Love's Suicide Part 32

It was my turn to hug Branch. I was okay with it until he smiled and held his arms out, as if he expected it. I backed up until I felt Brooks' body touching my back and then I reached out my hand. "It's nice to see you, Branch."

"I don't get a hug?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm not ready for that yet."

He let out an air-filled laugh. "It's okay. I guess we all need to warm up to each other."

"Yeah, something like that."

Brooks pinched me on my back. "Don't mind her. She's gotten bitter in her old age. I think it has something to do with motherhood."

"Am I the only one here that thinks this is completely insane?" I was losing my cool while Brooks cracked jokes.

Branch laughed. "It's only weird if we make it that way, Katy. Look, we've all moved on now and clearly it's for the best. Whatever you have against me needs to be worked out. We were a family before, and we're even more of a family now. Look, Mel and I are getting married. You've got a kid that I don't think any of us knew about. You're obviously with my brother now. We wouldn't have come today if we knew it was going to make you so mad. If it makes you happy, we can leave."

I looked around the room at the family that I'd just started to get back. As much as I wanted to resent him, I had to bite my tongue. These people were all I had left and I needed them now more than ever. I had to forget about being with Branch and start over, only remembering the times when we were growing up. The damage had already been done to everyone in the room. Out of all the times that I regretted what I'd done, I started realizing that closure was the only way to find forgiveness. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for lying about my feelings. I'm sorry for hurting everyone in this room, especially Brooks. All of this could have been avoided if none of you ever loved me." I felt so lost, so hurt that I knew I had to get out of there. With no regard for what anyone had to say to my confession, I went running upstairs.

I heard them talking, deciding on whether Branch and Melissa should stay or go. I also heard them arguing about who was going to come calm me down. When I heard the bedroom door opening, I turned to see the last person I expected to be standing there.

Chapter 46.

"Branch?"

He walked in and sat at the foot of the bed. "Brooks is probably going to beat my a.s.s for what I'm about to say to you, but I think it's time you and I got some things out in the open."

I pulled my legs up to my chest and sat there looking at him. Though they were the same, there were also many differences in the two of them since the last time we'd all been together. Branch was clean cut and thin, while Brooks was muscular and probably had a good twenty pounds on his brother. "Fine. Say what's on your mind. I know you're dying to."

Branch shook his head. "Some things never change, do they, Katy?"

I felt like I needed to defend myself. "What do you mean by that?"

I could tell he was getting annoyed with me and I didn't care. "I mean your att.i.tude when it comes to you being in the wrong."

"You just reminded me of why we aren't together. You think the whole world revolves around you, like you should be worshipped," I said sarcastically.

"We aren't together because you f.u.c.ked my brother the night before we were to be married, or have you forgotten that? I'm sure you haven't, because judging from my calculations that would have been the night you conceived that pretty little girl downstairs. I still can't believe it. I can't believe that you ran away and had his child without telling anyone. How could you do that? Did you do it to get back at me? You did, didn't you? You wanted me to pay so badly that you cost my parents years without their only grandchild. Tell me I'm wrong. Give me some other reason why you couldn't come home?"

I sat up straight and let my legs relax. "Don't you dare act like you're innocent." I knew I was raising my voice and that everyone was probably downstairs listening. "All of this is your fault, Branch. You kept us apart. You lied to me to make me think he never loved me. How could you do that to me? Why?"

He slammed his hands down on the bed. "Because I wanted you for myself, that's why. No matter what we were doing, he was always your favorite. I hated how you looked at him. We were supposed to be the same. You think I didn't notice the way he always defended you? He promised me that we'd never fight, but yet he had to sneak behind my back when it came to you."

He was acting like a jealous child. "Are you talking about our first kiss?"

"You're d.a.m.n right I am. He had to have more, even after we'd made a pact."

"We were twelve you big idiot. How can you look at yourself in the mirror, knowing that you're an adult and you act like a child?"

"Don't judge me, Katy. Go judge Mr. Perfect downstairs that at any time could have stopped you the night you were together. He could have pushed you away and told you he felt nothing. He was in the wrong. It's like you're blind when it comes to him. I don't even get why."

