Love's Suicide Part 5

"Woman, we can get married tomorrow if you want."

He sat me down and I continued laughing as I walked over to the desk and pointed to the mounds of planning that I'd done for our event. "I've put too much time into this for it to be at a court house. I want a real wedding."

He walked up to me and looked deeply into my eyes. "Fine. Call my mom and get things going. I'll call Brooks and let him know a date, so he can file for leave."

"Christmas. Let's do it Christmas when he'll already be home. It's right before he leaves and he won't have to worry about getting more time approved."

"Fine, I'll let him know."

I stood there staring at him, realizing that he knew Brooks' number and had been talking to him, but never once mentioned it to me. I would have liked to say h.e.l.lo and hear his voice every once in a while. Instead, I smiled and pretended it didn't bother me at all. "Sounds great. Tell him h.e.l.lo for me, would ya?"

"Yeah, sure."

After speaking to Danica and making lots of calls to get our venue changed in such short notice, we were able to find a local hotel to hold the wedding at. The date was set for December 22, 2010 and it was all falling into place.

I got my next letter in the beginning of July and reading it got me a little worked up.

Katy, I'm all set to be home for the wedding and the holidays. I'm sure you've been real busy planning that dream day that you always wanted. I'll be home on the 20th, but have arranged to get fitted here in Texas and have the company call the measurements in to the local rental place in town. Branch said he'd pick it up when he gets his.

You're probably worried about everything going perfectly.

Don't.

You'll be the life of the party and everything will be perfect. Your mom and dad would be so proud of you, for all that you've accomplished.

I'll see you in a couple of months.

Don't bite your nails. You need them to be perfect for the wedding.

Love, Brooks Knowing that I didn't have a number to call, I started writing him a message. Then I crumbled it up and decided that I was going to call, even if I had to sneak the number from my fiance's phone.

So that night, I waited for him to fall asleep and walked over to his side of the bed where he kept it on the charger. I grabbed the phone and took it into the living room, in case he'd saved it under something different to make it harder to find.

I found it in seconds, seeing that, according to the call log, they'd been talking weekly for months. I felt betrayed, like Branch was keeping it from me on purpose.

I quickly wrote down the number and transferred it to my phone, returning his before he could wake up and notice it was missing.

It was hard sleeping that night knowing I was only hours away from hearing his voice. It had been so long, and I missed my best friend more than words could explain. The fact that Branch was keeping us apart hurt me. Did he really not trust us together?

Then I laid there, thinking about being alone with Brooks.

Suddenly I realized why Branch had every right to worry.

The last time I'd been alone with Brooks we'd kissed and I would have done more if we hadn't come to our senses.

Then I became mad at myself.

If I wasn't able to control my emotions and feelings around Brooks, then being around him was a bad idea. I had to remind myself that things happen for a reason and I was with the right man, no matter what his methods were for getting us together. In some ways, he'd stolen me from Brooks. I'd probably never forgive him for that, but the damage was done. Branch was my first and he was going to be my last. Our marriage would finalize that for us, and no one, not even Brooks, would come between us.

On the way to work that next morning, I sat in my car and dialed the number. It rang five times before he picked up and when I heard his voice I hung up quickly.

My heart was racing and I couldn't believe that I'd done something so silly.

When my phone started to ring and the same number showed up, I knew I had to answer.

"h.e.l.lo?"

"What, did you change your mind or something? Is my voice not as s.e.xy as it was before?"

I had no idea why, but I burst into laughter. Of all the things he could have said, he'd broken the ice with that statement. "Your voice is fine. I just... I had to sneak to get your number and I don't really know why I'm calling. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Is it everything you wanted it to be?" he teased.

"All that and then some," I joked back.

"I miss you, Kat. It gets real lonely sometimes. On nights like that I wish I could call you and talk about d.a.m.n near anything to pa.s.s the time. You and I never ran out of things to talk about, did we?"

I traced my steering wheel, feeling warm tears running down my face. When I sniffled, he must have known I was emotional. "Please don't cry."

"I can't help it. I think Branch is keeping us from each other and I don't understand. We're family, and he knows how important you've always been to me. You're thousands of miles away. I don't understand why he wouldn't want us talking."

"Kat, Branch found the letter. He went into my room after you fell asleep and read it. He called me that morning, before you woke up."

"What?" I was in shock. Branch had known the whole time and never said a word to me.

"Yeah. Do you really think that I would talk to everyone else on the phone and not you? If I had to pick anyone to call, you'd be my first choice."

I started worrying about what Branch had said to his brother. After all, he'd written about sneaking into my room, so Branch knew I'd been with his brother. "He knows about what we did."

"Yup. He knows."

"What did he say to you? Did he threaten you? Do your parents know?"

Brooks got quiet for a second, and I heard him saying something to a man before telling me to hang on. The background noise changed, and I realized he'd walked somewhere else for privacy. "Kat, he doesn't blame you. You didn't even know which, I'm just going to put it out there, it's sort of weird. I know I'm a way better lover than my brother, but that's beside the point."

A tiny giggle escaped me when I realized he was trying to be funny in the midst of chaos.

"Anyway, we had words and he made threats. It's why I wasn't going to come to the wedding."

