Lost At Sea Part 50

I don't know anything about my fellow travelers. They mainly look like retired Americans. But then Sylvia draws names out of a hat. If we hear our name called, we are allowed to ask her a single question. Only one.

"Julie Harrison ... Joan Smith ... Pamela Smith ..." says Sylvia. And, one by one, they walk to the microphone in front of the stage.

"Why did my husband decide to take his own life?" asks the first woman.

"What?" Sylvia says. The woman is crying so hard, Sylvia can't understand her.

"Why did my husband decide to take his own life?" the woman repeats.

"He was bipolar," Sylvia says.

The next woman walks to the microphone.

"I have a strained relationship with my daughter," she begins. "And I want to know-"

"Your daughter is strange," interrupts Sylvia.

Sylvia doesn't pause. Other psychics will often reach around for some inner voice, but Sylvia answers each question instantly, in a low, smoky growl, sometimes before the person has even finished asking it.

"Your daughter is stubborn," she says. "She's selfish, narcissistic. Leave her alone." The woman reluctantly nods. Tears roll down her cheeks.

"Don't get too involved with her," Sylvia says. "She'll hurt you. Leave her alone. I don't like her."

"Thank you, Sylvia," the woman says.

"Am I ever going to have a better relationship with my father?" another woman asks.

"No," Sylvia replies. "He's narcissistic. He has sociopathic tendencies. Forget it. There's a darkness there."

"Thank you, Sylvia," she says.

Sylvia seems to be psychically diagnosing a lot of people with narcissism today.

"Will you tell me exactly the time and place my father died?" the next woman asks.

"Ten years ago in Iowa," Sylvia says.

"Iowa?" says the woman, surprised.

"I'm the psychic," Sylvia snaps. "I'm telling you. Iowa."

"Thank you, Sylvia," the woman says, cowed.

The next woman asks, "What happened to my dog? Is she still alive?"

"No, honey," Sylvia says.

The woman bursts into tears. There are no parents of missing children on this cruise, but every other human tragedy is well represented.

"My son ..." the next woman says. She stops, choking on her words. "My son met a violent death," she says.

"I'm sorry, honey," Sylvia says.

"Is he around me?" she asks.

"Yes, he does come around you," Sylvia says. "In fact, he rings the phone. He also drops coins around you. When the phone rings and no one's there, that's him. People have said to me, 'That's telemarketers.' Have you ever heard of a telemarketer that didn't talk? No." (Actually, telemarketing companies use an auto-dialing machine called the Amcat. When your phone rings and there's n.o.body there, it's because the Amcat has inadvertently dialed your number on behalf of a cold caller who is still pitching to someone else. I feel bad mentioning it here, but it's the truth.)

"He's around you," Sylvia says. "He has beautiful eyes, an oval face. Why is he holding his head?"

"He was shot in the head," the woman says.

"That's why he's holding his head," Sylvia says.

Sylvia says this to the mother but also to us, as if to say, "See, everyone! That's my psychic gift!" It is an impressive moment.

It's dinnertime in the Vista restaurant. I sit with others from the group. Sylvia is nowhere to be seen.

"Those stories were really sad," I say.

"That's nothing," says a woman in her seventies whom I'll call Evelyn. "Three years ago I saw Sylvia give a talk in Tampa. A girl in her thirties stood up, really young. She said, 'I haven't been feeling well. What do you think is wrong with me?' And Sylvia replied, 'Do you want the truth, honey? You'll be dead in two years.'"

Everyone around the table gasps.

"The girl had to be helped from the room in tears," Evelyn says.

"I wonder if I should try to track the girl down," I think out loud.

Evelyn looks at me as if I'm an idiot. "She'll probably be dead," she says.

DAY 2: DUBROVNIK

Sylvia is having the day off and so her co-psychic, Colette Baron-Reid, entertains us in the Vista lounge. She's not grouchy and monosyllabic like Sylvia. She's bouncy and eager to please. She makes us do a "get to know the group" exercise. We have to turn to our neighbor and tell them a lie about ourselves. My neighbor is Evelyn. I really like her: She's a funny and kind old lady from New York who does amateur dramatics. She's looking forward to directing a big musical next year.

I say, "My lie is that I don't have any children."

Evelyn replies, "My lie is that I don't have really bad stomach cramps and I'm not scheduled for a colonoscopy when I get home from this cruise." Evelyn looks scared. "If Sylvia calls my name out tomorrow," she says, "I'm going to ask her about the stomach cramps. They're really bad. They shouldn't be this painful."

Later, in the Jacuzzi near the dolphin sculpture on the lido deck, I b.u.mp into the woman whose husband committed suicide.

"Did Sylvia help you last night?" I ask.

She smiles sadly and shakes her head. "No," she says. "He wasn't bipolar. He had excruciating physical pain in his legs." She falls silent. "Sylvia didn't help," she says.

She'd been too polite to say anything at the time. I think Sylvia survives in part because her audiences are often too polite to say anything.

I feel the need to escape the group. I sneak off to the ship's casino and pump money into a slot machine. From the corner of my eye I see a flash of red and gold approach in a wheelchair. It is Sylvia. Her golden hair cascades down her red dress. She starts pushing money into the machine next to me. I momentarily overhear her conversation.