I pointed toward him. "Don't you dare turn this around. He's the victim and you hate that. You can't stand that you did all of this. You can't stand that after all of it, he still got me. Let me just tell you something. I don't care how long we were together, or what you did to try to make me happy. You could never be him, Branch. No matter how much you tried. You're too different. You care about yourself, while he puts himself last."

He turned and looked right at me. "You're right. That's why I did what I did. It's why I told you he didn't want you and it's why I told him to back off. I knew he'd listen, because he always cared about everyone else. Once I had you I knew he wouldn't want my sloppy seconds."

I moved forward on the bed, almost getting up in his face. "That's where you're wrong, Branch. I bet you didn't know he lost his virginity to me in that room right across the hall. You see, on the anniversary of when my parents died, I thought it was you that would come into my room and comfort me. I thought it was you holding me because that's what a boyfriend was supposed to do. Little did I know that it was Brooks. He made love to me only days after our first time together, and then on the same day the next year. Both times it wasn't like anything I'd ever felt before." That statement was better than any kick in the b.a.l.l.s.

I watched the color leave his face and knew that I'd hit a nerve. "What? You knew?"

I shook my head. "No. I didn't know at first. We were together twice and he never told me. I can't blame him. Though, at first, I wanted to kill him."

Branch covered his face with both hands. "G.o.d, I can't believe this."

"I couldn't believe it either. More than that, I couldn't believe that the man I was planning on marrying had conned me into loving him. Did you really think that I'd be happy and that Brooks would never tell me the truth?"

He turned to me, like he was the one betrayed. "He gave me his word that I could have you."

"He told me no that night." It was partly the truth, but I was actually starting to feel bad. "That night at the hotel, you were so drunk. You said some horrible things and Brooks just wanted me to feel better. He found me on the roof crying, and everything happened so fast. I know you could never understand and that you'll probably hate me forever, but I've never felt something so powerful as when I'm close to him. It doesn't matter how long we're apart, or what's standing in our way, it's always there. Branch, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I left because I couldn't face you that next morning. I couldn't look you in the eyes and tell you that I was in love with your brother. I felt so ashamed." I swallowed the lump forming in my throat before I could continue. "The thing is, you knew it all along. You'd been keeping us apart because you knew what we had, didn't you? Do you have any idea what I've gone through because of all of this? I ran away from the only family I have left. I had a child that I couldn't tell anyone about, because I thought they all hated me, including your brother. I moved to a town with nothing but the clothes in my suitcase. You could have prevented all of this. Brooks didn't have to miss the birth of his daughter."

"How did you know she was his?"

"I did the math and the doctors gave me a three day window of when I conceived. Then we learned you were sterile, which by the way, thanks for that. Another lie that you went along with to get me to marry you."

Finally he cut in. "Okay. I get the d.a.m.n point. I was a s.h.i.tty brother and a lying boyfriend. It doesn't change that fact that you were only with me because you thought he didn't want you. I was your f.u.c.king consolation prize, so yeah, I lied. I didn't want either of you to be happy, so I did what I had to do. I gave you everything you wanted and you still ran to him. All you had to do was be faithful for one night and you couldn't. You had to be with him. Let me know something, Katy. Would you have still married me if I hadn't caught you with him?"

I shook my head, knowing the answer before he finished the sentence. "No. I think I knew I wasn't going to marry you the moment he walked through the door." Then I really felt bad. "Branch, if you ever loved me, in any way, you'd know that I wasn't with Brooks because I wanted to hurt you. I was with Brooks because I couldn't stop myself. Every bone in my body calls for him. When he touches me it's electric. We both loved you and it was the only reason that I walked away from you and from him."

Branch started to get choked up and my anger was already gone, but was now placed with remorse. I hurt for him, feeling betrayed by his own flesh and blood. I put my hand on his and he looked up at me. "I did love you, Katy. It wasn't the right kind of love, but it was real. I can't live like this anymore. I've got a good life and Melissa's a great woman. I love her, and I know we'll be happy. She's okay with having to adopt and I don't keep secrets from her. Except for one."

I looked at him and felt confused. "One?"

