Lone Eagle Part 9

She had hoped he would call her that night, but he didn't. He called her instead early the next morning.

"How's it going?" she asked him.

"Very interesting," he said cryptically, "I'll tell you about it when I get back." He was rushing off to a meeting, and she had to go to work. "I'll call you tonight. I promise." And this time, he called her. He'd been in meetings all day with the men that Charles Lindbergh had introduced him to. And much to Kate's delight, Joe made it back to Boston by the weekend. And she was more than a little bowled over by what he had to say.

The men Charles had introduced him to wanted to start a company with him, to design and build the most advanced airplanes. They had been buying land since the beginning of the war, had remodeled an old factory, and they even had their own airstrip. They were setting up the entire operation in New Jersey, and they not only wanted Joe to run it, but to design and test the planes. He was going to wear a lot of hats at first, but eventually when things settled down, he would run the whole operation. They wanted to put up the money. He would be the brains.

"It's the perfect setup, Kate," he said with an ecstatic grin that warmed the chiseled face. Nothing made him happier than airplanes. But she had to admit it sounded perfect for him. "I get fifty percent ownership, and if we ever become a listed company, I get half the stock. It's a sweet deal, for me at least."

"And a lot of work," she added. But the entire project sounded as though it had been tailor-made for him.

Joe explained it to her father that night, and Clarke was extremely impressed by everything Joe said. He knew of the investors by name, and said they were very sound. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Joe.

"When do you start?" he asked with interest.

"I have to be in New Jersey a week from Monday. It's not a bad place. It's less than an hour from New York. I probably won't leave the factory much at first, and we have to make some changes to the airstrip." His mind was already spinning with everything he was going to do. His own expertise was going to serve him well, and Clarke agreed with Kate enthusiastically, it was perfect for him.

And as Clarke congratulated him, Kate's mother spoke unexpectedly, and startled them all.

"Does this mean you two will be getting married soon?" she asked, and as Joe looked at Kate, there was silence in the room.

"I don't know, Mom," Kate tried to fob her off, but her mother had long since gotten tired of waiting for Joe to come up with the idea himself. As far as she was concerned, it was time to ask him directly about his intentions toward their daughter. Kate was blushing when she answered her mother. And Joe looked equally embarra.s.sed, and didn't know what to say.

"Why don't you let Joe answer the question. It sounds like you've landed yourself a wonderful opportunity with this job, not just for work temporarily, but for a real future. What are your plans now for Kate?" She had waited for him for two years, and loved him for another two before that. It had been five years since they met, long enough, as far as Liz was concerned, to not only figure out his intentions, but declare them to her.

"I don't know, Mrs. Jamison. Kate and I haven't discussed it," Joe said, avoiding her gaze, and Kate's. What her mother was saying was making him feel trapped, in spite of all he felt for Kate. Her mother was treating him like a wayward, irresponsible child, and not a man worthy of respect.

"I suggest you give it some thought. It d.a.m.n near killed her when you got shot down. I think she deserves a little recognition for her loyalty and courage. She waited a long time for you, Joe." Listening to Elizabeth Jamison was like being told he was a naughty boy. And all he could feel was anger and guilt. Hearing her made him want to run away.

"I know," Joe said calmly. "I didn't realize marriage was that important to her." She had never said anything to him about it, and they were having a great time sneaking into each other's bedrooms at night. But the burden of guilt her mother was forcing on him weighed heavily on him, although nothing showed.

"If marriage isn't important to her," Liz said, as her husband watched her with amazement. She had stolen the show for the moment, but he didn't disagree with her. It was just a more direct approach than he would have used, if he had chosen to broach the subject with Joe. "If it isn't important to her, Joe, it should be. And maybe it's time we reminded you both of that. Maybe this would be a fine time to announce your engagement." He hadn't even asked her to marry him, and he didn't look overly happy to be pressured by her mother, but he could also appreciate their point of view. There was no question in his mind that he loved her, and maybe they needed to know that. But he didn't feel ready to do as they wished. His freedom was something he had to be willing to give, not something they could take from him. And he had a firm grip on it still.

"If you don't mind, Mrs. Jamison, I'd rather wait to get engaged until I get my feet wet in this new job, and get the project well in hand. It's going to take a little time, but then I'll really have something to offer your daughter. I thought by then, we could live in New York, and I could commute to New Jersey." He had already been planning ahead. But he hadn't even started the job yet. And he wasn't ready for marriage. Kate knew that. And she could also see the look of panic in his eyes. What her mother was saying was making him want to run. Joe was not a man you could push or force into a cage.