"You have to come, Brooks. I want you there."

"Yeah, I heard. When he called to tell me the date had been moved up, I was shocked I was invited again. He's pretty much said that if I come within ten feet of you and he isn't around he's going to kill me with his bare hands. Honestly, I'd like to see that f.u.c.ker try it. After all this time, I'm pretty sure I'd rip him apart."

"Okay, I don't need to know all that. Forgive me for saying that, but I find it hard to believe that he's never confronted me about us being together."

"Kat, you're innocent in all of this. Don't you get it? He doesn't even know you saw the letter. He thinks I left it under my pillow and you never found it. At least, that's what I convinced him happened. As far as you know, we've never done anything. It's all on me."

"Why would you do that?"

"I think you know why." My stomach dropped when he said it. I hadn't called him to hear him saying things like that. I called him because I'd missed my friend.

"Brooks, I want you at the wedding, and Branch isn't going to touch you. I appreciate that you kept me out of it, but it doesn't change anything either way. I'm marrying Branch because I love him and we have a life together. I hope you understand that."

It hurt me to say it. I knew he cared about me deeply, but I feared for a huge confrontation between him and Branch. To keep the peace, I had to hide any feelings that I had for him deep inside.

"I get it, Kat. I'll be there for you on your special day and I won't cause problems. I'd never do anything to hurt you."

Didn't he know that his leaving tore me apart? "Thank you."

"Listen, I need to go."

"Wait." I wasn't ready to say goodbye. "Can I call you again?"

"You can, but you may want to use someone else's phone. Branch may act all innocent, but I guarantee he checks your phone bill for my number. You've got a month to come up with a good excuse as to what we talked about and why you called me today."

"I'll handle it."

"Bye, Kat."

"Bye, Brooks."

I didn't go to work. Instead I went home and crawled into my bed, where I cried for the whole day. Branch may not have been running around cheating on me, but he was certainly hiding things. I didn't want to start our marriage like that, but knew at some point it would have to be addressed.

Chapter 7.

October-November 2010 The wedding was just two months away, and believe it or not, I had everything in order. Finals were scheduled for November for three of my cla.s.ses, so I'd have time to run around once school was over.

Branch was busier with school than I was. He'd doubled up on cla.s.ses and decided he was going to stay in school for another year and work his a.s.s off for a higher degree. He a.s.sured me that it would benefit our future.

I don't want to say that a wedge had formed between us, because I was extremely excited to become his wife, but the lingering secrets he was keeping from me still didn't sit well. I wanted a marriage where we could tell each other everything. It was understood that Brooks would always be someone special to me, but I couldn't just cut him out of my life.

With that being said, I called Brooks at least once a week, using a phone at my workplace. I understood that I was sneaking around, but I wasn't doing anything bad. We weren't talking about being together; in fact it never even came up. We talked about work, school and things that Brooks had gotten into since joining the military. Finally, after so long, I felt like my life wasn't missing anything. I knew he wasn't back, but talking to him filled the void of him leaving.

One thing I did notice was that the happier I was, the more strange Branch was acting. He started bringing me flowers every Friday. I wasn't complaining. The thought meant a lot. Maybe it was just my guilty conscience, but I felt like he knew I was talking to Brooks. By November he was showering me with gifts and doing everything to help with the wedding. I appreciated it, but remained skeptical, like he had ulterior motives.

By Thanksgiving, the wedding jitters were back in full force. They got so overwhelming that I took on extra shifts to keep myself busy. I stopped calling Brooks, in fear of telling him that I was nervous and him taking it the wrong way. We hadn't spoken about feelings, but it was no secret that he still loved me.

The last thing I needed was him telling me that I was choosing the wrong brother.

AGAIN.

When he hadn't heard from me in three weeks, he called my cell phone.

I'd erased his number, but knew when it said Texas, that it was him.

"Brooks, now isn't a good time."

"Why haven't you called me, Kat? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"I know you better than that. Did I say or do something that made you mad?"

"No. It's not you. It's me."

"So, I guess we're breaking up?" He was trying to make me laugh.

When I didn't say anything, he changed his approach. "You can tell me anything."

"I'm scared."

"Has he hurt you?"

"No. Of course not. I guess how I'm feeling is normal."

"When's the last time you ate? You know you have to take care of yourself, and you forget to eat when you're stressed." I was shocked that after all these years he still remembered the little things, where Branch had never asked or noticed that, and we lived together.

"I'm fine, Brooks. I've just been busy and nervous."

"I worry when you don't call."

"I'm sorry."

"Kat, you know you don't have to go through with this. You have a choice. You always have. If you aren't sure about being with Branch for the rest of your life, then don't do it."

It was the first time that he'd talked about me leaving his brother. "Why would you think that?"

"Isn't it true?"

"No!" He couldn't talk to me like that.

"Okay. Whatever you say. I'm just telling you that you're allowed to change your mind."

"Why would I change my mind? Do you honestly think I'm in love with you?" I couldn't believe that I'd said it out loud and I surely wasn't prepared for how he answered.

"Yeah. I do."

I didn't know what to say. Arguing with him was only going to make my thing even more frustrating.

So I hung up.

Brooks didn't call me back and he didn't try to call me during Thanksgiving.