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Inside of hospitals all look the same. They always had white walls with clean linoleum floor that didn't allow even one speck of dust. The smell of antiseptics was suffocating.
After confirming his uncle's room number with the receptionist, Arita finally arrived at his intended room and lightly sighed. In comparison to depressing darkness of the hallways, the room was much much brighter. That was perhaps thanks to the huge window on the southern wall. His uncle was placed next to the window in the room intended for four patients. He sat on his bed with his legs crossed. He seemed occupied playing chess by himself. Until Arita was standing right next to him, his uncle did not tear his eyes away from the board. As if he noticed another person's presence, the uncle finally lifted his face and when he recognized Arita, he brightly smiled.
"Hey, Manabu. Thanks for coming. Hurry and take a seat."
Arita sat down on the round chair offered to him. His uncle, who turned fifty this year, hurt his nerves in a car accident in his younger days and was unable to walk without a cane. He had always been fine on his own, but before summer, his body condition became pretty bad so he had been hospitalized. Tests gave him a diagnosis of liver cancer. It was pretty far along and was spread all the way to his lungs, so the doctor told the family that he had a year to live at the most. Arita's father told Arita that his uncle knew about his own condition, too.
His uncle had always been a bright and cheerful man. He was very fashionable and paid twice as much attention to his clothing compared to others, so he always looked great. He had clear-cut look like a foreign movie star, and he was lithe and tall. Uncle always had a beautiful woman by his side. He went through girls like he changed clothes, but his uncle never tried to start a family with one of them.
"Long time no see. I'm relieved to see you looking so well, Uncle."
Arita loved his uncle, and he often visited him when he was young. Uncle patiently spent time with even small child like Arita. However, as he got older and he entered junior high, then high school, he started to spend more time with his friends. By the time he became an adult he had became quite distanced from him. Their most recent meeting before this was 4 years ago, on the third week after his grandmother had pa.s.sed away.
Last month, when he had visited his hometown after a long absence, Arita heard about his uncle from his father. He became quite depressed after hearing that someone he knew well had less than a year to live. However, his uncle in front of him didn't show even an ounce of such desperate circ.u.mstances. He had always been a thin person, but he became even more skinny and his eyes had sunk in. His face became pale as well. However, that did not stop his uncle's natural cheerful personality.
Their conversation jumped around: stories about work, about their family. While talking, the uncle murmured, as if he suddenly remembered, "Come to think of it, last time Eiichi(英一) came by."
Arita couldn't hide his surprise at the abrupt mention of his little brother's name.
"Eiichi...?"
Uncle stole a glance at Arita's face. "He said he had business around here and came for a visit with his boyfriend."
"Oh, really."
Arita couldn't help bitterly smiling at his little brother who had no common sense. Who the h.e.l.l goes around introducing his same-s.e.x lover? When Arita lowered his face and became silent, his distressed uncle added, "You didn't know?"
"No... I was aware of it."
"You scared me because you suddenly stopped talking. Well, to tell you the truth, I was surprised when he introduced the guy to me as his lover. Recently I heard about such things often, but I had no idea that my nephew would be like that. But wouldn't it be okay if he's happy with it? He told me that your father knew about it, too, but he must have raised h.e.l.l."
"Yes, well..."
his uncle crossed his arms and sighed. He wrinkled his forehead, making a complicated expression. "It must be really hard on Older Brother, since his thinking's hardened. I think it's fine as long as they're happy together, but I guess it's different when you're directly related."
Arita couldn't understand how his uncle was trying to understand his little brother. If he honestly said, "That's disgusting," Arita would have accepted it. But his uncle said to just "leave them alone." Arita told himself that Uncle's opinions were only because this was strictly other people's business. He thought about the man who had brought him all the way to this hospital.
"You don't seem really prejudiced about this kind of issue, Uncle. I am bearing with it because it is my brother, but if it had been anyone else... For example, if it had been one of my friends, I have no idea if I can still hang out with him the same way."
Honestly speaking, after he heard that he "liked him," he couldn't get along with him normally. Even if he had his brother's case in mind, his phobia was abnormal. It would have been so much better if he could have been more mature and ignored him like it was no big deal, but he couldn't even do that.
"Prejudice, huh?" Uncle muttered while poking his cheek with his thumb and shifting his gaze. "Of course, unlike my brother, my junior and senior high school were all-boy schools. There were guys who liked other guys, and it was accepted as a norm that there would be guys like that. There were always at least one cute guy in each year, and even though I knew he was a boy, when I pa.s.sed by him I would feel excited. I thought it was something like that. I do prefer women after all, but still."