"That sounds reasonable," Clarke stepped in then. It was beginning to sound like the Spanish Inquisition, and he gave his wife a sign that he felt the conversation should end. She had made her point, and everyone got it. And what Joe said made sense. There was no real hurry, and he needed to establish himself. He had undertaken an enormous job.

The evening broke up shortly afterward, and later that night, Kate was irate when she joined him in his room.

"I can't believe the way my mother behaved at dinner. I apologize. My father should have stopped her. I thought she was incredibly rude to you." Kate was furious with her, which in turn allowed Joe to be magnanimous toward Kate.

"It's all right, sweetheart. They care about you, and they want to be sure I'll make you happy, and that I'm a serious guy. I'd have done the same thing if you were my daughter. I just didn't realize how much a concern it was to them, right now at least. Have you been worried about it?" He put his arms around her and kissed her as he asked her. He didn't look as nervous as he had when Kate's mother had been grilling him.

"No, I haven't been worried about it. And you're much too generous. I thought she was disgusting. I'm really sorry." Kate looked deeply chagrined, which was a relief to him.

"Don't be. My intentions are honorable, Miss Jamison, I promise. Although, if you don't mind, I'd like to take advantage of you in the meantime." As he slipped her nightgown off, she giggled. The last thing on her mind at that particular moment was marriage. She was divinely happy just being with him. All she wanted was his love, not a leash.

The scene in her parents' bedroom was a little less romantic. Her father had been scolding her mother for taking the bull by the horns.

"I don't see why you're upset," she told Clarke. "Someone had to ask him, and you wouldn't." It was an accusatory tone he had learned not to react to over the years.

"The poor boy just returned from the dead moments ago. Give him a chance to get on his feet again, Liz. It's not fair to push him so soon." But she disagreed with him. She was a woman on a mission, and she would not be swayed.

"He's not a boy, Clarke. He's a thirty-four-year-old man, he's been back for two months, and he's seen her every day. He's had ample opportunity to propose to her, and he hasn't." That spoke volumes to her, if not to Clarke.

"He wants to get set with his job first. That's entirely reasonable and respectable, and I approve."

"I wish I were as sure as you are that he's going to do the right thing. I think once he gets into a plane again, he's going to forget all about marrying her. He's obsessed with airplanes and not nearly as interested in marriage. I don't want her hanging around forever waiting for him."

"I'll lay you a wager tonight that they're married in a year, maybe before that," Clarke said confidently, as his wife glared at him, as though he were to blame. But he was used to it.

"That at least is a bet I will enjoy losing," she said, as he smiled at her. She was like a lioness defending her cub, and he admired her for it, but he wasn't nearly as sure that Kate and Joe had enjoyed it. Joe had looked particularly awkward while he was under attack, and more uncomfortable than Clarke had ever seen. It had made Clarke feel sorry for Joe.

"Why don't you trust him, Liz?" Clarke asked her as he got into bed with her. He knew she didn't, she made no secret of it, although she admitted that she liked him, but not necessarily for Kate. Liz would have been much happier if Kate had married Andy. In her eyes, he would have been a much better husband than Joe.

"I think men like Joe don't marry." She explained to Clarke. "And if they do, they botch it. They don't really know what marriage is. It's something they do in their spare time when they're not playing with their toys or their friends. They're not bad guys, but the women in their lives are less important to them. I like Joe a lot, he's a decent man and I know he loves her, but I'm not sure he'll ever pay attention to her. He's going to spend the rest of his life playing with his airplanes, and now he's going to get paid to do it. And if it's a success, he'll never marry her."

"I think he will," Kate's father said firmly. "And at least he'll be able to support her. In fact, he might wind up making quite a lot of money, from what he said. I don't think you're right, Liz. I think he can manage both a wife and a career. He's a bright guy. In fact, sometimes I think he's brilliant. He's a genius with airplanes, and G.o.d knows he can fly them. He just has to come down to earth once in a while to keep her happy. They love each other, that ought to be enough."

"Sometimes it isn't," she said sadly. "I hope it will be, for them. They've come through an awful lot, they deserve some happiness now. I just want to see Kate settled with a man who loves her, a nice home, and some kids."

"She'll get there. He's crazy about her." Clarke was sure.

