Losing It Part 11

"Great. I'm just--- I'm just going to run. You can, um, let yourself out whenever you're..." my eyes wandered over his body again, and I felt like melting into a puddle of idiocy and mortification and arousal. "Whenever you're, um, ready. Um, done. Um, just whenever you like."

Then I flew through the curtain that shielded my bedroom from the rest of the apartment, and bolted out the door, ignoring him as he called out my name.

It wasn't until I'd walked halfway across the parking lot that I realized:

1. I wasn't wearing shoes.

A. Or a shirt.

2. I didn't bring my keys

A. Or anything really.

3. I'd just left a complete stranger in my apartment.

A. Naked.

Whoever said one-night stands were supposed to be simple with no strings attached had clearly never met the disaster that was me.

Chapter Seven

Four.

That's the number of people who saw me hiding around the corner from my own apartment in just a skirt and a bra.

Eleven.

That's the number of ant bites I got on my shoeless feet.

Twenty-seven.

That's the number of times I was tempted to do myself physical harm because I am an IDIOT.

One.

That's the number of times I tried not to cry, but failed.

Garrick stayed in my apartment for a good ten minutes after I left. The entire time my mind was like a five-year-old who just drank a bathtub full of energy drinks. What was he doing in there? Was he just getting dressed reeeaaally slowly? Was he looking through my things? Was he trashing my place because I'd run out and left him there like the biggest jerk this side of Kanye West at the 2009 VMA's?

When he finally exited, I watched him close my door, and then pause. He looked at the metal apartment number nailed into the siding, and just stared at it for a while. Then he shook his head, and started toward his own apartment.

I waited until I couldn't see him anymore, and then I waited for another five minutes just to be safe (6 more ant bites, 1 more pa.s.serby, and 4 visions of self-harm later).

As soon as I got inside, I curled up on my bed. The same bed where I'd almost had s.e.x. The same bed where I had wanted to have s.e.x... sort of. The same bed that had held an incredibly s.e.xy, incredibly naked British boy. Perhaps I had just jumped off the cliff into Crazy town, but I could swear that the comforter was still warm where his body had been. Like a complete psycho, I leaned my face into the pillow and sniffed like girls in books and movies always do to see if I could still catch his scent.

I couldn't. And I felt super creepy.

I also couldn't sleep in this bed without going crazy.

I moved my pillow to the couch, where I sat numbly, probably in shock. At the very least, I could rea.s.sure myself that this was only a private humiliation. No one else had to know how pathetic I was. And after my borderline schizophrenic display earlier, I was pretty sure he was going to avoid me as avidly as I planned on avoiding him. We might live in the same apartment complex, but if I had my way we'd never have to see each other again.

Morning came too early, and I was stiff from sleeping on my c.r.a.ppy couch for the entire night. Plus, my head was pounding like I actually had punched myself in the face like I'd been tempted to the night before.

Stupid tequila.

I moved sluggishly, dragging myself into and out of the shower at a much slower pace than normal. My hair was still wet when there came a knock on my door. Kelsey practically fell on top of me when I opened the door because she'd been trying to peek through the peephole.

Silently, she smiled and mouthed, "Is he still here?"

I sighed and said, "No, Kels, he's gone." I turned away from her, grabbing my head to try to stop the turning that was happening in there, too. I left the door open, and walked away, knowing she'd come in whether or not I issued an invitation.

"Someone's a crabby camper this morning. What is it? Was it awful? Was he like... miniscule?"

"He was not miniscule!" Not that I had a great deal to compare it to, but I was pretty positive that wasn't the case.

"Oh, so it was just bad?"

I should have just told her that I hadn't gone through with it, but my head was pounding, and my stomach was churning, and I did not want to be forced into going out again tonight for try number two.

So I lied.

"He was fine. I'm just hung-over."

"Fine? FINE? Come on, that boy was gorgeous! Please at least pretend that you liked it!"

"I did like it!" If by 'it' we were talking about the single greatest make out session of my life. "I liked him."

Those words were out of my mouth before I really thought of the consequences.

"Oh no!" Kelsey cried. "No, you don't! I know he was your first and all, but that does not mean you have to jump into insta-love. This was purely physical that's it. If you try to do something stupid like marry this boy, I will personally drag you kicking and screaming away from the altar."

"No! You're right, of course." I shrugged like it was no big deal, but my throat was getting dry, and I could feel the skin of my neck and cheeks getting red. I hoped she would just a.s.sume I was embarra.s.sed, because normally she could pick out my lies like n.o.body's business. "I swear it's not a big deal. I'm not in love with him. I'm not going to marry him. In fact, I barely remember most of it." And by barely remember, I mean most of it didn't actually happen. The rest though... that was imprinted on my brain. Not even the almighty tequila could take those memories away from me. I just wish it had taken the memories of how it ended.

"Well, that sucks. But everything was okay, right?"

"Yeah," I forced a smile, "Everything is okay."

Kelsey hugged me, and it felt like one of those moments where we were supposed to be bonding or connecting or thinking about the same thing, but since everything on my side was a lie, I just hugged her back, and tried to pretend she was comforting me about my awkwardness.

"Alright, now get your a.s.s in gear. If I don't get coffee before cla.s.s, I'm going to die. My sleep schedule is still off from Christmas Break, and I feel like a freaking zombie." Zombie for Kelsey meant she was at a 6 on the perky scale instead of a 10.

I always thought I was an extrovert until I became a theatre major. Then I realized I just didn't like silence. When there were plenty of other people around willing to be the entertaining one, I found I much preferred just observing.