Lady Maude's Mania Part 15

"I'm not going to bully you, gov'nor," cried Tom, laying his hands on the old man's shoulders affectionately; "but are you going to stand up for your rights or are you not? Look here--that tongue!"

"Yes, my boy, I did take it--I own it. I thought I might be hungry to-morrow, I have such a dreadful appet.i.te, my boy."

"Then why not ring and order that pompous old fizzle Robbins to bring you up something to eat?"

"I daren't, my dear boy, I daren't. Her ladyship has given such strict orders to the servants, and I feel so humiliated when they refuse me."

"Of course you do, gov'nor. Then why don't you go down to the club?"

"I can't Tom, my boy. There's no credit there, and her ladyship keeps me so horribly short of money."

"It's too bad; but come, gov'nor. I'm not afraid of mamma, and I'm not nearly so big as you are."

"But, my boy," whimpered the old man? with a piteous look upon his face, "I look bigger than I am, but it isn't all real: there's a deal of padding, Tom, and that's no good. That tailor fellow said I must have a lot of filling out."

He drew out his pocket-handkerchief to wipe away a weak tear, while Tom looked at him, half sorry, half amused, laughing at length outright as the poor old man smeared something brown and sticky across his face.

"Why, gov'nor!" he cried reproachfully, as something round and brown and flat fell upon the carpet.

"It's only a veal cutlet, my son," said the old man, piteously, as he stooped and picked it up before wiping his face. "You see I didn't know then that I should get the piece of tongue."

"Oh, gov'nor, gov'nor!" cried Tom.

"Don't scold me, my dear boy," pleaded the old man. "I am so padded out. There's much less of me when my coat's off. But I'm nothing to what your dear mamma is. Really the way she makes up is a gross imposture. If you only knew what I know, Tom, you'd be astonished."

"I know quite enough," growled Tom, "and wouldn't care if she were not so false inside."

"Don't say that, Tom, my boy. She's a wonderful woman, and means all for the best."

"But, my dear old gov'nor," said Tom, "this is all so very weak of you."

"Well, it is, my boy."

"You must pluck up, or we shall be ruined," continued Tom, taking up a napkin and removing a little tomato sauce from his parent's brow.

"No, my boy--no, my boy, don't say that; but I can't bear to ask her ladyship for money. It does make her so cross."

"It isn't pleasant," said Tom; "but there, you go up in the drawing-room, and watch over Maude like a lion; I don't want to see her made miserable."

"I will, Tom, my boy, I will."

"And I say, gov'nor, you will stick up?"

"Yes, Tom, my boy, yes," said the old man. "There, you shall see.

Going out?"

"Yes, gov'nor, I want to hunt out Charley Melton. I haven't see him for an age. He's always away somewhere."

"Give my kind regards, Tom. He's a fine fellow--Damme, I like Charley.

But I'm afraid he thinks me very weak."

"Nonsense, dad," cried Tom; "but, I say, what's that in your pocket?"

"Oh, nothing, my son, nothing," said the old man, in a confused way, as Tom pounced upon his pocket and dragged out something in a handkerchief.

"Why bless my soul," he cried, in a surprised tone of voice, as he raised his gla.s.ses to his eyes, "if it isn't a patty."

"Yes, gov'nor, and you've been sitting on it. Now, I say, old fellow, that is weak. Pah! why it smells of eau-de-Cologne from your handkerchief. You couldn't eat that."

"I'm afraid I couldn't, my dear boy," said the old gentleman, wrinkling up his forehead.

"Gov'nor, you're incorrigible," cried Tom. "Only this morning Joseph told me in confidence that you had borrowed five shillings of him, and I had to give it him back, leaving myself without a shilling. Hang me, if you do such things as this again, if I don't tell the old lady."

"No, no, my boy, pray don't," said the old gentleman, anxiously, "and I'll never do so any more."

"Till the very next time," said Tom, sharply. "Gov'nor, you're afraid of the servants, and you are always stealing something."

"I--I--I am a little afraid of Robbins," faltered the old man gently; "and that big footman Joseph rather looks at me; but, Tom, my boy, it ought not to be stealing for me to take my own things."

"Well, I suppose not, gov'nor; but it really is absurd to see you send a chicken bone flying across a drawing-room when you take out your handkerchief and your coat-tails stiff with gravy."

"It is, my son," said the old man, hastily; "but about Charley Melton.

I like him, Tom."

"And so do I, father.--He's my friend, and I'll stick to him too."

He said the latter words in the hall, as he put on his hat and took his cane, paused to light a very strong cigar of the kind her ladyship detested to smell in the house, and then, with his hat c.o.c.ked defiantly on one side, sallied out, looking so small in Great Portland Place that he seemed lost.

As the door closed upon him, Lord Barmouth came out of the lavatory, and met Robbins the butler and a footman coming to clear away the lunch things.

Lord Barmouth looked up and down, and then took the pompous butler by the b.u.t.ton.

"Robbins," he said, "if her ladyship does not object, I shall not wear my second dress suit any more."

"Thank you, my lord," said the butler with solemn dignity.

"And, Robbins," added his lordship, in a hurried whisper, "what did you do with that piece of tongue?"

"Took it down into the kitchen, my lord."

"Ask Mrs Downes to give it back to you, Robbins--for me."

"Yes, my lord."

"Wrap it up in paper, Robbins."

"Yes, my lord."

"And by the way, Robbins," continued the old gentleman, after a sharp look round, like a sparrow in fear of cats, "could you oblige me with five pounds?"