Married 24 Times 6 Hope

We stood like that, with Julian's hand half-reached towards me and the lock digging painfully into my back, for what felt like an eternity.

Finally, Julian must have seen something in my face, because he stepped back and let out a frustrated sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing it out of place.

"Any questions you have, the answers are none of your business."

I didn't relax my position in front of the door at all. "I don't care."

Julian gave me a disgusted look. "You-"

"I have to ask."

His eyes searched my face before he turned away from me and headed into the apartment. I stayed in front of the door for a moment before I heard the sound of a cupboard opening and closing. It sounded like Julian was making himself a drink. I slowly stepped away from the door, my dress swishing softly on the wood floor as I followed after Julian into the suite.

The suite was large enough to be an apartment, with several different s.p.a.ces. Julian was standing in the small kitchen area. The mini bar fridge was open and several bottles had been taken out and placed on the counter. He was pouring himself a gla.s.s of a strong liquor. I watched as he loosened his tie and threw back the alcohol, slamming the gla.s.s onto the counter. I could sense his frustration, but for now I dared to let myself feel a bit of elation.

I had managed to stop him from leaving this suite, at least for now. This was one of the largest changes I had thus far managed to cause in this life. I knew he would probably only indulge me for the shortest amount of time possible, but that was enough.

He poured himself another drink and raised his eyes to look at me standing in the doorway. His hair had fallen in front of his eyes. His expression could not have been worse.

I walked to the kitchen and pulled a gla.s.s from the cupboard for myself, grabbing his bottle and pouring the same drink as him into my own gla.s.s. I threw back the alcohol and reveled in the feeling of it burning down my throat. Julian froze, never once taking his eyes off me.

I slammed my gla.s.s down with equal force as he had and turned my wrathful eyes to him.

"Do you care at all?"

Julian furrowed his brows. "About what?"

"This." I gestured to the suite, to myself in my wedding gown, to the s.p.a.ce between us. "Any of it?"

I couldn't ask him about the tears directly. He wouldn't remember, as I was the only one who was reincarnating. I was sure of how he would answer my question, but I didn't care about what he said. I was watching his eyes.

As much as Julian pretended he was an angry G.o.d, he wasn't. I had seen his concern for Mia on more than one occasion in my past life. I knew what his eyes looked like when he was hiding something.

"I fulfilled my grandfather's promise. That is all I care about."

I knew he would say it, but his words still hurt. I ignored the ache in my chest as I watched his face. His eyes flashed as he spoke. There was anger, of course, but there was also something dark stirring in his eyes, as if they were... sad.

I nearly choked. Sad? This cold-hearted b.a.s.t.a.r.d? In this moment?

My fingernails dug into my palms as I pressed my hands into fists. I could feel blood dripping from the crescent-shaped cuts. I wasn't sure why, but Julian was lying. I had never noticed it before in my past lives because I had never looked for it. But now I knew. For whatever reason, he was lying to me. He was running from me.

The reason I had so desperately wanted to know about why Julian would cry, here it was. Why would he cry about a woman he swore he would never care about? The only explanation, the only reasonable explanation I could reach was Julian did care. This cold-hearted b.a.s.t.a.r.d abandoned me for a reason other than his indifference. I just wanted to know what that reason was.

I was no closer to that reason, but now I knew Julian really must care, on some level. He was in this room. He was here with me answering these questions. I was one step closer to knowing why he cared. I knew it was probably something like I was a symbol of his late grandfather, the only man Julian had ever looked up to or respected. Even if it was something like that, even if I could only be valuable to him as a stand-in for someone else, it was enough. What mattered was there was a chance I wouldn't have to be abandoned in this life.

I wouldn't have to run away again like my past five lives. Tears slipped out of my eyes and dripped off my chin, the same way my blood dripped off my palms. Even if I would have a loveless marriage, I could hope for something beyond that empty mansion or wandering the world alone or revenge. I could hope for a normal life.

I felt the tears coming faster. Julian seemed stunned by my crying as I began to sob. I didn't know what he would think, but I didn't care.

When I had seen those tears, I had felt a small seed of hope planted in me. If it was possible for my husband, the man who had abandoned me, to cry over my death, it might be possible for me to change this life of mine after all.

The tears streaming down my cheeks and onto my wedding gown with the blood from my palms were tears of joy.