packed so while I was at the bar, there was plenty of empty s.p.a.ce if she wanted to place an order. On top of that I had set myself apart from the rest of the patrons and my melancholy att.i.tude had convinced those few near me not to get any closer. If she was coming towards me then it had to be because she wanted to speak to me.
I wasn't wrong. The beauty walked right up to me and looked me over just as intensely as everyone else in the bar was gazing at her. "h.e.l.lo Jason Nellis, you will do just fine." she told me with a brilliant smile that caused my mind to stop working for a moment. Then just as I was beginning to be able to think again and wondered how the h.e.l.l she knew my name everything went dark. When I woke up I was here on this tiny little farm prison.
I didn't think that there was a lot of negative emotions tied into this memory besides the anger that I had been targeted to be brought here, and a bit of shame that I thought she might actually have been interested in me. That was what I thought. I was incredibly wrong. So very wrong. I had been stuffing all of my unhappy emotions into a lock box and ignoring them, for so long that I didn't even register the emotions anymore. Of course I stated I had been melancholy, that is caused by emotions, yet I completely ignored that fact. There were reasons and emotions that caused me to have already finished my second drink rather than just nursing the first. Emotions that went along with the fact that I was drinking alone, and most importantly there were a lot of emotions that went with finding myself trapped in a tiny little farm growing things I have never heard of in a place without a sun, moon, or even stars. Lots of them. Didn't think of any of that. Call it a comping method. Didn't matter, the stupid plant didn't miss them. It forced me to recall every moment of it, magnified the emotions so I couldn't miss them and their effect on me, then slurped them up as happily as a fat kid in a candy store with a free pa.s.s to everything it could grab.
That was when I really felt the fear. That set of memories, including the crushing fear that ultimately came with finding myself in an unfamiliar place and trapped unable to leave, were still tame compared to what I had inside of me with my girlfriend of three years throwing everything we had together over a misunderstanding, or the death of my parents when I was young and the subsequent years I was raised by my mother's adopted sister that never liked her, and therefore hated me. There were all kinds of powerful emotions in those memories that I couldn't deny, and many, many more that I had.
I ran, I hoped that the distance or at least the walls of the shack would stop the plant from dredging up anymore of those painful memories. I was terrified and it was sucking it all up greedily.
Neither the meager distance, or the thin walls was enough to stop the memories. One by one I was forced to relive each of my worst moments my emotions blown up to be even more intense and painful. I came back out in a futile gesture in taking back control of the flood of memories. The Neglism was enormous, a tree in the middle of my dirt plots glowing a sickly green, thick blade like leaves covering its branches while small vivid yellow flowers grew everywhere on the plant.
The memories continued to flow despite my vain attempts of steering them towards less unpleasant memories. I collapsed by the plant sweat running from my head in equal portions to the tears from my eyes and snot from my nose. My stomach hurt from all the sobbing while my throat burned from all the screaming.
The lose of my parents, my life with my b.i.t.c.h of an adopted aunt who hated my mother, my years with my ex and the realization that she really did pack her bags and left as fast as a rabbit fleeing a fox when she found the engagement ring I was holding onto for our friend so his nosy girlfriend didn't find it before he proposed. Every little thing was drawn out and blown up so I couldn't ignore it, every argument with my aunt, every fight with my ex, the fact that the last words I said to my parents before they died were flippant, uninterested.
Then it was over. The flood of memories abated and disappeared leaving me laying on the ground listless.
I have no idea how long I laid there, none at all. I wasn't registering the flow of time in any way at all. The sky could have darkened into its semblance of night and back to day for all I knew. I did recover though. As painful as they were, they were just memories. I had lived through them and survived. Now was no different, just highly concentrated.
When I was finally able to move again I felt amazing. The description had been right, the Neglism had invoked and feed on my negative emotions, I just underestimated how it invoked my negative emotions. Even more importantly I didn't feel anything from those memories anymore. An enormous weight I had unknowingly been carrying around with me letting it slowly grow heavier every day, was completely gone. I felt refreshed and free for the first time, despite being trapped on that tiny farm. I laughed so long and hard that my stomach started to cramp.
I stood up slowly and looked at the Neglism, it was an enormous tree with hundreds of branches laiden with sickly yellow and green seed pods. The information for the Neglism didn't recommend growing it a second time because the memories wouldn't feed the plant again, yet I couldn't see anyone willingly choosing to to go through that a second time. I felt amazing now, but the price for it was steep.
I considered starting to harvest the immense plant but decided not too. I reached up and grabbed the closest pod and tugged it off. It practically fell into my hand. I smiled to myself then grabbed a second. The first I would sell so I could have something nice to eat, the second would stay with me as a momento to remember the lessons I had learned. My parent's death wasn't my fault. The hate my aunt had for my mother wasn't my fault, nor was how she treated me, she was just a b.i.t.c.h. Not that I didn't act out, but she was a b.i.t.c.h first. The break up with my ex wasn't my fault, but then again we weren't nearly as perfect for each other as I had thought we were which was probably why she ran so fast. So maybe I was partially to blame for that one. Either way I wanted a good meal and some sleep. I could harvest the Neglism in the morning, or when I woke up, I had no idea what time it was, and I didn't care.
I did know that I was going to be more careful of what I grew in the future. I had never thought plants could be so dangerous.