Lectures on Russian Literature Part 7

25. The poor, prospectless foreigner Insarof discovers that he loves the rich, high-stationed Helen. He does not know that he is loved in return, and he decides to depart without taking even leave of her. They meet, however, unexpectedly.

"'You come from our house, don't you?' Helen asked.

"'No, ... not from your house.'

"'No?' repeated Helen, and tried to smile. 'And is it thus you keep your promise? I have been expecting you all the morning.'

"'Helen Nikolayevna, I promised nothing yesterday.'

"Helen tried to smile again, and pa.s.sed her hand across her face.

Both face and hand were very pale. 'You intended, then, to depart without taking leave of us?'

"'Yes,' he muttered, almost fiercely.

"'How, after our acquaintance, after our talks, after all ... So, if I had not then met you here accidentally (her voice began to ring, and she stopped for a moment) ... you would have gone off, and would not have even shaken my hand in parting; gone off without regret?'

"Insarof turned away. 'Helen Nikolayevna, please don't speak thus. I am, as it is, already not cheerful. Believe me, my decision has cost me great effort. If you knew ...'

"'I don't wish to know why you depart,' Helen interrupted him, frightened. 'This is evidently necessary. We must evidently part.

You would not grieve your friends without cause. But do friends part thus? We are of course friends, are not we?'

"'No,' said Insarof.

"'How?' muttered Helen, and her cheeks colored slightly.

"'Why, that is exactly why I go away, because we are not friends.

Don't oblige me to say what I do not wish to tell, what I shall not tell.'

"'Formerly you used to be frank with me,' Helen spoke up with a slight reproach. 'Do you remember?'

"'Then I could be frank; then I had nothing to hide. But now--'

"'But now?' asked Helen.

"'But now ... But now I must go. Good-by!'

"Had Insarof at this moment raised his eyes to Helen, he would have seen that her whole face shone,--shone the more, the more his face grew gloomy and dark; but his eyes were stubbornly fixed on the floor.

"'Well, good-by, Dimitry Nikanorovitch,' she began. 'But since we have met, give me now at least your hand.'

"Insarof started to give her his hand. 'No, I cannot even do that,'

he said, and again turned away.

"'You cannot?'

"'I cannot. Good-by!' And he started to go out.

"'Just wait a moment,' she said. 'It seems you are afraid of me.

Now, I am braver than you,' she added, with a sudden slight tremor along her whole frame. 'I can tell you ... do you wish me to tell ... why you found me here? Do you know where I was going?'

"Insarof looked in surprise at Helen.

"'I was going to your house.'

"'To my house?'

"Helen covered her face. 'You wished to compel me to say that I love you,' she whispered--'there, I have said it.'

"'Helen!' exclaimed Insarof.

"She took his hands, looked at him, and fell upon his breast.

"He embraced her firmly, and remained silent. There was no need of telling her that he loved her. From his one exclamation, from this instantaneous transformation of the whole man, from the manner in which rose and fell that breast to which she clung so trustfully, from the manner in which the tips of his fingers touched her hair, Helen could see that she was loved. He was silent, but she needed no words. 'He is here, he loves; what more is there needed?' The calm of blessedness, the quiet of the undisturbed haven, of the attained goal, that heavenly calm which lends a meaning and a beauty to death itself, filled her whole being with a G.o.dly wave. She wished nothing, because she possessed everything. 'O my brother, my friend, my darling!' her lips whispered; and she herself knew not whose heart it was, his or hers, which was so sweetly beating and melting away in her breast.

"But he stood motionless, enclosing in his firm embrace the young life which had just given itself entire unto him; he felt on his breast this new, priceless burden; a feeling of tenderness, a feeling of grat.i.tude inexpressible, shivered into dust his hard soul, and tears, hitherto unknown to him, came to his eyes.

"But she wept not; she only kept repeating: 'O my friend! O my brother!'

"'Then you will go with me everywhere,' he said to her, some fifteen minutes later, as before enclosing and supporting her in his embrace.

"'Everywhere, to the end of the earth; wherever you are, there shall I be.'

"'And you are sure you do not deceive yourself? You know your parents will never consent to our marriage?'

"'I am not deceiving myself; I know it.'

"'You know I am poor, almost a beggar?'

"'I know it.'

"'That I am not a Russian, that I am fated to live beyond Russia, that you will have to break all your ties with your country and your family?'

"'I know it, I know it.'

"'You know also that I have devoted my life to a difficult, thankless task; that I ... that we shall have to expose ourselves not only to dangers, but to deprivation, and to degradation perhaps?'

"'I know, I know it all ... but I love you.'

"'That you will have to give up all your habits; that there alone, among strangers, you will perhaps have to toil?'

"She put her hands on his lips. 'I love you, darling.'

"He began to kiss warmly her narrow, rosy hand. Helen did not take her hand from his lips, and with a kind of childish joy, with laughing curiosity, she watched him covering with kisses now her hand, now her fingers.

"Suddenly she blushed, and hid her face on his breast.

"He gently raised up her head and looked firmly into her eyes.

"'So G.o.d be with you,' he said; 'be thou my wife both before men and before G.o.d.'"