Uncle rubbed the his thin fingertips while sighing. "Eiichi is a serious boy, so I'm sure he's suffering a lot. When I think about that, I feel really sorry for him. I'd like to fall in pa.s.sionate love at least once in my life too, no matter what form of love it is. At this point it's a useless ramble of an old man, but anyway." His uncle laughed. He had always been surrounded by so many women, but his uncle was saying that he had never been in love.
"Eiichi aside, what's going on with you, Manabu? You're thirty now, right? It's a good age to have a woman or two that you are having a serious relationship with."
"Well, one of these days," Arita trailed off. Uncle patted Arita's shoulder a bit strongly.
"To me, you and Eiichi were always like my own kids. It's not possible for Eiichi, but I'm putting my hopes up for you." Laughing, his uncle suddenly dropped his gaze as if thinking. "Oh yeah. When Older Brother came by last time, I told him to forgive Eiichi already. After I heard that he had that argument with Eiichi, it kept worrying me. It's best to get rid of stuff like hatred. While you have such big worries, it's hard to rest in peace even if you have to die."
His uncle mentioned death without any hesitation. Arita's body withdrew as if he was forced to face the realty in front of him. Certainly, even if there may be few months difference, in a very short time, his uncle will no longer exist. "Even G.o.d can't tell which side is correct or incorrect. If you don't forgive... and one of the sides die with blame still left in their heart, the one who is still alive wouldn't be able to bear it."
"Mr. Arita," a young nurse called his uncle's name from the entrance. When her eyes met Arita's, she smiled and lightly lowered her head. She approached the uncle's bed while pushing a wheelchair along.
"I see you have a visitor. It's still time for your examination soon, though," she regretfully said.
"It's already that time? Oh, you're right." Uncle glanced at the clock near his bed. "Manabu, I'm sorry for making you come all this distance today. It must have taken you so long. Say hi to Older Brother for me, too."
"Okay."
With the nurse's help, Uncle moved his seat to the wheelchair.
"Ms. Mita, is it still raining outside? Recently my eyes haven't been so good."
When his uncle started a conversation, the young nurse who looked to be in her twenties glanced outside, then smiled. "It has just stopped raining. It's like the incredible storm just now was a lie."
"That's good, Manabu. Careful on your way back. If you have the time, come see me again." His uncle raised his thin arm and grinned.
When he looked outside the window on the hallway, as the nurse said the rain had stopped. The blue sky seemed to be denying the huge rainstorm that raged moments ago.
The leaves reflected light and dropped lingering water drops, but no one would be able to believe that there have been torrents of rain just now.
When he pa.s.sed the person carrying an umbrella at the entrance, Arita remembered his own and hurriedly went back to the umbrella station.
Right in front of the parking lot, there was a lone white car parked in the same position as the time when Arita had arrived. Already it had been almost two hours since Arita had entered the hospital. As he had said, Hirose had been waiting for Arita. Whenever Hirose popped into his thoughts Arita had hoped that he had left, but there was also a stray thought somewhere in his heart that had hoped that he hadn't.
He thought about ignoring the car and going to the station by taxi, but if Hirose did not realize that Arita had left the hospital, there was no telling how many more hours he would wait. That made him feel bad. If he talked to him, he would certainly offer him a ride home, and he thought it would be annoying to refuse him. But he told himself that there was no other way and went towards the white car.
However, there was no sign of a person in the car that he had approached. Maybe he was tired of waiting and he was wandering around the surrounding area. That's even better. He could just write a note and stick it to the front window. He sighed with relief that he could end this without facing Hirose. But when he took out a notepad and started to write against the side window, Arita's heart sunk.
Hirose was in the car that he thought was void of human presence. He had tilted his seat back and was staying still. An open magazine covered his face. He must have been reading it while waiting for Arita, and had fallen asleep.
Hirose shifted and his movement made the magazine flutter to the floor. He slowly opened his eyes. Sleepy eyes focused on Arita's face. His lips moved a little, but he couldn't hear what he was saying. Hirose slowly sat up and lowered his side window.
"Are you done with your visit?"
"...Yeah."
"Then shall we return? Get in."
Arita did not say anything. He couldn't flat out refuse him. Hirose tilted his head at Arita's uncertain att.i.tude.
"Do you have other business to take care of? Then I'll wait."
"I'm done now."
"Then let's go back. Please get in."
His smile made Arita uncomfortable.
'If you don't forgive them.'
He suddenly remembered his uncle's words. If he parted here and went home by himself, he thought he would feel even worse than if he went home with Hirose. Hirose also had to go home anyway, and... He something to apologize about. Arita lightly nodded and went to the pa.s.senger's seat. He opened the door.
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