"For so long I've told her that I hated you. I wanted you to be miserable and poor. Then I saw your daughter and I realized what I'd taken from you. You don't have to remind me what I did. Knowing that I can't have children has been difficult for me to come to grips with. Seeing that Brooks had a child is when it really hit me. You're right, Katy. I kept you apart and it's my fault you ran away from Brooks. I'm sorry he wasn't there for you. I'm sorry none of us were, because family is supposed to stick together, no matter what. It's time I admit it out loud." He took a deep breath and wiped the tears off of his face. "I want you to be happy with my brother, because he's loved you for as long as I can remember and I'm sorry for keeping you apart. I suppose I deserved to hear about him sneaking in your room. He always was your hero."

I let out a laugh. "He still is." I couldn't tell Branch that we were running from my abusive ex. "I thought he'd hate me for keeping my pregnancy from him, but he didn't."

Branch reached over and put his hand on my ankle. At first, I felt strange having him touch me. Sure, I'd slept with him for years, but something had changed. I no longer felt any kind of connection to Branch, and I knew why. Branch had been right. I'd been settling for him, when all the while Brooks was who I was supposed to be with. "Can we please be a family again? I'd really like to get to know my niece, and Melissa misses you. She thinks you hate her."

"Did you sleep with her before or after I was gone?"

He put his hand out when he stood up. I let him help me off the bed and we started to walk out of the room. He laughed. "Yeah, we probably shouldn't talk about that, seeing as you slept with my brother and all. When I took Melissa to bed is irrelevant."

"Fine."

I took two steps and saw Brooks sitting on the couch with his parents. He smiled when he saw us and I smiled back. Melissa was on the floor playing with B. "It's good to be home, Branch."

And it really was, good to be home. I was getting my life back; the one I'd never thought I'd see again. I could see my future in the horizon and Brooks was a huge part of it.

Chapter 47.

It took a few hours for everyone to relax. Melissa and Branch turned all of their attention to B while I helped out in the kitchen. Brooks and Walt ran out to get her a swimming ring for the pool and a new bathing suit. We were also running low on diapers. It was funny to me knowing that two grown men were shopping for a little girl.

While I sat watching B's new uncle and soon to be aunt swoon over her, Danica handed me some vegetables to cut up. "You know, I've never seen Branch around a small child before. It's quite entertaining. Although I always knew Brooks would be a good father. He's always been nurturing, caring about others and ignoring his own needs."

"Trust me when I say, Brooks dropped everything to be with us. There hasn't been a second that he's not working where he hasn't been with us. It's wonderful."

"Keep telling yourself that when it's years down the road," she teased.

I handed her what I'd cut up and she tossed it all in a bowl. "Nah. I think we're different. I've already loved him for more than twenty years. Now that we're finally together, I don't see myself loving him any less. I hope you're okay with that. I mean, after everything that's happened, I want to be honest."

She dried her hands and hugged me. "Katy, I'm thrilled to have you home. Thank you for your honesty. Without that there's nothing to go on. You can always trust me with anything. You know that?"

I nodded my head but felt terrible because I was keeping secrets that could make them all hate me. I had to give it to Brooks for going along with it. He had nothing to worry about, but hiding my a.s.shole husband wasn't exactly a normal kind of favor.

I looked out into the family room and decided to break the ice with Melissa. If we could just have a normal conversation everything would be easier.

She saw me coming and stood up as I approached. Right away she hugged me. "I really did miss you, Katy. You know on the way here I tried to call you. I wanted to talk things out so it would be so weird at first."

I thought about the phone that I'd purposely thrown away. "I lost my phone before we came. I haven't replaced it yet."

"Oh, that explains why you didn't answer my messages."

"Sorry about that."

We sat down on the couch, while Branch lifted B up and pretended she was an airplane. He was making all sorts of sounds as they flew around the room.

"It's okay. I guess you have a lot of questions. Branch said you wanted to know how long we'd been together." She looked down at the carpet and I could tell she was ashamed of the answer. For some reason I didn't care anymore. It was good that Branch had someone, because he was never going to have me.

"You know what? It doesn't even matter. You're getting married and things are the way they are. It's nice to know that you two had each other."

I could tell she started to relax more. "I love him, Katy. I really do."

"Mel, I have a child with Brooks. It doesn't bother me that you're with Branch. It's sort of weird, but I get it."