"I hope so," she said with a sigh as she slid down into her bed, and cuddled up next to her husband. She wanted Kate to be as happy as she was, and that was a lot to ask. Men like Clarke Jamison were rare.

But in his room, Kate was lying in Joe's arms, happy and sated, and pressed up close to him, as they drifted off to sleep together.

"I love you," she whispered, and he smiled sleepily in answer.

"I love you too, sweetheart.... I even love your mother." She giggled, and a moment later they were fast asleep, as were Liz and Clarke. One pair lovers, the other married. It was hard to say who was happier that night.

11.

WHEN JOE LEFT for New Jersey, he promised to have Kate come down to spend the weekend with him after he settled in. He thought it would take him a couple of weeks, but it was a month before he found an apartment. There was a hotel nearby where she could stay, where he had been living for the past month. But the truth was he had no time to spend with her. He was working night and day, and staying in the office until well after midnight. And he was working weekends too. Sometimes he even slept in his office on the couch. for New Jersey, he promised to have Kate come down to spend the weekend with him after he settled in. He thought it would take him a couple of weeks, but it was a month before he found an apartment. There was a hotel nearby where she could stay, where he had been living for the past month. But the truth was he had no time to spend with her. He was working night and day, and staying in the office until well after midnight. And he was working weekends too. Sometimes he even slept in his office on the couch.

Joe was hiring people, setting up the factory, and redesigning the airstrip. He never seemed to come up for air, but the aeronautics industry was beginning to get interested in what he was doing in a major way. The whole plant they were setting up was going to be highly innovative, and there had already been several articles about it in business sections and trade papers. He barely managed to call Kate at night, and it had been six weeks since he left Boston when he finally let her come to see him for a weekend. He looked exhausted when she arrived. And when he explained to her all that he'd been doing, Kate was enormously impressed. It was a fantastic operation, and Joe loved the fact that when he explained it to her, she understood it all.

They had a wonderful weekend together. They spent most of it at the plant, and even got some flying time in a brand-new plane he had designed. When she got back to Boston, she described it all to her father. He was dying to see it too. People in the business world were beginning to realize that Joe was making history with his ideas.

Two weeks later, Joe came up to spend Thanksgiving with them. But he was having problems with the factory, and on Friday morning he had to go back. He had responsibilities he'd never had before, and an entire industry was resting on his shoulders. Sometimes it felt like the whole world. Joe was handling it well, but it left him no spare time to play, or even call Kate much of the time. And by Christmas, in spite of her enthusiasm about his work, she was complaining to him. She had seen him twice in three months, and she was lonely in Boston without him. And every time she said it to him, he felt consumed by guilt, but there was nothing he could do.

Kate was beginning to think her mother was right, and they should get married. At least they'd be together then, instead of miles apart. She said as much to Joe when he came to spend Christmas with them, and he looked surprised.

"Now? I'm home about five hours a night, Kate. That wouldn't be much fun. And I can't move to New York yet." Marriage still didn't make sense to him.

"So we'll live in New Jersey. At least we'd be together," Kate said reasonably. She was tired of living with her parents. And she didn't want to get her own apartment in Boston, if they were going to get married. She felt as though she were living in suspended animation, waiting for him to set up his business, and have time for a life. But it was no easy task for him. He had taken on a mammoth project, and he was only just then beginning to realize how much time and effort it was going to take to do it right. In three months, he had barely scratched the surface. He was working a hundred and twenty hours a week, or more.

"I think it's silly for us to get married now," he explained to her on Christmas Eve, after he snuck into her bedroom. To Kate, it was beginning to seem like a crazy way to live, and a frustrating way to see each other. She felt like a child, still living with her parents. By then, most of her friends were married. Those who hadn't gotten married before or during the war, were all getting married now, and having babies. She was suddenly anxious to get started or at least live with him. "Just give me time to set this up, and then we'll find an apartment in New York and get married. I promise." A year before he'd been in prison in Germany, being tortured by the Germans. And suddenly he was running a major empire. It was an enormous adjustment for him. And he didn't want to get married until he had time for her. He thought it wouldn't be fair to her otherwise. But neither was this.

He spent a wonderful Christmas with her family, and managed to spend three days in Boston. Kate and Joe went flying again, and they even spent an entire day in bed in a hotel, and by the time he left, Kate was feeling better. He was right. It made more sense to wait until he had a good grip on the business. Kate understood that. Things were winding down at the Red Cross, so she decided to look for a job. And she found something she liked right after New Year's. She had spent New Year's Eve in New Jersey with Joe, and it made her realize again how lucky they were. The year before she'd been crying for him, thinking he was gone forever. She would have given anything then for what she had now, even if she seldom saw him. At least they had a whole life ahead of them, and a rosy future once they got married.

