Lady Maude's Mania Part 33

"Another time," said her ladyship, turning tragically to her son, and then withering her lord. "I have too much on my mind at present to trouble about this domestic mutiny."

"Domestic grandmother," cried Tom. "There, you needn't make so much fuss about it. It was all your fault, mamma."

"My fault, sir?"

"Yes, I was driven to drink by trying to obey you, and being civil to Wilters. Hang him, he makes one a regular laughing-stock."

"Explain yourself, sir."

"Well, you gammoned me into going to Hurlingham with your pet poodle."

"My pet poodle!" exclaimed her ladyship.

"Bah! yes, your pet baronet; but never any more. Hang him, he came there dressed up like a theatrical super, in grey velvet, and with a soft hat and a rosette. I felt so mad that I could have punched his head, for all the fellows there were sn.i.g.g.e.ring. But you should have seen him shoot."

"Sir Grantley told me that he was a very good shot," said her ladyship.

"Oh, he did, did he?" roared Tom. "Bless his modesty. Well, I'm going to tell Maude that when she's married she had better look out, and if ever she sees her lovely husband take up a gun she had better bolt--out of town--the seaside--or come home. She won't be safe if she don't."

Lord Barmouth t.i.ttered at this, but his lady looked round at him so sharply, that he turned it off, and stared stolidly straight before him.

"It was a regular case of fireworks," continued Tom. "His att.i.tudes were grand, and he looked as if he were rehearsing something for a circus. You should have seen the fellows laugh."

"I sincerely hope that you did not laugh," said her ladyship, sternly.

"Oh, dear, no," said Tom, "not at all. Didn't even smile."

"I'm very glad of it," said her ladyship.

"Oh, you are? That's right," said Tom; "but somehow one of the b.u.t.tons flew off the front of my coat, and my ribs ached, and I lay back in a chair in a state of convulsion. I nearly had a fit."

"Diphoos!" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed her ladyship.

"And when dear Grantley came up he gnashed his teeth at me. He did, 'pon my word, till I roared again. I say, gov'nor, it's the funniest thing out to see him in a pa.s.sion."

"It seems to me," exclaimed her ladyship, hysterically, "as if the whole of my family were leagued against me, and determined to try and break off this match. From what I can gather, it seems to me, Tom, that you have grossly insulted Sir Grantley."

"Bosh!" said Tom. "He made such an a.s.s of himself that I roared with laughter, and served him right."

"Fresh insults," cried her ladyship; "but I can wait. At present, as I before observed, I shall take no steps to check this domestic mutiny on the part of my husband and my son."

"Mutiny?"

"Yes, sir, I said mutiny; but after Maude is married--then!"

The door closed behind her, and Lord Barmouth looked piteously up at his little son.

"You have got me into a devil of a sc.r.a.pe, Tom, my boy," he faltered.

"Never mind, gov'nor. Tip that up. The old girl left us this."

"But--but it _is_ champagne, Tom."

"All the better, gov'nor. Here's to you."

Lord Barmouth hesitated for a few moments, and then raised his gla.s.s.

"Your health, my dear boy," he said.--"Yes, that's a very nice gla.s.s of wine. I haven't tasted champagne for a couple of months."

"Then you shall taste it again," said Tom. "Now, I mean to go it.

Gov'nor, you should come and dine with me to-night, and we'd try and forget all about old Maude, only I have no money."

"But I have, my boy--ten pounds."

"You have, gov'nor?--Yes so you have."

"Take--take it, my boy."

"But where did you get it, gov'nor?"

"Well--er--never mind that, Tom. I--er--I borrowed it; but I shall pay it again some day."

"But, gov'nor--"

"Take the money, Tom, my boy. You need not mind, and if I can get away to-night I should like to dine with you."

"Then you shall, old fellow; I'll manage that."

"But her ladyship?"

"Leave it to me, gov'nor."

"And about Charley Melton, Tom, my boy--is there any hope?"

"Not a bit, gov'nor. He's a poor thing, and not worthy of her."

"Oh, dear, dear, dear," sighed Lord Barmouth. "But I'm afraid I couldn't get away."

"You leave it to me, and we'll dine at nine, gov'nor. Don't take anything at ours."

"No, Tom, no."

"Now go down."

The old man finished his champagne, thinking of her ladyship's word--_then_.

After that he went downstairs, and that night, as good as his word, Tom shuffled him out as soon as the ladies had left the dining-room.

It was easily done, and the door was just being quietly closed as they stood under the portico, when from just outside and beyond the pillar there came the sudden burst of music from an organ, as the man who had been playing changed the tune, and as the pair hurried away they brushed against the player, who stood by the area railings in his slouched hat and ragged attire.