She hugged me again. "You should probably not listen to your messages, because I may have gone into detail explaining everything."

I laughed and became curious as to what was said, thinking that maybe Brooks and I could listen to the messages together in bed later. He liked to be entertained.

"Yeah, I will erase them," I lied.

It was a good thing that Brooks and Walt came back when they did, because I'd already run out of things to talk about with Melissa. Every day B was becoming more attached to her father. She saw him walking in and went running for him. "Daddy."

I liked that she called Brooks 'Daddy' and Bobby had always been 'Dada'. I wondered if she considered them to be two different things. No matter what, I was grateful that her real father was already recognized for his part in making her. I knew that as time pa.s.sed there would never be a question about him not being around. She'd never know a time when he wasn't everything to her.

Thinking about that reminded me of my father. I remembered being little and waiting at the window for him to pull in the driveway. I always knew that when dinner was cooking, he was on his way home. When I got a little older, I'd watch him pull up and run into the kitchen to make him something to drink. He'd always come in with a smile, no matter how c.r.a.ppy his day had been. At dinner we'd talk about our day, and though mine was filled with fun and games, he'd made his job sound so interesting that even I wanted to do it.

Brooks caught me staring off into the distance and started waving. I finally came back to reality and laughed at myself. "Sorry. I was thinking about my dad."

He walked over and kissed me. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Branch watching us. I grabbed Brooks' hand as he started to walk away. "How's your arm, babe?"

I never called him babe and he'd caught on immediately. He pulled me close. "My arm's fine, babe."

Judging from the smirk on his face, I'd say he was amused. He kissed me and walked back over to where B was waiting for him. She was going into the bag, trying to pull out her new swim suit. When she succeeded, she swung it around and started jumping. "Put it on. Put it on."

Brooks scooped her up. "Let's go get pretty and show everyone that Daddy knows how to shop."

I laughed out loud watching them go around the corner until I heard him climbing the stairs.

While waiting for them to come back down, I started carrying everything out to the pool patio. The sun was shining and it was the perfect evening for a cook out. Branch carried all of the meat out to the grill, and although I pretended not to notice, I caught him looking at me again. It was uncomfortable, but not enough to bring up at the dinner table.

Brooks came out with our daughter in his arms. She had on a little red bikini with ruffles on the bottoms and his giant sungla.s.ses over her eyes. With one hand on her hip, she walked up to her Grandmother, who'd just walked outside, and tapped on her leg. "Yook at me. I pwetty."

Danica acted extremely excited, getting a reaction out of our sweet girl. She giggled and went running back to her father so he could scoop her back up. They walked over to me and I knew he was proud of himself. "What do you think? Is she not the cutest kid ever?"

How could I deny him the truth. "She is. You did good."

He spun her around. "B, let's go out and learn how to swim."

We'd been swimming a few times already over the summer and B did well. She knew how to kick and hold her breath under water, but she still used a little ring, more for her own confidence. I knew Brooks would have her swimming like a fish in no time at all. He was determined to go about teaching her everything possible.

I watched them going up to the pool. He was blowing up her float and took it out of his mouth to let her try to blow it. What touched me the most was watching him take that slimy mouth piece and put it up to his lips without even wiping it.

I knew it was the smallest of things, but it showed me that his love for her was unconditional. She belonged to him and somehow, already, she knew it.

Brooks pulled off the gla.s.ses and her flip-flops and hopped into the pool before holding out his arms for her. She jumped right to him, letting out a scream when her body hit the cool water. I crossed my arms over my chest and smiled, feeling like life couldn't be more perfect.

In a week's time, everything had changed. I'd been given another chance, and even though it felt surreal, I knew it was really happening.

Danica came up and startled me when she put her hand on my shoulder. "Sorry." She waited for me to catch my breath before she continued. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to tell you that Brooks promised Dad that you'd be back for Christmas. I know it's going to be the best holiday and if it's okay, I'd like to spoil my granddaughter with anything her little heart desires, starting with a special piece of jewelry. If it's okay with you, of course."

I turned to Danica and smiled. "I try not to spoil her, but I think it's time she discovers what it's like to have grandparents. I'm sure she will love whatever you get her. First we need to celebrate her birthday. I'd like you to come down to the house and stay when we have her party."