January was difficult for both of them. She was adjusting to a new job in an art gallery, and he had a terrible battle with the unions. For him, the entire month was a nightmare, and February was worse. He didn't make it up for Valentine's Day, in fact he forgot it completely. They had failed to get their final permit for the airstrip. It was crucial for them, and he had to spend three days romancing politicians and lobbying petty officials to get it. He only remembered that it had been Valentine's Day when she called him two days later, crying. They hadn't seen each other in six weeks by then, and he promised to make it up to her, and suggested she come down again for the weekend.

They had a great time while she was there. She helped him organize his office, and he even managed to take her out to dinner. He stayed at the hotel with her, and she went back to Boston on Sunday night smiling and happy. She enjoyed it so much, she wanted to come down every weekend, which sounded good to him. He was lonely and he missed her, but he also knew he had to work eighteen hours a day, even on weekends, just as he did on weekdays. He felt terrible about Kate, but for the moment, there was nothing he could do. He felt as though he were on a constant merry-go-round, trapped between feeling guilty about Kate and running a business that devoured his every waking hour. And the worse he felt about Kate, the less time he seemed to have. It didn't even make sense to him. Finally, in desperation, three weeks later, he let her come down for a week, so they could be together. And he was surprised by how smoothly things went when she helped out in the office. He only caught glimpses of her all day, but she seemed blissfully happy. And at least they could sleep together at night, and have breakfast together at the coffee shop in the morning. The rest of the day's meals he ate at his desk or on the run. The only time he actually sat down to dinner at a restaurant was when she came to visit him in New Jersey, and then he felt guilty for the time it cost him. He felt like a man being pulled in ten thousand directions at once. And he was.

Things didn't even begin to fall into place until May. And by then, she quit her job, and came down to work for him for the summer. It worked perfectly, and although she kept a room at the hotel for the sake of respectability, she stayed at his apartment with him. She had never been happier in her life, and he had to admit it suited him too. She was no longer complaining about not seeing him. It seemed like the perfect arrangement, to them, if not to her parents. They weren't pleased about her visiting Joe in New Jersey, but she was twenty-three years old, and she told them she stayed at the hotel. She had the room at the hotel in case they called.

Joe had been home for a year by then, and neither of them ever talked about an engagement. They were far too busy thinking about his work. It was only when he took a week's holiday and went up to the Cape with them, that her father took him aside, and had a serious talk with him. It had been nearly a year since Liz's last outburst. And she was furious by then with both Joe and Kate. She had begun to suspect what their living arrangements were, and she disapproved vehemently, if she was right. What if Kate got pregnant? Would he even marry her then? She fumed every time she looked at Joe. And more than ever, Kate's mother made Joe feel like a wicked child. Whenever he saw her, it made him want to run. She was like a constant guilt machine, spewing at him, even when she didn't say a word. She didn't need to anymore. And Kate felt torn between her parents and Joe.

By then, Clarke wasn't happy either, it had gone on for too long, and he said as much to Joe as they took a walk on the beach in Cape Cod. Joe had flown up from New Jersey in a beautifully designed plane that his company was making. They were pulling in huge money. Joe's life was in a far distant place than it had been in a year before, when he was taken off the hospital ship in Boston. He was becoming a very rich man. But he was too busy to breathe. And Clarke was worried about both of them. He was fond of Joe.

Joe took Clarke up in his new plane, and they agreed not to tell Liz, who was even more furious now that she knew that Kate often flew with Joe. Despite his history as a flying ace, and his years as a war hero, she was still convinced he was going to crash and kill them both. She had been beside herself when she discovered that Joe was giving Kate flying lessons. Kate had slipped and told her inadvertently. But Joe was confident about how capable Kate was. He had taught her well, although she hadn't had time to qualify for her license yet. She was too busy working for him.

Clarke was vastly impressed by Joe's fabulous new plane, and afterward on the way back to the house they stopped at a roadhouse for some beers. It was a hot summer day, and Joe was happy with his plane. But Clarke had a lot on his mind, his daughter's happiness, his wife's sanity, and he wanted to offer Joe some fatherly advice. It was why he had gone flying with Joe, although he had enjoyed the plane.

"You're working too hard, son," he began. "You're going to miss out on life, and at the speed you're moving, you could make some important mistakes that will cost you in the long run." Joe recognized instantly that he was talking about Kate, but he also knew that all was well with them. It was her mother who was in a constant frenzy about the status quo.

"Things will settle down in a while, Clarke, the business is young," he said confidently.

"So are you, but you won't be for long. You should enjoy it now."

"I am. I love what I'm doing." He did, and it showed. But he also loved Kate, and Clarke knew that too. Enough so that he felt justified violating a promise he had made to Liz years before, to not talk about her late husband's suicide, or even that Clarke wasn't Kate's father, to people who hadn't been around then. When Clarke had adopted Kate, Liz had told him she didn't want John Barrett's suicide hanging over Kate like a dark cloud for the rest of her life. But Clarke knew better than Liz that in a silent way it had anyway. And he thought that Joe should know. It was an important piece of who Kate was, and couldn't be ignored. It wasn't fair to her, or even Joe. And Clarke thought it might open Joe's eyes, and his heart, if he knew.

"There's something about Kate I think you should know," Clarke said quietly after they had finished their second round of beers and switched to gin. He knew that Liz wouldn't be pleased if they both came home drunk, but at the moment he didn't care. He had made up his mind about telling Joe, and needed to steel himself for the task.

"That sounds mysterious," Joe said with a grin. He liked Clarke, and for his entire life, he had been more comfortable with men. Kate was the only woman he had ever felt open and easy with, and even she frightened him sometimes. Particularly when she got wound up about something, which fortunately, was rare. But when she did, any sense of intensity or criticism drove him away. He'd never explained it to her. He thought telling her when she frightened him might make him even more vulnerable. After his early years with his cousins constantly telling him how worthless he was, any hint of that in the years since made him want to run. It was the b.u.t.ton Kate's mother pushed in him, with unpleasant results every time.

"It is mysterious," Clarke confirmed to him about Kate. "Not so much mysterious as dark. And I don't want either Liz or Kate to know that we talked about this. I mean that, Joe," he said fervently on their second gin. Clarke was beginning to feel tight, and Joe was grinning a lot. He always got expansive when he drank. It took some of the pressure off him.

"So what's the dark mystery?" Joe asked with a boyish smile. He was growing ever more fond of Clarke, and always had been. He thought he was a good man. They respected each other and had from the first.

"I'm not her father, Joe," Clarke said quietly, suddenly sober again. He had never in thirteen years said those words. And as he looked at Joe, the younger man's smile faded as their eyes met.

"What does that mean? It doesn't make sense." He looked worried now. He could sense something ugly lurking near.

"Liz was married before. For a long time. Nearly thirty years. We've only been married for fourteen. Feels like forever though at times," he said with a grin and Joe laughed. But he also knew how much Clarke loved Liz. He had to, to put up with her. "Her husband was a friend of mine, he was a good man, gentle, kind, from a great family. His brother and I went to school together, which was how I met John. He lost everything in the crash of'29, not only his own and his family's, but all of the money of the people whose investments he handled, and some of Liz's fortune as well. Fortunately, her own family had kept a tight rein on most of hers, and they were luckier than John. Most of her money was intact after the crash. But John lost it all." It was a story Clarke didn't want to tell, and Joe was suddenly afraid to hear. "It d.a.m.n near killed him at the time. He was the most honorable man I knew, and it destroyed him on the spot. It took him two years, locked in a bedroom upstairs, sitting in the dark. He tried to drink himself to death, but it didn't work. So he shot himself in '31. Kate was eight when he died."

"Was she there? Did she see him do it?" Joe looked horrified at the image Clarke had conjured for him, but the older man shook his head.

"No, thank G.o.d. Liz found him. I think Kate was in school. It was all over by the time she got home. But she knew how he died. I had known Liz and John and Kate for years and years, all of Kate's life, and most of John's. I did what I could for them afterward, with no other motive, I might add, except to lend a hand. Liz was in shock. I had lost my own wife several years before. Eventually things developed between Liz and myself, but I think I fell in love with Kate even before I fell in love with Liz. She was a terrified, heartbroken little girl after her father died. I never thought she'd be the same again. She was eight then. I married Liz a year later, and adopted Kate a year after that, when she was ten. It took me another two years to bring her back from the cave she'd been hiding in since John killed himself. I don't think she really trusted me, or anyone else, for years, particularly men. And Liz adored the child, but I'm not sure she really knew how to reach out to her, she was too shocked by his death herself. There was a terrible moment when Liz got sick right after we got married. It was nothing more than a bad case of influenza. But you could see Kate panic. She was terrified to lose her mother. I'm not sure Liz really understood it. It's taken Kate her entire life to become the woman she is now. Strong, confident, happy, funny, capable. The woman you love was a terrified, broken little girl for a long time. I think for years she was afraid that I would abandon her in some way too, like her father. Poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d, he couldn't help himself. He didn't have the stamina to survive what happened to him, no matter how much money Liz had. It destroyed all his self-respect, his manhood, his pride. But when he killed himself, he destroyed Kate, or d.a.m.n near."

"Why are you telling me this?" Joe asked suspiciously, still looking shocked by what he'd heard.

"Because it's an important part of Kate. She loved her father and he adored her. And then she came to love me. And now you. You went off to the war and she thought you were dead for nearly two years. It would have been a tragedy for any girl, but it was more than that for Kate. It opened all her old wounds again, I could see it in her eyes every day. It was a kind of loss that could have destroyed her this time, if she weren't as strong as she is. And then, miraculously, you came back from the dead. Life was kind to her this time. But there's a broken piece in her that you need to see, if you're going to love her. Every time you leave her, or reject her, or make her feel abandoned in some way, you remind her of everything she's ever lost. She's like a wounded doe, you need to be gentle with her, and give her a good home. If you're kind to her, she'll be good to you forever, Joe. But you need to know about that broken piece. She's like a bird with a broken wing, no matter how well you think she can fly. You have to be gentle with that wing.... She's the most beautiful little bird I've ever seen, and she'll fly farther than anyone for you. Just don't frighten her, and you won't, if you know what she's been through." Joe sat in silence for a long time, pondering Clarke's words. It was a heavy dose of reality to be sharing on a summer day over a couple of gins. But he was right, it was an important piece of Kate, and it explained a lot to him. There was a sense of panic about her when he was away from her. She never expressed it openly, but when he left her to go somewhere, he could always see it in her eyes. And that look of terror had frightened him at times. It was like the shadow of the leash he had fled from all his life.

"What are you saying to me, Clarke?" Joe asked, but more important, he was wondering why.

"I think you should marry her, Joe. Not for the reasons Liz wants for her. She wants pomp and circ.u.mstance and respectability, a big party and a white dress. I want to know she's got a good home. She deserves it, Joe, more than most. Her father took something from her that none of us will ever be able to give back. But you can, not entirely, but enough to make a difference for the rest of her life. I want her to feel safe and to have the comfort of knowing you're going to stick around."

Listening to him made Joe want to scream "what about me?" Marrying her was exactly what he feared most. A leash. A cage. A trap. No matter how much he loved her, and he did, the marriage itself was an enormous threat to him. More than Clarke could ever suspect.

"I'm not sure I can," Joe said honestly, with the a.s.sistance of the gin.

"Why not?"

"It feels like a trap. Or a noose around my neck. My parents deserted me in a different way. They died and left me to people who hated me. They were rotten to me, and whenever I think of marriage, or families, or getting tied down, it just makes me want to run."

"She'll be good to you, Joe. I know her well. She's a good girl, and she loves you more than life."

"That scares me too," he said honestly, "I don't want to be loved that much." Clarke watched his eyes and saw fear peering out at him. A deeper fear than he'd ever seen there before. "I'm not sure that I can give her the love she needs and wants. I don't want to disappoint her, Clarke, or let her down. I couldn't stand the guilt if I failed somehow. I love her too much to do that to her."

"We all fail at some time. We learn from it. She's good for you. You'll teach each other, even if it hurts sometimes. Love heals a lot of wounds. Liz has healed a lot of mine." It was a side of her Joe had never thought of before, but he was willing to believe Clarke. She had obviously been through a lot. "You'll be a lonely man one day if you don't let someone love you, Joe. It's a high price to pay for letting yourself run."

"Maybe so," Joe said noncommittally, staring down at his gla.s.s.

"You need each other, Joe. She needs your strength, and knowing that you won't run out on her, that you love her enough to marry her. And you need her strength too, and her warmth. It's cold out there alone. I was there for a long time after my wife died. It's a sad life. A girl like Kate won't let you be sad, if you let her in, even just a little bit. She'll make you mad as h.e.l.l sometimes, but she won't break your heart. She may scare the h.e.l.l out of you, but she won't break you, you're a lot stronger than you think. You're not a kid anymore, no one can do to you what your cousins did. You're a man now, Joe, they're gone. They're just ghosts. Don't let them run your life."

"Why not? It's worked so far, hasn't it? I'd say I have a pretty good life." Joe smiled cynically.

"That's my point. You'll have a better life if you share it with her. You'll be a sad man if you lose her one day. And you might. Women are funny that way. They leave when we least expect them to. You can lose anyone if you try hard enough. She won't leave you though, unless you force her to. She loves you too much. Grab her while you can. For both your sakes. I want this for both of you. Trust me, son. It will be good for you both. And if you give her a chance to grow up, you'll have a good woman on your hands. I think now she's probably afraid that sooner or later you'll run out on her."

"I might," Joe said, looking Clarke squarely in the eye.

"I hope you don't. But even if you do, I hope you'll be man enough to come back and give it another chance. It's rare to see what you two have. You won't get away from each other now, no matter what you do, or how far you run. What you've got runs too deep and it's too strong. I see it in your eyes, and hers. You'll both lose if you run. The kind of love you two have is for life, Joe. Whether you're together or not." It was a life sentence of sorts to Joe, and yet behind his own fears, even Joe sensed that Clarke was right and what he said was true.

"I'll think about it," Joe said quietly, and Clarke nodded. There was nothing more he could say. He had spoken from the heart, out of love for both Kate and Joe.

"She still has some growing up to do. Give her a chance, Joe. And don't tell her what I told you today about her father. I think she's ashamed of it. She'll tell you herself one day."

"I'm glad to know." Although in truth it complicated things for him. Knowing how she felt about her father's suicide, and what she perceived as his abandoning her, put an even greater burden on Joe. It didn't seem fair somehow. He had his own problems from the past. And yet one thing Clarke had said he knew was true. Joe had never loved anyone as much in his life, nor had Kate. And he could easily believe that what they shared would not come again. But the irony was that he had a need to run away, to flee, to be free, and she had a need to hang on for dear life. It was like a tug-of-war to see who would win. And yet, he sensed that if they could each relax their grip, it could work between them. But knowing what he did of her now, he wondered if she ever would. And could he? If nothing else, learning the dance with each other would take time. And Clarke knew that too. But they both had lots of it. They were young. The only question Clarke had was if they were both wise enough to stick with it long enough to make it work for both of them. He could only pray that they would be. They had too much to lose if they were not.

Joe drove them back to the house, although he'd had a lot to drink. And Clarke confessed that he was properly drunk. Liz noticed it as soon as they walked in, but she didn't say anything. And Clarke walked over and gave her a hug. And for once, Joe was relieved to see that she didn't scold either of them, she just laughed and brought two cups of steaming coffee out for both of them, as Clarke accepted one regretfully and said that he hated to spoil a good drunk, and then winked at Joe. A deeper friendship had formed between them that afternoon, and Joe knew that whatever happened between him and Kate, he would always have a soft spot for Clarke.

Joe and Kate took a walk down the beach after dinner that night. They were going back to New Jersey the next day. And Joe surprised her when he put an arm around her and kissed her with a tender look in his eyes. What Clarke had told him that afternoon had changed things in a subtle way. Joe was still afraid of being strangled by a commitment to her, and yet at the same time he wanted to protect her not only from the world, but from herself. He could still sense the lonely child in her, whose father had committed suicide. No matter how bright the outer trappings were, he could see in her now the bird with the broken wing she had been as a child. And in some ways, it made him love her more. She had grown strong, and she flew well, as far as the world was concerned, but within, she was still a frightened little girl. Just as he had once been a lonely little boy. They had found each other by fate, or destiny, drawn to each other for some deep reason that was perhaps meant to be from the first. He could still remember how she had dazzled him the first time they met. Maybe it had been meant to be after all.

"You sure got my father drunk today," she laughed as they walked down the beach hand in hand.

"We had a good time."

"That's nice." Listening to her, he wondered if she'd turn into her mother one day. And if she did, what it would be like for him. And yet, in spite of his own fears, it was hard to ignore the wisdom of Clarke's words. A lot of what he had said had touched Joe's heart.

"I think we ought to get married one of these days," Joe said casually, and Kate stopped in her tracks and stared at him in surprise.